Office Conversations

First topic message reminder :

Okay, I work in an office. I hear the most mundane nonsense ever....daily. There is one person in particular that spouts nothing but verbal diarrhoea. So I'm setting up this thread for conversations you have either over heard, or had the mistfortune of partaking in.

(I have a blog about my work life...linked in my profile...but I use that for my more vitriolic assessments).

It's lunch time. C has just cooked a baked potato and is sitting at her desk eating it...

Gosh, you know, it's strange the way this potato has cooked. It's hotter in different places, you know? That last piece I had was boiling compared to the piece before it.

Thanks. I will now sleep better this evening knowing that your baked potato didn't cook evenly.

She was also discussing the way you cook them. She has "always wrapped them in kitchen paper before putting them in the microwave" but she was informed by KM and T that you didn't need to do that. Gosh, Unbelieveable, you know. I wouldn't have thought that would have worked.

This thread is great therapy for me. People annoy me at work all the time, but not to this extent. Reading this makes me feel a little better as there are always those less fortunate elsewhere.

You have my sympathies CW.

I appreciate it Liver.

Yes, rest assured that I am in fact less fortunate than you when it comes to the office set up.

I'm going to have to restart my work placed blog.

Someone that has now left the company had the link and I was worried that he would send it on to the Director and get me in the shizzle. So I hid all of the posts.

Thinking about making up a totally new stand alone site for it and loading all of those on as the archive.

Stay tuned!

Please let us know when you do. Only noticed this thread recently and the blog had gone by that time.

I'll try to get a chance to make them public tonight. Might be time consuming though!

Okay that is a new site created.

You can find it here...

Read a few last night.

I want to kill C.

Try living it!

You are seeing just a fraction of what I put up with every single day. I could honestly be on there running a constant commentary of how annoying she is. I wouldn't want to do that to you though, so I select just a handful of her "moments" and blog about them.

I am fairly certain I have something else to add on there later today.

Not really an office conversation but a poncey phrase I heard today. My colleagues are travelling to London to do a "knowledge harvesting" session

Cari wrote:Not really an office conversation but a poncey phrase I heard today. My colleagues are travelling to London to do a "knowledge harvesting" session

Jesus...

Scottrf wrote:

Cari wrote:Not really an office conversation but a poncey phrase I heard today. My colleagues are travelling to London to do a "knowledge harvesting" session

Jesus...

I second the above reaction...

Cari wrote:Not really an office conversation but a poncey phrase I heard today. My colleagues are travelling to London to do a "knowledge harvesting" session

Did they realise how ridiculous that sounds or where they deliberately trying to look important?

I'm so glad I have my blog back. I've just updated it.

It's probably a good thing I didn't have it set up on Monday or Tuesday though...it's been a particularly bad week so far and they could have made for extremely depressing entries.

I think they just came up with "knowledge harvesting" because to them, it's better than saying "We want you, the people going on redundancy, to train those who will be doing your job when you go..."

Cari wrote:I think they just came up with "knowledge harvesting" because to them, it's better than saying "We want you, the people going on redundancy, to train those who will be doing your job when you go..."

Okay thanks. That must be really nice for the poor people who have to do the "knowledge seeding" or "knowledge planting" before they are out of a job. Whoever came up with the term is an idiot.

Great blog by the way CW.

Wow.

Feel sorry for you guys.

The conversations I have at work usually centre around food (in an interesting way - as in different ways of cooking stuff), holidays, DIY or making fun of peoples' sex lives (again, in a nice, humorous way).

Last one I had, a female colleague told me I had nice lips she'd like to suck on. In return I came up with some romantic French phrases for her hubby to learn.

dyrewolfe wrote:Last one I had, a female colleague told me I had nice lips she'd like to suck on. In return I came up with some romantic French phrases for her hubby to learn.

Sorry, what? You prefer men?

Just a quick update.

I'm going to hit someone in my office today.

If you read about someone in Aberdeen being charged with assault in an office, you know it's me...

More likely the news will refuse to cover the story of a man bitching online rather than saying something to their face.

Fair shout Scott, but the bitching online is what stops me being violent. If that ever stops then I will snap.

Oh and with regards to the dig at not saying something...that has been attempted. It works for less than a day before they revert to type. So why bother?

It's all good, it entertains people. I was just looking for an argument

On most days, you would have come to the right place...

I like this thread. Some classic venting going on.

We’ve a woman in work who gets under my skin. She is like a nostalgia junkie, literally anything that reminds her of something that has already happened (sometimes only weeks ago) she says “OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH d’ya remember that?!?!” like it’s the greatest thing in the world.

Her- “oooooooooooooh custard creams, d’ya remember them?!?”

Me - “yes, I’m eating one right now you swollen bint”

She also recons that you can’t be from X unless your mother used to make you Y.

Apparently you can’t be from Dublin unless your mother makes you coddle (it’s horrible, don’t try it)
And you can’t be Irish (!!!!) unless your mother makes you bacon and cabbage.

Every day is a challenge to keep the cool…

Mickado wrote:

She also recons that you can’t be from X unless your mother used to make you Y.

Apparently you can’t be from Dublin unless your mother makes you coddle (it’s horrible, don’t try it)
And you can’t be Irish (!!!!) unless your mother makes you bacon and cabbage.

Every day is a challenge to keep the cool…

WTF?

We were chatting at lunch and someone mentioned a Dublin dish called coddle, she goes

“ohhhh I bet your mammy used to make that for ya, did she? I’d say she did?”

Me – “eh, no it’s horrible”

Her – “ah your not a proper dub unless your mammy used to make you coddle”

I was pretty livid. I’m (almost) militantly in love with my city.

