Glasgow and Edinburgh: Ongoing Banter Thread X-rated

[funnyExiledScot]

First topic message reminder :

Previously by the same artist:

https://www.606v2.com/t48240-glasgow-and-edinburgh-ongoing-banter-thread
https://www.606v2.com/t51313-glasgow-and-edinburgh-ongoing-banter-thread-ii
https://www.606v2.com/t53119-glasgow-and-edinburgh-ongoing-banter-thread-iii
https://www.606v2.com/t54519-glasgow-and-edinburgh-ongoing-banter-thread-iv
https://www.606v2.com/t55409-glasgow-and-edinburgh-ongoing-banter-thread-v-the-fun-continues
https://www.606v2.com/t56913p950-glasgow-and-edinburgh-ongoing-banter-thread-vi-banter-boogaloo
https://www.606v2.com/t57946-glasgow-and-edinburgh-ongoing-banter-thread-vii
https://www.606v2.com/t58659-glasgow-and-edinburgh-ongoing-banter-thread-viii
https://www.606v2.com/t59409p1000-glasgow-and-edinburgh-ongoing-banter-thread-ix

Edinburgh

1872 Champions

Glasgow

1872 Runners-up

[funnyExiledScot]

Let's all not forget that Edinburgh had first pick of Maitland but turned him down because we had Lee Jones.

Thanks for bringing that up. I'd like to know who made that decision and meet him off the bus.

[RDW]

Let's all not forget that Edinburgh had first pick of Maitland but turned him down because we had Lee Jones.

Thanks for bringing that up. I'd like to know who made that decision and meet him off the bus.

"This is how much I know about rugby"

[George Carlin]

The thing is Maitland looked poor on the wing with Glasgow (in comparison with DTH and Seymour of course) and the few times he backed up his super rugby pedigree is when he played 15. With Hogg already on the books, a move was on the cards and i totally agree Edinburgh would have been a great choice but we have to be aware he was considerably more expensive than someone like Helu.

Maitland was pretty clear that he wanted to play 15 as he prefers it there and Irish offered that.

In my view, whilst his relatively modest try scoring late has been satirised and beaten to death on these boards, he is a superb link man and makes very few mistakes. That's actually what he did at the Crusaders too - I would venture that SH rugby with its bonkers high scorelines and more broken field play lends itself to longer highlight reels - and I still really rate him. He is just wasted at Irish who seem to be circling the drain at the moment.

[RDW]

The thing is Maitland looked poor on the wing with Glasgow (in comparison with DTH and Seymour of course) and the few times he backed up his super rugby pedigree is when he played 15. With Hogg already on the books, a move was on the cards and i totally agree Edinburgh would have been a great choice but we have to be aware he was considerably more expensive than someone like Helu.

Maitland was pretty clear that he wanted to play 15 as he prefers it there and Irish offered that.

In my view, whilst his relatively modest try scoring late has been satirised and beaten to death on these boards, he is a superb link man and makes very few mistakes. That's actually what he did at the Crusaders too - I would venture that SH rugby with its bonkers high scorelines and more broken field play lends itself to longer highlight reels - and I still really rate him. He is just wasted at Irish who seem to be circling the drain at the moment.

I would disagree with your assessment of what he did in SR - if you look at his highlights reels it is entirely made up of him running in tries. I know that's becuase highlight reels like to show that, but I'd say he was far more known for his finishing ability than his 'link play'.

I've said it before but he bulked up a lot when he came over here - he was quite a whippet in New Zealand and was fast as hell as a result. His bulk seems to affected his top end pace (i.e. against Australia).

I still think he's a very good player and will be in the mix, but he really needs to find his mojo soon or I suspect he'll end up just another average winger for us.

[jimbopip]

I seem to remember sitting on the terrace enjoying a single malt with Schiz at the end of a long day when the conversation turned to, "who is the most important import Glasgow have signed?".

The Schizoid one was swithering between Mad Mad Mata (mercurial talent) and Bluto (human battering ram allied to a keen rugby mind).

