Friday Fun - Boxing Limericks

First topic message reminder :

Saw this idea on another board, thought it was a good idea.

How it hopefully works, I will give the first line of a limerick, and then all you need to do is copy that first line and add the second, then someone else can copy the first two and add the third etc etc

Even with the helpful “somebody has posted in the meantime” feature we should still get too much confusion and duplication.

That has got to be one of the worst explanations of an idea that I’ve ever done, but hopefully you get the gist of it.

Let us begin...


There once was a boxer named Tyson,

Yorkshiremen, known to be dour
At a rate of three hundred an hour
Say, "I'm not paying that!"

Yorkshiremen, known to be dour
At a rate of three hundred an hour
Say, "I'm not paying that!"
"Bah gum thee's a twa-t!"

Yorkshiremen, known to be dour
At a rate of three hundred an hour
Five times in a minute ?

('Should be lined up and shot' would have been my choice of line 3)

Yorkshiremen, known to be dour
At a rate of three hundred an hour
Say, "I'm not paying that!"
"Bah gum thee's a twa-t!"
And make all the shopkeepers cower





PS it's "Tha's a twa-t" not "thee's a twa-t"

Tha' should knor, tha' knors.

Tha' should knor, tha' knors.
She uttered, while down on all fours

Tha' should knor, tha' knors.
She uttered, while down on all fours
As it went up t'wrong un

Tha' should knor, tha' knors.
She uttered, while down on all fours
As it went up t'wrong un
"But by 'eck it a long 'un!"

Tha' should knor, tha' knors.
She uttered, while down on all fours
As it went up t'wrong un
"But by 'eck it a long 'un!"
And he buried her, out on the moors

Tha' should knor, tha' knors.
She uttered, while down on all fours
As it went up t'wrong un
"But by 'eck it a long 'un!"
Screamed the trio of girls from The Corrs

During a routine exam

During a routine exam
I found a slice of Ham

During a routine exam
I found a slice of Ham
Got me all in a pickle

During a routine exam
I found a slice of Ham
Got me all in a pickle
The nurse gave it a tickle

During a routine exam
I found a slice of Ham
Got me all in a pickle
The nurse gave it a tickle
Then covered my Love sacks with jam

I believe I should boil down to cruiser

I believe I should boil down to cruiser
Bit hard with my love for the boozer

I believe I should boil down to cruiser
Bit hard with my love for the boozer
'Cause I do like a bevvy

I believe I should boil down to cruiser
Bit hard with my love for the boozer
'Cause I do like a bevvy
But I'm just too heavy
I need to become a drug user

Hayden Panettiere

Hayden Panettiere
Has very matted hair

Hayden Panettiere
Has very matted hair
Doctor Steelhammer

Hayden Panettiere
Has very matted hair
Doctor Steelhammer
Who has been known to ram her

Hayden Panettiere
Has very matted hair
Doctor Steelhammer
Who has been known to ram her
Has eyes that wander elsewhere

What happened to Bradford Park Avenue ?

What happened to Bradford Park Avenue ?
Well listen up and I'll tell you
Revenue being slim
They knocked it down and built a gym
Where you can now buy an ounce or two!

What happened to Bradford Park Avenue ?
Bradford Association Football Club, previously also known as Bradford (Park Avenue) and since its reformation in the 1970s now referred to as Bradford Park Avenue, is a football club based in Bradford, West Yorkshire, England. The club's name comes from its old stadium at Horton Park Avenue in Bradford, which was designed by Archibald Leitch, to avoid confusion with city rivals Bradford City.The present club claims descent from the organisation of the same name that was a former member of the Football League and which went into liquidation in 1974. The new entity, established in 1988, is currently in the Northern Premier League Premier Division, and plays its home matches at the Horsfall Athletics Stadium, which has a capacity of 5,000, so they don't get much revenue

Union Cane wrote:What happened to Bradford Park Avenue ?
Bradford Association Football Club, previously also known as Bradford (Park Avenue) and since its reformation in the 1970s now referred to as Bradford Park Avenue, is a football club based in Bradford, West Yorkshire, England. The club's name comes from its old stadium at Horton Park Avenue in Bradford, which was designed by Archibald Leitch, to avoid confusion with city rivals Bradford City.The present club claims descent from the organisation of the same name that was a former member of the Football League and which went into liquidation in 1974. The new entity, established in 1988, is currently in the Northern Premier League Premier Division, and plays its home matches at the Horsfall Athletics Stadium, which has a capacity of 5,000, so they don't get much revenue

Okay, so where's the second line ?

