Life - your thoughts please

by ONETWOFOREVER Fri 27 Sep 2013, 3:15 pm

Honestly speaking, how has it been for you. Good? Bad? Lame? Rock n Roll?

Have you acheived all you dreamed of?

If not where do you go from here?

Do you think about death?

Do you care about the world and everyone in it?

I,m 34, losing my hair and girls don't look at me anymore.

Is it over?

by **JuliusHMarx** Fri 27 Sep 2013, 3:24 pm

ONETWOFOREVER wrote:Is it over?

Yes. It's basically sh!t from now on.

by ONETWOFOREVER Fri 27 Sep 2013, 3:28 pm

JuliusHMarx wrote:
ONETWOFOREVER wrote:Is it over?
Yes. It's basically sh!t from now on.

Explain

by **JuliusHMarx** Fri 27 Sep 2013, 3:31 pm

ONETWOFOREVER wrote:
JuliusHMarx wrote:
ONETWOFOREVER wrote:Is it over?
Yes. It's basically sh!t from now on.
Explain

"I,m 34, losing my hair and girls don't look at me anymore."

You're going to get even older, lose more hair and girls aren't going to start looking at you again.

by Lumbering_Jack Fri 27 Sep 2013, 3:32 pm

ONETWOFOREVER wrote:
JuliusHMarx wrote:
ONETWOFOREVER wrote:Is it over?
Yes. It's basically sh!t from now on.
Explain

If you're not attractive then chances are you aren't going to have sex with attractive women anymore, unless you are rich but I don't think being a security guard pays very well.

It's not over but you've certainly experienced the best of it.

by Lumbering_Jack Fri 27 Sep 2013, 3:33 pm

You'll need to learn to appreciate the finer things in life, such as birds singing, leaves rustling and all the boring jazz people who are pat their prime blabber on about.

by Duty281 Fri 27 Sep 2013, 3:37 pm

Life?

Oh just go with the flow. Try and enjoy yourself, don't take anything too seriously, and try not to harm other people on the way. Most importantly: Relax.

Death?

Just the next great adventure. Nothing to be worried about. Whether there's life after it, or if it's everlasting peace, it sounds pretty good to me.

by ONETWOFOREVER Fri 27 Sep 2013, 3:39 pm

Lumbering_Jack wrote:
ONETWOFOREVER wrote:
JuliusHMarx wrote:
ONETWOFOREVER wrote:Is it over?
Yes. It's basically sh!t from now on.
Explain
If you're not attractive then chances are you aren't going to have sex with attractive women anymore, unless you are rich but I don't think being a security guard pays very well.

It's not over but you've certainly experienced the best of it.

I don't work in security.

by Reborn-DeeMcK-Reborn Fri 27 Sep 2013, 3:47 pm

Started dabbling in naughty substances from about 14 up until 3 years ago when my son was born. Nothin heavy, just mad weekends, going out on a Friday, back on a Monday mornin.

Sacked from about 15 jobs in the course with absence, lateness etc.

Got joint custody of my son and since then I can count on one hand how many times I have even so much as had a drink.

Just lost all interest in it. I get my thrills from being able to pay the bills.

So all you celebs out there that cry and go to the priory......get a grip.

by Mind the windows Tino. Fri 27 Sep 2013, 3:48 pm

ONETWOFOREVER wrote:
Lumbering_Jack wrote:
ONETWOFOREVER wrote:
JuliusHMarx wrote:
ONETWOFOREVER wrote:Is it over?
Yes. It's basically sh!t from now on.
Explain
If you're not attractive then chances are you aren't going to have sex with attractive women anymore, unless you are rich but I don't think being a security guard pays very well.

It's not over but you've certainly experienced the best of it.
I don't work in security.

Yeah get it right, LJ. He is a teenage girl who doubles up as a hit-man and bodyguard for the US basketball team.

by ONETWOFOREVER Fri 27 Sep 2013, 3:56 pm

Reborn-DeeMcK-Reborn wrote:Started dabbling in naughty substances from about 14 up until 3 years ago when my son was born. Nothin heavy, just mad weekends, going out on a Friday, back on a Monday mornin.

Sacked from about 15 jobs in the course with absence, lateness etc.

Got joint custody of my son and since then I can count on one hand how many times I have even so much as had a drink.

Just lost all interest in it. I get my thrills from being able to pay the bills.

So all you celebs out there that cry and go to the priory......get a grip.

Great reply sounds honest.

Hope things work out for the best with you and son.

by STC Fri 27 Sep 2013, 4:02 pm

Honestly speaking, how has it been for you. Good? Bad? Lame? Rock n Roll?
- A bit of a mixed bag really.

Have you acheived all you dreamed of?
-No. But you soon learn that life is just one succession of disappointments, one after another until you die. As soon as you accept this and make the best of what you've got, you realise that things aren't all that bad. There are many people in the world that are much worse off than you are.

If not where do you go from here?
-Just carry on. You never know what is around the corner, that much I have learnt.

Do you think about death?
-Yes. I'm not looking forward to it. The fact that I don't know what comes next (if anything) is a bit unnnerving.

Do you care about the world and everyone in it?
-Yes. Even those that I do not like. I try not to judge people. Life is precious. The world would be a much better place if everybody cared about the world and everyone in it.

I,m 34, losing my hair and girls don't look at me anymore.

Is it over?
-Yes, pretty much I'm afraid.

by Reborn-DeeMcK-Reborn Fri 27 Sep 2013, 4:02 pm

I have rode my fair share of luck over the years and thank goodness at this stage I have a decent job, my own house, car and son who lives with me from thursday to sunday and we are both well looked after.

