Office Conversations

First topic message reminder :

Okay, I work in an office. I hear the most mundane nonsense ever....daily. There is one person in particular that spouts nothing but verbal diarrhoea. So I'm setting up this thread for conversations you have either over heard, or had the mistfortune of partaking in.

(I have a blog about my work life...linked in my profile...but I use that for my more vitriolic assessments).

It's lunch time. C has just cooked a baked potato and is sitting at her desk eating it...

Gosh, you know, it's strange the way this potato has cooked. It's hotter in different places, you know? That last piece I had was boiling compared to the piece before it.

Thanks. I will now sleep better this evening knowing that your baked potato didn't cook evenly.

She was also discussing the way you cook them. She has "always wrapped them in kitchen paper before putting them in the microwave" but she was informed by KM and T that you didn't need to do that. Gosh, Unbelieveable, you know. I wouldn't have thought that would have worked.

As you can probably tell by this entire thread and the blog I'm very aware of other people's behaviour. Almost always in a negative way.

Hobo I like that idea. I just might give that a try.

She's currently on a phone call and I'm not kidding you she has said "you know" over 100 times in 5 minutes. That is no exageration.

This is getting beyond a joke now.

C has just commented on how sunny it is

KS has just said "I think it's going to snow soon" (It is really cold, so that's an understandable comment.)

C responded with "That’s what it’s doing, you know. It’s warming up for it to snow..."

Yeah because it always snows when it's balmy outside.

Moron.

Scottrf wrote:

dyrewolfe wrote:Last one I had, a female colleague told me I had nice lips she'd like to suck on. In return I came up with some romantic French phrases for her hubby to learn.

Sorry, what? You prefer men?

Er, no. I should have mentioned she also said she'd like a bloke to talk to her romantically in a foreign language. I wouldn't mind her sucking on my lips at all...but she IS married.

Celtic Warrior wrote:She's currently on a phone call and I'm not kidding you she has said "you know" over 100 times in 5 minutes. That is no exageration.

This is getting beyond a joke now.

If it were me I'd be reaching for the gaffer tape...or any other handy way of silenceing her!

I work in an office at a multi storey car park and have been having some works going on which recently involved us being outside directing the traffic flow. I told one of our elder colleagues and his response was "F that! That's when I have holidays!". He sleeps on the job too, I can't believe he hasn't been sacked yet. Plus the main road into town has been closed for 6 weeks making us abnormally busy.

Love this thread CW. Will check out the blog later.

Glad to read it Manning.

It's good to know when I'm having my break down that others are enjoying it.

I can't lie, if it was someone else writing this thread, I'd be loving it.

There have been a couple of moments this week that I have been close to handing my notice in purely because of the level of nonsense and monotony involved in being here. At the end of the day, I have bills to pay, so I'm still going to be here.

Had to laugh after the conversation I just had with my Manager. I'm in charge of facilities management and we had a burst radiator pipe the other week, so I called in the nearest plumber and go it repaired asap.

My Manager just called me in to say the invoice was expensive and asked why I didn't get 3 quotes.

This is one of a long list of stupid things he's said to me lately (seems to be on my case a lot) so my reply to this one got me a verbal warning!

JPX wrote:Had to laugh after the conversation I just had with my Manager. I'm in charge of facilities management and we had a burst radiator pipe the other week, so I called in the nearest plumber and go it repaired asap.

My Manager just called me in to say the invoice was expensive and asked why I didn't get 3 quotes.

This is one of a long list of stupid things he's said to me lately (seems to be on my case a lot) so my reply to this one got me a verbal warning!

My sympathies. We have to do the same thing, for certain types of work. Luckily for me though (and our Facilities team) we have framework contractors, who are already vetted by our Procurement department, as well as for H&S and technical competence, so most of the time we don't have that hassle.

We also tend to come up with inventive ways of circumventing the "3 quotes" process if it ever does become an issue.

JPX wrote:Had to laugh after the conversation I just had with my Manager. I'm in charge of facilities management and we had a burst radiator pipe the other week, so I called in the nearest plumber and go it repaired asap.

My Manager just called me in to say the invoice was expensive and asked why I didn't get 3 quotes.

This is one of a long list of stupid things he's said to me lately (seems to be on my case a lot) so my reply to this one got me a verbal warning!

