The Last Film watched (CONTAINS STAR WARS SPOILERS!!)

First topic message reminder :

I watch two films over the last few days

Seventh Son: Absolute tosh, it felt like a bad D&D film from SyFy

The Wedding Ringer: It was a fun movie, predictable but fun, "Who the hell are these guys, it's like the Goonies grew up and became r@pists"

A Streetcat named Bob - Absolutely brilliant and a nice nod to the real guy at the end.

Galted wrote:

Strangers On A Train
Nice idea, some great scenes which there always is with Hitchcock but a bit of character silliness beyond credibility.
TSoCA - 6.11783
GSoCE - 6
HH scale of accurate titling - 6
SMST&V - 5 - a bit of punching and strangling
Rowley scale of northern thriftiness - 7 - watched on a dvd I bought on the cheap a few years ago

An 8 surely? They were strangers and they were on a train. If they'd stayed strangers, never met and had never got off the train then it would be a 10.

superflyweight wrote:

Galted wrote:

Strangers On A Train
Nice idea, some great scenes which there always is with Hitchcock but a bit of character silliness beyond credibility.
TSoCA - 6.11783
GSoCE - 6
HH scale of accurate titling - 6
SMST&V - 5 - a bit of punching and strangling
Rowley scale of northern thriftiness - 7 - watched on a dvd I bought on the cheap a few years ago

An 8 surely?  They were strangers and they were on a train.   If they'd stayed strangers, never met and had never got off the train then it would be a 10.  

I did much pondering and decided on a 6 as most of the film took place in non-train environments and the protagonists weren't strangers for very long.

I hate train movies that aren't about trains.

Best train movie...probably Silver Streak, for the fun and because trains were in it.

It's good that you spent time on this Galted. Accurate titling is definitely the most important element in the film making process.

SecretFly wrote:I hate train movies that aren't about trains.  

Best train movie...probably Silver Streak, for the fun and because trains were in it.

Secret - you should also enjoy Murder On The Orient Express Express (from 1974 but currently being remade for release later this year, I understand).

I would also expect it to score pretty highly on the HH scale of titling given there is a murder and it is on The Orient Express. Apologies for the spoilers.

superflyweight wrote:It's good that you spent time on this Galted.  Accurate titling is definitely the most important element in the film making process.  

You're damn right, superfly, and an accurate titling rating is the most important element in the film reviewing process.

guildfordbat wrote:

SecretFly wrote:I hate train movies that aren't about trains.  

Best train movie...probably Silver Streak, for the fun and because trains were in it.

Secret - you should also enjoy Murder On The Orient Express Express (from 1974 but currently being remade for release later this year, I understand).

I would also expect it to score pretty highly on the HH scale of titling given there is a murder and it is on The Orient Express. Apologies for the spoilers.

Murder On The Orient Express is the most competently titled of the train movies. Trainspotting and How To Train Your Dragon are amongst the least.

Galted wrote:

guildfordbat wrote:

SecretFly wrote:I hate train movies that aren't about trains.  

Best train movie...probably Silver Streak, for the fun and because trains were in it.

Secret - you should also enjoy Murder On The Orient Express Express (from 1974 but currently being remade for release later this year, I understand).

I would also expect it to score pretty highly on the HH scale of titling given there is a murder and it is on The Orient Express. Apologies for the spoilers.

Murder On The Orient Express is the most competently titled of the train movies.  Trainspotting and How To Train Your Dragon are amongst the least.

Avoid Trainwreck Galted. Not a train to be seen from start to finish, be it wrecked or otherwise. I was incandescent with rage.

Rowley wrote:

Galted wrote:

guildfordbat wrote:

SecretFly wrote:I hate train movies that aren't about trains.  

Best train movie...probably Silver Streak, for the fun and because trains were in it.

Secret - you should also enjoy Murder On The Orient Express Express (from 1974 but currently being remade for release later this year, I understand).

I would also expect it to score pretty highly on the HH scale of titling given there is a murder and it is on The Orient Express. Apologies for the spoilers.

Murder On The Orient Express is the most competently titled of the train movies.  Trainspotting and How To Train Your Dragon are amongst the least.

Avoid Trainwreck Galted. Not a train to be seen from start to finish, be it wrecked or otherwise. I was incandescent with rage.

Cheers, Jeff. It has been added to my Most Hated list.

Assassin's Creed

Absolute garbage, the enjoyment of the games was traversing through historic cities encountering numerous sword fights not sitting through convoluted dialogue in the present day. The film takes the complete opposite approach, you don't get to know who Aguilar is and there's so little mention of the Spanish inquisition that the location becomes irrelevant.

4/10

A game is a game. I don't know why gamers should ever feel a movie will catch the feel of a game.