Bags of experience to go with it all so he might think hes being careful not to get caught when hes older. His old man will know every sign going if hes up to no good haha

by MIG Fri 27 Sep 2013, 4:48 pm

ONETWOFOREVER wrote:Honestly speaking, how has it been for you. Good? Bad? Lame? Rock n Roll?

Have you acheived all you dreamed of?

If not where do you go from here?

Do you think about death?

Do you care about the world and everyone in it?

I,m 34, losing my hair and girls don't look at me anymore.

Is it over?

I never had any dreams to achieve. Never knew what I wanted to do as a career and never pursued one.
I have an amazing wife and two great kids. I own my own house and car and live in a very nice part of the country. I have a job which is a little dull but I'm happy enough and I don't dread it. Much.
So based on that I'd say I am successful enough in life. Albeit a little boring to some others.

I fear death. I think about it a lot and it scares the Poopie out of me if I'm honest. I want to grow very old and would rather be a dribbling wreck than die.

No its not over for you. Just cause girls don't look at you and your hair is falling out? There is much more to life.

by **seanmichaels** Fri 27 Sep 2013, 8:32 pm

Life is pretty arse. I'm a lucky boy from a very working class background but went to a fee paying school that makes superstars. I do and have done everything to Smeg it up. Latest plan is for everyone I care about to Smeg off and then I can go back to Australia but that has its issues too. I reckon succesful people set goals and achieve them. I'd love a bit of that.

by **Galted** Fri 27 Sep 2013, 9:18 pm

ONETWOFOREVER wrote:
I,m 34, losing my hair and girls don't look at me anymore.

Is it over?

I hit my mid-thirties balding, p1ssed off and single and a mate pointed out that the next likely step for me was becoming a serial killer. Then another one pointed out that I don't have a van or a cellar so they agreed I was too much of a f**k-up even for that.

by BlueCoverman Fri 27 Sep 2013, 10:22 pm

When I was in my early twenties I was working in a fairly small office, run by two partners, who decided that I should be the one responsible for selecting a new computer system to replace the current one that was now getting old and out of date. The company that I chose to use was a fledgling business and fairly unknown but I liked their style, they were youthful and had plenty of innovative ideas that I felt would be of great benefit to the growth and expansion of our own business. It was mid-eighties, right at the start of the IT boom.

About three months after the successful installation of the system into our office the company that supplied it decided to go public. Because of the connection I was contacted and offered shares at a highly discounted price of 15 pence each. I wasn't particularly flush at the time, I had just bought my first property a two bedroom flat, and I was living with my girlfriend. But I decided to have a punt and spent £2000 buying 13,333 shares.

As soon as the Company floated the share price rocketed. The next few years were amazing, I couldn't believe it, it was like a pools win every quarter. Some days the share price went up over £1! The company was hugely successful, having quickly spread nationwide they then got a lucrative foothold into the American market as well.

When the share price reached £25 they did a share split which reduced the price of the share to £5 but you received five times the amount of the shares that you were holding. From that figure the highest price the shares reached was £13.59. I made just under a million quid on that two grand investment.

I bought an acre of land and had a spacious four bedroomed property built and paid cash. I didn't have to sell the flat which has provided a nice bit of rental income ever since. It was pure luck of course, I didn't do anything particularly clever other than take a punt on a couple of grand. Now a bit of money doesn't buy happiness of course, we all know that. But it sure as hell helped me though, in bringing up two kids without having a mortgage to pay every month, or worry about where to find the money to pay the bills.

by **Good Golly I'm Olly** Fri 27 Sep 2013, 10:33 pm

Honestly speaking, how has it been for you. Good? Bad? Lame? Rock n Roll?

- Fairly satisfying so far.

Have you acheived all you dreamed of?

- Not even close

If not where do you go from here?

- Hopefully upwards!

Do you think about death?

-I try not to. But it's always a niggling thought in the back of your mind.

Do you care about the world and everyone in it?

- I care about certain people in it.

I,m 34, losing my hair and girls don't look at me anymore.

Is it over?

- It's not over until the fat lady sings

by ONETWOFOREVER Sat 28 Sep 2013, 9:01 am

Life is becoming more confusing as I get older.

I am single but feel like I am being punished for all to putang I have distressed over the years instead of finding a wife settleing down like a normal person.

No kids so still feel like a free spirit

by westisbest Sat 28 Sep 2013, 9:22 am

Didnt enjoy school at times, bullied alot etc was weak physically and mentally.
That in a way has grown to help me become stronger on both aspects.

So that part of my life was carp.

Have great friends/family, love em all to pieces.
Next week would have been in my job for 14 years.
Decent enough job, suits me hours etc.

Done alot in terms of going to places i wanted to go to, sports events and all that.

Gonna be 37 next month.
And any time between now and the end of october i will become a dad for the first time. Looking forward to it.

Thats the next chapter in my life.
I want to raise my son/daughter the best I can, give him/her a great life.

At the end of the day we dont know how long we have on this earth.

So all in all I have enjoyed my life. Cant complain really.

by Guest Sat 28 Sep 2013, 12:45 pm

westisbest wrote:
And any time between now and the end of october i will become a dad for the first time. Looking forward to it.

Thats the next chapter in my life.
I want to raise my son/daughter the best I can, give him/her a great life.

Top stuff Westy. Congrats mate and good luck with it all

by **ShahenshahG** Sat 28 Sep 2013, 1:27 pm

Congrats mate - my daughters turning two in november - havent regretted it once. If you can spare a bit of money start stocking up on nappies etc so you can spread the cost and avoid tight times ahead.

by westisbest Sat 28 Sep 2013, 5:10 pm

FreekShow wrote:
westisbest wrote:
And any time between now and the end of october i will become a dad for the first time. Looking forward to it.

Thats the next chapter in my life.
I want to raise my son/daughter the best I can, give him/her a great life.

