What Really Annoys You About Realism in Films?

There are certain things in films that really annoy me; mostly in action flicks, but also things which can change the laws of physics etc.

1. Hiding behind an upturned table/furniture to shield oneself from gunfire. Unless your furniture has been coated with thick kevlar, you're getting drilled behind your makeshift shelter by bits of lead passing through said table like it was butter. The same goes for hiding behind cars/car doors.

2. US backed films that don't think about how long it takes to get across our tiny little country. e.g Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves. "Tonight we shall dine with my father in Nottingham". Ok Kevin. You have just landed at Dover, or at least nearby. It's a 200 mile journey. Even taking into account breaks you'd be looking at a minimum of about 50 hours. You're WALKING!! Remember the lack of roads in the Middle Ages too. And even with a horse, it would get knackered very quickly, and probably still take about 18 hours. Work it out people - do your research!!

3. Blokes being able to knock out another guy cold with one punch. Professional boxers struggle to do this to one another in the ring and they are highly trained how to punch. I just don''t believe it.

4. Cars with manual gearboxes. Need to go faster than flat out in top gear? No problem, change down. It'll make you accelerate. Really? Try it. See what happens. And no I won't pay for your gearbox/engine rebuild as your pistons shoot from your bonnet as they hit 9000rpm... Also let's not forget the 8-speed manual box at the start of The Fast & The Furious. Or the world's longest runway in Fast & Furious 6.

I know films are escapism, but I do like a little bit of realism too   

Hot Fuzz makes no sense geographically as the people go round the place during the film   

Being from the place its filmed one moment you're on one side on the city next second your at the other.

Cheap plot twists like in the Sixth Sense or Shutter Island that either assume that the characters don't experience their own lives or surroundings and see them through the eyes of the viewer or, leading up to the twist and edge-of-the-seat explanation, consist of some non-existent alternate reality (occasionally containing an unsubtle hint that supposedly justifies the explanation) that convinces the less astute viewer that they've experienced a cathartic epiphany.

Shutter Island really pi55ed me off. Still don't know what went on...

seanmichaels wrote:Shutter Island really pi55ed me off. Still don't know what went on...

It's not exactly cracking the Enigma Code Sean, try watching it sober.

seanmichaels wrote:Shutter Island really pi55ed me off. Still don't know what went on...

Nothing.  Just a smug f*****g con.

"You thought this happened because that's what we showed you but actually it didn't because one of the characters is mental so the great unravelling that the film set itself up for that seemed impossible is actually impossible, aren't we clever?"

Rowley wrote:

seanmichaels wrote:Shutter Island really pi55ed me off. Still don't know what went on...

It's not exactly cracking the Enigma Code Sean, try watching it sober.

  

Afraid it's another one of yours I'll be nicking. Will replace the "Sean" bit with any of a number of names.

Mr Bounce wrote:
3. Blokes being able to knock out another guy cold with one punch. Professional boxers struggle to do this to one another in the ring and they are highly trained how to punch. I just don''t believe it.

That one annoys me, really used to annoy me as a Bond fan in the later Roger Moore films when you were expected to believe a 50 odd year old bloke with liver spots could do some half arsed karate chop and take out a brick out house bloke half his age.

Galted wrote:

seanmichaels wrote:Shutter Island really pi55ed me off. Still don't know what went on...

Nothing.  Just a smug f*****g con.

"You thought this happened because that's what we showed you but actually it didn't because one of the characters is mental so the great unravelling that the film set itself up for that seemed impossible is actually impossible, aren't we clever?"

A bit like Dallas when Bobby Ewing came back then?

I find it impossible to watch sci-fi with my old man which is a shame as we both like that genre.

He sits there shouting stuff like, "rivets, that space ship has got rivets!. It can fly into deep space but they haven't moved beyond rivets?".

I can see his point but its science fiction. FICTION you senile old t*sser.

I remember watching Terminator 2 with a mate of mine and there is a bit where a truck leaps off a bridge and lands in a position to continue the pursuit of Arnie and the kid. My mate got really wound up as he said the truck would have tipped up, due to the weight of the engine.

In Terminator 2, it is that part that stretches credibility too far for you?

Rowley wrote:In Terminator 2, it is that part that stretches credibility too far for you?

No. It is the fact that Edward Furlong (John) would be friends with a ginger bloke. Not only ginger, but ginger with a flat top and mullet. Would never happen.

Rowley wrote:

seanmichaels wrote:Shutter Island really pi55ed me off. Still don't know what went on...

It's not exactly cracking the Enigma Code Sean, try watching it sober.

Or for a change, read the f*****g book before watching it...then again perhaps don't as the book p!sses all over the film and makes watching it a disappointing experience on a number of levels. DiCaprio being the main one for me.