One of my favourite games was the Splinter Cell series and old rugged, ultra silent Sam Fisher doing his stealth thing.
I've often felt it would make a great movie but now I hope they never make one - I spent hours just sitting and waiting to plot my slick paths through heavily fortified areas as the wind whistled around my ears. Absolute bliss for me....but em..... not a great movie.

Unfriended: A case of beer made this film barely passable. A modern take on a horror film with the entire thing taking place via social media/a skype conversation. A decent concept with a pretty grim game of 'Never have I ever' taking place. If you aren't will to commit to the case of beer then don't bother. Without it you would probably switch of after 15 minutes....

Watched 3 movies recently

It follows - I get that they're trying to create the sense of fear as opposed to cheap scares but this movie is completely nonsense would struggle to give it a mark out of 5

Orphan - meh. Not brilliant but watchable. Spent most of the movie trying to figure out what I knew the girl from (hunger games). Decent little twist at the end but won't be in a hurry to watch again 2/5

Fantastic beasts - I was looking forward to seeing this but it didn't live up to my hype. Felt it dragged on longer than it needed to be and then seemed to sprint finish with everything happening the last 20 minutes. Will give it 3/5 sitting on the fence a bit because I'm intrigued to see how it plays out

Watched Masterminds last night and I pmsl'd laughing.

A better actor than Owen Wilson could have been used as he is the same in every film he stars in but hey ho.

The film got sh!t reviews but Zach Galifianakis is brilliant in it.

Kristen Wiig is actually quite sexy in it too.

8/10 for me.

Trainspotting - I'd watched it probably over 15 years ago and in my innocent I don't really think I got what was going on. With the second on the horizon decided to give it a go and really liked it. Looking forward to the sequel now 3.5/5

Arrival - nice fresh take on an alien movie. I don't think it's the masterpiece that the critics seem to think it is but enjoyed it all the same. Happy to give it 4/5

Hacksaw Ridge - brilliant performance from Garfield. Really emotional story being told. True hero that man it's based on 4/5

The girl on the train - not really feeling this if I'm honest. It's watchable but I wouldn't say it's brilliant. Probably one of those movies I'd recommend to watch if you're stuck for anything else to watch but wouldn't say it's worth going out of the way to watch 3/5

Saw Lion this evening.

Brilliant. Utterly brilliant. Story, performances, cinematography. 10/10 (and, as the cricket guys will vouch for, I'm normally a tight old git).

Recommended most highly to all. Only note of caution here - despite the PG rating, I would be wary of taking young children to see it. Not for what is shown but what is undoubtedly suggested at times.

And as for the HH scale of accurate titling: 10 again although you do have to wait longer than probably HH would like!

Split - a welcome return to form for Shyamalan. Mcavoy incredible throughout

The ending.....was awessoommmmmeeeee 4/5

Trainspotting 2

Smug, pretentious twaddle.  Was never going to live up to the original but manages to detract from it instead.  Rampant overacting, contrived dialogue and lazy storyline.  Not really sure what the inspiration for a sequel was.

Tino memorial rating: 4.238/10
GSoE: 4/10
HH scale of accurate titling: 2/10
Michaels Scale of t*ts OR war: 6/10
Rowley Scale of Northern Thriftiness: 3/10, only because I didn't buy popcorn.

I should add that it probably didn't help rewatching the original last night as it exaggerated the inadequacies of the sequel.

Trainspotting 2

This may contain Spoilers (and bad spelling and grammar)

I loved it. It did everyone thing right

The dialogue was good. Funny but also very intense at times. Story was interesting and the pace was spot on. Music was a bit less than the original but still nailed it well

The best part for me was the characters. Here's why:

If it had been about a bunch of 45 year old men who like acting like 45 year old men then it would have been boring and pointless. If it had been about about a bunch of 45 year old men who like acting like 25 year old boys then it would have been sad and also pointless.

But:

It's about a bunch of 45 year old men who want to be 45 year old men but due to bad choices, flaws in personality and the fact they are basically people with addictive or psychotic personalises end up still acting like they are 25 year old boys

I won't go into the plot as it would take too long and I'm not getting paid for this...but I think the way the characters are...many people can relate to this in real life. Only this weekend (rugby and that) I will see friends or acquaintances who when they were 20+ they would get drunk and throw up, get into a scuffle or fall over and cut their knee etc. Since then many of them have gotten married, had kids, run their own business or maybe lived abroad for a while...and guess what...they will still do the same drunken things now in their 40s. And this is the point of 'Trainspotting 2'. It shows how people still maintain flaws (for a better word) while still evolving as a person

As for the nostalgia...it showed the right amount. Didn't dwell on the original too much but also showed enough to make you remember what these characters were like 20 years ago. The scene by the mountain is great. I won't give any spoilers but it shows how they reflect on their mistakes years ago and show remorse yet at the same time not being fully ashamed of who they were and are now. Francis Begbie is as terrifying as ever yet the character never feels forced or over acted

If I had to pick up any criticisms then I guess I'd say in some parts it feels slightly more "Hollywood" than the original and some of the scenes are a bit far fetched

So that's my take

A good gritty movie about four working class men who still haven't found their way in life (and never will in Begbie's case) and through different choices and flaws continue to act like lowlives even if they don't want to be

Magnificent Seven.

