Stupid screenwriters

First topic message reminder :

In honour of Galted and his slightly deranged alternative film universe, what would happen if you got two incredibly stupid screenwriters and an even more stupid studio that managed to splice two remakes together and come up with a very different film? The premise being that both screenwriters send in their efforts at the same time before the hopeless producers mix them up and send them to a rather dim director. I'll start.

A Fistful of Willy: An attempted remake of the classic Eastwood western and the family friendly Orca film get mixed up to produce something entirely different.

One flew over the River Kwai: What could have been interesting re-workings of the Nicholson classic and the WWII drama is turned into a rather dull short film of a man, almost certainly played by Tom Hanks, flying a glider over a body of water in Southern Asia.

The Silence of the Taxi Driver: The expected re-writes of the Hannibal Lector and Travis Bickle stories are actually spliced into a slightly boring silent movie in which a man gets picked up by a cab driver at Kings X who doesn't utter a single word all the way to Canary Wharf.

Over to you.

DAVE667 wrote:Stop or my Willy will shoot!

That is one of my favourites so far!

100 replies. 3 pages. All about willies.

You lot really need to grow up.

The Milagro Willy War
A Willy Runs Through It
Bring Me The Willy Of Alfredo Garcia

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:100 replies. 3 pages. All about willies.

You lot really need to grow up.

and to think, you started this thread with such good intentions!

crazygangwomble wrote:

and to think, you started this thread with such good intentions!

It was Galted's fault. He picked up on the Fistful of Willy film and that was it from there.

You've been a repeat offender as well.

It was like a tube of Pringles. Once I started, I couldn't stop. Plus it was really really funny

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

crazygangwomble wrote:

and to think, you started this thread with such good intentions!

It was Galted's fault. He picked up on the Fistful of Willy film and that was it from there.

You've been a repeat offender as well.

I'm inclined to blame you Tino, as funny as they've been nothing quite lives up to Fistul of Willy.

Groundhog Hunting - Bill Murray and Matt Damon go into a forest shooting woodchucks. Over and over and over and over and over again.

Galted wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

crazygangwomble wrote:

and to think, you started this thread with such good intentions!

It was Galted's fault. He picked up on the Fistful of Willy film and that was it from there.

You've been a repeat offender as well.

I'm inclined to blame you Tino, as funny as they've been nothing quite lives up to Fistul of Willy.

I am not sure about that, but thanks.

There have been some beauties.

Willies in Black.....

Willy at the Gates

Willy Dancing

Rosemary's Willy

Vanilla Willy

Willy Blood (sorry)

Man Bites Willy
Dirty Willy
Magnum Willy
The Willy Pool
Sudden Willy

Adam D wrote:Man Bites Willy

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

Adam D wrote:Man Bites Willy

Could have gone the other way too - Willy bites Dog!

I'm getting to the stage where my fixation with willies requires professional help, once again apologies if any are repeats:
a guide to recognising your willies
my willy the hero
a willy at my table
bend it like willy
willies don't cry
city of lost willies
even willies started small
the willies must be crazy
last willy of christ
the willy who wasn't there
willy on the moon
willy's ball
my darling willy
willy by mouth
ride the high willy
she wore a yellow willy

Galted wrote:
willy by mouth

Coffee. Spat. Keyboard ruined.

Galted wrote:I'm getting to the stage where my fixation with willies requires professional help, once again apologies if any are repeats:
a guide to recognising your willies
my willy the hero
a willy at my table
bend it like willy
willies don't cry
city of lost willies
even willies started small
the willies must be crazy
last willy of christ
the willy who wasn't there
willy on the moon
willy's ball
my darling willy
willy by mouth
ride the high willy
she wore a yellow willy

Love that one

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

Galted wrote:
willy by mouth

Coffee. Spat. Keyboard ruined.

Good, did similar yesterday with green tea.

Invasion Of The Willy Snatchers

Priscilla Queen of the Willy

Willy of Arabia

Ferris Bueller's Willy

Black Willy Down

The hunt for Willy

How to lose a Willy in 10 days

10 things I hate about Willies

I don't think I can stop.

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:Ferris Bueller's Willy

Black Willy Down

The hunt for Willy

How to lose a Willy in 10 days

10 things I hate about Willies

I don't think I can stop.

Those are all crackers!