My own preference was NoMaits. Not because of his try scoring, lightning pace or steadfastness under the high ball. Rather I felt it was the impact he had on the players around him. NoMaits is "streetwise" in the way that all Kiwi pros are. He knows all the best ways to cheat/play to the ref/ play the percentages. Also, like most Kiwis losing is not an option. He had a massive impact on how the backs defended and also on how they took responsibility for attacking from wherever an opportunity arose. It's interesting that when we discuss players on these boards we tend to stick with the forwards/backs split, i.e. a good back is judged on his try scoring rate and a forward on how many psychotic assaults he perpetrates per game. The logical extention to this is an attack coach working exclusively with the backs and a defence coach exclusively with the forwards. In the best teams everyone defends and everyone attacks. In defence Maitland is as cynical and ruthless as the Sainted Richie (McCaw not Vernon) and in attack he is as brave, in terms of backing his talent, as Campese was.

if we just judge him on his try scoring record I think we really miss the point.

[21st Century Schizoid Man]

Maitland is a very astute rugby player who, as noted above, rarely makes defensive mistakes. A typical 'Kiwi' rugby player who was coached well in his younger years - see also John Hardie for another example. He will come good for LI but it looks like it will be too late to save them. His y/c v Australia still makes my blood boil. if he plays in Dublin, and on the wing, he could maybe engineer a 'nasty accident' for the line judge - Mr Run For Your Life Joubert.

[RuggerRadge2611]

I seem to remember sitting on the terrace enjoying a single malt with Schiz at the end of a long day when the conversation turned to, "who is the most important import Glasgow have signed?".

The Schizoid one was swithering between Mad Mad Mata (mercurial talent) and Bluto (human battering ram allied to a keen rugby mind).

My own preference was NoMaits. Not because of his try scoring, lightning pace or steadfastness under the high ball. Rather I felt it was the impact he had on the players around him. NoMaits is "streetwise" in the way that all Kiwi pros are. He knows all the best ways to cheat/play to the ref/ play the percentages. Also, like most Kiwis losing is not an option. He had a massive impact on how the backs defended and also on how they took responsibility for attacking from wherever an opportunity arose. It's interesting that when we discuss players on these boards we tend to stick with the forwards/backs split, i.e. a good back is judged on his try scoring rate and a forward on how many psychotic assaults he perpetrates per game. The logical extention to this is an attack coach working exclusively with the backs and a defence coach exclusively with the forwards. In the best teams everyone defends and everyone attacks. In defence Maitland is as cynical and ruthless as the Sainted Richie (McCaw not Vernon) and in attack he is as brave, in terms of backing his talent, as Campese was.

if we just judge him on his try scoring record I think we really miss the point.

Maitland is a very astute rugby player who, as noted above, rarely makes defensive mistakes.   A typical 'Kiwi' rugby player who was coached well in his younger years - see also John Hardie for another example.    He will come good for LI but it looks like it will be too late to save them.    His y/c v Australia still makes my blood boil.  if he plays in Dublin, and on the wing, he could maybe engineer a 'nasty accident' for the line judge - Mr Run For Your Life Joubert.

OK, who are you guys and what have you done with Schiz and Jimbo? Those 2 posts are far too intelligent, considered and balanced to come from the card carrying members soap dodger's union!!

[RDW]

I seem to remember sitting on the terrace enjoying a single malt with Schiz at the end of a long day when the conversation turned to, "who is the most important import Glasgow have signed?".

The Schizoid one was swithering between Mad Mad Mata (mercurial talent) and Bluto (human battering ram allied to a keen rugby mind).

My own preference was NoMaits. Not because of his try scoring, lightning pace or steadfastness under the high ball. Rather I felt it was the impact he had on the players around him. NoMaits is "streetwise" in the way that all Kiwi pros are. He knows all the best ways to cheat/play to the ref/ play the percentages. Also, like most Kiwis losing is not an option. He had a massive impact on how the backs defended and also on how they took responsibility for attacking from wherever an opportunity arose. It's interesting that when we discuss players on these boards we tend to stick with the forwards/backs split, i.e. a good back is judged on his try scoring rate and a forward on how many psychotic assaults he perpetrates per game. The logical extention to this is an attack coach working exclusively with the backs and a defence coach exclusively with the forwards. In the best teams everyone defends and everyone attacks. In defence Maitland is as cynical and ruthless as the Sainted Richie (McCaw not Vernon) and in attack he is as brave, in terms of backing his talent, as Campese was.

if we just judge him on his try scoring record I think we really miss the point.

