The Last Film watched (CONTAINS STAR WARS SPOILERS!!)

First topic message reminder :

I watch two films over the last few days

Seventh Son: Absolute tosh, it felt like a bad D&D film from SyFy

The Wedding Ringer: It was a fun movie, predictable but fun, "Who the hell are these guys, it's like the Goonies grew up and became r@pists"

Not a bad review supes, but missing a quote.

superflyweight wrote:Hunt for the Wilderpeople.  

Cracking little New Zealand film with Sam Neill.  A plot description doesn't really do the film justice so won't bother, but would recommend it to anyone.  It will likely be one of the better films I see this year.

Tino memorial rating: 8.684/10
GSoE: 8/10
HH scale of accurate titling: 5/10.  There is a hunt and most of the film is about that hunt.  However, there's no such thing as Wilderpeople.  But on the other hand, they are hunting for people.  A real brain teaser this one.  Would be good to get HH's opinion on this.  
Michaels Scale of t*ts OR war: 3/10.  Some mild violence, but no norks or fanny.  
Rowley Scale of Northern Thriftiness: 9/10 (Netflix).

I'd have to lower it to a 4.325, an accurate film title is vitally important to the enjoyment for a film so you get what we had here the other day with regards to American Sniper.

Thanks HH. I'll accept the revision. An accurate scoring of the accurate titling of a film is the most enjoyable part of any review of a film.

Rick - I couldn't remember any specific quotes so didn't want to sully what was otherwise "not a bad review". Not my words, the word of Rick_Dagless.

superflyweight wrote:Thanks HH.  I'll accept the revision.  An accurate scoring of the accurate titling of a film is the most enjoyable part of any review of a film.  

Rick - I couldn't remember any specific quotes so didn't want to sully what was otherwise "not a bad review".  Not my words, the word of Rick_Dagless.    

lol out loud, well played sir!

I saw two films recently Ben Hur and Logan.

Errr Ben Hur. I don't really know what to say about it. I suppose I could say that the chariot race was well done but that's about it. Why some studio executive decided to finance the remaking of a classic is something I'll probably never understand. Aren't these people supposed to be smart? I'm not surprised that so far it hasn't made a profit.

Logan wasn't too bad. Enjoyed the fight scenes and I'd watch it again when it comes out on DVD.

Two films noted for their accurate titling - 10 on 10 for both. Always a safe bet using the name of a character and it really is textbook stuff from the film makers.

Haven't seen them, but really looking forward to both so that I can bathe in the warm glow of a perfectly accurate film title.

superflyweight wrote:Two films noted for their accurate titling - 10 on 10 for both.  Always a safe bet using the name of a character and it really is textbook stuff from the film makers.    

Haven't seen them, but really looking forward to both so that I can bathe in the warm glow of a perfectly accurate film title.  

ah but his real name is james howlett

as for the film i really enjoyed it, took long enough to to turn a claw wielding maniac into a bit more gruesome and violent film. the early xmen were far to kid friendly for wolverine to shine.

Logan was really good, made a change having a comic book film that focused more on the human side of the protagonist and didn't follow the usual blueprint of good guy defeats the bad guy and everyone lives happily ever after.

I'm hoping that aside from the Deadpool sequel that that is the end of the X-men series now, it's run it's course and a new generation won't reinvigorate it.

Hammersmith harrier wrote:Logan was really good, made a change having a comic book film that focused more on the human side of the protagonist and didn't follow the usual blueprint of good guy defeats the bad guy and everyone lives happily ever after.