Back To The Willy
Sixteen Willies
Willy In Pink
Raiders Of The Lost Willy
One Flew Over The Willies Nest
The French Willy
Saturday Night Willy
Willy Fiction
Jurassic Willy
The Willy Kink
The Big Willy
Schindler's Willy
10 Things I Hate About Willy

Great thread, funniest thing I've read in ages, thank you all for cheering up my boring Thursday afternoon

bluestonevedder wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:Ferris Bueller's Willy

Black Willy Down

The hunt for Willy

How to lose a Willy in 10 days

10 things I hate about Willies

I don't think I can stop.

Those are all crackers!

Thanks but please don't encourage me. My whole days are consumed with willies at the moment.

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:Ferris Bueller's Willy

Black Willy Down

The hunt for Willy

How to lose a Willy in 10 days

10 things I hate about Willies

I don't think I can stop.

Damn, beat me to it

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Willy
The Breakfast Willy

Willies of Thunder
Black Willy Moan
The Man with the Golden Willy
Willies are Forever
The Willy who loved me
On Her Majesties Willy Service
Willy Royale
Dr Willy
License to Willy
The Willy is not Enough
Willy never dies

The Dark Willy
The Dark Willy Rises
Willy Begins
The Fantastic Willy
Fantastic Mr Willy
James and The Giant Willy
Willy Returns
Star Willy: The Wrath of Willy
Star Willy: The Search for Willy
Deep Willy

The Fantastic Willy 2: The Rise of The Silver Willy

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

bluestonevedder wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:Ferris Bueller's Willy

Black Willy Down

The hunt for Willy

How to lose a Willy in 10 days

10 things I hate about Willies

I don't think I can stop.

Those are all crackers!

Thanks but please don't encourage me. My whole days are consumed with willies at the moment.

Terrible choice of words Tino!

bluestonevedder wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

bluestonevedder wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:Ferris Bueller's Willy

Black Willy Down

The hunt for Willy

How to lose a Willy in 10 days

10 things I hate about Willies

I don't think I can stop.

Those are all crackers!

Thanks but please don't encourage me. My whole days are consumed with willies at the moment.

Terrible choice of words Tino!

Yep. Doesn't look great on reflection.

The wedding Willy
Pretty Willy
Crazy, Stupid, Willy
When Willy met Sally
500 Willies of summer
My best friend's Willy
The Willy wears Prada

Thank God I am on holiday tomorrow. I am all willied out.

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

bluestonevedder wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

bluestonevedder wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:Ferris Bueller's Willy

Black Willy Down

The hunt for Willy

How to lose a Willy in 10 days

10 things I hate about Willies

I don't think I can stop.

Those are all crackers!

Thanks but please don't encourage me. My whole days are consumed with willies at the moment.

Terrible choice of words Tino!

Yep. Doesn't look great on reflection.

The wedding Willy
Pretty Willy
Crazy, Stupid, Willy
When Willy met Sally
500 Willies of summer
My best friend's Willy
The Willy wears Prada

Thank God I am on holiday tomorrow. I am all willied out.

It would be brilliant if youv'e booked with virgin holidays.

Ffs, could one of the mods please delete this thread before I get beaten up. I was sniggering on the entire walk from Liverpool Street to Cannon Street, am near to hysterics every time I see a bald man and, as I feared, couldn’t get rid of the idiotic sh1t-eating grin stuck to the front of my head on the train home - the person sitting opposite me eventually had to sit in another part of the carriage. Good thing I’m not gay because I’d burst into laughter every time I was called on to give head, it’s hard enough having a slash at work without laughing.


Let The Right Willy In
Abraham Lincoln Willy Hunter
Attack Of The Fifty Foot Willy
Willy Pizza
An American Willy In London
The Curious Willy Of Benjamin Button

"Everything you need to know about willies but were afraid to ask"

Brad Pitt's new film - World War Willy

THE Summer Blockbuster - Willy of Steel

The Willy who knew too much

The Willy who wasn't there

The Willy in the red Shoes

Oh Willy Where art Thou

When Dirty Harry Met Sally
Fresh-faced college girl falls for hardline cop. Clint Eastwood gets lucky, punk, with Meg Ryan, but when she fakes an orgasm in public he blows her head clean off.

JuliusHMarx wrote:When Dirty Harry Met Sally
Fresh-faced college girl falls for hardline cop. Clint Eastwood gets lucky, punk, with Meg Ryan, but when she fakes an orgasm in public he blows her head clean off.