I wholeheartedly agree with your general assessment of Maitland, but when he scores less tries than a tighthead prop (in a team who plays with strong attacking intent, regularly the league top scorers) you've really got to question whether the bit highlighted in bold is a fair comment

[jimbopip]

As someone once said on these boards: you can prove anything with facts.

[RDW]

Maitland - 20 caps, 3 tries
Seymour - 22 caps, 11 tries
Visser - 23 caps, 10 tries

It is the fact that Maitland is completely miles away from his main rivals in terms of try scoring, despite having a similar number of caps.

Yes Visser and Seymour have defencive frailties, but does Maitland's all-round game really make up for that enough? Put it this was - I don't remember Visser and Seymour's defencive shortcomings losing us many matches, but their tries have certainly helped us win games.

[21st Century Schizoid Man]

Not sure I agree with you re Tommy Seymour's defensive frailties RD. He gets tore in as they say in these parts and whilst not the tallest, always challenges in the air - very like DTH tbh.

[RDW]

Not sure I agree with you re Tommy Seymour's defensive frailties RD.   He gets tore in as they say in these parts and whilst not the tallest, always challenges in the air - very like DTH tbh.

He's not as bad as Visser but he was exposed defensively in the world cup and the last 6N, as well as a few Glasgow games I remember. He's certainly not in the 'solid' category.

He is certainly our best winger challenging for high balls though - he's the only one who can chase his own kick and gather it again!

[RuggerRadge2611]

wow, LD and chunky are hard work...

[jimbopip]

wow, LD and chunky are hard work...

What???

[RuggerRadge2611]

wow, LD and chunky are hard work...

What???

On another thread Jimbo.... nevermind.

[jimbopip]

RDW, on a totally unrelated note; I was saddened yesterday to hear of the passing of one of Scotland's finest modern writers William McIlvanney. He was a fantastic novelist and also a first rate poet. His long poem "These Words, Weddings And After" is well worth a read as you prepare for your nuptials (to which none of us are invited, but we don't care nor will we ever mention the fact). Any work of serious literature which contains a section entitled, "So this drunken Glaswegian meets Frankenstien's monster" is surely worth reading.

Oh and, Mrs Pip swears that great writer he may be but he was also responsible for the worst hangover I have had in the thirty years she has known me. Bear in mind that I have supped with Schiz and Asbo as well as Caz the quiet Bokkie.

[George Carlin]

I'm staying well clear of that other thread at the moment.

[RDW]

Anyone care to summarise?

[jimbopip]

Here's a bit of McIlvanney to lighten your moods, lads.


The pub was quiet. When the big man with the ill-fitting suit came in, the barman noticed him more than he normally would have done. The suit was slightly out of fashion yet looked quite new and it was too big for him. He could have come back to it after a long illness. Yet it wasn't that either. Whatever had happened to him had tightened him but not diminished him. The char­coal grey cloth sat on him loosely but that looked like the suit's problem. You wouldn't have fancied whoever the suit might fit to come against the man who wore it.

He came up to the bar and seemed uncertain about what to order. He looked along the gantry with a bemused innocence, like a small boy in a sweet-shop.

`Sir?' the barman said.

The big man sighed and shook his head and took his time. His face looked as if it had just come off a whetstone. The cheek-bones were sharp, the mouth was taut. The eyes were preoccupied with their own thoughts. His pallor suggested a plant kept out of the light. Prison, the barman thought.

`Uh-huh,' the big man said. 'Fine day. I'll have.' It seemed a momentous choice. 'A pint of heavy.'

He watched the barman pull it. Paying, he took a small wad of singles from his pocket and fingered them deliberately. He studied his change carefully. Then he retreated inside himself.

Making sure the patch of bar in front of him was clean, he spread his Daily Record on it and started to read, the sports pages first. His beer seemed to be for moistening his lips.

Before turning back to the television, the barman checked the pub in his quick but careful way. The afternoon was boringly in place. Old Dave and Sal were over to his left, beside the Space Invader. As usual, they were staring past each other. Dave was nursing half-an-inch of beer and Sal had only the lemon left from her gin and tonic, her thin lips working against each other endlessly, crocheting silence. That should be them till they went home for their tea. At the other end of the bar, Barney, the retired schoolteacher, was doing The Times crossword. Did he ever finish it? In the light from the window his half-pint looked as stale as cold tea.