You took some initiative and fixed a problem. Your reward is a warning?

That seems harsh.

He doesn't like it when I just get things done, he likes to control everything himself. The quotes I do get him he doesn't respond to so I get hassle from the contractor, and the price is always too high so we end up just getting everything done on the cheap.

Do you work for government JPX?

Celtic Warrior wrote:

JPX wrote:Had to laugh after the conversation I just had with my Manager. I'm in charge of facilities management and we had a burst radiator pipe the other week, so I called in the nearest plumber and go it repaired asap.

My Manager just called me in to say the invoice was expensive and asked why I didn't get 3 quotes.

This is one of a long list of stupid things he's said to me lately (seems to be on my case a lot) so my reply to this one got me a verbal warning!

You took some initiative and fixed a problem. Your reward is a warning?

That seems harsh.

It seems totally stupid. Seriously JPX, you work for an idiot (although I guess you know that already). I have a picture in my mind of the Kevin Spacey character out of the film Horrible Bosses.

Haven't seen Horrible Bosses but will have to catch it now! I'd have him more Ray Winstone like, he talks exactly like him. A colleague agrees that he's just a wannabe mafia boss. He even logs on from home on his day off just to send me a scathing email!

I probably deserved the warning, I was rather upset! I agreed that next time, rather than use my initiative, I would just put a sign up next to the gushing water saying "Awaiting Quotes!"

And no I don't work for the government.

Sorry for the threadjack Celtic, but letting off some steam has made me feel a lot better!

It's not a threadjack at all JPX. This was initially designed for me to vent but I'm more than happy for others to vent their frustrations too. I'm well aware I can't be the only one to have this much hassle...or at least I certainly hope I'm not!

Today is not going to be a fun one. I got to sleep after 6am (I should have just stayed up to watch Survivor Series - stupid insomnia!) so I'm already irritable.

C is HYPER. I can't explain the reason why. She's sitting htere telling us stories about absolutely everything. J mentioned on a film she watched over the weekend. C had to comment on it...even though she's never seen it. She was on the phone to someone and messed up the pronunciation of their home town...she came off the phone and kept giggling for about 5 minutes about getting it wrong. She then gave us a story to explain why.

I can see me walking out of here today with blood on my hands.

Hope you've made it through the day Celtic!

The boss calls me today to dicuss a quote I got from an electrician.

As usual he's put me on speaker phone, and as always he misses the fact that I've answereed and said "hello", I will then miss his first 3 words every time he speaks due to his faulty speaker, until eventually he will give up and pick the receiver up. Bloody annoying. If only he could see me with my head on the desk.

Anyway, I managed to get the original quote almost halved for him, but no still not good enough, the line goes quiet as he gets his calculator out and starts working out the hours against rates of pay etc. "No, I'll go back to him and query this"

You do that, muppet, you never know he might do the job for free!

I'm going to hang myself in the 1 minute she has left of her shift.

Her current story has been going on for 10 minutes and has deviated so far from the initial link I can’t even remember what it was. Also, she’s managed to tell a story for that long without telling us any information. None whatsoever.

Conversation with Winstone Wannabe late yesterday.

WW: I need some quotes doing for some business we're looking to take over.

(Discuss details of quotes required.)

Me: When do you need these by?

WW: Tuesday

Me: That could be a bit tricky, there's 6 quotes here and all will need to do a site survey first. And I'm off Friday.

WW: Well I have a meeting with the customer on Wednesday so there's no choice. You have 3 days what's the problem?

Me: It's unrealistic but I'll try my best.

This Morning.

WW: I need those quotes without fail.

Me: Yeah I don't think it's going to happen, only one of them can do a site survey before Tuesday. They have work scheduled.

WW: Can't they just quote over the phone?

Yeah that "Site Survey" thing isn't a big clue that a phone call won't work. Walloper.

I'm still at the office. Likely to be here until 9-9:30 tonight. Not loving it at all. I'm the only one in my direct team that ever does overtime and I'm doing it to help out the Administrator. The rest of them see that as being beneath them and brush it off as not being their job.

