Lions limericks

by AsLongAsBut100ofUs Wed 19 Jun 2013, 7:52 am

First topic message reminder :

As we wait anxiously for Thursday's announcement of the test 23, how about some Lions limericks to pass the time:

There once was a Lion called Halfpenny,
Whose kicks, he did not miss many,
His defense was robust,
He attacks if he must,
Under the high ball, he'll contest any.

Do your worst!

by Submachine Wed 19 Jun 2013, 2:44 pm

The first test is always intense
With tackles and rucks quite immense
Who comes to the fore
When the ball's on the floor
Will win with ferocious defence

by RubyGuby Wed 19 Jun 2013, 4:31 pm

kiakahaaotearoa wrote:Bless you for calling me young Ruby.

The rest of what you said was utter rubbish.

I guess you're right after yesterdays under 20's results - No more alll conquers mate

by andy powells minder Wed 19 Jun 2013, 5:01 pm

There once was a loosie called tipuric
His engine was goosey and really quick
He had a poor game
They said he was lame
By second test his was the best limerick

by kiakahaaotearoa Wed 19 Jun 2013, 7:14 pm

Nice one Ruby. thumbsup

There once was a poster called blues man
Who got sin binned for abusing Cruden
He bet with me
That the lions would win 0 3
The guy's pride is going to take a bruising

by Pete C (Kiwireddevil) Wed 19 Jun 2013, 7:23 pm

There was a young Lion in Australia
Who had a most odd fear of dahlias
Yet his colours were true
Red white green and blue
So lets hope his tour isn't a failure

by Dim Wed 19 Jun 2013, 7:29 pm

They came from many a shore,
The British Isles as always before,
But also the Pacific,
Let's not be specific,
Eligibility rows are a bore.

by Cyril Wed 19 Jun 2013, 7:36 pm

There was a young Aussie named Cooper
Who varied from wretched to super
They said he said 'toxic'
He claims it was 'box kick'
So someone talks out of their pooper

by AsLongAsBut100ofUs Wed 19 Jun 2013, 7:37 pm

Dim wrote:They came from many a shore,
The British Isles as always before,
But also the Pacific,
Let's not be specific,
Eligibility rows are a bore.

Classic, Dim

by kiakahaaotearoa Wed 19 Jun 2013, 7:40 pm

Do you do birthday cards as well Cyril? You're a much safer bet than Hallmark. clap

by Cyril Wed 19 Jun 2013, 7:43 pm

kiakahaaotearoa wrote:Do you do birthday cards as well Cyril? You're a much safer bet than Hallmark.

Oh, definitely.

I just wished I'd thought of this one.

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I'm a schizophrenic
(And so am I)

by AsLongAsBut100ofUs Thu 20 Jun 2013, 12:05 pm

There was a young farmer called O'Brien,
Not picked, someone must be lying,
He covers the back three,
But not enough for Rownetree,
POC found him in his hotel room crying.

by GunsGerms Thu 20 Jun 2013, 12:19 pm

Cyril on 606v2 wrote:
kiakahaaotearoa wrote:Do you do birthday cards as well Cyril? You're a much safer bet than Hallmark.
Oh, definitely.

I just wished I'd thought of this one.

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I'm a schizophrenic
(And so am I)

Strangely schizophrenia is often confused with multiple personality disorder but they are not related so that Limerick wouldnt be correct.

by Submachine Thu 20 Jun 2013, 12:56 pm

There was a head coach, Warren Gatland
Picked a team of fifteen with a fat man
Tight head prop Adam Jones
Says he just has big bones
But I think he ate Jonathan Kaplan

by andy powells minder Thu 20 Jun 2013, 1:08 pm

Submachine wrote:There was a head coach, Warren Gatland
Picked a team of fifteen with a fat man
Tight head prop Adam Jones
Says he just has big bones
But I think he ate Jonathan Kaplan

by **Pal Joey** Thu 20 Jun 2013, 2:25 pm

For how say ye these Lions can fail?
When WG's hide in large numbers flail?
The answer is yet to be wholly defined
As Bowe, Geth & Doc on cushions reclined
Much better than an hour in Boggo Road Jail!

by Cadair Idris Thu 20 Jun 2013, 4:10 pm

There once was a coach called Gats
Whose selections are occasionally bats
But when push comes to shove
And off come the gloves
He’ll make Deans look like a prat thumbsup

by John Cregan Thu 20 Jun 2013, 4:18 pm

Seeing as these are LIMERICKS...........

There once was a lion with red hair,
Who snarled around the pitch like a bear,
He's from Limerick,
Leinster heads he does kick,
Superman wears POC pyjamas i swear..........

by formerly known as Sam Thu 20 Jun 2013, 5:37 pm

Can't compete with Cyril I'm afraid but I'll give it a go.

