Lions limericks

by AsLongAsBut100ofUs Wed 19 Jun 2013, 7:52 am

As we wait anxiously for Thursday's announcement of the test 23, how about some Lions limericks to pass the time:

There once was a Lion called Halfpenny,
Whose kicks, he did not miss many,
His defense was robust,
He attacks if he must,
Under the high ball, he'll contest any.

Do your worst!

by **LondonTiger** Wed 19 Jun 2013, 8:08 am

There once was a Lion called BOD,
With skills reminiscent of God,
Two bad guys in black,
Knocked he Lions of track,
When driving him into the sod.

by kiakahaaotearoa Wed 19 Jun 2013, 8:11 am

There once was a fat man called Gatland
Who coached a team far from his homeland
He quickly demised his selections would be despised
But really all he cared about was securing a
series victory that would make the NZRFU sit up and take notice so that they might give him the job that he truly prized.

by **RDW** Wed 19 Jun 2013, 8:36 am

They must do limericks differently in nz...

by R!skysports Wed 19 Jun 2013, 8:37 am

The once was a squad dressed in red
Who awaited a selection with dread
The names were called out
Some weep and some shout
But in the end they all stay in bed

by Guest Wed 19 Jun 2013, 9:10 am

There once was a Lion called Cuthbert
Who thought he was a bit of a tough nut
His attack play is sound
When he's allowed to run round
But his defence is a little guff butt

by kiakahaaotearoa Wed 19 Jun 2013, 9:20 am

There once was a coach called Robby
Who made boring selections into a hobby
He cared not a jot
Because an Aussie he was not
And with powerful friends for his job he did not need to lobby.

RDW my Gatland limerick was a representation that Gatland will not follow convention and will do anything to get his point across. Smile

by RubyGuby Wed 19 Jun 2013, 9:30 am

There was a wise Lion called POC
Who was an outrageous Lock
He ate raw Kangaroos
Whilst absorbing the boos
And made Genia look a complete C-ock thumbsup

by offload Wed 19 Jun 2013, 9:42 am

The Lions are sleeping and snoring
So what if their rugby is boring
They'll apply all their might
Hope the Aussies are Poopie
And come Saturday we'll all be roaring!!!

You'll have to substitute poopie for a similar word rhyming with Tight Very Happy

by AsLongAsBut100ofUs Wed 19 Jun 2013, 9:53 am

There was a young man from Wales
But Vunipola didn't much like snails
So he crossed over the river
all of a dither
In England they're more accepting of whales

by Breadvan Wed 19 Jun 2013, 10:04 am

There was a young fly half named Farrell
Whose performances had him somewhat over a barrell
Still he was enjoying the tour
and couldnt be happier
But that wouldn't save him from the daily whine about him from mafia...

Headscratch

by RubyGuby Wed 19 Jun 2013, 10:08 am

Breadvan wrote:There was a young fly half named Farrell
Whose performances had him somewhat over a barrell
Still he was enjoying the tour
and couldnt be happier
But that wouldn't save him from the daily whine about him from Tafia...

by offload Wed 19 Jun 2013, 10:11 am

Little Shane has given his all
One last time he answered the call
But Brumbies are strong
Game plan all wrong
Gatland's Lions have taken a fall

by Cyril Wed 19 Jun 2013, 10:11 am

There once was a chancer named Clive
Who toured in Two Thousand and Five
In Ireland and Britain
Not many were smitten
A wonder he got out alive

by offload Wed 19 Jun 2013, 10:12 am

Cyril on 606v2 wrote:There once was a chancer named Clive
Who toured in Two Thousand and Five
In Ireland and Britain
Not many were smitten
A wonder he got out alive

by GunsGerms Wed 19 Jun 2013, 10:20 am

There was a odd man called Cummins
who took a few too many bummings
it sure effected his brain
cause his interviews are insane
That funny old man called cummins.