Decent enough.
Gun fight at the end I thought was better than the original.
Surprised at who lived in this one.

Thought the way the seven came together was better in the original.

The theme tune is magnificent

Had a lot of free time this weekend and decided to spend the majority of it infront of the TV, so:

The Accountant: Really enjoyed this. Ben Affleck does a decent enough job in the role, which isn't one I imagine he's had to tackle before. Few decent enough twists in there also (Although not exactly earth shattering). Would recommend. 7.5/10.

Jack Reacher 2: If you liked the first one you will like the second one. All I can say really not much change in the general idea of the film from number 1. 6/10.

Bad Moms: Most would probably consider it a chick flick but there were enough laughs in there that I think the majority can just switch off and enjoy. 6/10.

Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates: This one depends on your sense of humour. Lots of people would find the comedy silly/childish etc. I wasn't one of them. Thought it was hilarious. Age would probably be a factor aswell. Can't imagine someone 40+ enjoying it but as i'm still relatively young (26) was right up my street. Or maybe i'm just easily amused. Either way. 7.5/10.

John wick 2

Tino memorial rating: 8.524
GSoE: 8/10
HH scale of accurate titling: 10/10 called John Wick 2, it's main character was called John Wick, and it is the second one
Michaels Scale of t*ts OR war: 9/10 no nips but a f**k ton of violence
Rowley Scale of Northern Thriftiness: 10/10, it was from a gift card from Mrs D's Nan, so it was free.

Great film, go watch it.

Watched The Equalizer on Netflix

Tino memorial rating: 7.182
GSoE: 6/10
HH scale of accurate titling: 2/10 it wasn't about sport and although the main character is seen playing a bit of softball with his workmates - he only catches the ball and isn't seen scoring an equalizer. Tenuous bonus points because his personal ad at the end of the film suggests he can even the odds.
Michaels Scale of t*ts OR war: 9/10 no nips but a f**k ton of violence (nods to Rick)
Rowley Scale of Northern Thriftiness: 8/10, it was on Netflix.

Excellent film reviewing, no f*cking about and no doubt as to the content and merit of each film.

"you're here for nostalgia, you're a tourist in your own youth" Sickboy.

Epic trolling of the audience from the film makers.

If nostalgia is what you want then you'll get plenty in trainspotting 2. Not clever subtle nostalgia, but ham fisted, rammed down your throat, characters quoting themselves from the original and continual clips of the original nostalgia. Sledgehammer to the head nostalgia in which one of the characters is writing the bloody book the original is based on word for word - then reading them back to the audience, describing scenes from the first.

It is just dreadful, hard to imagine they could have made it any worse - it is a tribute to the first and for no apparent reason, there is plenty of source material from porno.

So bad it detracts from the first, really very sad.

Halfway through Bad Santa 2 and it's f**king hilarious so far.

Full update.....coming soon.

Tattie Scones RRN wrote:Halfway through Bad Santa 2 and it's f**king hilarious so far.

Full update.....coming soon.

Better than the first? (Thought the first one was pretty funny).

I'd say it was even better thb.

Bad Santa 2

Tino memorial rating: 8.96645
GSoE: 7/10
HH scale of accurate titling: 10/10 He was a santa and he was bad and it was the second movie. Can't really go wrong.
Michaels Scale of t*ts OR war: 7.5/10 no nakedness but plenty of funny pretend intercourse and handjob action. Guns in it too.
Rowley Scale of Northern Thriftiness: 10/10 - good old Kodi.

Great quote:

Diane: "You reek of whisky. You know the rules and you're flouting them!"
Willy: "Flouting? I never sucked jizz out of nobody's ass!"
Diane: "I believe that's felching"

Top reviewing TSRRN

Agreed, adding a quote is a nice touch.

Yeah I was thinking that may have raised the bar..

Tino memorial rating:
GSoE:
HH scale of accurate titling:
Michaels Scale of t*ts OR war:
Rowley Scale of Northern Thriftiness:
TSRRN-Q

Gave Hacksaw Ridge a go last night:

Tino memorial rating: 8.10
GSoE: 8/10 - Braveheart-ish in it's production - not sure how accurate it was to the real thing but good viewing nonetheless
HH scale of accurate titling: 8.5/10 - loses 1.5 points for there not being any hacksaws on the ridge despite the name.
Michaels Scale of t*ts OR war: 9/10 - death/injury scenes very graphic. Loses a point due to Teresa Palmer not getting her boobs out.
Rowley Scale of Northern Thriftiness: 10/10 - Sponsored by Moviebox.
TSRRN-Q:

Desmond Doss: "With the world so set on tearing itself apart, it don't seem like such a bad thing to me to want to put a little bit of it back together".