Crouching Tiger Hidden Willie
It's a Wonderful Willie
12 Angry Willies
Teenwillie

7 Brides for 7 Samurai - a tale of 7 sisters falling for a bunch of Japanese mercenaries. Whilst the women try to woo their men, the Samurai are intent on protecting a town. Hilarity ensues.

Miami Vice Versa - Judge Reinhold tries to take down the drug syndicates in Miami. However, before his first raid, he has swapped bodies with his son Fred Savage. Hilarity ensues.

Mannequin on Fire - Denzel Washington is hired to protect a wealthy mans son in a crime laddened South American City. The only problem is, Denzel is a mannequin that only moves when no one is looking (bar Andrew McCarthy). Hilarity ensues.

Mulan Rouge - Chinese warrior princess has to turn tricks in Baz Luhrmans magnus opus. The stunning visuals and modern songs play out as Mulan tries to take down Genghis Khan with high flying can-can kicks. Hilarity ensues.

Three Colours Betty Blue - an erotic, existentialist epic about a woman called Betty who can change colours depending on her mood.  In this part I of the trilogy she feels a bit sad.

Three Colours Betty Blue - an erotic, existentialist epic about a woman called Betty who can change colours depending on her mood. In this part I the trilogy she feels a bit sad.

The Hunt for Red Sonja - CIA agent Jack Ryan tries to find Brigit Nielsen.

Don't Tell Mom We Were Soldiers - a group of American teens sneak off to join the army & embark on a hilarious spree torturing & killing civilians in the middle east

Cannonball Runner - Harrison Ford chases replicants in a wild and crazy car race across America

Star Wars of The Roses - Han Solo and Princess Leia in a bitter and acrimonious divorce. Danny De Vito co-stars as an Ewok divorce lawyer.

Snow White and the Se7en Dwarfs - The dwarfs (Lusty, Glutton, Avaricious, Slothful, Angry, Envious, and Proud) embark on a vicious killing spree. Can Snow White stop them before she becomes the next victim? Animation.

JuliusHMarx wrote:Cannonball Runner - Harrison Ford chases replicants in a wild and crazy car race across America

Star Wars of The Roses - Han Solo and Princess Leia in a bitter and acrimonious divorce. Danny De Vito co-stars as an Ewok divorce lawyer.

Snow White and the Se7en Dwarfs - The dwarfs (Lusty, Glutton, Avaricious, Slothful, Angry, Envious, and Proud) embark on a vicious killing spree. Can Snow White stop them before she becomes the next victim? Animation.

Hilarity ensues?

Last Tango and Cash in Paris. The less said about the scene where Kurt Russell buggers Sylvester Stallone the better.

Easy Whale Rider - stoned hippies embark on the ultimate "road" trip. Then they drown.

Galted wrote:Easy Whale Rider - stoned hippies embark on the ultimate "road" trip. Then they drown.

Easy Pale Rider - Clint Eastwood rides into town, trips on acid, leaves town.

JuliusHMarx wrote:

Galted wrote:Easy Whale Rider - stoned hippies embark on the ultimate "road" trip. Then they drown.

Easy Pale Rider - Clint Eastwood rides into town, trips on acid, leaves town.

Pale Whale Rider - Clint rides whale. Whale p1sses Clint off. Clint shoots whale.

Galted wrote:

JuliusHMarx wrote:

Galted wrote:Easy Whale Rider - stoned hippies embark on the ultimate "road" trip. Then they drown.

Easy Pale Rider - Clint Eastwood rides into town, trips on acid, leaves town.

Pale Whale Rider - Clint rides whale. Whale p1sses Clint off. Clint shoots whale.

The Outlaw Josey Whale Rider - Clint rides whale. Whale p1sses Clint off. Clint shoots whale

JuliusHMarx wrote:

Galted wrote:

JuliusHMarx wrote:

Galted wrote:Easy Whale Rider - stoned hippies embark on the ultimate "road" trip. Then they drown.

Easy Pale Rider - Clint Eastwood rides into town, trips on acid, leaves town.

Pale Whale Rider - Clint rides whale. Whale p1sses Clint off. Clint shoots whale.

The Outlaw Josey Whale Rider - Clint rides whale. Whale p1sses Clint off. Clint shoots whale

Fast Times At Ridgemont High Plains Drifter - Clint is made hall monitor at high school. Clint finds graffiti. Clint scowls at graffiti. Stoned senior sees Clint scowling and says to Clint "what's up, dude?". Clint shoots stoned senior.