Car chases where someone mounts the pavement and doesn't plough in to a dozen people killing or maiming most of them.

Saw a film where this woman is being chased by a runaway threshing machine. She screaming and stumbling and running for her life and she keeping looking behind her as she's running but me personally, I'd have taken three steps to the side and calmly watch it pass me by whilst thinking, "I wonder who is going to clean this mess up? Anyway, I'm off for a pint!"

Blokes who get kicked in the nuts and then get up and continue fighting or chasing whoever just kicked them. I think you'll find that a kick in the nads will have you curled in a ball thinking, "I don't give a sh!t if a building collapses or there's a threshing machine coming...I just want to lie her for about six weeks and wait for the pain to go away."

DAVE667 wrote:
Blokes who get kicked in the nuts and then get up and continue fighting or chasing whoever just kicked them. I think you'll find that a kick in the nads will have you curled in a ball thinking, "I don't give a sh!t if a building collapses or there's a threshing machine coming...I just want to lie her for about six weeks and wait for the pain to go away."

It's the same when people get shot in the guts and have a life and death struggle for a few minutes then they're ok to continue running away from/turning the tables on their tormentor.  Sometimes they remove the bullet in a motel and stitch themselves up (having previously robbed a pharmacy) which makes it far more realistic.

People getting punched in the face who later in the film have nothing more than a slight reddening of the cheek as opposed to having lips that look like they've been inflated with a bicycle pump or a face that looks like they're trying to eat fifty seven gobstoppers at the same time.

Laptops, phones and computers that switch on a fire up within seconds as opposed to taking an age without the message "This page is not loading due to a long running script" appearing every five minutes.

Or someone goes online without having to endure ads asking if they want to meet mature females in the Salford area who are looking for sex right NOW!

DAVE667 wrote:
Or someone goes online without having to endure ads asking if they want to meet mature females in the Salford area who are looking for sex right NOW!

Stop visiting websites that would seem to suggest you might be interested in meeting mature ladies for sex, or switch to private browsing

1GrumpyGolfer wrote:

DAVE667 wrote:
Or someone goes online without having to endure ads asking if they want to meet mature females in the Salford area who are looking for sex right NOW!

Stop visiting websites that would seem to suggest you might be interested in meeting mature ladies for sex, or switch to private browsing

Er..I'm talking about film characters THANK YOU VERY MUCH

DAVE667 wrote:

1GrumpyGolfer wrote:

DAVE667 wrote:
Or someone goes online without having to endure ads asking if they want to meet mature females in the Salford area who are looking for sex right NOW!

Stop visiting websites that would seem to suggest you might be interested in meeting mature ladies for sex, or switch to private browsing

Er..I'm talking about film characters THANK YOU VERY MUCH

Hmm, seemed too much realism in that post

1GrumpyGolfer wrote:

DAVE667 wrote:

1GrumpyGolfer wrote:

DAVE667 wrote:
Or someone goes online without having to endure ads asking if they want to meet mature females in the Salford area who are looking for sex right NOW!

Stop visiting websites that would seem to suggest you might be interested in meeting mature ladies for sex, or switch to private browsing

Er..I'm talking about film characters THANK YOU VERY MUCH

Hmm, seemed too much realism in that post

It's a gift I have although I'm sure the film character will be taking heed of the private browsing option. I'm sure he doesn't really care too much about these ads as he's not interested in taking anyone up on the offer but it's probably just annoying for him to search torrent sites for movies and music and see this nonsense

DAVE667 wrote:

1GrumpyGolfer wrote:

DAVE667 wrote:

1GrumpyGolfer wrote:

DAVE667 wrote:
Or someone goes online without having to endure ads asking if they want to meet mature females in the Salford area who are looking for sex right NOW!

Stop visiting websites that would seem to suggest you might be interested in meeting mature ladies for sex, or switch to private browsing

Er..I'm talking about film characters THANK YOU VERY MUCH

Hmm, seemed too much realism in that post

It's a gift I have although I'm sure the film character will be taking heed of the private browsing option. I'm sure he doesn't really care too much about these ads as he's not interested in taking anyone up on the offer but it's probably just annoying for him to search torrent sites for movies and music and see this nonsense

This is a first, a serial killer being stalked. Good basis for a film.

Galted wrote:

DAVE667 wrote:

1GrumpyGolfer wrote:

DAVE667 wrote:

1GrumpyGolfer wrote:

DAVE667 wrote:
Or someone goes online without having to endure ads asking if they want to meet mature females in the Salford area who are looking for sex right NOW!

