Surrey Limericks

Here is a thread to provide a home for occasional Surrey limericks. Ideally ones that have some loose connection with reality. To kick off:

There was a fast bowler named Meaker
Whose hamstring got steadily weaker.
He zoomed in like a hornet.
But pulled up - "that's torn it"
And so then was outpaced by a streaker.

Plus another more cheeful one that was a composite effort of several Surrey supporters:

A reserve attack led by the Viscount
Took wickets aplenty. By my count
Linley and, on debut, Clive
Respectively took ten and five.
And so Surrey the table did mount.

There once was a young spinner named Chris
whose talent England didnt want to miss
thrown into tests at just twenty one
but back in minor counties before long
ohhh what a foolish selection policy this is

Bit outdated I know, and not strictly a limerick but....

There was an opener named Brown
Who became rather down
Runs he did lack
And then a bad back
As Roy took his crown

A tribute to the grand old man of cricket......

There was an old man named Ramps
Imaginatively nicknamed Gramps
As he neared his own century
To ward off his penury
A contract he signed, defying cramps.

There was a young quickie called Jade
Who England's Test XII for Lords made
But he didn't get in
Overlooked for Steve Finn
Who then bombed - maybe Jade should have played!

...what's not to like: it (sort of) scans and rhymes and gets in a pop at our neighbours north of the Thames, too. Surely the perfect Surrey limerick?!

Simon - I suggest you don't give up the day job just yet but nonetheless a cracking start! Very pleased another worthy has crossed over from 606. A warm welcome.

yep nice to see you here simon

Who needs the Hay literary festival....?

Here's one I have left Chris from Stroud on the Gloucs page about our former wicketkeeper who enjoys such a fan base in the west country.

There was an old keeper named Batty
Who made Chris from Stroud very ratty
A fifteen ball zero
Compiled by our hero
Had Chris mincing words like pate.

Corporalhumblebucket wrote:Here's one I have left Chris from Stroud on the Gloucs page about our former wicketkeeper who enjoys such a fan base in the west country.

There was an old keeper named Batty
Who made Chris from Stroud very ratty
A fifteen ball zero
Compiled by our hero
Had Chris mincing words like pate.

Very good, sir.

This one is an off-the-wall job prompted by the wildly conflicting views among Surrey posters on this, and in other places, about Chris Adams....

It relies on a well kept secret that some of Surrey posters operate a rowing eight which they have entered for the Henley Regatta....


The Surrey bloggers rowing eight
The cox did seek to motivate.
"Adams contract" he did shout.
In! Out! In! Out!
A zig zag course they navigate...

On which nautical theme (to the tune of 'row, row, row your boat')

Yes? No! Ian Bell
Changed his mind again
Matty Prior Matty Prior Matty Prior - careful, oops
There goes the window pane

Ansari a spinner who could spin the ball
To Surrey fans a shock to all
Schofield felt this was time to go
Cause could he take wickets, definately No
So off he went to play for Walsall

Here's one to complement Depressed's offering.

It is prompted by (a) Chris Schofield's quote on the Surrey website: "I’ve never walked out to bat alongside a walk on girl before but I’m sure it’s an experience that many of the lads will be very much looking forward to." Also (b) his being hit for 6 into the portaloos against Gloucs......

There was a great leggy named Schofield
Who, for walk-on-girls kept his eyes peeled.
But he met his Waterloo
When launched to distant portaloo
And thus was his spectator's role sealed.

And one to mark Ansari's performance.... A bit convoluted


Who shall we pick - Schoey or G Batty?
Mused Adams for Essex T twenty.
But Z A - the Countdown alphabet
Soon proved the better bet
And so a new star: An- sar - i

Corporal You Limerick genius you!

Thanks, Depressed. Anything to lift the cloud a little!

Cheers guildford, jimbob et al who greeted me. Nice to be here with fellow Surrey sufferers. How about something a bit more upmarket than a limerick: a Surrey Haiku?...

Another wet Test Match
Broad bowling more cr*p again
But Tremlett's on fire

Ah so!

Simon - wow!

I think a Haiku is beyond my limited powers. But possibly a highly derivative effort at a sonnet -with many apologies to William Wordsworth!

Earth has not anything to show more fair:
Dull would he be of soul who could pass by
A sight so touching in its majesty:
KiaOval now doth like a garment wear

The beauty of the morning: silent, bare,
strips, covers, bucket seats and mowers lie
Open unto the pigeons, and to the sky,
All bright and glittering in the Vauxhall air.

Never did sun more beautifully steep
In his pavilion, scoreboard or bar;
Ne'er saw I, never drank, a beer so deep!

The Adams speaketh at his own sweet will:
Dear God! the very pressmen seem asleep;
And all the Lions their roar is silent still!

A tribute to the Surrey middle order

There was a young bat Zaf Ansari
Pads on, coolly sipping campari
Then up went a roar
Ramps jaw hit the floor
And Zaf first ball - hari kari!