The only other person in the pub was someone the barman didn't like. He had started to come in lately. Denim-dressed, he looked nasty-hard, a broad pitted face framed in long black hair. He was a fidgety drinker, one of those who keep looking over both shoulders as if they know somebody must be trying to take a liberty and they're determined to catch him at it. Just now, standing at the bar, he kept glancing along at the big man and seemed annoyed to get no reaction. His eyes were a demonstration looking for a place to happen. He took his pint like a penance.

The television was showing some kind of afternoon chat-show, two men talking who made the pub seem interesting. Each question sounded boring until you heard the answer and that made you want another question very quick. The barman was relieved to see Old Dave come towards the bar as if he was walking across America. It would be good if he made it before he died.

`Yes, Dave,' the barman said to encourage his progress. `Another drink? What is this? Your anniversary?'

The barman noticed the big man had the paper open at page three. He knew what the man was seeing, having studied her this morning, a dark-haired girl called Minette with breasts like two separate states. But the big man wasn't looking at her so much as he was reading her, like a long novel. Then he flicked over to the front page, glanced, sipped his beer till it was an inch down the glass and went to the lavatory.

`Same again,' Dave said, having arrived. 'The hell wi' it. Ye're only young once.'

The barman laughed and turned his back on him: He had to cut more lemon. He had to find one of the lemons the pub had started getting in specially for Sal. After brief puzzlement, he did. He cut it carefully. He filled out gin, found ice, added the lemon. He turned back, put the drink on the counter, pulled a pint. As he laid the pint beside the gin and opened the tonic, pouring it, he noticed something in among the activity that bothered him. He suddenly realised what it was. The big man's pint-dish held nothing but traces of froth.

The barman was about to speak to the hard-faced man in denim when the big man walked back from the lavatory to the bar. His arrival froze the barman. The big man made to touch his paper, paused. He looked at his empty pint.
`Excuse me,' he said to the barman. `Ah had a pint there.'

The moment crackled like an electrical storm. Even Old Dave got the message. His purse hung in his hand. He stared at the counter. The barman was wincing.

`That's right,' the man in denim said. 'Ye had a pint. But Ah drank it.'

The silence prolonged itself like an empty street with a man at either end of it. The barman knew that nobody else could interfere.

`Sorry?' the big man said.

`Ye had a pint, right enough. But Ah felt like it. So Ah drank it. That's the dinky-dory.'

So that was the story. The big man stared and lowered his eyes, looked up and smiled. It wasn't convincing. Non­chalant surrender never is. But he was doing his best to make it look as if it was.

`Oh, look,' he said. 'What does it matter? Ah can afford another one. Forget it.'

The barman was grateful but contemptuous. He didn't want trouble but he wouldn't have liked to go to sleep in the big man's head. And when the big man spoke again, he could hardly believe it.

`Look. If you need a drink, let me buy you another one. Come on. Give the man a pint of heavy.'

The barman felt as if he was pouring out the big man's blood but he did it. It was his job to keep the peace. The man in denim lifted the pint, winked at the barman.

`Cheers,' he said to the big man, smiling at him. 'Your good health. You obviously value it.'

He hadn't managed his first mouthful before the side of the big man's clenched right hand had hit the base of the glass like a demolition-ball. There was a splintered scream among the shards of exploding glass and the volleying beer.

Not unused to fast violence, the barman was stunned. The big man picked up his paper. He laid the price of a pint on the counter and nodded to the barman.

`If he's lookin' for me,' he said, 'the name's Rafferty. Cheerio. Nice shop you run.'

He went out. Lifting a dish-towel, the barman hurried round the counter and gave it to the man in denim. While he held his face together with it and the cloth saturated instantly with blood and he kept moaning, the barman found his first coherent reaction to the situation.

`You're barred,' he said.




Walking Wounded is available from Canongate

[EWT Spoons]

Anyone care to summarise?

