The Culture Cup Round x - Adam is a naughty naughty boy

First topic message reminder :

Daddy long legs are a nightmare for cricket groundsman. Their larvae are called Leatherjackets feed on the roots of the grass and can devastate the square. Season is done but the crows are digging up the bastards on my square at the moment.

Morning.

Bit pi55ed off today. Got a text from the ex last night saying she'd sold the house. Fecking lying c*nts the lot of them.

She sold
His home
The streets he's free to roam
Seany
Seany



Too soon?

Never too soon for poetry.

He's kept
his digs
He works for the pigs

SerialDAVE!
SerialDAVE!

Some call
Him a homo
He lives with a hobo

Seany, sean
Seany Sean

Too soon?

His heart
it sings
She's moved on to better things

Seans missus!
Seans missus!

Too soon?

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:Never too soon for poetry.

He's kept
his digs
He works for the pigs

SerialDAVE!
SerialDAVE!

The ladies call him a
D.I.L.F.
The works for the Filth
Daveyboy
Daveyboy

His ex takes
It up the bum
He's got to go live with him mum
Seany
Seany



Too soon

selling soo soon not
the way to behave
she'll be getting a visit from dangerous Dave

Michaels's ex
Michaels's ex

Hes got no job,
and no wife,
Might as well end his life

Seany,Sean
Seany,Sean

Too soon?

DAVE667 wrote:His ex takes
It up the bum
He's got to go live with him mum
Seany
Seany



Too soon

Him no have tee-pee. Him roam prairie like buffalo - him called Minces with Prefects.

His career
is on the skids, 
he swears in front of kids

Dolphin Z,
Dolphin Z

superflyweight wrote:

DAVE667 wrote:His ex takes
It up the bum
He's got to go live with him mum
Seany
Seany



Too soon

Him no have tee-pee.  Him roam prairie like buffalo - him called Minces with Prefects.  

He laughs
At how badly I type
With him, the floor I'll have to wipe
Super
Super

I got a blowie
Have you heard?
From a newly single French bird.

Zut alors!
Zut alors!

Who said dis? Link the people....

1. Someone asked me once "What is the difference between Tom Cruise now and you when you were a major star?" I said there is a great difference. Look at a photograph of me from the old days and I'm going to one of my film premieres with a bottle of vodka in my hand. Tom Cruise has a bottle of Evian water. That's the difference - a bottle of Evian water.

2. My significant other right now is myself, which is what happens when you suffer from multiple personality disorder and self-obsession.

3. I like the effect drink has on me. What's the point of staying sober?

4. I'd move to Los Angeles if New Zealand and Australia were swallowed up by a tidal wave, if there was a bubonic plague in England and if the continent of Africa disappeared from some Martian attack.

I believe
You got a blowie
But from a bloke called Joey
Ladyboy
Ladyboy

I am going to say Charlie Sheen for all of them.

Number 4 is most probably Mel Gibson or Russell Crowe due to Australia/ New Zealand being mentioned. Possibly Nicole Kidman or Paul Hogan

Adam D wrote:Number 4 is most probably Mel Gibson or Russell Crowe due to Australia/ New Zealand being mentioned. Possibly Nicole Kidman or Paul Hogan

the answer is in there!

He fingered a librarian
She was an octogenarian
Tina
Tina

Me
and Bradley Cooper
Have been banging away on Mrs Super

Superfly!
Superfly!

He's shagged the same as Rick
She was blind as well as thick
Tina
Tina

That's true
It was me and Rick
But she said I had the bigger d*ck.

Tiny Dagless!
Tiny Dagless!

I didn't
really care
I parted her ginger pubic hair

Superfly's missus!
Superfly's missus!

he has
a slaphead
he sleeps with the dead

Dave!
Dave!

l*l

Only fitting that Sean turned it round and won that.

Anyone making a sport of the Off-Topic section today?

What another?
Big, Fat Hard Palindrome
Just give the Dog a bone

Low-dy-ed
Low-dy-ed

Dafuq is happening here
Everybody acting like Richard Gere

Mr Winklechops
Mr Winklechops

seanmichaels wrote:Morning.

Bit pi55ed off today. Got a text from the ex last night saying she'd sold the house. Fecking lying c*nts the lot of them.

Were you hoping to move back in?

Too soon?

Alistair wrote:

seanmichaels wrote:Morning.

Bit pi55ed off today. Got a text from the ex last night saying she'd sold the house. Fecking lying c*nts the lot of them.

Were you hoping to move back in?

Too soon?

Could have had a bit of respect for the place. I discussed it with her about a month ago and she said she wouldn't be selling even though I thought she would. We have an elderly neighbour who I / we looked after. I can still pop round but apparently she was in tears when she was told.

seanmichaels wrote:

Alistair wrote:

seanmichaels wrote:Morning.

Bit pi55ed off today. Got a text from the ex last night saying she'd sold the house. Fecking lying c*nts the lot of them.

Were you hoping to move back in?

Too soon?

Could have had a bit of respect for the place. I discussed it with her about a month ago and she said she wouldn't be selling even though I thought she would. We have an elderly neighbour who I / we looked after. I can still pop round but apparently she was in tears when she was told.

Is it in her name?

Your ex sounds like a bit of a devious bitch pal.

Some people have no respect for the elderly. I know a couple of old people who live by themselves in my street and there's nothing more they like than company. I try and have a chat with them to keep their spirits up and help them if they need it. Look after her Sean!

nadeem2099 wrote:Some people have no respect for the elderly. I know a couple of old people who live by themselves in my street and there's nothing more they like than company. I try and have a chat with them to keep their spirits up and help them if they need it. Look after her Sean!