Top stuff Westy. Congrats mate and good luck with it all

Cheers freek

Top man

by westisbest Sat 28 Sep 2013, 5:12 pm

ShahenshahG wrote:Congrats mate - my daughters turning two in november - havent regretted it once. If you can spare a bit of money start stocking up on nappies etc so you can spread the cost and avoid tight times ahead.

We have been putting money aside since we found out back in january.

Gonna need aloooooooooot of nappies ha.

Thanks bud.

by **ShahenshahG** Sat 28 Sep 2013, 5:18 pm

westisbest wrote:
ShahenshahG wrote:Congrats mate - my daughters turning two in november - havent regretted it once. If you can spare a bit of money start stocking up on nappies etc so you can spread the cost and avoid tight times ahead.
We have been putting money aside since we found out back in january.

Gonna need aloooooooooot of nappies ha.

Thanks bud.

So did we

just surprise costs and the emotional missus awwing at everything in the shop's baby section (me pretending to be unaffected) thus leading you to buy stuff you could do without but don't really want to

by kingraf Sat 28 Sep 2013, 5:54 pm

How is life?
Good. I have two cars which were gifted to me. My family owns a huge piece of land on the countryside... And Im the first-born so as Charlie Sheen would say, "Winning"

Have you achieved all that you dreamed off?
No, but I love my life as it is now. Lacked the discipline or self-confidence really to give cricket a real go.

Where do I go from here?
Well, Im probably going to study physiotherapy next year, as I realise that office work is not me.

Do I think about death?
Sometimes... But not intensely. Been in two major car accidents, and I made it out with just a bit of whip lash (Gotta love seatbelts). Also had complications when I was born. So when I go, I would have delayed it for quite a while! My girlfriend has recently been really aggressive about the us taking our relationship to a more serious level. Its got me thinking about the end... I mean what if medicine allows us to live to 150 in the near future? Can I really live with this woman for 120 years on what could be a distant planet?

Do I care about the world -
Getting less I must be honest. Living in the townships in South Africa made me grow up quick. Live in a leafy flat now, family owns a large farm countryside, but those lessons harden one pretty quickly.

by Champagne_Socialist Sun 29 Sep 2013, 12:36 pm

I am 26 and usually go clubbing once or twice a month. When I go clubbing my aim is to chat to as many attrctive women as possible. Yes the fact I am 26, attractive and have a good build helps but I know when I am 35 or 36 I will lose those looks and it would be hard for me to get as many women in clubs etc.

When you are mid 30's your goals should change to wanting to find a long term partner rather than casual flings. Your personality and career will be far more important to a woman who is seeking a long term relationship than how much hair you have.

My advice would be to stop worrying about getting old, go to singles events for people in their mid 30's and just try to settle down with a nice woman.

Someone once told me that 'this is the oldest you have ever been in your life, but it is also the youngest you will ever be again'.

by Il Gialloblu Sun 29 Sep 2013, 2:40 pm

Champagne_Socialist wrote:I am 26 and usually go clubbing once or twice a month. When I go clubbing my aim is to chat to as many attrctive women as possible. Yes the fact I am 26, attractive and have a good build helps but I know when I am 35 or 36 I will lose those looks and it would be hard for me to get as many women in clubs etc.

Is this bit serious?

Champagne_Socialist wrote:When you are mid 30's your goals should change to wanting to find a long term partner rather than casual flings. Your personality and career will be far more important to a woman who is seeking a long term relationship than how much hair you have.

You'd better get one now then.

Only joking, victor. You carry on mate.

by westisbest Sun 29 Sep 2013, 5:33 pm

Il Gialloblu wrote:
Champagne_Socialist wrote:I am 26 and usually go clubbing once or twice a month. When I go clubbing my aim is to chat to as many attrctive women as possible. Yes the fact I am 26, attractive and have a good build helps but I know when I am 35 or 36 I will lose those looks and it would be hard for me to get as many women in clubs etc.

Is this bit serious?

Some people become better looking as they get older.
I'm an decent looking guy i would say(nothing special), but i would'nt say i have lost my looks, got less attractive etc.
Obviously i look a bit different to when i was your age.
I actually look a few years younger than 36, which isnt a bad thing i suppose.
People are surprised when i tell them my age.

Champagne_Socialist wrote:When you are mid 30's your goals should change to wanting to find a long term partner rather than casual flings. Your personality and career will be far more important to a woman who is seeking a long term relationship than how much hair you have.

You'd better get one now then.

Only joking, victor. You carry on mate.

by westisbest Sun 29 Sep 2013, 5:35 pm

I hope i didnt come off as a tool;)

by Il Gialloblu Sun 29 Sep 2013, 7:04 pm

I'll go then. I'm finding myself wondering more about what I'm doing and writing it here might help with that.

Honestly speaking, how has it been for you. Good? Bad? Lame? Rock n Roll?

Not bad. I think I've done a lot, but don't have much to show for it in a material sense. Been an aerospace engineer. Fixed lifts. Travelled the world. Went from Mansfield to Hong Kong overland. Became a teacher in China. Won't be forever, but still not sure what's next. Recently edited a novel for someone. Also did some voice-over work last month for a programme about some Chinese sailors going round the world. Unpaid as yet, as it was just the pilot, but you never know. Whatever I can do, really. Just be a 'yes' man.

Have you acheived all you dreamed of?

No, not all. But some of the dreams I didn't achieve have fizzled out anyway. Some remain, and some I've achieved. See above.

About achievments. I've learnt that the biggest thing stopping people from achieving what they want to achieve is themselves. Just make a decision and step off that cliff. Some of what I've done, I made the decision to do it and was then sick with worry. Still did it though. And the thing is, it doesn't even matter if it worked out or not. Doing something is better than not doing it. If you want to expand your comfort zone, you've got to leave it and let it catch you up.

If not where do you go from here?