She sounds a real hoot.

Oh yeah, she's amazing fun!

Good grief...does the woman need your birth certificate?!

Cari wrote:Good grief...does the woman need your birth certificate?!

She needs a clip round the ear!

Slap her.

I feel your pain Mickado. I really do.

There are ways of accidentally-on-purpose hitting people with things in the office...depends what props are nearby, but it can be done

I'm considering unplugging my phone handset and throwing that at someone. That should shut the others up.

There is a guy in my office who has to be involved in every conversation going, no matter what it is about. I find this an extremely annoying trait and probably linked to an attention starved home/childhood or something like that. The guy is quite knowledgeable on most things but that doesn't mean he should butt into everything. When a few of us talk about the weekend's football, he has to get his nose in with some generic remark, even though he knows f all about it. Just shut your phat mouth.

Yeah, see I was going to say....

C is like that; except she's not knowlegable. She Googles (other, inferior, search engines are available) everything and comes back to it about 20 minutes after the conversation has ended and tries to play it like she has only just remembered something about it.

"Oh, gosh, you, you know, were talking, you know, about ..."

Well that's pretty pathetic.

What's she up to now? Out to lunch?

No she doesn't go out to lunch. She sits at her desk and eats and surfs the net. That way she can claim that she has "worked time back" if she ever needs to leave early. That in itself is another major annoyance!

No the conversation in the office at the moment is some miracle fat burning gel that one of the girls has found out about...

Kill me now...

I hate it when women talk about 'being good' or 'being bad' when discussing what they are eating. Especially when they are most likley in the obese weight category anyway, so not eating a slice of carrot cake would have the same effect as throwing a deck chair of the Titanic!

Completely agree with the above!

The thing at the moment is having porridge...because it's healthy. Yeah not with the entire packet of sugar that you throw in there.

There was a moment last week when C had salad and crackers and cheese. We're talking 5 crackers with an entire block of cheese. When the crackers were pointed out "Oh, gosh, that's not much. It's just the cheese from the salad"

Aye, right.

He's at it again this morning.

I'm doing a professional qualification which my work pay a certain amount for. I've just paid my exam fee for December, but I ended up paying it late so was charged a late fee (£130!!!!). Obviously I'm not claiming that from my work as it was my fault really. I had to explain this to my boss (why I wasn't claiming the full amount) as it wasn't clear from the receipt. We were in mid conversation and I was explaining that the professional body are money grabbing barstewards (which they are) and he pipes up with, "who is that then?" It has nothing to do with you, shut it!

Yeah I know the feeling. There can't be a single thing said without C commenting on it.

Myself and T devised a plan to get her, but we never followed it up. We were planning to talk about blue waffle and 2 girls 1 cup to get her to google them. That would soon stop her Googling things we talk about. It would also be virtually impossible for her to complain to the boss about.

"Gosh, Dave and T were, you know, discussing something amongst themselves, you know, and I decided to Google it, you know, to see what it was about and it ended up being something horrible, you know..."

Then stop listening in on others people conversations and being such a nosey bint.

Pleeeease mention Lemonparty.org...

It's sounds so innocuous and it's so disturbing all at once.

Good read by the way CW.

liverbnz wrote:There is a guy in my office who has to be involved in every conversation going, no matter what it is about.

I used to work with someone like that, but she was self centred with it. So not only did she have to say something in every single conversation, she would turn it into an opportunity to brag about herself in some way. Even if it was something completely irrelevant to her, she would say "Oh my friend did that....my friend has that...my friend, my cousin..." and it would have to be better than whatever the others were saying. So for example if we were talking about famous people we'd met, she would've met Brad Pitt and he would've thought she was great...that type of thing. She was also evil and selfish so I was glad she transferred. Never worked with anyone so selfish and nasty...it was almost bizarre.

I've met Brad Pitt and he really liked me.

Glad you think so sodhat.

I've literally just updated with this mornings annoyances. She's absolutely doing my nut in.

Cari wrote:

liverbnz wrote:There is a guy in my office who has to be involved in every conversation going, no matter what it is about.

I used to work with someone like that, but she was self centred with it. So not only did she have to say something in every single conversation, she would turn it into an opportunity to brag about herself in some way. Even if it was something completely irrelevant to her, she would say "Oh my friend did that....my friend has that...my friend, my cousin..." and it would have to be better than whatever the others were saying. So for example if we were talking about famous people we'd met, she would've met Brad Pitt and he would've thought she was great...that type of thing. She was also evil and selfish so I was glad she transferred. Never worked with anyone so selfish and nasty...it was almost bizarre.

This guy shares them traits. He has quite a nasty streak although sometimes I think I'm the only one who picks up on it. Maybe I'm paranoid!

I think you should carry out your little plan CW, it would make for an interesting blog.

The only issue is that T has now left the company and I don't trust anyone else enough (It was a tough call to trust T enough) to carry out the plan with.

I might just give it a go anyway.

Liver - ...or maybe you're just more sensitive to other people's behaviour. I guess it's a trait of narcissistic people. It's very annoying, and it got to the stage where you had to watch what you said in front of her. I hate that.

Could you pretend to have a loud telephone conversation about two girls and a cup - I am sure that would work?

I so wish I worked in an office so I could get angry again!

Cari - I think I probably am a little too sensitive to it. I do get annoyed a little too easy at times. Highly strung as someone once on the old 606 (probably correctly) pointed out

I don't mean in a negative way Liver, I meant as in you're more aware of other people's behaviour than others. That's what I'm like anyway. At times, it can be a bad thing in that stuff gets to you, but it's also a good thing too.