Stop visiting websites that would seem to suggest you might be interested in meeting mature ladies for sex, or switch to private browsing

Er..I'm talking about film characters THANK YOU VERY MUCH

Hmm, seemed too much realism in that post

It's a gift I have although I'm sure the film character will be taking heed of the private browsing option. I'm sure he doesn't really care too much about these ads as he's not interested in taking anyone up on the offer but it's probably just annoying for him to search torrent sites for movies and music and see this nonsense

This is a first, a serial killer being stalked.  Good basis for a film.

Already been done...it's called Julia X...don't bother...it's sh!t

DAVE667 wrote:

Galted wrote:

DAVE667 wrote:

1GrumpyGolfer wrote:

DAVE667 wrote:

1GrumpyGolfer wrote:

DAVE667 wrote:
Or someone goes online without having to endure ads asking if they want to meet mature females in the Salford area who are looking for sex right NOW!

Stop visiting websites that would seem to suggest you might be interested in meeting mature ladies for sex, or switch to private browsing

Er..I'm talking about film characters THANK YOU VERY MUCH

Hmm, seemed too much realism in that post

It's a gift I have although I'm sure the film character will be taking heed of the private browsing option. I'm sure he doesn't really care too much about these ads as he's not interested in taking anyone up on the offer but it's probably just annoying for him to search torrent sites for movies and music and see this nonsense

This is a first, a serial killer being stalked.  Good basis for a film.

Already been done...it's called Julia X...don't bother...it's sh!t

Cheers. For a brief moment I sensed a career that didn't involve being an underpaid, moaning f***wit. Best go and have a cup of tea.

Galted wrote:

DAVE667 wrote:

Galted wrote:

DAVE667 wrote:

1GrumpyGolfer wrote:

DAVE667 wrote:

1GrumpyGolfer wrote:

DAVE667 wrote:
Or someone goes online without having to endure ads asking if they want to meet mature females in the Salford area who are looking for sex right NOW!

Stop visiting websites that would seem to suggest you might be interested in meeting mature ladies for sex, or switch to private browsing

Er..I'm talking about film characters THANK YOU VERY MUCH

Hmm, seemed too much realism in that post

It's a gift I have although I'm sure the film character will be taking heed of the private browsing option. I'm sure he doesn't really care too much about these ads as he's not interested in taking anyone up on the offer but it's probably just annoying for him to search torrent sites for movies and music and see this nonsense

This is a first, a serial killer being stalked.  Good basis for a film.

Already been done...it's called Julia X...don't bother...it's sh!t

Cheers.  For a brief moment I sensed a career that didn't involve being an underpaid, moaning f***wit.  Best go and have a cup of tea.

I already have a career that consists of being an underpaid moaning f*ckwit but with the added bonus of being a teaboy into the bargain

Most films always feeling the need for a love story.

Stella wrote:Most films always feeling the need for a love story.

Can't remember the director but he stated that a beautiful female lead who gets naked is essential for any great film (probably Michael Winner...don't agree though...Predator didn't need one). Hollywood generally like to have a heterosexual love interest to cater for "the majority" when I feel they'd be better served randomly blowing stuff up and having brilliant fight scenes...and a dog that does funny/cute things.

A naked female wouldn't have made Predator any worse though. Always best to include one just to be sure.

Commando had one, didn't it? Arnie didn't really need the help of some bird in a sports car.

Stella wrote:Commando had one, didn't it? Arnie didn't really need the help of some bird in a sports car.

Commando, possibly even better that Predator due to the big breasted woman who feels the need to jump up when Arnie and Bill Duke come crashing through the door.

When it comes to realism, Commando beats all. Arnie leaping from planes, holding Solly by one leg, ripping elevators from their moorings, pushing over a Porsche that was smashed to bits only for it to be perfect when it drives off and on and on it goes.

The plane jump landing in the swamp was funny, even for a low(ish) budget 80's Arnie film.

Made even better by the fact that no-one feels compelled to say to Arnie "What's that horrible brackish smell and why are your pockets full of frogspawn?"

DAVE667 wrote:Made even better by the fact that no-one feels compelled to say to Arnie "What's that horrible brackish smell and why are your pockets full of frogspawn?"

Reminds me of another film displaying a lack of realism, if Andy Dufresne crawled to freedom through five hundred yards of sh1t smelling foulness Red can't even imagine and had only a small bar of soap with which to clean himself, how come the people in the bank weren't gagging when he went in to withdraw all the cash?

Galted wrote:

DAVE667 wrote:Made even better by the fact that no-one feels compelled to say to Arnie "What's that horrible brackish smell and why are your pockets full of frogspawn?"

Reminds me of another film displaying a lack of realism, if Andy Dufresne crawled to freedom through five hundred yards of sh1t smelling foulness Red can't even imagine and had only a small bar of soap with which to clean himself, how come the people in the bank weren't gagging when he went in to withdraw all the cash?

