Glasgow and Edinburgh: Ongoing Banter Thread XIII - Camp Crystal Meth

[A Simply Mesmeric Try]

          
Edinburgh & Glasgow Warriors

A Not So Brief History of Time-Wasting   (click to show/hide):

Guinness Pro12

Edinburgh - Fixtures & Results   (click to show/hide):

Youtube playlist of all of Edinburgh's Pro12 action here.

Glasgow Warriors - Fixtures & Results   (click to show/hide):

Youtube playlist of all of Glasgow's Pro12 action here.

Europe

Champions Cup - Glasgow Warriors   (click to show/hide):

Challenge Cup - Edinburgh   (click to show/hide):

1872 Cup

Champions                Runner up
Edinburgh                  Glasgow Warriors
 

1872 Cup - Past Results   (click to show/hide):

The season has commenced

[RDW]

Great job!

[George Carlin]

Amazing work, Mesmeric.

[EWT Spoons]

Blimey this is some thread.  Top work mate

[A Simply Mesmeric Try]

Bon appetit lads

[cakeordeath]

Great job Mesmeric

[IanBru]

Fantastic thread, Mesmeric - really excellent.

Also, the title reminded me of my favourite song by Grandaddy:

[RDW]

The John Hardie to Wasps rumours are building momentum - I'd be surprised if he was still an Edinburgh player for long.

Would be a great move for him - he'd be a regular starter in a top AP team - but far from ideal from an Edinburgh PoV. We would only have on natural 7 on the books with Jamie Ritchie the only backup, and he's not even a 7.

Also, apparently Edinburgh have 1 more signing to be announced next week - probably the Fijian 7s back row / 2nd row.

[funnyExiledScot]

This thread is awesome and well beyond my technical capabilities!

I'm not pleased about this Hardie rumour. Whilst Watson is a fine player, we would be left short. Would Will Bordill be a possible option? Could we recall Hugh Blake?

Hardie is one of our best players/first names on the team sheet. Great signing for Wasps, and a good move for him professionally I suspect (and possibly good news for Scotland given his exposure to a higher level of rugby and coaching from George Smith), but it leaves a big hole for Edinburgh.

[RDW]

Dougie Fife is now a core 7s player - good to see he's not been lost to the Scottish game.

[funnyExiledScot]

Dougie Fife is now a core 7s player - good to see he's not been lost to the Scottish game.  

Agreed. He could easily replace Lamont at Glasgow when he retires in 2020 as well.

[RDW]

And we thought Stockbridge residents were bad...

http://www.edinburghnews.scotsman.com/our-region/edinburgh/colinton/campaign-to-block-edinburgh-rugby-s-switch-to-myreside-1-4213477

[cakeordeath]

Fantastic thread, Mesmeric - really excellent.

Also, the title reminded me of my favourite song by Grandaddy:

One of my favourite bands, they were performing in Edinburgh a few weeks ago. Gutted I missed it. If you haven't listened to it yet I would highly recommend The Sophtware Slump Deluxe Edition

[A Simply Mesmeric Try]

And we thought Stockbridge residents were bad...

http://www.edinburghnews.scotsman.com/our-region/edinburgh/colinton/campaign-to-block-edinburgh-rugby-s-switch-to-myreside-1-4213477

Some residents of Edinburgh really make me cringe. More often than not they complain about nothing, usually it's the birds singing too loud in the spring time, and street-side bins that are too visible yet aren't numerous enough.

We should take a similar approach. Flyer every house in the area with a new Neighbourhood Watch poster which simply consists of a picture of CDP and the Embra forward pack. Make those old luvvies feel safe at night.

[George Carlin]

Some Myreside residents keeping it real yesterday:

[RDW]

Is that not FES on the far right?

And I'm not just talking about his political ideologies...

[tigertattie]

Apparently the proposed cycle lane through the city centre is causing a riot now!

Edinburgh residents moaned and moaned about the trams being built and now they are here they think only Edinburgh residents should be allowed to use them!

It's a small minority of yahoos that make what is a great city, less pleasant!

It's the same ones that still wear tweed jackets and shhhh fans at murrayfield when they start trying to get the crowd going!

The solution - Arm Grouse and Pheasants with semi automatic weapons and when the shooting season starts, it will be a fairer fight and the numbers of flat cap wearing, double barrelled named, toffs will be reduced!

PS. Don't go thinking Glasgow is any better. Instead of flat capped gentry, thats full of Burberry capped buckfast drinkers!

[George Carlin]

Best middle class joke of the fringe this year:

I had sushi for lunch yesterday.
Unfortunately nobody saw me so it was a complete waste of money.

[A Simply Mesmeric Try]

Jason Tovey is out for 8 weeks with a broken wrist, although no surgery required.

Re: the Yahoo bunch - I went to the Heineken Cup SF between Edin v Toulouse at Murrayfield on my birthday and was seated next to a bunch of what looked like fun loving students, however, sadly they turned out to be a bunch of the Shhhh types complaining about the lack of Pimm's on sale. I remember asking them if they were lost after being Shhhhed by one of them.

There's nothing quite like the disappointment of one's fellow supporters being disappointing.

