GCSE Ceramics

The Pro12 unions are having trouble centring their clay on the potter's wheel of professional rugby.

The Welsh game is a pop performer with a secret drug habit. He can raise himself for international rugby and maintain the pretence of normality. In the 70's he was World famous. There's been the odd come back since. If the TV work dries up he wont be able to pay his supplier and it is not clear that he will survive. He has a love/hate relationship with his fans. He doesn't think they understand him.  He has tried to keep up with trends, to modify his act. The last incarnation was a step too far for his loyal fans, but he did attract a cult following of new fans.  There aren't enough of them to pay the bills between the big international gigs though. If he could only persuade a few of the old fans to come back to his regular concerts he might be able to afford rehab and secure his future. The problem is everybody has a theory as to how he should kick the habit, but he's not so sure they can actually know what would work for him. 

The Irish Provinces are Mammy's boys. Three are strident teenagers which their mother the IRFU is fiercely proud of. The three have each won European championships in their own right and have even joined together to win the team trophy.  Connacht tries of course but was always sickly. Mammy would prefer if he didn't try to compete with the others, but he is stubborn. Mammy rules the house with an iron rod. Her word is the law. The boys are growing up though and need their head. They need to make and learn from their own mistakes. The neighbours kids in England and France always have more pocket money and go out with the tourist girls. The boys know Mammy has their best interests at heart, but they feel that unless they are allowed to flirt with the tourists they will lose out. 

The Italian game fell in love with egg chasing at University. He had some natural flair for the game and the French and Argentinians took him under their wing. He has always been in the shadow of his brother, an International Football player. Since taking to rugby he has been grateful for the assistance he's been given, but also feels patronised. He has punched above his weight but it heavily reliant on outside assistance. He knows that the French will only tolerate him whilst they can beat him and he thinks the English would only be too happy to see the back of him. He's told that if he keeps at it he will be fine. He thinks that if he wins things he will be fine, but if only it was that simple.

The old Professor of Scottish rugby sips his port. He understands his history. He is a conservative but knows that if this old University is set in aspic (or worse floated in formaldehyde) it won't survive. He knows it has been here almost as long as Rugby itself. He doesn't like change. He is holding his own in the international league tables. Not at the top for a while, but not at the bottom either. There are a small amount of students of course and he rings everything he can out of them. He still believes the mouse can roar. He is content that the best way to do that is to hold the balance of power. He is aware that the English and French are becoming restless. Well, the old place has always survived in the past, if it comes to it, they will have to adapt.

The status quo of Heineken Cup qualification is at risk from England and France. The Pro12 unions better turn something out soon or the whole thing could go to pot. 

(thank you to Gibson for the inspiration)