Different times Galted, people had more respect back then. I appreciate Andy was repeated desecrated by Boggs in prison but generally prisoners approached a victim and said "What's up guy, fancy a smoke. Gee, what about dem Yankees huh? If everything's copacetic with you, me and my buddies here would like to cornhole ya!" They just made it seem bad on film for dramatic purposes.

What was the point in soap when he was washing himself in a giant puddle which had a sewage outlet pouring into it?

One thing people do in films is when four or five mate are walking down the street they all walk next to each other in a line. People in the real world never do this, it is borderline sociopathic to do so.

Rowley wrote:One thing people do in films is when four or five mate are walking down the street they all walk next to each other in a line. People in the real world never do this, it is borderline sociopathic to do so.

Very good. One would always be catching up after avoiding the lamposts / litter bins.

seanmichaels wrote:

Rowley wrote:One thing people do in films is when four or five mate are walking down the street they all walk next to each other in a line. People in the real world never do this, it is borderline sociopathic to do so.

Very good. One would always be catching up after avoiding the lamposts / litter bins.

When I go out with three or four mates we walk in a line in single file, Wingrove at the front and wee Cliffie at the back, a few hundred yards behind.

superflyweight wrote:What was the point in soap when he was washing himself in a giant puddle which had a sewage outlet pouring into it?  

Maybe he walked a bit further and found a stream and cleaned himself properly. Just because it isn't mentioned doesn't mean it never happened. Same as Jesus having a wee.

Galted wrote:
When I go out with three or four mates

If you must lie at least try to make it credible.

Rowley wrote:

Galted wrote:
When I go out with three or four mates

If you must lie at least try to make it credible.

Was sort of credible, there's me, Wingrove, Doug, wee Cliffie and Wingrove's imaginary friend, Bertram, who we have to pretend to see and acknowledge. Sometimes Doug doesn't come out if he hasn't done his chores.

Rowley wrote:

Galted wrote:
When I go out with three or four mates

If you must lie at least try to make it credible.

He's referring to the brand of condoms he keeps in his wallet on the off-chance he encounters that strange breed of women who are aroused by waterproof but breathable outdoorwear

The karate/kung-fu/ martial arts style fighting has gone too far now. Statham's charcaters, Bourne etc are just to unrealisticly quick.

Families coming down to breakfast to be confronted by toast, cereal and or a full cooked breakfast with pastries and freshly squeezed juice/coffee and they STILL have time to catch the bus to school or get to work on time.

RUBBISH!

American family comedies where the family usually have a massive or at least big house. Actually watched honey I shrunk the kids last night, and their house was just pretty big.

The Kids thought it was massive though

DAVE667 wrote:The Kids thought it was massive though

Very good   

I've seen a guy get knocked out with one punch... although he apparently fell on a rock or a brick or something, which accounted for the coma. Poor kid... he wasn't very pretty to begin with...

My main pet peeve is when a character arrives in an African village thats never seen him and is welcomed as a hero or something. The reality is you're very likely to get pelted with rocks in a poor area, or get sprayed up like AK was cologne in very poor areas.

kingraf wrote:I've seen a guy get knocked out with one punch... although he apparently fell on a rock or a brick or something, which accounted for the coma. Poor kid... he wasn't very pretty to begin with...

My main pet peeve is when a character arrives in Bradford thats never seen him and is welcomed as a hero or something. The reality is you're very likely to get pelted with rocks in a poor area, or get sprayed up like AK was cologne in very poor areas.

Fixed that for ya

thank you Dave, it did look rather off.

kingraf wrote:
My main pet peeve is when a character arrives in an African village thats never seen him and is welcomed as a hero or something. The reality is you're very likely to get pelted with rocks in a poor area, or get sprayed up like AK was cologne in very poor areas.

And he never seems to get there by a minibus taxi that's falling apart, it's always on a train or landrover with sweeping views over grassland that doesn't end with herds of antelope, buffalo, zebra and friendly elephants f*****g about here and there with some generic African song/music with little relevance to the area in question playing.

funny you bring up the generic African music, Galted. I was with a mate not to long ago, and he played Paul Simon's "Diamonds on the Souls of her shoes" in his car... The guy, being of Bulgarian descent doesn't actually understand the Zulu intro to the song, but in what I assume was an attempt to impress me, he starts waxing lyrical about how poignant and spiritual the lyrics are. Great for him, only problem is the lyrics roughly translate as "Damn, we about to see how it's done, the girls are coming today"...

Same with the Lion King - that poignant start in Zulu is essentially translates to animal roll call... "there's the Lion, (choir in the background repeats), and now there's a leopard"...

Guess my biggest two movie gripes are
1) Generic African music that isn't even geographically correct - I.e the Lion King, being in Zulu, despite being set somewhere in East Africa...

2) Generic African tunes which don't even mean anything!