There was a fly half called Flood,
On his day he was bloody good,
But his dad did not coach,
And so he held out no hope,
So instead played with bush and with bud.

by **Galted** Thu 20 Jun 2013, 6:35 pm

I hope I don't cause much affront
but I prefer a pint to a punt
and a hooker to me
is a girl with a fee
though I agree that O'Gara's a c-unt

by Cyril Thu 20 Jun 2013, 6:40 pm

Galted wrote:I hope I don't cause much affront
but I prefer a pint to a punt
and a hooker to me
is a girl with a fee
though I agree that O'Gara's a c-unt

by RDSguru Thu 20 Jun 2013, 6:43 pm

at 1 we have Alex
with technique of the daleks
replacing young Cian
as part of the threesome
lets hope he has the bollix

Tom Youngs for the test
While Hibbard will rest
Hooking a feed,
doesn't throw like a steed
Truely better than best

at 3 we have adam
plaudits addendum
propping down tight
giving ozzies a fright
he really does look like a madman

2nd row we have POC
a damn good lock
his place in doubt
with an injury shout
lucky he went to the Doc

Partnering POC we have Alyn
which rhymes with amlin
he isn't a jock
but still a good lock
expect him to come back with A Win

at 6 we have croft!
a winger, don't be soft!
some call for dan
he'll be our man
a trophy he'll be holding aloft

Our captain will be playing at seven
while the dough he makes will leaven
with the name of a breadmaker
at breakdown he will be taker
quite a sight bringing bread of heaven

7 down, 8 to go chin

by SecretFly Thu 20 Jun 2013, 7:16 pm

Speed will be the Lion's friend.
Cuthbert will zig, zag and bend.
Fans of North will be in thrall,
But BOD will forget to bring along the ball,
And the Aussies will score liberally down the other end.

by Cyril Thu 20 Jun 2013, 7:23 pm

SecretFly wrote:Speed will be the Lion's friend.
Cuthbert will zig, zag and bend.
Fans of North will be in thrall,
But BOD will forget to bring along the ball,
And the Aussies will score liberally down the other end.

Put the heathen in the Wicker Man! Wink

by Cyril Thu 20 Jun 2013, 7:29 pm

I guess you don't put heathens in the Wicker Man though so it'll need to be more like an Inqusition chamber. Sorry, Fly.

Wine is winning.

by **George Carlin** Thu 20 Jun 2013, 7:35 pm

Asbo my son - these are the best threads ever.

by littlejohn Thu 20 Jun 2013, 7:41 pm

GunsGerms wrote:There was a odd man called Cummins
who took a few too many bummings
it sure effected his brain
cause his interviews are insane
That funny old man called cummins.

"Gershon Legman, who compiled the largest and most scholarly anthology on limericks, held that the true limerick as a folk form is always obscene, and cites similar opinions by Arnold Bennett and George Bernard Shaw, describing the clean limerick as a "periodic fad and object of magazine contests, rarely rising above mediocrity." From a folkloric point of view, the form is essentially transgressive; violation of taboo is part of its function."
-Wikipedia

+1

by wales606 Thu 20 Jun 2013, 8:02 pm

There was a young man from Swansea
But he didn't stay there very long see
They said he was too small
God they had some gall
He's the number one fullback Halfpen-ny!

by littlejohn Thu 20 Jun 2013, 8:11 pm

Ode to O'Gara...kinda

There was once a wee tearaway called Rog,
who got the lions call up but played like a dog,
because without his wee stringer,
he played like a karaoke singer,
looking the part but missing his notes.

by wales606 Thu 20 Jun 2013, 8:18 pm

The players are big, bold and strong
They never put a foot wrong
The Aussies will cower
And cry in the shower
When they see the Lions on song!

by SecretFly Thu 20 Jun 2013, 8:43 pm

littlejohn wrote:

GunsGerms wrote:There was a odd man called Cummins
who took a few too many bummings
it sure effected his brain
cause his interviews are insane
That funny old man called cummins.

"Gershon Legman, who compiled the largest and most scholarly anthology on limericks, held that the true limerick as a folk form is always obscene, and cites similar opinions by Arnold Bennett and George Bernard Shaw, describing the clean limerick as a "periodic fad and object of magazine contests, rarely rising above mediocrity." From a folkloric point of view, the form is essentially transgressive; violation of taboo is part of its function."
-Wikipedia

+1

I don't know about all that scholarly stuff Smile

but I do know a Limerick shouldn't be straight forward...it needs a catch in the last line, it needs something to upset what you're expecting as you read the first lines.

by Cyril Thu 20 Jun 2013, 9:07 pm

SecretFly wrote:
I don't know about all that scholarly stuff but I do know a Limerick shouldn't be straight forward...it needs a catch in the last line, it needs something to upset what you're expecting as you read the first lines.

