Glasgow and Edinburgh: Ongoing Banter Thread XII - Twelve Monkeys

[A Simply Mesmeric Try]

First topic message reminder :

A Brief History of Time-Wasting


https://www.606v2.com/t48240-glasgow-and-edinburgh-ongoing-banter-thread
https://www.606v2.com/t51313-glasgow-and-edinburgh-ongoing-banter-thread-ii
https://www.606v2.com/t53119-glasgow-and-edinburgh-ongoing-banter-thread-iii
https://www.606v2.com/t54519-glasgow-and-edinburgh-ongoing-banter-thread-iv
https://www.606v2.com/t55409-glasgow-and-edinburgh-ongoing-banter-thread-v-the-fun-continues
https://www.606v2.com/t56913-glasgow-and-edinburgh-ongoing-banter-thread-vi-banter-boogaloo
https://www.606v2.com/t57946-glasgow-and-edinburgh-ongoing-banter-thread-vii
https://www.606v2.com/t58659-glasgow-and-edinburgh-ongoing-banter-thread-viii
https://www.606v2.com/t59409-glasgow-and-edinburgh-ongoing-banter-thread-ix
https://www.606v2.com/t60764-glasgow-and-edinburgh-ongoing-banter-thread-x-rated
https://www.606v2.com/t61904-glasgow-and-edinburgh-ongoing-banter-thread-xi-the-undiscovered-country

Edinburgh

1872 Champions

Edinburgh's Fixtures & Results (click to show):

Glasgow

1872 Runners-up

Glasgow Warrior's Fixtures & Results (click to show):

Ladies and Gents, Girls and Boys, it's season finale!

Guinness PRO12 Play Offs
Fri 20 May 19:45 - Semi Final
Leinster Rugby 30 - 18   Ulster Rugby - RDS Arena 19,100

Sat 21 May 18:30 - Semi Final
Connacht Rugby  16 - 11   Glasgow Warriors - Galway Sportsground 7,800

Sat 28 May 17:30 - Grand Final
Leinster Rugby  10 - 20  Connacht Rugby  - BT Murrayfield - 34,550

Cinderella story or what?! Congrats to the Galway posse who were the form team of the season!

[jimbopip]

RDW, good chat?

I was on the Warriors club web site page news wall publication on line thingy the other day.

They have a job advertised for an assistant to Jeremy Bone: writing match reports, player biogs in the matchday programme, content in the programme, editing/ interviewing for the weekly Warriors TV slot, "speaking confidently to the media", travelling to away games with the club for match reports. etc

The salary is only 18K but with my pension on top I could just about afford a single end in Byres Road.

The dream lasted all of ten seconds before I realised (a) Mrs Pip wouldn't relocate to the real north beyond the wall, where winter is never coming it's always here, and (b) I would miss Princess daughter and the Feckless Rogue too much.

When I told the women in my life that I was sacrificing my dream job, which is tailor made for me, guess how much sympathy I got?

That's right' I felt as welcome as Jeremy Corbyn at a New Labour Cheese and Wine evening.

[funnyExiledScot]

Jimbo - also worth noting that you'd have to work for Jeremy Bone, which would mean you'll have to bite your fist every time he opens his mouth!

I'd like to see Corbyn at a New Labour Cheese and Wine evening. He could use it as an opportunity to return all the files and documents his aides have been stealing.

[SRN]

Looks like another NSQ forward may be set for Edinburgh.

http://www.scotlandrugbynews.com/2016/07/edinburgh-rugby-look-set-sign-fijian-ace-viliame-mata/

[RDW]

Looks like another NSQ forward may be set for Edinburgh.

http://www.scotlandrugbynews.com/2016/07/edinburgh-rugby-look-set-sign-fijian-ace-viliame-mata/

6’5, 120kg Flanker and Lock - he's a big lad! And to be that big yet athletic enough to play 7s he must be some athlete.

Wasted in the Edinburgh pack given he'll be asked to pick and go and maul all day but never mind!

[Hazel Sapling]

I guess he covers 6 as well. Shame about Toolis not getting enough playing time for him to stay and that they are looking at a NSQ but Carmichael is probably too raw this year and Gilchrist will likely leave (to another club if healthy, to retirement if injured) after the year as well.

Congrats to MFL! Feels like a steady countdown going around. Do we start a forum pool on whose next? My money is on Bru.