Turns out though (and I'm not meant to know this) that emails have been flying between the 3 of them about me. Apparently I think I'm better than them. (I don't think it, I know it and I don't care how arrogant that makes me sound. My work rate, dedication and results here are unquestionable compared to that lot and justifies my opinion.) But with them acting as if these admin tasks are beneath them, I find it a little bit hypocritical and more than a touch ironic for them to suggest this about me.

It's getting to the point I'm actually going to snap. I was on the phone to a client earlier and had to end to call because I couldn't hear him over the whistling, radio and giggling. He actually commented on the volume level and how unprofessional it is. So I reported it to my boss; thinking "A client commented on it, he'll have to do something about it." Alas I was wrong. He told me next time, while on the phone to the client to ask them to lower the volume. If they then ignore that and carry on I have a "legitimate complaint" that he can act upon. So a complaint from a client isn't legitimate enough? Good to know.

Celtic Warrior wrote: He told me next time, while on the phone to the client to ask them to lower the volume. If they then ignore that and carry on I have a "legitimate complaint" that he can act upon. So a complaint from a client isn't legitimate enough? Good to know.

Genius.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2065642/Bad-day-office-Former-worker-hurls-desks-chairs-computers-150ft-firms-high-rise-building.html

At first I thought Celtic Warrior had finally flipped, especially after yesterday's installment but then found out it was Bristol and not Aberdeen (and plus I expect casulties when he finally goes off). So I can only conclude it was JPX. Did RWW finally push you too far with the quotes / site survey nonsense?

Unfortunately we are not in a high rise...and there will be casualties!

That guy is living the dream.

Ha ha yeah unfortunately (or fortunately) if I threw a chair out of my window it would fall all of 4 ft!

I think I should change the name of this thread to SSDD - Same Shizzle Different Day.

My colleagues are playing petty, pathetic little games today.

The Director finally sent out an email about the whistling on Friday:

All
Whoever is doing the whistling please stop it now.
It has no place in the office as we discussed at a previous meeting. It is extremely distracting.
Thank you

The bad thing is that he sent this while I was through speaking to our accounts team. So because I was out of the room when the email came through they thought I was complaining. This time, I was not. Why he timed it then I will never know because he even said he sent it then because he knew I was out of the office. Now perhaps he thought they knew I was through to accounts and they then couldn’t accuse me of complaining to him about it. But they didn’t know that I was through to accounts...they clearly think I was through to see him. End of the day I would happily admit that the whistling gets on my jubblies, so I’m willing to take the flak for it.

The petty game aspect comes from the fact that J was sitting there whistling all morning before the director got in. Just to prove a point.

It’s her own fault. She walked through to the restroom whistling her head off on Friday. The boss was reviewing come important documents with a lot of facts and figures and she distracted him. They have no one to blame but themselves. (The other thing about that...when it annoys and distracts him, it becomes a problem, but when I’ve been saying it does the same to me for MONTHS, nothing gets done.)

So, I managed to get Winstone Wannabe all but 2 quotes. He calls me in 16:55 (of course) to go through them.

WW: Where's the quote for this?

Me: They only did their survey today so the quote will be in tomorrow.

WW: That's no good I need them now, I have to put this to the customer tonight. I thought I said they had to be in today?

Me: Well I did say it wasn't realitic to get all these done in such a short time.

WW: Right we'll have to go top end.

Then we get onto one that he was supposed to be sorting out.

WW: Oh right, er yeah I didn't get round to that. How much for annual cleaning do you reckon? £20,000........or maybe £30,000

Yeah, I think that massive guess off the top of your head will do for your quote won't it.

And there I was getting quotes for things that won't ever have reached £3000, and you just blow them out of the water with a guess.

So just for that nugget I've ordered the most expensive starter, main and desert on the menu for the Xmas dinner. £28 steak! oh yes!

Eating breakfast this morning and one of the lads says:

Fella: I hate that mythbusters show on discovery, that Chinese fella is really annoying.
Me: He’s American but his name is Japanese
Fella: ah it’s all the same.
Girl (to me): how can you tell where he’s from?
Fella (interrupts): ah you can tell, it’s easy.
Me: So how come you said it was all the same?
Fella: you know what I mean.

???

Same fella told me this morning that he doesn't believe in Bongela.

Not a word of a lie.

It's ridiculous that these people make it through life.

I've just updated my blog. I literally hate these people. I was sitting with my laptop at lunch yesterday contemplating typing up my resignation letter because I just cannot take it any more.