I'm hoping that aside from the Deadpool sequel that that is the end of the X-men series now, it's run it's course and a new generation won't reinvigorate it.

like anything in todays age, if it makes money theyll spurn it out. and they have already set the next generation up in this one. if fast and the furious can make it to 8 then i wont worry about few more xmen films, especially if the girl out of logan is in it. i thought she was very good

on spurning out films, i really dont get the disney remakes. there is nothing wrong with the old ones and they are all basically the same film. why cant kids today watch the old ones? i know the answer is obviously money but are film makers really that short on ideas now

The recent Beauty and The Beast was scene by scene almost identical to the original, considering the bulk of the characters were CGI it was utterly pointless but Jungle Book last year was quite decent in fairness.

thought jungle book was pretty much the same, but at least with jungle book got some decent action scenes (king louie, shere khan etc). not seen batb yet but was always a film with not much going on. one for the girls that one

It's a perfectly crafted film title though.

Watched Split last night with James McAvoy

Tino memorial rating: 8.5
GSoE: 8/10 - JM is f**king brilliant in it. 1st class performance. Loses a couple of marks because the film itself isn't as good as JM.
HH scale of accurate titling: 7/10 - Named according to the various personalities but you wouldn't know that if you didn't know the film.
Michaels Scale of t*ts OR war: 5/10 - A bit of underwear on show and a couple of violent scenes but nothing to wince at.
Rowley Scale of Northern Thriftiness: 10/10 - Free as you like
TSRRN-Q:

Patricia: We are what we believe we are.
Hedwig: Ha, Holy Poopie! This is so cool! Ah, ha ha! They're gonna believe we ditched them, right?
Dennis: They're gonna have to.
Hedwig: So, what do we do now?
Patricia: We trust in him. He'll protect us. Look at what he can do. Let him show the world how powerful we can be.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Beast: The broken are the more evolved.

A Bigger Splash

Tino memorial rating: 3.84598
GSoE: 4
HH Scale of Accurate Titling: 5/10 – title accurate-ish in a w*nky, pseudo-profound way
Michaels scale of tits OR war: 8/10 – a fair bit of nipple and some bush, plus a bit of hampton to keep the gay part of you happy
Rowley Scale of Northern Thriftiness: 7/10 – watched it on Amazon Prime so was sort of free even though I pay for Amazon Prime
TSRRN-Q: nothing memorable, certainly nothing worth being associated with the name of Tattie.

A load of pretentious sh*te starring Tilda Swinton, by the same Italian director who brought us I Am Love, another load of pretentious sh*te starring Tilda Swinton.  Just a lot of delving into the past and relationship-based drivel set on some sunny Italian island.  Have recently bought a new 4K TV so could enjoy the scenery in upscaled HD but the rest of it wasn't worth watching.  At least Swinton (who was going through a self-indulgent "I'm a c*nting actress! everything I do is deep and relevant! and I'm not speaking for a few months so there!" phase at the time) keeps her gob shut for most of it.  While that was a relief I did have to endure her facial acting which cries out for a good head-butting.  Ralph Fiennes's character is nearly as annoying but fortunately gets drowned near the end – this isn't really a spoiler as you'll probably be asleep by this stage.

Galted wrote:A Bigger Splash

Tino memorial rating: 3.84598
GSoE: 4
HH Scale of Accurate Titling: 5/10 – title accurate-ish in a w*nky, pseudo-profound way
Michaels scale of tits OR war: 8/10 – a fair bit of nipple and some bush, plus a bit of hampton to keep the gay part of you happy
Rowley Scale of Northern Thriftiness: 7/10 – watched it on Amazon Prime so was sort of free even though I pay for Amazon Prime
TSRRN-Q: nothing memorable, certainly nothing worth being associated with the name of Tattie.

A load of pretentious sh*te starring Tilda Swinton, by the same Italian director who brought us I Am Love, another load of pretentious sh*te starring Tilda Swinton.  Just a lot of delving into the past and relationship-based drivel set on some sunny Italian island.  Have recently bought a new 4K TV so could enjoy the scenery in upscaled HD but the rest of it wasn't worth watching.  At least Swinton (who was going through a self-indulgent "I'm a c*nting actress! everything I do is deep and relevant! and I'm not speaking for a few months so there!" phase at the time) keeps her gob shut for most of it.  While that was a relief I did have to endure her facial acting which cries out for a good head-butting.  Ralph Fiennes's character is nearly as annoying but fortunately gets drowned near the end – this isn't really a spoiler as you'll probably be asleep by this stage.