[IanBru]

Congrats to MFL! Feels like a steady countdown going around. Do we start a forum pool on whose next? My money is on Bru.

Steady on old chap. I'm getting slightly paranoid that LadyBru frequents these boards as a silent observer, waiting, plotting, regarding this body with envious eyes, and slowly and surely drawing her plans against me.

Also, she keeps talking about themes for tables at a theoretical wedding. I try to out-dare her by suggesting we name them after rugby players, and she says "That's a brilliant idea! We could name the top table 'Niko'!" To clarify, Mad Matawalu was the unwitting, unknowing architect of our young romance.

p.s. Well done MFL! If you manage to side-step the wedding fairs, I'm sure it'll be a miracle!

[RDW]

https://www.606v2.com/t63667-rugby-in-london#3406157

[jimbopip]

Firstly, MFL well done. However time to stop fooling yourself; the future Mrs Llama may not be interested in wedding fairs but what has that got to do with anything? Your lives now belong to "that monstrous regiment of wummin" as Knox would label (libel) the assorted mothers, aunties, grannies and hens who will now spend every waking minute planning "the big day". Your collective wishes come very far down the list of things to be considered.

Bru, themed wedding: Princess Daughter had the tables named after Disney characters/rides in the parks and MrsPip made a selection of character shaped cookies one of which went in every guest's goodie bag. I remember walking into the kitchen to see MrsPip, Princess and the Feckless Rogue's mother sitting round the table hand-painting two hundred of the little b*stards. If you can see your mother lovingly applying a coating of edible dye to Simone Favaro's boat race then carry on with the player themed tables.

p.s. After RDW "forgot" to post yours, Schiz and my invites to the after ceremony hoedown what's the betting the Frantic one does the same? You'd better marry the Hagia Sophia our we'll never have any kind of social life.

p.p.s. I was at a garden party yesterday (no really) and a friend of Mrs Pip asked of Princess Daughter's wedding, "Was it a civil affair?"

"Oh yes. There was very little swearing." said I.

[RDW]

We had Harry Potter 'influences' (not my idea) but the good thing about that theme was I didn't have to do any of the work!

[funnyExiledScot]

We had Harry Potter 'influences' (not my idea) but the good thing about that theme was I didn't have to do any of the work!

We had tables named after Classical music composers, which I think we can all agree is much more fun.....

[funnyExiledScot]

Congrats to MFL! Feels like a steady countdown going around. Do we start a forum pool on whose next? My money is on Bru.

Steady on old chap. I'm getting slightly paranoid that LadyBru frequents these boards as a silent observer, waiting, plotting, regarding this body with envious eyes, and slowly and surely drawing her plans against me.

Also, she keeps talking about themes for tables at a theoretical wedding. I try to out-dare her by suggesting we name them after rugby players, and she says "That's a brilliant idea! We could name the top table 'Niko'!" To clarify, Mad Matawalu was the unwitting, unknowing architect of our young romance.

p.s. Well done MFL! If you manage to side-step the wedding fairs, I'm sure it'll be a miracle!

Just ask her if she can request her father to provide details of the dowry, and provide your bank details. Say you don't have a particular amount in mind, but 6 figures prior to the decimal point would seem appropriate.

[RDW]

We had Harry Potter 'influences' (not my idea) but the good thing about that theme was I didn't have to do any of the work!

We had tables named after Classical music composers, which I think we can all agree is much more fun.....

I bet the Shostakovich table was a riot!

I hope you've seen my rugby in London thread - as a former exiled Scot your opinions would be appreciated!

[MacKnocked-on]

Good to see five of the U20s squad getting a full season at London Scottish, hopefully they'll all kick on and get plenty of game time.

[TheMildlyFranticLlama]

Thanks all!

p.s. After RDW "forgot" to post yours, Schiz and my invites to the after ceremony hoedown what's the betting the Frantic one does the same? You'd better marry the Hagia Sophia our we'll never have any kind of social life.

Jimbo if you can make it through the whole of the coming season (including the inevitable 1872 cup loss) without being rude about Edinburgh rugby I'll consider you for the guestlist....

[RDW]

Thanks all!  

p.s. After RDW "forgot" to post yours, Schiz and my invites to the after ceremony hoedown what's the betting the Frantic one does the same? You'd better marry the Hagia Sophia our we'll never have any kind of social life.