So, it's Monday. One of my maintenance guys retires at the end of the year, he's worked for the company for almost half a century. I went out and found just about the only retirement card I could get at the weekend. Battling the Xmas shoppers. Bring the card in to start getting signings and collecting money for him. Afterall, none of the management are going to bother.

So, seeing Winstone Wannabe and the GM in the office together I thought a perfect oppoortunity to get their donations in one go. And with the season of goodwill almost upon us, a generous donation. No, don't be silly. This is how I was greated, I kid you not.

Me: Morning!

WW: Morning. What do you want?

Me: I've got a card and collection for O

WW: What the **** are you doing that now for? He doesn't leave until Xmas!!

Me: Well I thought there'd be a lot of people who would want to sign it so wanted to get it started.

They sign. No cash is presented.

Me: Did you want to give to his collection?

GM: I don't have any money (I can understand that, afterall he only earns about £75,000 a year, and times are tough)

WW just chucks a £20 note at me. Well this is quite awkward, does he want to give all of that? So I ask him,

Me: Do you need any change?

WW: Tut. No I suppose not.

I didn't approach the subject of whether the company would refund my £6.50 for the card.

Tis the season to be jolly la a la la laa la laa la laaa.

I had to stop myself from laughing in C's face this morning.

For some reason they were discussing dangerous foods (Something about Rice being the worst if you reheat it and ice cream being 2nd worst if it has defrosted then been refrozen - I wasn't really paying attention, as usual).

After the ice cream comment C blurted out “You know, I almost died as a child...because of an ice lolly...”

My attempts to travel back in time and poison an ice lolly thwarted by using too small a dose...

Celtic Warrior wrote:After the ice cream comment C blurted out “You know, I almost died as a child...because of an ice lolly...”

My attempts to travel back in time and poison an ice lolly thwarted by using too small a dose...

You go to all that trouble to perfect time travel only to make a school boy error in the end

B91212 wrote:

Celtic Warrior wrote:After the ice cream comment C blurted out “You know, I almost died as a child...because of an ice lolly...”

My attempts to travel back in time and poison an ice lolly thwarted by using too small a dose...

You go to all that trouble to perfect time travel only to make a school boy error in the end

Must. Try. Harder.

Joy of Joys!

It's our work Christmas night out tonight. I hate Christmas. I hate the people I work with. So this has the recipe of being the BEST. NIGHT. EVER.

I get to spend an evening on a table full of people I've never met before while watching the vacuous, sycophantic morons that I work with "schmoozing."

Can you tell I'm excited?

So the new business quoting thing has reared it's ugly head.

WW emailed me yesterday, "We need to review this at 10:00 tomorrow, bring your files"

So this is apparently urgent. I turn up like a good boy, 10:00 sharp. Get turned away "I'm too busy for that at the moment"

"OK, call me when you're free." I says.

1pm I walk into the an office and he's there. Starts pointing his finger in my face and wagging it "You're not getting away with this, I need to see you to go through these quotes before the end of the day!". In a generally offensive manner. Two girls in the witness this.

So I think, no I'm not having that. "Excuse me, but I was ready for our meeting and you turned me away, and said you'd call me, so I'm waiting for you"

He just walks out. I turn round to the girls and ask them if they thought he was out of order. Looks like he's got it in for you, they say.

One word for this thread folks.

Cathartic.

Let it out!

JPX wrote:So the new business quoting thing has reared it's ugly head.

WW emailed me yesterday, "We need to review this at 10:00 tomorrow, bring your files"

So this is apparently urgent. I turn up like a good boy, 10:00 sharp. Get turned away "I'm too busy for that at the moment"

"OK, call me when you're free." I says.

1pm I walk into the an office and he's there. Starts pointing his finger in my face and wagging it "You're not getting away with this, I need to see you to go through these quotes before the end of the day!". In a generally offensive manner. Two girls in the witness this.

So I think, no I'm not having that. "Excuse me, but I was ready for our meeting and you turned me away, and said you'd call me, so I'm waiting for you"

He just walks out. I turn round to the girls and ask them if they thought he was out of order. Looks like he's got it in for you, they say.

Seriously thinking of going to HR.