Hammersmith harrier wrote:Logan was really good, made a change having a comic book film that focused more on the human side of the protagonist and didn't follow the usual blueprint of good guy defeats the bad guy and everyone lives happily ever after.

I'm hoping that aside from the Deadpool sequel that that is the end of the X-men series now, it's run it's course and a new generation won't reinvigorate it.

I don't mind them making new Xmen films, just make them like they are supposed to be, like they are in the comics.

Spider-Man and The Avengers are like the comics. All of them are in their costumes just like the comics but I was always a little disappointed in the Xmen films. Put them in costumes like they are supposed to be. The comics books made these characters famous, so why change a successful formula?

Ghost in the Shell. Seriously - don't bother. 90 minutes of my life I will not get back. It's incredibly formulaic and predictable - and exactly the sort of dumbing down that large US-based film corporations do to make some money. I am told that the original Manga film is MUCH better.

Even Scarlett Johanssen looks bored in it. She does look pretty as usual, although she does have a specific facial expression throughout where she looks like she's thinking about having a really good sh!t. Maybe it was just this film... 4/10

Never got the fuss about GITS, it was maybe a film for it's time - watching it decades later it is just very boring.

Watched sideways, excellent comedy about 2 friends having a stag week in wine country.

Kong: Skull Island

I saw it on Saturday and I'm surprised to say that I enjoyed it. Kong was big. I guess the reason for his size is because they intend to make a Kong v Godzilla film.

The Admiral - Roaring Currents.

10/10 based on a true story that was even more remarkable than the film. It's about a Korean last stand against overwhelming numbers of the Japanese fleet. It's in Korean and subtitled English. ..no one quite makes war films like the Koreans. First brotherhood - now this. Brilliant brilliant film.

Good film, shoite review Shah.

Feck you rick, I don't pander to you infidels nor your infidel quirks.

Brick Mansions - Utter utter garbage

This board is going to the dogs...

Where is Tattie, Galts or supes with a decent review.

waiting for your pm's telling them how great they are

I do that in the open.

Time to rescue this thread.  

Avengers: Age of Ultron

Tino memorial rating: 6.6792
GSoE: 7
HH Scale of Accurate Titling: 8/10 – it involved the Avengers and something to do with something called Ultron so fairly accurate.  I don't think it was set over a period which is long enough to qualify as an "age" so points lost there.  "Avengers - Long Weekend of Ultron" may have seen this achieve full marks.  Not a difficult change to make and one for the filmmakers to consider.  
Michaels scale of tits OR war: 9/10 – it's all fairly crash, bang and wallop.  No sexy time to shake your Hampton at, but Scarlett Johannson on a motorbike is always worth a thought or two.  
Rowley Scale of Northern Thriftiness: 8/10 – watched it on Netflix
TSRRN-Q: "what the f*ck is that?".  Imagined quote from one of the innocent bystanders when Hulk appears.

The film was ruined somewhat by me spending most of the time trying to remember if I'd seen it before or if I was confusing it for Captain America: Civil War - which I also may or may not have seen.

Now that's a f+++ing review...

Nice to be appreciated Rick. If people can't follow the simple principles of a good review then they should bloody well stop watching films.

rubbish review, short and sweet is the way to go

Avengers - Age of Ultron - Good but too long
Captain America - civil war - Excellent, go watch

Excellent review, Super, that's why you'll always be the lord of the 'flies.

I particularly enjoyed the "worth a thought or two" bit and shall be using that as my own (with your permission).

Thanks Galted - the reviewing rules are there for a reason or we end up with nonsense like a plot synopsis or someone telling us whether or not they enjoyed the film. No bloody help at all.