In the smallest nutshell going:

Chunky and LD believe the Pro12 is in trouble because players are moving from pro12 clubs to the Aviva and Top14. This was countered that teams such as Edinburgh and Glasgow need this to happen to let other young players come through, they have then countered this is bad for the league, etc etc.

Essentially if you have seen any of the other threads about how the Pro12 is in a terrible state and how the Aviva is the best thing since sliced bread, you're probably up to speed.

[jimbopip]

Brevity is indeed the soul of wit.

[RuggerRadge2611]

Anyone care to summarise?

In the smallest nutshell going:

Chunky and LD believe the Pro12 is in trouble because players are moving from pro12 clubs to the Aviva and Top14.  This was countered that teams such as Edinburgh and Glasgow need this to happen to let other young players come through, they have then countered this is bad for the league, etc etc.

Essentially if you have seen any of the other threads about how the Pro12 is in a terrible state and how the Aviva is the best thing since sliced bread, you're probably up to speed.

Nice one spooney

[TJ]

wow, LD and chunky are hard work...

LD is a passionate fan with firm views, Chunky is a troll

[funnyExiledScot]

RDW, on a totally unrelated note; I was saddened yesterday to hear of the passing of one of Scotland's finest modern writers William McIlvanney. He was a fantastic novelist and also a first rate poet. His long poem "These Words, Weddings And After" is well worth a read as you prepare for your nuptials (to which none of us are invited, but we don't care nor will we ever mention the fact). Any work of serious literature which contains a section entitled, "So this drunken Glaswegian meets Frankenstien's monster" is surely worth reading.

Oh and, Mrs Pip swears that great writer he may be but he was also responsible for the worst hangover I have had in the thirty years she has known me. Bear in mind that I have supped with Schiz and Asbo as well as Caz the quiet Bokkie.

Very sad indeed, although I must confess to having no love of poetry at all, despite having been subjected to it for far too many years.

[RDW]

Anyone care to summarise?

In the smallest nutshell going:

Chunky and LD believe the Pro12 is in trouble because players are moving from pro12 clubs to the Aviva and Top14.  This was countered that teams such as Edinburgh and Glasgow need this to happen to let other young players come through, they have then countered this is bad for the league, etc etc.

Essentially if you have seen any of the other threads about how the Pro12 is in a terrible state and how the Aviva is the best thing since sliced bread, you're probably up to speed.

I take it someone has mentioned how some star players have come back having seen the grass isn't greener? Sexton, Davies, Lydiate, 1/2P (rumoured)

[jimbopip]

RDW, on a totally unrelated note; I was saddened yesterday to hear of the passing of one of Scotland's finest modern writers William McIlvanney. He was a fantastic novelist and also a first rate poet. His long poem "These Words, Weddings And After" is well worth a read as you prepare for your nuptials (to which none of us are invited, but we don't care nor will we ever mention the fact). Any work of serious literature which contains a section entitled, "So this drunken Glaswegian meets Frankenstien's monster" is surely worth reading.

Oh and, Mrs Pip swears that great writer he may be but he was also responsible for the worst hangover I have had in the thirty years she has known me. Bear in mind that I have supped with Schiz and Asbo as well as Caz the quiet Bokkie.

Very sad indeed, although I must confess to having no love of poetry at all, despite having been subjected to it for far too many years.

Oh Festering one, when we drown our sorrows over not being invited to the wedding of the year (but we're not bitter) I'll regale you with some of my odes. You'll like them, after the fifth pint.

[21st Century Schizoid Man]

Nah dude. Sixth or even eighth !

[VinceWLB]

Let's all not forget that Edinburgh had first pick of Maitland but turned him down because we had Lee Jones.

Thanks for bringing that up. I'd like to know who made that decision and meet him off the bus.

"This is how much I know about rugby"

A bit unfair, if this wasn't for this guy we wouldn't have Willem Petrus Nel on our books!

By the way i know who the better try scorer is between Nel and Maitland

[21st Century Schizoid Man]

Where the hell is everyone this morning ? Surely not working !

[RDW]

[jimbopip]

Ah Schiz, some of us can enjoy a happy idle retirement...others are married to MrsPip.

Make us all smile, post yon piccie from p92 of the warriors Championship book.

On an unrelated point; last time we had a game postponed the Tombola said "same again, as you were" the following week. Anyone think that'll happen this week?