Jimbo if you can make it through the whole of the coming season (including the inevitable 1872 cup loss) without being rude about Edinburgh rugby I'll consider you for the guestlist....

[jimbopip]

Thanks all!  

p.s. After RDW "forgot" to post yours, Schiz and my invites to the after ceremony hoedown what's the betting the Frantic one does the same? You'd better marry the Hagia Sophia our we'll never have any kind of social life.

Jimbo if you can make it through the whole of the coming season (including the inevitable 1872 cup loss) without being rude forensically accurate, yet still charmingly whimsical,about Edinburgh rugby I'll consider you for the guestlist....

Bugger, that's me on the naughty step again.

[funnyExiledScot]

Thanks all!  

p.s. After RDW "forgot" to post yours, Schiz and my invites to the after ceremony hoedown what's the betting the Frantic one does the same? You'd better marry the Hagia Sophia our we'll never have any kind of social life.

Jimbo if you can make it through the whole of the coming season (including the inevitable 1872 cup loss) without being rude forensically accurate, yet still charmingly whimsical,about Edinburgh rugby I'll consider you for the guestlist....

Bugger, that's me on the naughty step again.

You were off the naughty step?? When did that happen?

[George Carlin]

It reminds me of the best joke I know:

Why did Karl Marx only drink green tea?
Because proper tea is theft.

I know, that's literally the best I've got.

The only other similar joke I know which is as good in its badness is:

Q. Why don't Parisians eat two eggs for breakfast?
A. Because in France, one egg is an oeuf. 

Congrats also to our latest condemned man on these boards.

[cakeordeath]

It reminds me of the best joke I know:

Why did Karl Marx only drink green tea?
Because proper tea is theft.

I know, that's literally the best I've got.

The only other similar joke I know which is as good in its badness is:

Q. Why don't Parisians eat two eggs for breakfast?
A. Because in France, one egg is an oeuf. 

Congrats also to our latest condemned man on these boards.

You know what they say about wedding video's. Watch them in reverse they always have a happy ending.

[RDW]

Got to love the comments from the Italian rugby president when Sarto signed for Glasgow:

“Those who leave do it for the economics and experience of life. But Glasgow? Come on,”

[demosthenes]

Got to love the comments from the Italian rugby president when Sarto signed for Glasgow:

“Those who leave do it for the economics and experience of life. But Glasgow? Come on,”

Didn't he make the same sort of comment when Favaro signed?

[Senlac]

Quick question folks.

I've bought myself and the old man season tickets for the first time.

Just wondering exactly what format they come in?

I'm assuming it's not an actual ticket, or book of tickets?

Is it a card or something?

Just wondering.

[funnyExiledScot]

Got to love the comments from the Italian rugby president when Sarto signed for Glasgow:

“Those who leave do it for the economics and experience of life. But Glasgow? Come on,”

Awesome!

[IanBru]

Quick question folks.

I've bought myself and the old man season tickets for the first time.

Just wondering exactly what format they come in?

I'm assuming it's not an actual ticket, or book of tickets?

Is it a card or something?

Just wondering.

Great to hear - you'll love the experience of being with the same people each match, building a relationship. I've been sitting with the same folks for five seasons now, and they always juggle around to make sure LadyBru can sit with us when she comes. I suspect they like her more than they like me... Impossible, I know.

The ticket comes in the form of a plastic card with a scan-able barcode, and seating info, and the card comes in a little plastic wallet like you'd normally have a railcard or (in some cases on this board, Jim) an OAP bus pass.

[Senlac]

Quick question folks.

I've bought myself and the old man season tickets for the first time.

Just wondering exactly what format they come in?

I'm assuming it's not an actual ticket, or book of tickets?

Is it a card or something?

Just wondering.

Great to hear - you'll love the experience of being with the same people each match, building a relationship. I've been sitting with the same folks for five seasons now, and they always juggle around to make sure LadyBru can sit with us when she comes. I suspect they like her more than they like me... Impossible, I know.

The ticket comes in the form of a plastic card with a scan-able barcode, and seating info, and the card comes in a little plastic wallet like you'd normally have a railcard or (in some cases on this board, Jim) an OAP bus pass.

Cheers Bru!

I am indeed looking forward to it. Didn't get to a single game last season, for the first time I can remember in years, so figured now I've made the move to the big city I need to make up for it.