Permission granted.

Brilliant. Thank you very much.

I saw Fast 8 last week. Aside from the fact there's so many technical inaccuracies that make this film laughable, nearly all the cast are clearly just there for the money so don't give a hoot about any sort of storyline. I wonder how much Helen Mirren was paid???

It's probably best described as "enjoyable garbage". There's a submarine in it (controlled from a plane, obviously). And all sorts of fast cars on ice, which all seem to work. It's all sorts of cr4p. But you'll still watch it... 4.5/10

3 days to die, Kevin Costner as some dying secret agent killer type bod. Is okay but seems to drag a bit at the end and at some points can't decide if it wants to pitch into comedy territory.

Saw "Their Finest" last night - sweet little film about a secretary called in to work as a scriptwriter to help with the latest propaganda film during WW2. It touches on how to bring the US into the war, but centres mainly on Gemma Arterton's character trying to tell the story of the war (in this case specifically Dunkirk) from a woman's perspective.

There's humour interspersed with sadness, the horror of war, some genuinely heart-warming snippets and the "never-say-die" attitude of the British Nation so key to winning the war. Sam Claflin is great, but Bill Nighy is fantastic. But this is Gemma Arterton's film. Aside from being No1 on my Celebrity List (come on we've all got one), she is an extremely accomplished actress - and makes this film. It's a refreshing change from the all-action & no story stuff.

8.5/10

Mr Bounce wrote:Saw "Their Finest" last night - sweet little film about a secretary called in to work as a scriptwriter to help with the latest propaganda film during WW2. It touches on how to bring the US into the war, but centres mainly on Gemma Arterton's character trying to tell the story of the war (in this case specifically Dunkirk) from a woman's perspective.

There's humour interspersed with sadness, the horror of war, some genuinely heart-warming snippets and the "never-say-die" attitude of the British Nation so key to winning the war. Sam Claflin is great, but Bill Nighy is fantastic. But this is Gemma Arterton's film. Aside from being No1 on my Celebrity List (come on we've all got one), she is an extremely accomplished actress - and makes this film. It's a refreshing change from the all-action & no story stuff.

8.5/10

She is definitely worth 'a thought or two'. I quite often have 'a thought or two' about her in those denim shorts in Tamara Drewe.

Appaloosa - Western, dunno if i wasn't paying enough attention but it got very weird at the end and it looked like someone had puffed her cheeks up with a football pump

Guardians of the Galaxy vol 2

Took Mrs Hero & the mini Heroes along to watch this yesterday. Plot wise there's a lot of character development for all the main Guardians and at times this drags, I'd also say that the main antagonist in the film isn't the greatest, what makes the film though is the humour and character interaction, Baby Groot is cute set to max but the star of the film is Drax, his autistic-esque delivers some amazing lines and you can't but help laughing along when he laughs.
My Mrs even cried at a certain point near the end of the film (not giving spoilers).
Overall not as high impact as the first film but for me more enjoyable, make sure you wait through the credits though as there's a number of extra scenes in it.

agree hero that drax steals the show in the 2nd, story line to the film wasn't the best let down by a poor "baddie" but still a very enjoyable switch your brain off film