"Gershon Legman, who compiled the largest and most scholarly anthology on limericks, held that the true limerick as a folk form is always obscene, and cites similar opinions by Arnold Bennett and George Bernard Shaw, describing the clean limerick as a "periodic fad and object of magazine contests, rarely rising above mediocrity." From a folkloric point of view, the form is essentially transgressive; violation of taboo is part of its function."
-Wikipedia

by **rodders** Wed 19 Jun 2013, 10:39 am

There was once a coach named Warren
whos resources look increasingly barren
he has no plan b
that anyone can see
and now he's in for a hard one.

by AsLongAsBut100ofUs Wed 19 Jun 2013, 10:49 am

There was a fat commentator called Barnes,
Whose legs were as short as his arms,
His knowledge of the game
Drove spectators insane,
So he settled for repeating old yarns

by Cyril Wed 19 Jun 2013, 10:53 am

There once was a young man named Lydiate
Long lay-off, but Warren said giddy-up
I might seem like a clown
But keep chopping them down
And don't make me look like an idiot

by AsLongAsBut100ofUs Wed 19 Jun 2013, 11:22 am

Cyril on 606v2 wrote:There once was a young man named Lydiate
Long lay-off, but Warren said giddy-up
I might seem like a clown
But keep chopping them down
And don't make me look like an idiot

A personal favourite, Cyril

by Breadvan Wed 19 Jun 2013, 11:22 am

There once were 4 blokes named ickle, wade, barritt and 36
Which late call ups left them in a bit of a mix
The brumbies won the game
Lions fans cried shame
So the coaches dropped them all for playing bollix...

by **rodders** Wed 19 Jun 2013, 11:22 am

there was a young lion called Jonny
whos place kicking can go a bit funny
he runs in a loop
and his rivals are poop
so his test chances look very sunny

by Mickado Wed 19 Jun 2013, 11:28 am

Young Zebos metatarsel did heal
no longer to injury he'd yeild
and we'll all shout WOWSERS
and sneeze in our trousers
when he runs one the length of the feild

by GunsGerms Wed 19 Jun 2013, 11:33 am

Mickado wrote:Young Zebos metatarsel did heal
no longer to injury he'd yeild
and we'll all shout WOWSERS
and sneeze in our trousers
when he runs one the length of the feild

Nice and rude. I like it.

by Breadvan Wed 19 Jun 2013, 11:38 am

A huge centre by the name of Jamie
Could run thru defences quite carefree
Look set to partner Bod
Got injured yet bod said thank God
Cos the other centres would pass to me more freely...

Gonna refer to a boner now as a trouser sneeze..

by kiakahaaotearoa Wed 19 Jun 2013, 11:39 am

All these Lions threads on this forum
Can descend into fights that get quite boring
So thanks for introducing some bright cheer
You've earned yourself a large beer
Oh and by the way the Lions are going to get a mauling.

by **rodders** Wed 19 Jun 2013, 11:39 am

there was a great player named Brian
who once again is a lion
he can't run anymore
but still nicks the odd score
so most people think he's a shoe-in

by RubyGuby Wed 19 Jun 2013, 11:54 am

There was a young poster called Kia
Came from the South Hemisphere
Whilst his team were all conquers
his posts remained bonkers
And now we can all smell the FEAR thumbsup

by **Pal Joey** Wed 19 Jun 2013, 11:55 am

Such a fine young player is Lealiifano
the rugby equivalent of di Stefano...
and let's not forget Michael Hooper
like Dingo has ignored Quade Cooper
but lets Kurtley makes beer jugs from Meccano

by AsLongAsBut100ofUs Wed 19 Jun 2013, 12:03 pm

There was a young man called Iaone,
Who declared, 'The ARU owe me',
They wouldn't pay up,
so he went off in a strup,
Saying, 'My money or you can blow me'

by **George Carlin** Wed 19 Jun 2013, 12:10 pm

There once was a fly half called Cooper
Whose prospect of test games was super
But he opened his yapper
Flushed his shirt down the crapper
And was nutted in a Brissie drunk stupor

by kiakahaaotearoa Wed 19 Jun 2013, 12:14 pm

Bless you for calling me young Ruby. Hug

The rest of what you said was utter rubbish. Smile

by funnyExiledScot Wed 19 Jun 2013, 12:17 pm

A fine rugby team called the Lions went to Australia
And played great rugby with no fear of fail-ia
They won a great white-wash
Whilst the Aussies were tosh
And Phillips was declared better than Will Genia.....