Unfortunately the only seats I could get together were front row of the North Stand, so not sure how good the view/rain cover will be, but looking forward to it nonetheless!

Hopefully get to meet some 606ers as well so I can begin understanding all the in-jokes on here!

[jimbopip]

Senlac, front row of the North Stand: I sat there when Doug Howlett scored his last ever try in pro rugby. he received the ball with the drift defence looking to close him down and made the kind of outside break he was famous for, and we mere mortals dream of making, scorched past the winger (Maitland) and full back (Hogg) and dived for the corner. He re-injured his shoulder and the career was over. Actually I never saw him score that try because as soon as he began the dive he disappeared beneath the advertising hoarding.
So, as long as the players are on their feet you'll have a fantastic view.
Also, you get to drink in the Scout Hut. Schiz and his carer are great company.

[MacKnocked-on]

Anybody watch the Premiership 7s on BT this evening? How the hell did the SRU let James Lang the Quins 10 slip through the net, he played a few times for Scotland U18s but didn't move on to the U20s and now looks like he's opting for Wales. He looks a tremendous prospect as well, shameful if the SRU have let him go without a fight.

[BigGee]

I see John Dalziel is leaving Melrose and Scotland U20s and moving into a full time coaching role with London Scottish.

A good move for him, which seems to be at least partially funded by the SRU, another up and coming coach who could go a long way, he did a very good job with the U20s this year. I wonder who might take that one on, someone like Ben Cairns would be a good choice.

There are going to be some changes in the Scottish professional coaches in the not to distant future, with Solly surely into his last season and Townsend either going to get lured away, or put into the Scotland role (maybe sooner rather than later if VC gets the Lions job). It is good to see some new blood lining up to take up the reins when those moments come.

[jimbopip]

I don't know if I mentioned this earlier but some time ago Princess Daughter purchased me two tickets for Spamalot at some theatre up in that London. MrsPip pointed out that it was a Friday performance and that it would be best if we booked a hotel and travelled abck on the Saturday. "Get on near Oxford Street and we can do some "light shopping" on the way to the train." Two free tickets proved mightily expensive.

Princess daughter has gifted me two tickets for Scotland v Oz in November. I've just finished booking flights for Young Pipetto and self plus a doss house in Bruntsfield. Thank fecc I only have one daughter or I would be in a state of constant penury.

[RDW]

Finn Russell is set to miss the first few games of the season.

No surprise!

[funnyExiledScot]

I don't know if I mentioned this earlier but  some time ago Princess Daughter purchased me two tickets for Spamalot at some theatre up in that London. MrsPip pointed out that it was a Friday performance and that it would be best if we booked a hotel and travelled abck on the Saturday. "Get on near Oxford Street and we can do some "light shopping" on the way to the train." Two free tickets proved mightily expensive.

Princess daughter has gifted me two tickets for Scotland v Oz in November. I've just finished booking flights for Young Pipetto and self plus a doss house in Bruntsfield.  Thank fecc I only have one daughter or I would be in a state of constant penury.

Sounds charming. Is it en suite?

[funnyExiledScot]

Finn Russell is set to miss the first few games of the season.

No surprise!

As long as he's fit and ready for the AIs, I'm not too bothered. I'm sure Peter Horne will do just fine for the Weegies.

[lostinwales]

What actually happened to Finn Russell? I saw they were talking about a 'significant facial injury' but what actually was it?

[RDW]

There were very little details released but a picture was circulating of him with a massive purple bruise around his eye socket. No idea if it was broken.

It sounds like he had a bad concussion though - several weeks sitting on the sofa apparently and took a while before he was back running again.

[lostinwales]

As long as he gets back.

There was the recent incident with the MMA fighter and I was hoping it was nothing like that. ( Cyborg santos...)

[funnyExiledScot]

There were very little details released but a picture was circulating of him with a massive purple bruise around his eye socket. No idea if it was broken.

It sounds like he had a bad concussion though - several weeks sitting on the sofa apparently and took a while before he was back running again.

Yeh, Toonie said at the time that the concussion was serious. Obviously most important thing is that he takes off the time that he needs, and that the specialists are comfortable before he returns to full contact rugby. Whilst he is a player of fundamental importance to Glasgow and Scotland, his life is fundamentally more important. He's also a player that doesn't shirk at tackle, so he'll need to be fully confident in his condition before coming back. In hindsight, perhaps he should sit out the AIs and target the 6 Nations.

