Biggest golfing cliches

First topic message reminder :

These are usually uttered by coffin dodgers and duffers but what rubbish cliches or pointless proclamations do you hate to hear?
Here are mine:


"One" when a ball falls off the tee.

"I don't go that far on my holidays" When someone hits a long drive.

"That'll come down with snow on it" Response to a high shot.

"We've got it surrounded" when a few shots hit the green.

"Well out" when someone simply gets the ball out of a bunker, but is nothing more spectacular than that.

[quote="MustPuttBetter"]"After a duffed tee shot - "Bad lie?""

Is brilliant! Cliche or not, i'm using it!!

That reminds me; not so much of a cliché but I do like the one referring to the old hacker having missed the ball completely off the first tee (Air Shot) stating that "It's a tough course this one"

Maverick wrote:

LondonJonnyO wrote:Mave. The term Angel Raper is wrong.

In future please refer to it as follows:

An angel just got some surprise sex.

What if you shout surprise first then they have sufficient warning and cannot constitute the R word!

According to a friend of mine this is considered the 'fair warning' defence. Of course he's nicknamed the sexual terrorist and also molesto. I think you can see why.

'That was pure Zola' - ugly as Flip but runs like hell

When you hit the trees - people start singing the 'Woody Woodpecker' theme-tune. When hitting a fast down-hiller 10 feet past the hole 'that's running like a 2-year old's nose' or 'rolling, rolling rolling, RAWHIDE'. When you balloon a drive 'Wha hoo - got yer pitching wood out again'. When you hit one oob 'duh duh duh, another one bites the dust and another ones gone and another ones gone, another one bites the dust'

Kate Tumbles Bluetits are looking perky tonight.

"Well at least its a fairway lie" (when you spray it sooo wide it's on the next fairway or it's topped and goes 100 yards but straight).

"I'm a gynacologists assistant" After the umpteenth lip out (shaving holes all day)

"Clever lay up" when you duff a tee shot on a par 3


"do you want a lighter?" when somebody is still in a bunker after 4 failed attempts to get out

Just incase some of the younger posters don't get the "do you want a lighter?" after several failed bunker shots.....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=81VUHm6JEj4&feature=related

LondonJonnyO wrote:

Maverick wrote:

LondonJonnyO wrote:Mave. The term Angel Raper is wrong.

In future please refer to it as follows:

An angel just got some surprise sex.

What if you shout surprise first then they have sufficient warning and cannot constitute the R word!

According to a friend of mine this is considered the 'fair warning' defence. Of course he's nicknamed the sexual terrorist and also molesto. I think you can see why.

Sounds like we have a friend or should I say fiend with the same 2 nicknames! Wouldn't happen to be a fireman would he that'd be to strange a coincidence, mine also has another defence he uses but thats too much fr these boards

Maverick wrote:Another one I hate. I pured that!!!

Oh yes. Definitely.

"I striped that one" is another I'm not keen on; particularly when they don't know what they're talking about!

"Take a chair!" (i.e. sit down) when a pitch is going way long?


One I quite like at the moment is the "sister-in-law" (i.e. you're up there but you know you shouldn't be). Sad, I know.

Rodney King - Overclubbed

Maverick wrote:

LondonJonnyO wrote:

Maverick wrote:

LondonJonnyO wrote:Mave. The term Angel Raper is wrong.

In future please refer to it as follows:

An angel just got some surprise sex.

What if you shout surprise first then they have sufficient warning and cannot constitute the R word!

According to a friend of mine this is considered the 'fair warning' defence. Of course he's nicknamed the sexual terrorist and also molesto. I think you can see why.

Sounds like we have a friend or should I say fiend with the same 2 nicknames! Wouldn't happen to be a fireman would he that'd be to strange a coincidence, mine also has another defence he uses but thats too much fr these boards

No. He's an asian painter who lived in Ipswich for a while. Considering his previous haunts and his stated molesto like tendancies he was nicknamed Shak the Ripper for a while as well.

Dead Sheep - When someone putts and doesn't lose the honour (Still ewe)

Dennis Wise - a nasty 5 footer

Kim Jong-Il - a very nasty 5 footer

People who say never up never in wind me up after they've bashed it 15 feet past. If it's going that fast at the hole it wasn't going in anyway.

Anyone who says "You should be at home doing the washing up/housework/cooking" to me is liable to get a 3 iron round their head!

What about 'overs and unders' LP