[RuggerRadge2611]

I'm actually being baited by trolls. It's actually quite good fun...

[21st Century Schizoid Man]

Well I had my 5k constitutional jog this AM and did a check of the River Kelvin and can report the level is falling. I even had to wear me shades as dangerous low winter sun etc etc Although as I type it has just started to rain ffs ! The forecast for Glasgow is rain tomorrow and snow Thursday then rain Friday. Can the pitch drain in time for Saturday's game ?
I really do have too much time on my hands these days

[21st Century Schizoid Man]

I'm actually being baited by trolls. It's actually quite good fun...

Jeez Radge man those Welsh guys are a humourless bunch !

[George Carlin]

Why don't we use FES' pocket change to get a roof for Scotstoun?

We only need that, a comprehensive drainage system, undersoil heating, an artificial pitch and a bar that doesn't look like a Girl Guides' hut and our stadium will be as world class as the players.

[21st Century Schizoid Man]

All part of the charm of belonging to the Warrior Nation !

[RDW]

Remember Ben McDougall??

http://m.bbc.co.uk/sport/rugby-union/34976984

[jimbopip]

Nah dude.  Sixth or even eighth !

If you're buying I'm in.

[George Carlin]

Remember Ben McDougall??

http://m.bbc.co.uk/sport/rugby-union/34976984

[RDW]

Remember Ben McDougall??

http://m.bbc.co.uk/sport/rugby-union/34976984

An incredibly random article - out of all the people they could have interviewed, why Ben McDougall!

[EWT Spoons]

It's a nice article, but yeah very random

[funnyExiledScot]

Remember Ben McDougall??

http://m.bbc.co.uk/sport/rugby-union/34976984

An incredibly random article - out of all the people they could have interviewed, why Ben McDougall!

He was pretty average. Being overlooked for Henderson, McLaren, Dewey, Di Rollo, Laney etc. is not something to display prominently on ones CV. I also love the notion that Williams wanted his centres to "carry the football", whereas Hadden wanted them to "distribute the ball".

I don't recall our centres doing anything of note under Matt Williams (the "characters" we're talking about here are Laney, Henderson, Southwell, Philip and Craig), as the 10 (Mr Parks of course) had usually kicked the ball away. Similarly I don't recall these playmaking centres deployed under Frank Hadden, who on earth is he referring to?? Henderson at 12 and Di Rollo at 13.......

[Tattie Scones RRN]

Gentlemen

I'm happy to announce that the 3rd (and absolute last) instalment of my clan arrived safely on Saturday afternoon. Being slightly smaller than the other two, I see him as a potential wing/fb for Scotland in around 23 years or so.

So far he has slept, sh!te, ate and looked around for a few minutes before repeating the process all over again.

He's his father's boy alright

[RDW]

Great news Tattie - congratulations!

[EWT Spoons]

Gentlemen

I'm happy to announce that the 3rd (and absolute last) instalment of my clan arrived safely on Saturday afternoon. Being slightly smaller than the other two, I see him as a potential wing/fb for Scotland in around 23 years or so.

So far he has slept, sh!te, ate and looked around for a few minutes before repeating the process all over again.

He's his father's boy alright

Congratulations mate, that's brilliant news.

[Tattie Scones RRN]

Thanks chaps!

[jimbopip]

Great news Tattie, he sounds like a chip off the old spud.
Congrats to you and Mrs Scones (who did all the work, at this end anyway)

[RDW]

In other news, Faletau has finally signed for Bath - this isn't great news for Denton in terms of the amount of gametime he's likely to get next season, or at least the amount of gametime at 8.

I wonder if he would have signed if he knew they were signing Faletau too.

[George Carlin]

Beautiful news Tattie - congratulations.

Three is brave. I'm just saying. We're stopping at 2.

[funnyExiledScot]

Gentlemen

I'm happy to announce that the 3rd (and absolute last) instalment of my clan arrived safely on Saturday afternoon. Being slightly smaller than the other two, I see him as a potential wing/fb for Scotland in around 23 years or so.

So far he has slept, sh!te, ate and looked around for a few minutes before repeating the process all over again.

He's his father's boy alright

Massive congratulations. With those attributes he could be playing for Scotland sooner than 23 years.....

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