Biggest golfing cliches

These are usually uttered by coffin dodgers and duffers but what rubbish cliches or pointless proclamations do you hate to hear?
Here are mine:


"One" when a ball falls off the tee.

"I don't go that far on my holidays" When someone hits a long drive.

"That'll come down with snow on it" Response to a high shot.

"We've got it surrounded" when a few shots hit the green.

"Well out" when someone simply gets the ball out of a bunker, but is nothing more spectacular than that.

AMF: When a ball goes wide right or wide left. (Use your imagination or ask Davie.)

Choobs shouting 'in da hole' especially on a par 4 tee shot

Agreed, those types should be executed.

"it just 'had' to go in" [but it didn't]

kwinigolfer wrote:AMF: When a ball goes wide right or wide left. (Use your imagination or ask Davie.)

If anyone asks me, who should I ask?

Davie wrote:

kwinigolfer wrote:AMF: When a ball goes wide right or wide left. (Use your imagination or ask Davie.)

If anyone asks me, who should I ask?

That's the best laugh on here so far today

"great strike"

"nice roll"

"good feel"

"nice touch"

"Does your husband play too" (when a putt is left woefully short)

Davie wrote:"Does your husband play too" (when a putt is left woefully short)

I prefer something different when a putt is left that far short.

Something along the lines of 'Your tampax fell out back there'

There are moments when, just very occasionally, I wish gaelgowfer had followed us here

Davie

I mailed everyone on the old 606 contact list to let them know about this place. Lots of them haven't been seen for quite a while, like Shabino.

Hopefully we'll see some of them sign up.

"Unlucky", when your playing partner chunks one 4 yards, while in your head you're actually screaming with laughter.

Worst of all is when someone hits a shot that is SOO bad, nobody says anything at all.

Zip

Silence

Don't know where to look



Bloody funny though

"These greens are slow" when you leave your 8th consecutive putt short of the hole.

I'm very familiar with this one.

After a poor bunker shot.......

"There's not enough sand in this bunker" (or too much sand)

Only thinking of those by me about me!

"s..t"
"you plank"
"clown"

and just once
"easy game"

drive4show wrote:Worst of all is when someone hits a shot that is SOO bad, nobody says anything at all.

Zip

Silence

Don't know where to look



Bloody funny though

If it's a duffed shot I usually find a loud shout of "Forrrrrrre!" or "Get up!" helps

Bite! - particularly on a fierce putt!!

On a fast swing ... "I wasn't that quick on my wedding night"

"be the club"

Shotrock - "slowed that one to a blur!"

"how did it turn that way?"
"it turned uphill!"

JPX wrote:If it's a duffed shot I usually find a loud shout of "Forrrrrrre!" or "Get up!" helps

Ha, my mate does this. He's usually a great driver of the ball but sometimes he goes a bit hard at it and the result is usually a big block right. His response is to always (in a joking way) confidently pull the tee from the ground and declare "perfect, that's exactly the line in i was looking for". Just recently, to play along with the joke, with a straight face and a slight nod the rest of us will say "cracking shot" or "that's unerring accuracy mate, brilliant".

Good banter.

"The three worst words in golf" (except for amf of course).

"Up and down from the ballwasher"

Kwini - worst words are an opponent saying "I get 2 shots on this hole!"

I'm still confused what AMF means!

"A" is for Adios

I'm hoping MF isn't what it usually stands for!

Davie wrote:I'm hoping MF isn't what it usually stands for!

Michael Fish?

MF is for whatever you want it to be Davie!
Maurice Flitcroft perhaps? Nah!

Yes Maurice! Ahhh bless him. Happy memories whenever I see that name...

"Never up,Never in" when a putt comes up short.

"Taxi!" When a putt races past the hole.

"Too high to qualify" When a drive is skyed.

Is it Mother Father?

After a duffed tee shot - "Bad lie?"

Things people always seem to say to me;

"How did that stay up?"
"That's about the 5th time you've lipped out today"
And last but by no means least;

"Oooh, how unlucky was that?!"

Surely it's "my friend"?

1. These holes are crowned! (when someone cant hole a putt in reality they can't putt)
2.RAZZ! (Maybe this is local to but when you get some fool shouting RAZZ at their ball mid flight in hope that will make it spin)
3.You Da Man (Anyone shouting this should have their tongue cut out with a plastic knife)
4. Be the Ball (Only Ty webb can get away with this one)
5. I Whiffed it! (when they hit a bad shot! I am known to say upon hearing this one, is that part of your pre-shot routine getting down and sniffing it before pplaying the shot)

I should like to point out that I shouted

'Hit the rake!' at a shot played by Oldshanker last night. It did. And it held onto the back edge of the green after having done so.

Bar Steward green staff are always cutting the holes on top of a saucer.

Sit, sit, sit!!! does my head in listening to players shouting at over clubbed balls or fast putts.

Australian areshole, I'm sick of bommeranging out of the cup.

Why can't these prats keep these branches in check, because I havn't hit a fairway all day

Who put that rake there ffs

My most used phrase is about myself and goes anlong the lines of.

"You useless Flip prick"

Another one I hate. I pured that!!!

Or the other one when i race a putt past...

"that was a bit bold"

"After a duffed tee shot - "Bad lie?""

Is brilliant! Cliche or not, i'm using it!!

S_R - last time i played i took 3 attempts to get out of a nasty bunker and the 3rd was left purching precariously on the lip, after which my playing partner said 'well out'.
I remember thinking "really? was it really well out???!!"

"You gave that some pasty" A west country term for a well hit drive.

I really really hate it when someone says:

"You boomed that drive"

Thats a Worm Burner (When someone thins one low)

this next will offend Mac and his sensitive guardianister ears as it has a bad word!!!!

That was an Angel Raper (when some one skys one)

Mave. The term Angel Raper is wrong.

In future please refer to it as follows:

An angel just got some surprise sex.

LondonJonnyO wrote:Mave. The term Angel Raper is wrong.

In future please refer to it as follows:

An angel just got some surprise sex.

What if you shout surprise first then they have sufficient warning and cannot constitute the R word!

I'm surprised the profanity filter didn't change it to "Angel Cuddler"