Silence of the Lambs

Tino memorial rating: 0.00000000/10 - I'm not dead.
GSoE: 10/10 - Just an all time classic.  I must have watched it at least 36 times and it never fails to make me slightly aroused in admiration.  Great script, great performances, great directing and just refuses to age.  Absolute classic that still manages to shock and awe 26 years on.  Easily in my top 3 films of all time.  So many scenes to admire.  The first time we meet the doctor, the Angel of Death, the moment of recognition when Clarice realises she is face to face with Buffalo Bill.  Even the very end when Dr Chiltern gets off the plane and Lector puts his hat on and strolls down the road after him.  A truly wonderful film.
HH Scale of Accurate Titling: 4/10 - There are no lambs in it, silent or otherwise.  But Lector does ask Clarice to let him know when the "those lambs have stopped screaming" so it gains a few marks there.  There is also a drawing of Clarice holding a lamb that Lector gives her at their last meeting so another mark there. 
Michaels scale of tits OR war: 5/10 - There is no war as such but Lector does smash a guards head in with his own truncheon.  That was rather brutal.  And of course he disembowels the other guard and strings him up from the cell wall.  Artistic death.  Got to love that.  There are not many tits unless you include Buffalo Bill tucking it between his legs and singing to Q Lazzarus.  If he wasn't wearing a dead persons scalp at the time, I'd probably still do him.  There is also the scene when Multiple Miggs flicks some jizz at Clarice and it lands right in her chops.  If you pause it at just the right moment, it almost looks like she is enjoying it.  Filthy cow.  It is easier to pause it correctly on Sky+ than on DVD for those that intend to try this out.
Rowley Scale of Northern Thriftiness: 9/10 – I've watched the same DVD over 30 times.  Value for money, kids.
TSRRN-Quote: I have 2 favourites.

Lector - "Five foot ten, strongly built, about a hundred and eighty pounds; hair blonde, eyes pale blue. He'd be about thirty-five now. He said he lived in Philadelphia, but he may have lied. That's all I can remember, mum, but if I think of any more, I will let you know. Oh, and Senator, just one more thing: love your suit!"  You have to read it in a Anthony Hopkins voice to get the full effect.

Multiple Miggs - "I can smell your c*nt".  This can be read in any voice.  I sometimes do it in my own voice and occasionally in a Jimmy Stewart impression.  Either works.

Me and Mrs Windows also watched a porno the other night.  I can't be bothered to review it but it was about a platoon of lesbian soldiers in a WWI trench.  The title was No Mans Land.  It really made me chuckle.

Excellent review Tino! So professional. It wouldn't look out of place in The Guardian...

Superb review Tino, 8.5473/10 on the Resurrected Tino Review Rating. Was only going to give it 8.5463 but the mention of Q Lazarus deserves recognition as does she for her contribution to an iconic scene.
That you mention a Lazarus of sorts further compounds the mystery surrounding your death.

Split - Was pleasantly surprised by this as it was excellent if very slow paced. thought Mcavoy was brilliant in it and truly think we could have had another 'twist' if he'd have disguised himself as the other personalites.

all in all, top film, go watch etc

There is a massive twist at the end of split (possibly post credits can't remember). Cannot wait for the sequel.

I knew that before I watched it, but gotta admit I still marked out for it :-) (although i then had the missus asking me hundreds of questions as she had no idea)

Watched Logan as well, absolutely brilliant film and if it is Hugh's last one a fitting end for it. Although think i've been watching too much American Dad as every time Pro X talked i kept imagining him as Avery

Just got in from alien Covenant

Not brilliant. Its like theres a while movie missing from between Prometheus and this. Found myself caring and wanting to know more about events that preceded this than what was actually happenong to the Covenant crew and the same old recycled 'scares' from the other movies in the franchise

Watched Fantastic beasts and the new Star Wars Rogue one.

I thoroughly enjoyed them both. Great to see a lot of characters in Rogue One who appear in the Star Wars original movie (which is the next movie..) and a few from the old bar in Mos Eisley.

I went on holiday recently, had a chance to watch a few films there and back.

Rogue One - decent. Enjoyed the cameo appearances too.

Suicide Squad - it was average, but a lot better than the likes of Ironman, F4.

Live by Night - fairly new film and pretty damn good. Ben Affleck was good in this.

The Accountant - interesting film, a bit like John Wick in some regards although more thought was put into the storyline. Ben Affleck again was very good....

Assassins Creed - watched some of it, it was poor, turned it off.

Arrival - I watched all of it waiting for something good to happen - it didn't happen. I still don't understand what went on or why.

Allied - great film, I think it's a bit underrated as I haven't heard much hype.