Much like a third test Lions decider, eh?

He're hoping!

by offload Fri 21 Jun 2013, 9:05 am

An old prop with a full head of hair
Sat stroking his b*llocks with care
When asked if they hurt
With his hand up her skirt
He said no, can you handle the pair?

by AsLongAsBut100ofUs Fri 21 Jun 2013, 9:13 am

"Our 12 he is injured!", said coach Farrell,
"The Aussies will have us over a barrel,
But I have a plan,
so don't be da-hn,
We'll play a young lad called Farrell."

by R!skysports Fri 21 Jun 2013, 9:19 am

A flyer of note touched down
To play at the back on the ground
Into fly half was he pushed
By a selector considered a douche
Fingers crossed his confidence remains sound

(this is a heart felt one)

by offload Fri 21 Jun 2013, 9:35 am

A nasty old hooker called Moore
Made enemies all through the tour
He got called a sh*t
Was kicked punched and bit
Then hit late and high to be sure

by AsLongAsBut100ofUs Fri 21 Jun 2013, 10:11 am

Riskysports wrote:A flyer of note touched down
To play at the back on the ground
Into fly half was he pushed
By a selector considered a douche
Fingers crossed his confidence remains sound

(this is a heart felt one)

Bravo, Sir Risky clap

by Pete C (Kiwireddevil) Fri 21 Jun 2013, 10:17 am

I'm loving this thread. So much that I've picked some personal highlights:

http://v2journal.com/15/post/2013/06/lions-limericks.html

If those of you who're on Twitter can tweet the link (there's a nice button at the bottom of the article) we might get a few more rhymers in here Smile

. Hashtag #LionsLimericks

by Mickado Fri 21 Jun 2013, 10:44 am

To botch a name is a terrible sin
But Stuart Barnes simply cannot get in
To his head through earphones
That his name’s not Wyn-Jones
For feic sake just call him Alun-Wyn

by RubyGuby Fri 21 Jun 2013, 11:00 am

There was a young man called Campese
Whose deamour was particularly Cheesy
He loved to enthrall
But then dropped the ball!!!!!!!
And good Evans he was left feeling Queassssy thumbsup

by IanBru Fri 21 Jun 2013, 11:04 am

I’m supporting the Lions this weekend,
Even though they are horribly weakened.
For there’s barely a jock
Despite some left in stock
So next week they’ll be in at the deep end.

by Breadvan Fri 21 Jun 2013, 11:26 am

There was once a winger named Sean
Who played for Scotland despite kiwi born
His pace was quite fast
But alas this wouldn't last
As his place on the bench had caused a furore..*

To some ppl, not me...

by mr_stonelea Fri 21 Jun 2013, 12:15 pm

There once was a fat prop called Jones
Who weighed in at 35 stones
But the English being posh
They changed all his nosh
And then sang "who ate all the scones?"

by Guest Fri 21 Jun 2013, 12:23 pm

The Lions have travelled down under
To steal all that Wallaby thunder
Come this first test
They'll play the best
Resulting in whinging and chunder.

by Submachine Fri 21 Jun 2013, 12:32 pm

The Aussies can try all they like
To tempt us our tempers to spike
Llike the Tahs and the Force
Left with no recourse
All they’ll get is a kiss from big Mike

by R!skysports Fri 21 Jun 2013, 2:12 pm

AsLongAsBut100ofUs wrote:

Riskysports wrote:A flyer of note touched down
To play at the back on the ground
Into fly half was he pushed
By a selector considered a douche
Fingers crossed his confidence remains sound

(this is a heart felt one)

Bravo, Sir Risky

Thanks

by R!skysports Fri 21 Jun 2013, 2:19 pm

There once was a man called Halfpenny
Who could kick long balls such a many
Dismay in his running
If fact he was stunning
A side step to see ozzies on their Fanni*

* American non rude Fanni

by Dim Fri 21 Jun 2013, 2:39 pm

There was a young man with a penny,
Who purchased three pointers a many,
But he kicked it so true,
That it snapped clean in two,
And now he has half of a penny.

by RubyGuby Fri 21 Jun 2013, 3:58 pm

There was a young fella from Perth
Who seemed quite down to earth
But when in green and gold
He was something to behold
Seems a shame they fecking lost to us thumbsup

by **Galted** Fri 21 Jun 2013, 4:54 pm

I laughed in 2009
when I heard all the Lions fans whine
at the mountain of pain
inflicted by Steyn
from near his own ten-metre line

by Looseheaded Fri 21 Jun 2013, 5:22 pm

A Lion's livelihood leans to loss,
A Roo's rep to be ripped to shreds,
For these they fight and scratch and bite,
So 12 more years of bragging rights

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