New world rankings: Zespris

Well it seems that the current world rankings are proving contentious. Fair enough as they don't take into account bragging rights from results between specific countries and don't allow for evaluation of your team's current strengths and weaknesses.

So allow me to introduce a new system to devise your nation's standings in world rugby: Zespris. You´ll forgive the blatant bias towards NZ when you realise that Zespris - or you might know them as kiwifruit or indeed the misnoma kiwis - look like rugby balls and make the world a more palatable place in which to live.

So here are my criteria. You must assess - as objectively as possible - your own nation's ranking in several areas. They are defence, attack, set piece, breakdown, kicking (which includes goal kicking) and squad depth. Each area gets a Zespri rating of between 1 and 5, with one being poor and 5 being excellent. Then the overall ranking is determined by counting up the number of Zespris. So potentially a nation can earn up to 30 Zespris.

But then you might say, hang on, where's the objectivity in this? People will just give their own teams maximum Zespris and it'll be a pointless exercise. Much like the Ginzu 2000 knife set, 'But wait, there's more.'

We have a diverse range of posters on here. In order to get a Zespri rating, you must have approval from at least 5 different nations. So I will give my Zespri rating, for example, and I must get approval from say a SA poster (Biltong you handsome devil ), an England poster, an Irish poster, an Australian poster and a Scottish supporter. You must have at least 2 supporters from a different hemishpere.

So here goes. I should point out the ratings are based on the 2011- 2012 calendar to allow for each hemisphere's major internationals. Here is my rating awaiting approval.

Defence: 4 Zespris. I think we have in general been resolute on defence. Not many teams have managed to open us up on a regular basis. That doesn't mean we have an unbreachable defence but it does take some work to unlock it.

Attack: 4 Zespris. We are often capable of hammering oppositions when we have a roll on and a solid platform up front. But we sometimes come into trouble when we lack momentum up front and get caught up in a battle of attrition.

Set piece: 3 Zespris. Our lineout has become very reliable. We have genuine options there and even manage to steal our own fair share of ball whilst losing very few on our own. Our scrum generally is solid but has of late been wavering a little in consistency. Other teams we have in the past been able to bully have even showed us up at times. If our lineout hadn't been so good this could've been 2 Zespris.

Kicking: 3 Zespris. Our restarts have been impressive. We won ball with ease both receiving and kicking off. Our goal kicking has been solid without being amazing and having shared this around a few players may well be the reason. The one area where I think we have been off is our kicking from hand on defence and attack. A few too many charge downs and not the best of chasing.

Breakdown: 2 Zespris. Once a strength of our play, I think we have been found wanting in this area of late. The last game saw us go in with the right attitude but too often we have been beaten in one of our traditional strengths. Ireland in the first two tests and France in the final are recent examples. When we are on song, we generally are impressive but too often we have been ineffctive in this area.

Squad depth: 3 Zespris. I think we have brought on a lot of new faces this year and generally they have performed well. Yet we lack depth in the back row, locks and props in particular. We seem to have found a solution to flyhalf and halfback but wing has been a problem of late in the backs.

So as you can see, you have to do something incredibly special to earn 5 Zespris. That's a Zespri rating of 19 for NZ. Once we get a bigger spread of data then we can argue the ratings between other nations. The important thing is to get those provisional ratings in.

PS You can really tell my year is winding down for the summer and I will have next to no work commitments very shortly. Viva España and vivan los kiwis o Zespris.

Well Kia, for that lovely compliment I will find it very hard to be objective now.

Defence 4
Attack 3
Set piece (i would argue 2 for line out and 4 for scrum, so) 3
Kicking 3
Breakdown 4 ( you're good at cheating )
Depth 4

Total 21

That's NZ's revised ranking. What about SA's mate?

PS I think you've got our set piece the wrong way round. The scrum has been a bit shaky from us and our lineout has been surprisingly efficient.

For Scotland

Defence 4 - I think we have become hard to break down and generally stop the opposition tearing us a new one

Attack 2 - room for improvement is certainly there - a couple of points for the ability to dominate the game and get into the oppos 22, but no more points until we lose the white line fever

Set piece 3 - Line out used to be a 5, but has dropped off recently - scrum used to be a 1, but has solidified - so 3 between the 2 of them

Kicking 3 - actually a strenght, both for the posts _laidlaw, as well as out of hand

Breakdown 4 - Rennie, Barclay and Gray, with Denton and Stock (not forgetting Brown) usually means we can get parity or better

Depth 1


Total 17 - hmm maybe need a column - putting it all together, as I think we would drop even more points :-0

You did say 2011-2012, so I looked at a span of consistency.

As far as SA, not playing the game mate, will leave that to the experts.

Ok I'll do one for you:

SA: Defence 4

Attack 3

Set piece 4

Kicking 3

Breakdown 3

Depth 4

21. Might have to downgrade your attack.

kiakahaaotearoa wrote:Ok I'll do one for you:

SA: Defence 4

Attack 3

Set piece 4

Kicking 3

Breakdown 3

Depth 4

21. Might have to downgrade your attack.

I woul agree with you our attack isn't there yet, 2

Ireland reached new depths at the weekend so should score 5 for that

Nice one PSW.

Very disappointed Kia. Zespri is a curse word for me. Should be for you too!