Why is this all I am picturing about sean when he says he looks after her?

"He did that looking at me"

What has
he said?
He's michaelsed the whole f*cking thread.

nadeem!
nadeem!

Adam D wrote:

nadeem2099 wrote:Some people have no respect for the elderly. I know a couple of old people who live by themselves in my street and there's nothing more they like than company. I try and have a chat with them to keep their spirits up and help them if they need it. Look after her Sean!

Why is this all I am picturing about sean when he says he looks after her?

I can't see owt but I picture it as David Walliams sexing up the nana at the table in "Little Britain"

I had veg soup
And some hula hoops

Dinner
dinner

(7.5/10)

Pint and a bowl of chips for me.

Chicken and Bacon caesar wrap with a shortcake sundae thing and a can of coke.

Two hours left today but I expect 20 minutes of that will be in the bog

I am sacking this place off in about an hour Dolph...

Noodles, crisps
And a Banana
I can't think of a rhyme for banana
That was lunch
That was lunch

Managed to arrange to have to pick up my new ID card from the Law Society this afternoon at 4. It's a gentle 30 minute stroll from here so will leave mid afternoon and shan't be returning.

I am let free at at 4pm. I am quite tempted to nip out and crack open one of the 4 pack I've just bought. Lovely day for it here.

Had to go to a shopping centre early on Wednesday morning. Got there before most of the shops were open so I had a 2nd coffee there. Then I decided to go for a quick slash. The place was still almost empty.

As I went through the airlocks I was met by a painful sounding groan from a cubicle like someone on the wrong end of a losing wrestling manouvre.

Had a slight chuckle to myself (thinking of the quality conversations had on here) as I had my spray in the middle of the 3 urinals. There was a bit of that awkward silence as the groaning suddenly stopped.

I got the hell out of there before the bloke pressed the flush. Had to hold my breath for at least 30-40 seconds. It smelt like a frigging elephant turd.

superflyweight wrote:Managed to arrange to have to pick up my new ID card from the Law Society this afternoon at 4.  It's a gentle 30 minute stroll from here so will leave mid afternoon and shan't be returning.  

*Scottish translation

Managed to arrange to pick up my giro from the dole office this afternoon at 4.  It's a gentle 30 minute stroll from here but I will leave 2 hours early so I can pop into the Haggis and Heroin for a few looseners.  I'll probably get into a square go with some radge but I'll chib the b*stard reet in his heid.

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

superflyweight wrote:Managed to arrange to have to pick up my new ID card from the Law Society this afternoon at 4.  It's a gentle 30 minute stroll from here so will leave mid afternoon and shan't be returning.  

*Scottish translation

Managed to arrange to pick up my giro from the dole office this afternoon at 4.  It's a gentle 30 minute stroll from here but I will leave 2 hours early so I can pop into the Haggis and Heroin for a few looseners.  I'll probably get into a square go with some radge but I'll chib the b*stard reet in his heid.

I don't like the Haggis and Heroin since they took out the juke box. My new pub of choice is the High Cholesterol and Shortened Life Span.

superflyweight wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

superflyweight wrote:Managed to arrange to have to pick up my new ID card from the Law Society this afternoon at 4.  It's a gentle 30 minute stroll from here so will leave mid afternoon and shan't be returning.  

*Scottish translation

Managed to arrange to pick up my giro from the dole office this afternoon at 4.  It's a gentle 30 minute stroll from here but I will leave 2 hours early so I can pop into the Haggis and Heroin for a few looseners.  I'll probably get into a square go with some radge but I'll chib the b*stard reet in his heid.

I don't like the Haggis and Heroin since they took out the juke box.  My new pub of choice is the High Cholesterol and Shortened Life Span.  

You been to the Pubic Triangle recently?

The Loaded Dog wrote:Had to go to a shopping centre early on Wednesday morning. Got there before most of the shops were open so I had a 2nd coffee there. Then I decided to go for a quick slash. The place was still almost empty.

As I went through the airlocks I was met by a painful sounding groan from a cubicle like someone on the wrong end of a losing wrestling manouvre.

Had a slight chuckle to myself (thinking of the quality conversations had on here) as I had my spray in the middle of the 3 urinals. There was a bit of that awkward silence as the groaning suddenly stopped.

I got the hell out of there before the bloke pressed the flush. Had to hold my breath for at least 30-40 seconds. It smelt like a frigging elephant turd.

Unacceptable! You should always take one of the side urinals when all three are available. Otherwise you're just condemning the next man in to have to stand beside you.

I think that's closed for repairs since sean had his way with it.

Was thinking of the ones either side but I like to centre myself in front of the large mirrors... makes me look even bigger.

superflyweight wrote:

The Loaded Dog wrote:Had to go to a shopping centre early on Wednesday morning. Got there before most of the shops were open so I had a 2nd coffee there. Then I decided to go for a quick slash. The place was still almost empty.

As I went through the airlocks I was met by a painful sounding groan from a cubicle like someone on the wrong end of a losing wrestling manouvre.

Had a slight chuckle to myself (thinking of the quality conversations had on here) as I had my spray in the middle of the 3 urinals. There was a bit of that awkward silence as the groaning suddenly stopped.

I got the hell out of there before the bloke pressed the flush. Had to hold my breath for at least 30-40 seconds. It smelt like a frigging elephant turd.

Unacceptable!  You should always take one of the side urinals when all three are available.  Otherwise you're just condemning the next man in to have to stand beside you.  

Does that apply to sinks as well?