Judge: "Private Doss, you are free to run into the hellfire of battle without a single weapon to protect yourself".

Top work.

Watched something t’other night on Film 4. Some big, middle aged German lass goes on holiday somewhere in Africa and sleeps with some locals. Then has a party in her hotel room with some other big, middle aged German lasses where they basically fondle and sexually abuse some African chap with an enormous c*ck whilst he dances around. I think it was about self-discovery or something like that but the name of it escapes me. It was pretty late at night and I was pretty drunk.

Tino memorial rating: 0.000/10. I’m not dead.
GSoE: 10/10 – Lots of lingering shots and silent scenes. And it was subtitled. F*cking subtitles! I sh*t you not. How much more pretentious do you want.
Hammersmith Harrier scale of accurate titling: N/A. Can’t really score it as I can’t remember what it was called.
Michaels Scale of t*ts OR war: 10/10 – Pretty much off the scale. There is scene after scene of boobs, bottoms and lady gardens. Plus a big black, semi erect c*ck. The boobs, bottoms and lady gardens all belong to overweight German 50 somethings but it still scores massively on the Michaels Scale.
Rowley Scale of Northern Thriftiness: 5/10 – It was on Film 4 and I didn’t have to pay for it from a specialist shop but I do pay a sh*t load of money each month to Sky.
TSRRN-Q:

Almost impossible. It was all in subtitles and I couldn’t write them down quick enough to get a proper quote.

Good review Tino....was it called Paradise:Love?

Tattie Scones RRN wrote:Good review Tino....was it called Paradise:Love?

Thanks, pal.

Yes, that could be the one. I think it was part of a trilogy but I could be wrong.

Well if you enjoyed that Tino then you'll certainly enjoy Nymphomaniac (Vol.1&2).

Are Film 4 doing grumble flicks now?

They have "Art" seasons now and then, and also "Alternative" and "indie weeks" which is basically like the Razzle pile up, but in black and white, with everyone smoking.

The original 'oo-er missus' flick will always be Rita, Sue and Bob Too.

Actually....come to think of it, the film was utter dogsh*t.

Ignore me.

mikey_dragon wrote:Well if you enjoyed that Tino then you'll certainly enjoy Nymphomaniac (Vol.1&2).

Does it have overweight, old German ladies in it?

A friend of mine was asking.

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

mikey_dragon wrote:Well if you enjoyed that Tino then you'll certainly enjoy Nymphomaniac (Vol.1&2).

Does it have overweight, old German ladies in it?

Vol.1 has Shia La Beuf. Vol.2 has those big, African men you mentioned. I actually enjoyed the first one, it was a good watch. I kinda lost track of what was going on in the second one though.

Quality thread by President Trump btw.

mikey_dragon wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

mikey_dragon wrote:Well if you enjoyed that Tino then you'll certainly enjoy Nymphomaniac (Vol.1&2).

Does it have overweight, old German ladies in it?

Vol.1 has Shia La Beuf. Vol.2 has those big, African men you mentioned. I actually enjoyed the first one, it was a good watch. I kinda lost track of what was going on in the second one though.

Thanks, mikey. I'll tell my friend to keep an eye out for it.

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

mikey_dragon wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

mikey_dragon wrote:Well if you enjoyed that Tino then you'll certainly enjoy Nymphomaniac (Vol.1&2).

Does it have overweight, old German ladies in it?

Vol.1 has Shia La Beuf. Vol.2 has those big, African men you mentioned. I actually enjoyed the first one, it was a good watch. I kinda lost track of what was going on in the second one though.

Thanks, mikey.  I'll tell my friend to keep an eye out for it.

Send them my regards.

Hunt for the Wilderpeople.

Cracking little New Zealand film with Sam Neill. A plot description doesn't really do the film justice so won't bother, but would recommend it to anyone. It will likely be one of the better films I see this year.

Tino memorial rating: 8.684/10
GSoE: 8/10
HH scale of accurate titling: 5/10. There is a hunt and most of the film is about that hunt. However, there's no such thing as Wilderpeople. But on the other hand, they are hunting for people. A real brain teaser this one. Would be good to get HH's opinion on this.
Michaels Scale of t*ts OR war: 3/10. Some mild violence, but no norks or fanny.
Rowley Scale of Northern Thriftiness: 9/10 (Netflix).

'The Big Lebowski'. Nearly 20 years old and still as funny and reflective on American society as it was back then