Needs work.......

by funnyExiledScot Wed 19 Jun 2013, 12:21 pm

There was once a whinging Aussie called Bob Dwyer
Of his total nonsense we all did tire
Gatland told him where to stick it
Dwyer moaned "that's not cricket"!
And from puditry Dwyer did retire....

by Submachine Wed 19 Jun 2013, 12:21 pm

The test will start with a whistle
‘Tween the Wallabies, Rose, Dragon, Shamrock and Thistle
They’ve not come to dance
On that verdant expanse
Except maybe waltzing O’Driscoll

by **George Carlin** Wed 19 Jun 2013, 12:31 pm

Submachine wrote:The test will start with a whistle
‘Tween the Wallabies, Rose, Dragon, Shamrock and Thistle
They’ve not come to dance
On that verdant expanse
Except maybe waltzing O’Driscoll

I don't know what your job is, Sub, but I do know that you're wasted on it.

by Mickado Wed 19 Jun 2013, 12:41 pm

Submachine wrote:The test will start with a whistle
‘Tween the Wallabies, Rose, Dragon, Shamrock and Thistle
They’ve not come to dance
On that verdant expanse
Except maybe waltzing O’Driscoll

That's bloody sensational...

by littleswannygirl Wed 19 Jun 2013, 12:50 pm

Once more the Lions are Down Under
To rent the Wallabies asunder
Of defeat we will speak no more
We're ready and the Lion will roar
With a sound akin to thunder

by **rodders** Wed 19 Jun 2013, 1:18 pm

Mickado wrote:
Submachine wrote:The test will start with a whistle
‘Tween the Wallabies, Rose, Dragon, Shamrock and Thistle
They’ve not come to dance
On that verdant expanse
Except maybe waltzing O’Driscoll

That's bloody sensational...

Craicer! Take a bow sub!

by kiakahaaotearoa Wed 19 Jun 2013, 1:23 pm

Sub is the official Lions laureate. clap

Should do a better job than Alistair Campbell.

by offload Wed 19 Jun 2013, 1:31 pm

GunsGerms wrote:"Gershon Legman, who compiled the largest and most scholarly anthology on limericks, held that the true limerick as a folk form is always obscene, and cites similar opinions by Arnold Bennett and George Bernard Shaw, describing the clean limerick as a "periodic fad and object of magazine contests, rarely rising above mediocrity." From a folkloric point of view, the form is essentially transgressive; violation of taboo is part of its function."
-Wikipedia

There was a young Lion called Hogg
Who spent hours and hours on the bog
The opposing fullback
Had stitched up his crack
And now he couldn't dispose of his log

by AsLongAsBut100ofUs Wed 19 Jun 2013, 1:31 pm

by Mickado Wed 19 Jun 2013, 1:34 pm

We've struck a vein of kimberlite here folks, keep it up...

by XR Wed 19 Jun 2013, 1:34 pm

"Ode to Shane"

He prefers Piri Piri to Smoked Hickory
And he's known for his magic and trickery
He flew from Japan
Playing not in the plan
He's retired more times than Phil Vickery

by offload Wed 19 Jun 2013, 1:35 pm

gcBlues wrote:"Ode to Shane"

He prefers Piri Piri to Smoked Hickory
And known for his magic and trickery
He flew from Japan
Playing not in the plan
He's retired more times than Phil Vickery

by Cyril Wed 19 Jun 2013, 1:39 pm

There once was a young man named Hartley
Who often behaved less than smartly
He called a ref names
And so missed Lions games
Just for one silly brain fart-ly

by tigertattie Wed 19 Jun 2013, 1:49 pm

There once was a lion named Simba..............

by **rodders** Wed 19 Jun 2013, 1:51 pm

The lions have a captain named Sam
who's not playing as well as he can
his rivals have shone
whilst the Gats has looked on
but like fiec will he be changing his plan

by Breadvan Wed 19 Jun 2013, 2:09 pm

The Lions will be over Aus like annoying rashes
So they'll go crying home like lasses
We'll all to to the pub and get wasted
As the green and gold will be pasted
The same thing will happen with the Ashes!

by **rodders** Wed 19 Jun 2013, 2:24 pm

There was a hooker named Best
who looks set to miss out on the tests
he had one last chance
but the lineout was pants
and the coaches weren't best impressed

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