I've got new dreams. I want to earn a penny from writing. That'll be enough. 1p. Same from photography. If I earn 1p from photography, somehow, I'll be a paid photographer. And then maybe I can try to earn 2p from it. Or from writing. Don't mind which.

Taking a photography class here in Shanghai. Did the beginner/intermediate in the spring, the advanced one starts in a couple of weeks. You get a good teacher, there isn't much better you can spend your money on than study. You want to know the road ahead, ask those coming back. You want to learn something, take a class.

Still got some old dreams to go too. South America and Africa are two continents I've not been to yet. I like that word. Yet. And I want to fill in my Asia map. India and Nepal. In fact, I'm technically still on my way to Nepal, from Mansfield. I just got side-tracked four years ago.

Do you think about death?

Yes. Who doesn't?

I used to be of the opinion that there would be nothing for me after death. Like before I was born. I just didn't exist, so I will cease to when I die. I'm changing though. I'm not Christian. I don't reckon I'll go to 'heaven', whatever that might be. Or 'hell'. I'll get that in there before you do.

In fact, I used to have a theory about heaven and hell. I wondered if heaven and hell were nothing more than your final moments of life. Imagine. You're on you're deathbed, and you've done everything you wanted to do. You've made everyone happy. As you slip away, you're content. I couldn't ask for any more than that at the end of my life. So, heaven.

Now think of the opposite. Hell.

I've moved on from that opinion of there being nothing. Looking back (at what I'm writing here, as much as anything), I probably had that opinion when I was an engineer. Now, after (or because of?) spending years in Asia, I think there is something to be said about spirituality. And whilst there is something to be said, it doesn't mean it can be understood. I've no idea. I said before on a thread about religion (God rest N&CA's soul), I will go to a Buddhist temple and I'll feel lifted. Equally, I can sit in the park in the sunshine, eat a grapefruit and listen to Conor Oberst, and feel lifted. It's not chemicals in my brain. It's something more. And when I die, I'd like to find out what. And it might be that there's nothing there. But if I'm content when I set off, I'll be happy when I arrive.

That's why what I do, and what I plan to do, is more important to me than material stuff.

Do you care about the world and everyone in it?

The World? Yes. Everyone in it? Not everyone. Some people don't deserve my emotions. I fear for the planet, and future generations, in a physical sense. The environment. Resources. Over-population. Y'know, all the stuff hippies bang on about. Not really concerned about nuclear stuff though. I think a Water War is more likely. We're already going at it over oil. We need water more, and we won't always have it in such abundance as we do now.

I've read some interesting things about humanity, for the future. But not enough to go in depth here. Something about; think, why we place so much emphasis on having a job? Well, because it's the way of the world. Do a job, get paid, buy stuff. But does the world need to be like this? Are we, as a race, keeping ourselves down, holding ourselves back, with this belief that everyone should 'have a job'? A 'career'?

Maybe I make jeans. So someone else has to make denim. And someone zips. Someone else buttons. And we need roads to bring this stuff together. Build roads. And make lorrys. And maintain them. We need tyres. Make some. Someone clean the roads too. We need to light the roads. Burn coal, to power the streetlights. Hang on, we need miners to dig coal. They need hard-wearing clothes. Cool, give them some jeans.

We're just making jobs because we reckon people should have one. I'm not illustrating that very well. But the point is, it's the status quo so people accept it without question.

Unemployment is at an all time high? Crikey, we need to find these people jobs!

Or, we could find them something else to do. Give them a pencil and some paper. A paintbrush. A camera. A guitar. Tell them to be a philosopher. See what they come out with. Just let them create something. Give them education. The kind that expands the mind though, not the kind that teaches them how to be make more money. We've got enough rich people. It's thinkers we need. And certainly, by way of examples, don't create a role in the local council, or throw up another B&Q that we don't need, just to give them 'jobs'. How is that helping us develop as a species?

In the news today, a former police chief says we should legalise all drugs to win the war on them. My first thought was, 'that's crazy'. Why did I think that? Because it's all I've known. I also think US prohibition in the '30s was crazy. Where's the difference? Aside from the fact they are the complete opposite, there is no difference. Both the status quo, aren't they?

It's the same with buying a house. We do it because we're told we should... spend the best part of our adult life in debt. People have posted in here, they're happy because they have a house. I say, that's great. I'm glad you're happy. Whatever works for you. Houses (assuming the mortgage is met) are a surefire way to live comfortably in the system we have, and we accept this without thinking. My point is, is the system holding us back? 25 years of debt, as a norm? How is that good?

I don't worry so much about the world in my lifetime because I don't think the timescale is enough for big changes. But the future generations need a massive change. They need a spiritual revolution. We're not here to make zips for jeans. Do something worthwhile with this species, please.

I,m 34, losing my hair and girls don't look at me anymore. Is it over?

No, ONETWO, it isn't. Forget all that poontang that you wished you'd got and find new dreams. What are you interested in? Write a book. Open a cafe. Go to a country you've never been to before. And when you get back, go to another. Or if i makes you happy, just keep chasing the women. Why not? And get off 606v2. Not for our sakes, but for your own. You've probably got more than half your life left, so don't you dare spend it lamenting the passing of the first half. Learn from that, and make the second half better. Whatever that means to you. But don't find yourself laying on that deathbed of yours in 40-odd years regretting anything. At all. I'm not planning on doing so.

I'm the wrong side of thirty too. Or am I? Depends on how you see it. I'm more comfortable with and in myself thanat any time previously. I've got nothing material. About three months wages in my bank. But crucially for me, no debt. None at all. I don't know if I'm doing alright in life or not, financially speaking, but I know one thing. I've got no anchors. And that makes me happy.