Union Cane wrote:What happened to Bradford Park Avenue ?
Bradford Association Football Club, previously also known as Bradford (Park Avenue) and since its reformation in the 1970s now referred to as Bradford Park Avenue, is a football club based in Bradford, West Yorkshire, England. The club's name comes from its old stadium at Horton Park Avenue in Bradford, which was designed by Archibald Leitch, to avoid confusion with city rivals Bradford City.The present club claims descent from the organisation of the same name that was a former member of the Football League and which went into liquidation in 1974. The new entity, established in 1988, is currently in the Northern Premier League Premier Division, and plays its home matches at the Horsfall Athletics Stadium, which has a capacity of 5,000, so they don't get much revenue

Coz they're ground is not so new

HumanWindmill wrote:

Union Cane wrote:What happened to Bradford Park Avenue ?
Bradford Association Football Club, previously also known as Bradford (Park Avenue) and since its reformation in the 1970s now referred to as Bradford Park Avenue, is a football club based in Bradford, West Yorkshire, England. The club's name comes from its old stadium at Horton Park Avenue in Bradford, which was designed by Archibald Leitch, to avoid confusion with city rivals Bradford City.The present club claims descent from the organisation of the same name that was a former member of the Football League and which went into liquidation in 1974. The new entity, established in 1988, is currently in the Northern Premier League Premier Division, and plays its home matches at the Horsfall Athletics Stadium, which has a capacity of 5,000, so they don't get much revenue

Okay, so where's the second line ?

Like I said, you can buy it from the "homeboys" and "brudders" at the gym. Just don't upset them or you may end up being viciously attacked with a claw hammer in a shocking incident that precisely no-one witnessed officer so I'm afraid I can't be of any assistance to you!

That was the second line, it ends in 'revenue'

Union Cane wrote:That was the second line, it ends in 'revenue'

Smart ass.

It says something when Mods call you names

It says something when Mods call you names
all bravado from a bit cyber fame

It says something when Mods call you names
all bravado from a bit cyber fame
But get them alone

DAVE667 wrote:It says something when Mods call you names
all bravado from a bit cyber fame
But get them alone

They hump wooden knomes

It says something when Mods call you names
all bravado from a bit cyber fame
But get them alone
They hump wooden (eh?) knomes (gnomes???)
And win silver at the Olympic Games

It says something when Mods call you names
Especially Windy with his fabled mind games
With clever remarks
the football bright sparks (?????)
would often be shot down in flames

Michaels, Sean wrote:It says something when Mods call you names
Especially Windy with his fabled mind games
With a clever remarks
the football bright sparks
would often be shot down in flames

Very good Sean mate 5 stars.

Very good Sean mate 5 stars.
I think we should buy him a Jaguar

Very good Sean mate 5 stars.
Said Jimmy kissing the lad's 4r5e

Very good Sean mate 5 stars.
Said Jimmy kissing the lad's 4r5e
Some may say buttlicker

Very good Sean mate 5 stars.
Said Jimmy kissing the lad's 4r5e
Some may say buttlicker
That hurt my fragile ticker

Very good Sean mate 5 stars.
Said Jimmy kissing the lad's 4r5e
Some may say buttlicker
That hurt my fragile ticker
In the old days you'd be put behind bars

What a bunch of sarcastic sods

What a bunch of sarcastic sods
Or as we'd put it, comedy gods

What a bunch of sarcastic sods
Or as we'd put it, comedy gods
Don't worry not long to your pension

What a bunch of sarcastic sods
Or as we'd put it, comedy gods
Don't worry not long to your pension
and not afraid to mention
That you'll soon be sitting up their with the Gods

A funny looking fighter named Froch