Be careful going to HR JPX. Thankfully I've never personally been in the position that you are but I've been around enough people who have (worked for a very large manufacturing company in the UK, lower management level) and usually, unless someone even higher up than the manager has an issue with them then HR tends to fall on the side of the superior. Not fair but just the way it seems to go.

Doesn't move away from the fact that WW sounds a total t**t.

Maybe you're right, the ones who have taken him on no longer work here. I think a few deep breaths and some cooling off time is required.

Yeah from the Recruitment/HR background I have I would advise the same. Even if you were to take him on and win; your cards would likely be marked.

How the staff night out go CW? Did C spike your pure orange and have her way with ya?

It was actually pretty good. 100+ people there so I barely had to deal with C all night. She did still manage to annoy me. I was mid sentence to one of the guys at my table and she walked over and interupted me. So I just stood up and walked away.

One massively awkward moment. The Director sent out the seating plan in the morning of the event and I was jokingly complaining about the fact that I was on a table with no women. C said "I'll have to introduce you to L from one of the clients..."

Nah, it's okay I was only kidding.

So we're at the venue and I was standing speaking to some of the girls from the office when "L from one of the clients" walked in. Turns out she is an ex of mine. And let's just say it didn't end well. So that was interesting.

It ended brilliantly.

I think you should share with everyone.

And i'm not being ignorant, we have an audit today so avoiding the email.

King Beer wrote:It ended brilliantly.

I think you should share with everyone.

And i'm not being ignorant, we have an audit today so avoiding the email.

No worries mate, I'm working 3 desks today anyway so I'm running between computers.

I may share. But that would deviate from this thread...kinda. Might share later!

I hate this time of year and love it at the same time.

C has returned to her homeland, so that is great. It's also the reason I haven't been on here complaining quite to much.

Now, J has left, KMc has left, KS and C are on holiday. So the boss has me covering all 4 of their email accounts, as well as my own and the one for our website. Add in the fact that we have a useless administrator "helping" (She's added 20 things in 3 weeks, I added 40 in 1.5 days) and I'm a little bit stressed.

Thankfully I just have the rest of this week to work then I'm off.

No doubt you won't be getting 4 peoples wages Celtic!

Things here getting worse. I was "invited" to attend a presentation on something that doesn't concern me. "what's all this got to do with me" I was wondering as the speaker continued?

Then it came, "so how do we communicate this to the 300 staff on the shop floor". Ah, there we go. That's me. A crap job no-one else wants / will do. So I was told (WW doesn't ask he tells) I would be doing a series of presentation to all staff. On a subject that doesn't concern me, and so have limited knowledge about. And I have to have it completed in 2 days. Happy Xmas.

Yeah I love it when things like that happen.

I've just been in for a "10 minute informal chat" which lasted just shy of 2 hours. It looks like I'm being given the "social media arm of the business" to look after. Wonderful. Will I get an increase to reflect the increase in duties? No.

We've had a "news" section on our website that hasn't been updated in 7 months. I pointed out that is shocking and that we should be putting something on there regularly, even if it is just industry news. So because I brought it up, I get to deal with the aftermath.

Yeah, you have "ownership" of that part of the business Celtic, well volunteered. You will now be known as the "expert" or "super user", so if anyone needs to know anything or if there are any problems, your boss will just point everyone your way after saying "X deals with all of that".

Actually that sounds so familiar I'm wondering if we work for the same company!!

Celtic Warrior wrote:

King Beer wrote:It ended brilliantly.

I think you should share with everyone.

And i'm not being ignorant, we have an audit today so avoiding the email.

No worries mate, I'm working 3 desks today anyway so I'm running between computers.

I may share. But that would deviate from this thread...kinda. Might share later!

I'm still waiting for you to share this.

JPX wrote:Yeah, you have "ownership" of that part of the business Celtic, well volunteered. You will now be known as the "expert" or "super user", so if anyone needs to know anything or if there are any problems, your boss will just point everyone your way after saying "X deals with all of that".

Actually that sounds so familiar I'm wondering if we work for the same company!!

He does that already! I'm the only person in my part of the company under the age of 55. So I'm already a "Super user." By that I mean that I can switch on a computer and know where to type URL's (I'm not kidding, I had to tell someone how to do that!)

I guess he will have an official reason for punting them on now though...