I do wonder about how I'll survive when I'm older and can't work. I wonder, but I don't worry. If I can fulfill my dreams before then, I think I'll be alright. South America. Africa. India and Nepal. I might be an idealist, I might not be being realistic at all about my future, but I'm happy. I still believe something will happen to see me right, and I'll be doing my best to make that happening happen.

We'll see. Well, I will. You won't. But if I'm happy until the end, homeless but with no dreams left to realise, I reckon I'll be going to heaven.

edit: Reading that back, some of it is clearly me thinking out loud. Still glad I wrote it though.

by Mind the windows Tino. Mon 30 Sep 2013, 9:37 am

That's one of the best posts I have ever read on here, Gia. I genuinely mean that. Moving, intelligent, thought-provoking and interesting. Hats off to you, sir. I have the attention span of a child and usually zone out with super long posts but I read and digested that one from start to finish and thoroughly enjoyed it. My favourite line?

And I want to fill in my Asia map. India and Nepal. In fact, I'm technically still on my way to Nepal, from Mansfield. I just got side-tracked four years ago.

What a great comment. Just about summed what where I guess your heart and soul is at in one sentence. Great stuff. Although we have chatted on here for a few years, we have almost certainly never met and are extremely unlikely to ever do so, but I feel like I know you a just a little bit more after that.

My life is very different to yours, Gia. I will be 36 in a few months and have 4 kids, with another one due on March 10th next year. I sometimes wonder where it all went when I read stories like yours and see some of my childless friends up sticks and go away for weekends or out on the lash whenever they want. But, those feelings drift away when I get home and the kids run up to me for a cuddle or tell me something new they learned at school. There is something magical about the wonder in a kids eyes when the whole world is new to them. Sure, they can be hard work now and again but generally kids are far more pleasant to be around than adults. Less cynical, less world weary and less likely to moan about their problems all day. Each day is an adventure to them and I get to live it over and over again.

I have done my fair share of messing around as a kid, chasing girls and doing all the things that teenage boys/young men do, including bombing out of uni after one year as I knew I didn't have the capacity to stick it out, but I don't miss any of that. Not anymore. I am fortunate to have lucked and bluffed my way into a decent job, albeit one that I don't actually enjoy all that much anymore, but it has enabled me to provide for my family and taken me around the world from S.Africa to Hong Kong to North America and much of Europe. Granted, an awful lot of it has been spent in hotels and offices but I have done my chunk of touristy stuff and they are memories I will try and hold on to, even if my family were not there to share in them.

My argument, to myself anyway, is that when I am old and don't have the energy to go traveling, my (hopefully anyway) grandchildren will keep me young and keep my mind vibrant. Seeing my daughters get married, or my sons score their first goals or seeing any of them do something I was incapable of and graduate from university, they are the goals and dreams I have now. They are moments I can't wait to see and revel in. Pictures and memories fade, that is why I hope to be creating real-time memories with my kids/grand-kids right up to the moment I go.

I think a lot about death now, and it scares me enormously, but only in the context of leaving my kids behind. There is little we can do about it, so I try my best not to let it consume me too much, but I worry about the future and how the world will look when I go. Humans have the capacity to be both brilliant and stupid in equal measures so I am putting my faith in the former. Blind faith? Maybe, but it is all i I have to go on.

ONETWO, my 30's have, so far, been the best years of my life. I am not a stupid kid anymore but still young enough not to feel ready for the knackers yard. Ill Gia is right, find your dream and follow it. There is no reason why the next 34 years for you can't be the best 34 years. Different? Almost certainly. Worse? Doesn't have to be, pal. Go out there and grab it.

by Lumbering_Jack Mon 30 Sep 2013, 9:53 am

Have I achieved everything I've dreamed of?

No, not even close, although I'm still only 26 so plenty of time yet. Most of my goals involved money and I'm behind track on where I wanted to be at 26. In some respects I'm lucky. Left school at 16 and fell I into the job I have now, which despite paying a reasonable wage is pretty boring and leaves me a little unfulfilled at the end of the day. I always wanted to be a police officer or fireman. Not for the money, but to genuinely try and do some good and help the vulnerable in society. For one reason or another that never happened.

As I've grown up a little money has become less important. I have a brilliant girlfriend who is pregnant, albeit in the early stages. After the disaster we had first time round I'm hoping this pregnancy passes without incident. Seeing the damage it done do her emotionally last time was hard to watch.

I do plan to travel. I'm fortunate to have an employer putting me through a series of professional qualifications. Once I've passed all my exams I think we'll join our friends in Australia. Hopefully with me as the sole provider which has always been an aspiration of mine (I'm old fashioned like that).

Do I think about death?

I worry more for others than myself. I know you can't put a value on life but if anything were to happen to me I'm well insured and my girlfriend would have enough set herself up.

Do I care about the world?

Yes and no. I do my bit to try and look after the place. Low emissions car, recycle etc...

Is it over for one two?

Depends what you want from life. If pulling in clubs is that important to you then quite possibly!!

by Mind the windows Tino. Mon 30 Sep 2013, 10:31 am

Lumbering_Jack wrote:I have a brilliant girlfriend who is pregnant, albeit in the early stages. After the disaster we had first time round I'm hoping this pregnancy passes without incident. Seeing the damage it done do her emotionally last time was hard to watch.

Congratulations, LJ. Hope everything goes well this time round.

by Lumbering_Jack Mon 30 Sep 2013, 10:44 am

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
Lumbering_Jack wrote:I have a brilliant girlfriend who is pregnant, albeit in the early stages. After the disaster we had first time round I'm hoping this pregnancy passes without incident. Seeing the damage it done do her emotionally last time was hard to watch.
Congratulations, LJ. Hope everything goes well this time round.

Mood swings have started already. She cried last night because her food was too spicy.