[IanBru]

Yeah, I think you're right FES. If there's any doubt about Finn's fitness and health, he really has to sit it out the AIs.

Purely from a player welfare point of view, we can't just be comfortable to virtue signal about not pushing injured players onto the pitch, we also have to be comfortable with the negative impact of having to do without a pivotal player.

I'm mindful of the environment that Rory Lamont spoke about, with players being pressurised into taking the field with injuries (though it was never clear whether he was speaking about Glasgow, Sale, Scotland or Toulon), and I know we have to be seen to have moved on from that.

Just in terms of Finn himself, I've long felt that he'll be an era-defining player for Glasgow and Scotland, and a potential Lions tourist (if not in 2017 then certainly in 2021). I'd rather we give him the proper time off now, and perhaps lose a match we might have won, than end up losing him for the rest of his career.

[funnyExiledScot]

Slightly off topic but this is a great article:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-36902572

Reminds me of being a trainee lawyer and sitting at the printers for 35 straight hours waiting on a prospectus to be published, having to proof the pages as they came out one at a time (don't worry, they had a sofa and a shower).

[IanBru]

Slightly off topic but this is a great article:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-36902572

Reminds me of being a trainee lawyer and sitting at the printers for 35 straight hours waiting on a prospectus to be published, having to proof the pages as they came out one at a time (don't worry, they had a sofa and a shower).

I sometimes think I'm doing a serious, responsible job, commensurate with the years I wasted in formal education (when I could have joined the Foreign Legion instead...), then I get brought back to earth with a bump.

Last Wednesday I spent the morning at court, and then the early afternoon proofreading commercial leases and I thought, "This is brilliant. I'm being all lawyer-ly and impressive...", then one of the secretaries tried to run cardboard through the laminator and jammed it up good and proper. It fell to the trainee with his magic socket-set to take the bloody thing apart.

[funnyExiledScot]

That sounds familiar, although my firms have all quickly realised that I became a lawyer because I have no practical life skills whatsoever, so best to keep me well away from those sorts of jobs unless they want a minor explosion in the office.

[RDW]

Maybe not the most boring job but as a fresh faced graduate I was farmed out to another department to do some structural surveys of people's houses in a well known rough area of Glasgow (there are many, I know!)

That was an eye opener!

[funnyExiledScot]

Maybe not the most boring job but as a fresh faced graduate I was farmed out to another department to do some structural surveys of people's houses in a well known rough area of Glasgow (there are many, I know!)

That was an eye opener!

Were the houses held together by smack and glue?

[RDW]

Well unfortunately it involved having to go into said houses. Most were old couples who had lived in them their whole lives and kept their house looking nice, but there were a few more modern residents who had not - which is the polite way of putting it.

My personal favourite was the one with a dug who apparently had free reign to take a dump anywhere it wanted - inside and out!

[funnyExiledScot]

Well unfortunately it involved having to go into said houses. Most were old couples who had lived in them their whole lives and kept their house looking nice, but there were a few more modern residents who had not - which is the polite way of putting it.

My personal favourite was the one with a dug who apparently had free reign to take a dump anywhere it wanted - inside and out!

Or at least they claimed it was the dog....

[RDW]

[IanBru]

Be honest though, you get folk like that in Edinburgh, they just have the wherewithal to call it an 'art installation'.

Hell, half the Turner Prize winning entries were just lifted from a back alley in Shettleston, Damien Hurst's 'The Physical Impossibility of Death in the Mind of Someone Living' included.

[funnyExiledScot]

Didn't someone once buy a Hirst for tens of thousands only for Hirst to confess that it was his two year old son that created it?? Easily to believe.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2239504/As-prices-Damien-Hirsts-works-plummet-pity-credulous-saps-spent-fortunes-tosh.html

[RDW]

Crap celeb spot of the week - Graeme Morrison on Sauchiehall Street!

Almost rivals the time seeing Ben Atiga in a Krispy Kreme shop.

(I may have made that up)

[funnyExiledScot]

I saw Mike Blair at the weekend in Victoria Park. It's my second sighting, leading me to believe that he lives in the same area as I do. Nice looking missus....

[cakeordeath]

There are a lot of lawyers in this thread. I feel quite dirty by association. Maybe I should go out and rob a pensioner, just to fit in more here.

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