How did you handle them? I think my fits of laughter didn't help the situation .

by Lumbering_Jack Mon 30 Sep 2013, 10:48 am

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
Lumbering_Jack wrote:I have a brilliant girlfriend who is pregnant, albeit in the early stages. After the disaster we had first time round I'm hoping this pregnancy passes without incident. Seeing the damage it done do her emotionally last time was hard to watch.
Congratulations, LJ. Hope everything goes well this time round.

And right back at you... Number 5 this one? Not sure how you can afford it. Maybe you are a millionaire after all?!

by Guest Mon 30 Sep 2013, 10:48 am

As we're all sharing, my wife and I are expecting our second child in April!!!!!!!!!

by Mind the windows Tino. Mon 30 Sep 2013, 10:48 am

Lumbering_Jack wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
Lumbering_Jack wrote:I have a brilliant girlfriend who is pregnant, albeit in the early stages. After the disaster we had first time round I'm hoping this pregnancy passes without incident. Seeing the damage it done do her emotionally last time was hard to watch.
Congratulations, LJ. Hope everything goes well this time round.
Mood swings have started already. She cried last night because her food was too spicy.

How did you handle them? I think my fits of laughter didn't help the situation .

Laughing probably isn't the best approach, it might be followed by a swift kick in the balls!

Leave the house would be my advise. I spent so much time in Tesco's that I started to know all the evening staff by name.

by Mind the windows Tino. Mon 30 Sep 2013, 10:49 am

DAVE667 wrote:As we're all sharing, my wife and I are expecting our second child in April!!!!!!!!!

Nice one Dave. I dare you to call it SLAYER!

by Lumbering_Jack Mon 30 Sep 2013, 10:51 am

Congrats Dave... You enjoy the lack of sleep then...

I've always planned to stick to just the one. I have a hard enough time babysitting for a few hours, let alone having 2 or more of them running wild everyday...

by Mind the windows Tino. Mon 30 Sep 2013, 10:51 am

Lumbering_Jack wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
Lumbering_Jack wrote:I have a brilliant girlfriend who is pregnant, albeit in the early stages. After the disaster we had first time round I'm hoping this pregnancy passes without incident. Seeing the damage it done do her emotionally last time was hard to watch.
Congratulations, LJ. Hope everything goes well this time round.
And right back at you... Number 5 this one? Not sure how you can afford it. Maybe you are a millionaire after all?!

Nah, just stupid mate. I was happy at 2. Wife wanted one more which ended up being twins.

Kind of figured the jump from 4 to 5 is not going to make all that much difference in the scheme of things! That's it now though, I might even have the snip!

by Guest Mon 30 Sep 2013, 11:07 am

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
DAVE667 wrote:As we're all sharing, my wife and I are expecting our second child in April!!!!!!!!!

Nice one Dave. I dare you to call it SLAYER!

Already got my little girl citing SLAYER as her favourite band (She hates 'em really but I still think it's cute when she says it)

by Lumbering_Jack Mon 30 Sep 2013, 11:13 am

Kind of hope mine is a boy. Obviously fit and healthy first...

As the old saying goes, if your child is a lad you only have to worry about one dick, if your child is a girl you worry about every dick in the world...

by Guest Mon 30 Sep 2013, 11:19 am

Lumbering_Jack wrote:Kind of hope mine is a boy. Obviously fit and healthy first...
As the old saying goes, if your child is a lad you only have to worry about one dick, if your child is a girl you worry about every dick in the world...

Used to think like that myself but as soon as you see them, it all goes right out the window and you love them regardless.

I'm an incredibly selfish person on the whole but my children can have my very last breath (dunno what they'd do with it but I'll be dead by them)

by Il Gialloblu Mon 30 Sep 2013, 12:06 pm

Thanks for the kind words, Tino. I was genuinely very interested to read your story too.

There was a time in my life, between my first bout of travelling and this one, where I was with a girl who I would have married, had kids with and never travelled again, if she wanted to. Unfortunately, she had other ideas! But I'm deadly serious. At the time, I was ready to be a dad. And everything that entails. The anchors.

Now, when I think about my many possible futures, and there are loads, kids never enter the equation. People might ask me about it, and I might say 'maybe', but I think it's telling that they are never there in my private thoughts. I've never recaptured that feeling I had with her, even though I've had a missus here for some time.

The things you describe about your kids, about the joy you feel through them, I might never know. I think it's a shame. I think to die without knowing that feeling, I would be missing out. 100%. Of course I would be. We choose our paths though, and we can't combine your lifestyle with mine. It's one or the other.

Not being a father myself, I have to think about my own to have even the slightest idea of how it may be. And even then, I'm not even close. But when I look back on things I did and said to him when I was a kid, then see my nephews doing similar to my brother and I see him reacting with the kindness and interest that my dad did, after a long, hard day at work, it's an eye opener. To how much goes unappreciated when you're young.

My parents were actually out here last month, for two weeks. Hadn't seen them for two years. I'd say that fortnight was the best holiday I've ever had.

I think I'm rambling now.

DAVE, and Lumbering Jack:

Heartiest congratulations to the both of you. Hope everything goes swimmingly and I wish you all the very best for the future. thumbsup

by **Fists of Fury** Mon 30 Sep 2013, 12:19 pm

Il Gialloblu wrote:I'll go then. I'm finding myself wondering more about what I'm doing and writing it here might help with that.

Honestly speaking, how has it been for you. Good? Bad? Lame? Rock n Roll?

Not bad. I think I've done a lot, but don't have much to show for it in a material sense. Been an aerospace engineer. Fixed lifts. Travelled the world. Went from Mansfield to Hong Kong overland. Became a teacher in China. Won't be forever, but still not sure what's next. Recently edited a novel for someone. Also did some voice-over work last month for a programme about some Chinese sailors going round the world. Unpaid as yet, as it was just the pilot, but you never know. Whatever I can do, really. Just be a 'yes' man.

Have you acheived all you dreamed of?

No, not all. But some of the dreams I didn't achieve have fizzled out anyway. Some remain, and some I've achieved. See above.

About achievments. I've learnt that the biggest thing stopping people from achieving what they want to achieve is themselves. Just make a decision and step off that cliff. Some of what I've done, I made the decision to do it and was then sick with worry. Still did it though. And the thing is, it doesn't even matter if it worked out or not. Doing something is better than not doing it. If you want to expand your comfort zone, you've got to leave it and let it catch you up.

If not where do you go from here?

I've got new dreams. I want to earn a penny from writing. That'll be enough. 1p. Same from photography. If I earn 1p from photography, somehow, I'll be a paid photographer. And then maybe I can try to earn 2p from it. Or from writing. Don't mind which.

Taking a photography class here in Shanghai. Did the beginner/intermediate in the spring, the advanced one starts in a couple of weeks. You get a good teacher, there isn't much better you can spend your money on than study. You want to know the road ahead, ask those coming back. You want to learn something, take a class.

Still got some old dreams to go too. South America and Africa are two continents I've not been to yet. I like that word. Yet. And I want to fill in my Asia map. India and Nepal. In fact, I'm technically still on my way to Nepal, from Mansfield. I just got side-tracked four years ago.

Do you think about death?

Yes. Who doesn't?

I used to be of the opinion that there would be nothing for me after death. Like before I was born. I just didn't exist, so I will cease to when I die. I'm changing though. I'm not Christian. I don't reckon I'll go to 'heaven', whatever that might be. Or 'hell'. I'll get that in there before you do.

In fact, I used to have a theory about heaven and hell. I wondered if heaven and hell were nothing more than your final moments of life. Imagine. You're on you're deathbed, and you've done everything you wanted to do. You've made everyone happy. As you slip away, you're content. I couldn't ask for any more than that at the end of my life. So, heaven.

Now think of the opposite. Hell.

I've moved on from that opinion of there being nothing. Looking back (at what I'm writing here, as much as anything), I probably had that opinion when I was an engineer. Now, after (or because of?) spending years in Asia, I think there is something to be said about spirituality. And whilst there is something to be said, it doesn't mean it can be understood. I've no idea. I said before on a thread about religion (God rest N&CA's soul), I will go to a Buddhist temple and I'll feel lifted. Equally, I can sit in the park in the sunshine, eat a grapefruit and listen to Conor Oberst, and feel lifted. It's not chemicals in my brain. It's something more. And when I die, I'd like to find out what. And it might be that there's nothing there. But if I'm content when I set off, I'll be happy when I arrive.

That's why what I do, and what I plan to do, is more important to me than material stuff.

Do you care about the world and everyone in it?

The World? Yes. Everyone in it? Not everyone. Some people don't deserve my emotions. I fear for the planet, and future generations, in a physical sense. The environment. Resources. Over-population. Y'know, all the stuff hippies bang on about. Not really concerned about nuclear stuff though. I think a Water War is more likely. We're already going at it over oil. We need water more, and we won't always have it in such abundance as we do now.

I've read some interesting things about humanity, for the future. But not enough to go in depth here. Something about; think, why we place so much emphasis on having a job? Well, because it's the way of the world. Do a job, get paid, buy stuff. But does the world need to be like this? Are we, as a race, keeping ourselves down, holding ourselves back, with this belief that everyone should 'have a job'? A 'career'?

Maybe I make jeans. So someone else has to make denim. And someone zips. Someone else buttons. And we need roads to bring this stuff together. Build roads. And make lorrys. And maintain them. We need tyres. Make some. Someone clean the roads too. We need to light the roads. Burn coal, to power the streetlights. Hang on, we need miners to dig coal. They need hard-wearing clothes. Cool, give them some jeans.

We're just making jobs because we reckon people should have one. I'm not illustrating that very well. But the point is, it's the status quo so people accept it without question.

Unemployment is at an all time high? Crikey, we need to find these people jobs!

Or, we could find them something else to do. Give them a pencil and some paper. A paintbrush. A camera. A guitar. Tell them to be a philosopher. See what they come out with. Just let them create something. Give them education. The kind that expands the mind though, not the kind that teaches them how to be make more money. We've got enough rich people. It's thinkers we need. And certainly, by way of examples, don't create a role in the local council, or throw up another B&Q that we don't need, just to give them 'jobs'. How is that helping us develop as a species?

In the news today, a former police chief says we should legalise all drugs to win the war on them. My first thought was, 'that's crazy'. Why did I think that? Because it's all I've known. I also think US prohibition in the '30s was crazy. Where's the difference? Aside from the fact they are the complete opposite, there is no difference. Both the status quo, aren't they?

It's the same with buying a house. We do it because we're told we should... spend the best part of our adult life in debt. People have posted in here, they're happy because they have a house. I say, that's great. I'm glad you're happy. Whatever works for you. Houses (assuming the mortgage is met) are a surefire way to live comfortably in the system we have, and we accept this without thinking. My point is, is the system holding us back? 25 years of debt, as a norm? How is that good?

I don't worry so much about the world in my lifetime because I don't think the timescale is enough for big changes. But the future generations need a massive change. They need a spiritual revolution. We're not here to make zips for jeans. Do something worthwhile with this species, please.

I,m 34, losing my hair and girls don't look at me anymore. Is it over?

No, ONETWO, it isn't. Forget all that poontang that you wished you'd got and find new dreams. What are you interested in? Write a book. Open a cafe. Go to a country you've never been to before. And when you get back, go to another. Or if i makes you happy, just keep chasing the women. Why not? And get off 606v2. Not for our sakes, but for your own. You've probably got more than half your life left, so don't you dare spend it lamenting the passing of the first half. Learn from that, and make the second half better. Whatever that means to you. But don't find yourself laying on that deathbed of yours in 40-odd years regretting anything. At all. I'm not planning on doing so.

I'm the wrong side of thirty too. Or am I? Depends on how you see it. I'm more comfortable with and in myself thanat any time previously. I've got nothing material. About three months wages in my bank. But crucially for me, no debt. None at all. I don't know if I'm doing alright in life or not, financially speaking, but I know one thing. I've got no anchors. And that makes me happy.

I do wonder about how I'll survive when I'm older and can't work. I wonder, but I don't worry. If I can fulfill my dreams before then, I think I'll be alright. South America. Africa. India and Nepal. I might be an idealist, I might not be being realistic at all about my future, but I'm happy. I still believe something will happen to see me right, and I'll be doing my best to make that happening happen.

We'll see. Well, I will. You won't. But if I'm happy until the end, homeless but with no dreams left to realise, I reckon I'll be going to heaven.

edit: Reading that back, some of it is clearly me thinking out loud. Still glad I wrote it though.

Stunningly good post, Il Gia. Safe to say you have a far greater grasp of your own emotions than I ever will have. A thoroughly enjoyable read.

by Guest Mon 30 Sep 2013, 12:22 pm

Thanks Gia, I didn't become a father til I was 40 (thankfully I'm an incredible physical specimen and could pass for early 20's...in low lighting...surrounded by people who are blind...and facing the other way...whilst being asleep) and for a while I thought it wasn't going to happen. Always knew that if/when I did, I would want to do it right and have children with a woman I would be staying with. Didn't want my children being passed to and fro and whilst there's nothing inherently wrong with it, it just wasn't for me.

I'm fortunate that my wife is a brilliant mum and has the patience of a saint (being married to me tests that on an hourly basis though) so our daughter couldn't really ask for much more (although I'm sure she will in years to come) and when the new baby arrives I know I couldn't wish for a better person to care for him/her.

It looks like you've packed more into your lifetime that I could be bothered doing in a dozen and so it seems strange you still feel unfulfilled. I used to want to travel but my dad got ill when I was only 19 and disappearing for a couple of years wasn't an option. Got sucked into the cycle of wake, eat, work, eat, home, eat, bed, repeat and never got out of it. Things change for better and worse as we go on but as the boxing fraternity would probably say, we'll keep rolling with the punches.

All in all, I'm a happy man (don't be misled by the bad tempered fool who posts on here)

Keep smiling folks (people will wonder what you're up to)

by Lumbering_Jack Mon 30 Sep 2013, 12:24 pm

It's all getting very emotional on here isn't it...

One thing I do regret is the relationship I have with my mother. We never seen eye to eye and I moved out at a young age because I couldn't tolerate being around her. She makes an effort with me now but I just can't let go of the way we used to be, which is a shame because I'd like to.

by Mind the windows Tino. Mon 30 Sep 2013, 12:56 pm

Il Gialloblu wrote:Thanks for the kind words, Tino. I was genuinely very interested to read your story too.

There was a time in my life, between my first bout of travelling and this one, where I was with a girl who I would have married, had kids with and never travelled again, if she wanted to. Unfortunately, she had other ideas! But I'm deadly serious. At the time, I was ready to be a dad. And everything that entails. The anchors.

Now, when I think about my many possible futures, and there are loads, kids never enter the equation. People might ask me about it, and I might say 'maybe', but I think it's telling that they are never there in my private thoughts. I've never recaptured that feeling I had with her, even though I've had a missus here for some time.

The things you describe about your kids, about the joy you feel through them, I might never know. I think it's a shame. I think to die without knowing that feeling, I would be missing out. 100%. Of course I would be. We choose our paths though, and we can't combine your lifestyle with mine. It's one or the other.

Not being a father myself, I have to think about my own to have even the slightest idea of how it may be. And even then, I'm not even close. But when I look back on things I did and said to him when I was a kid, then see my nephews doing similar to my brother and I see him reacting with the kindness and interest that my dad did, after a long, hard day at work, it's an eye opener. To how much goes unappreciated when you're young.

My parents were actually out here last month, for two weeks. Hadn't seen them for two years. I'd say that fortnight was the best holiday I've ever had.

I think I'm rambling now.

DAVE, and Lumbering Jack:

Heartiest congratulations to the both of you. Hope everything goes swimmingly and I wish you all the very best for the future.

Thanks Gia. You're right about not being able to combine our two, very different, lifestyles but I hope, if you don't have kids, you don't feel too much regret. For me, they have made me who I am as a human and I judge everything I do in life against what it means to them, but I know plenty of people who have led childless lives and don't feel an ounce of regret, at least not publicly. It really is a deeply personal thing and whichever path anyone chooses, regrets are ultimately futile at the end of our journey. I think trying to be the best person you can is all we should aim for.

One edit I should have made in my first post though. If that is the standard of writing you can produce when you put your heart and soul into it, then I think you could make money from it, and more than just 1p. I wish I had the ability to write stuff like that.

by westisbest Mon 30 Sep 2013, 12:58 pm

DAVE667 wrote:
Lumbering_Jack wrote:Kind of hope mine is a boy. Obviously fit and healthy first...
As the old saying goes, if your child is a lad you only have to worry about one dick, if your child is a girl you worry about every dick in the world...
Used to think like that myself but as soon as you see them, it all goes right out the window and you love them regardless.

I'm an incredibly selfish person on the whole but my children can have my very last breath (dunno what they'd do with it but I'll be dead by them)

I'm not to bothered what our is, boy/girls does'nt matter, the i hope the birth goes well and that mother and baby are fine is much more important.

I have 2 nieces, have loved looking after them when needed.

So am looking forward to the life change.

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