[EWT Spoons]

Has Vili Mata signed for Edinburgh?

I can't see any mention of him actually signing for us, but Stuart Barnes has him listed as one to watch for Edinburgh this season

http://www.skysports.com/rugby-union/news/12062/10557185/stuart-barness-season-preview-and-players-to-watch-in-201617

10. Some players to watch out for this season in the PRO12. Jamison Gibson Park (Leinster), Kieran Fonotia (Ospreys), Johnny McNicholl (Scarlets), Charles Piatau (Ulster), Nick Williams (Cardiff Blues), Vili Mata (Edinburgh), Corey Flynn (Glasgow), Marty Banks (Treviso).

He's not listed on the Edinburgh site, but that generally means very little anyway

[George Carlin]

Fijian national news reported that he was going, but I didn't see anything after that.

[EWT Spoons]

Aye same, he was linked etc, but not seen anything more.

[RDW]

Some well researched journalism by Barnes as always....

It hasn't been confirmed yet but Petrie say there is one more signing to be confirmed this week.

Can't see it going down well with the Facebook brigade given that he's NSQ, but as long as Ritchie and Bradbury still get gametime I'm ok with it.

We're also a little light at lock with Bresler out fairly long term and McKenzie and Gilchrist being highly injury prone.

[funnyExiledScot]

Is that not FES on the far right?

And I'm not just talking about his political ideologies...

I do love a pair of bright blue shorts. Nothing says aristocracy quite like brightly coloured clothes.

As for my far rights leanings, anymore of this Smith vs Corbyn nonsense and I may very well end up joining a neo-Nazi cult.

[funnyExiledScot]

Best middle class joke of the fringe this year:

I had sushi for lunch yesterday.
Unfortunately nobody saw me so it was a complete waste of money.

That is funny!

[funnyExiledScot]

Some well researched journalism by Barnes as always....

It hasn't been confirmed yet but Petrie say there is one more signing to be confirmed this week.

Can't see it going down well with the Facebook brigade given that he's NSQ, but as long as Ritchie and Bradbury still get gametime I'm ok with it.

We're also a little light at lock with Bresler out fairly long term and McKenzie and Gilchrist being highly injury prone.

Pretty confident we can ruin one of our back row players by playing them there.

[RDW]

Right folks, we need 2 match threads!

[EWT Spoons]

Right folks, we need 2 match threads!

Edinburgh game sorted
https://www.606v2.com/t63900-cardiff-blues-vs-edinburgh-rugby-pro-12#3423866

[Eejit]

Warriors third team beat Canada 'A' 63-0 last night. Apparently Fagerson's younger brother is an absolute beast.

[EST]

Good morning gents,

Back from my summer hiatus for another season of V2 nonsense. I was at the Warriors game last night, Canada were very poor but i'm not even sure you could call it their B team, a lot of young guys and inexperienced amateurs. The Scottish 9, Mcrorie stood out and was obviously getting annoyed by the mistakes being made by those around him.

As for Glasgow, and as Eeji commented on, Fagerson was absolutely brilliant - strong in contact and a menace at the breakdown and always running support lines. Apparently that was only his 2nd game of adult rugby after scoring a couple for Hawks at the weekend, I also noticed he kept Matt Smith out of the 7 jersey for that game. The young 10 that came on and another Hawk, Josh Henderson, also played well against a tiring Canuks team.

Jarrod Firth STILL doesn't look like he has been doing any work in the gym, Jacobsen Mk 2.

All in all a very easy win for the Warriors, but nothing to get too excited about considering the opposition.

[tigertattie]

63 - 0 is a gubbing by anyone's standards!

[RDW]

63 - 0 is a gubbing by anyone's standards!

I'm not so sure, I once lost a game 107-0..... (and the ref called time early)

[Tattie Scones RRN]

Are there highlights of the game anywhere?

[RDW]

My 107-0 loss? I hope not!

[Eejit]

For the Warriors game at least I expect they'll be on Warriors TV which gets released on Wednesday evenings I think so.

For RDW's 107-0 I hope we get it for Christmas one year.

[funnyExiledScot]

For the Warriors game at least I expect they'll be on Warriors TV which gets released on Wednesday evenings I think so.

For RDW's 107-0 I hope we get it for Christmas one year.

Agreed. I'd pay good money to see that defensive effort!

[GLove39]

63 - 0 is a gubbing by anyone's standards!

I'm not so sure, I once lost a game 107-0..... (and the ref called time early)

Reminds me of the time we played Stewart's Melville in the Scottish cup quarter finals and got absolutely hosed. It was like the schoolboys v the masters scene from Monty Python.
They had this one centre with blond flowing locks who time & time again cut us to shreds, speaking of which wonder what happened to him!?

Anyway come full time everyone had lost track of the score so the official line was a 99-0 drubbing. Which is odd given there wasn't a single penalty scored...

[RDW]

Mine was a few years ago when the SRU restructured the reserve leagues and decided that it would be a good idea to put Gala 2s in our league - we weren't the only ones to get pumped over 100 points that season! They were on a high as a club at the time and their 2s became one of the top reserve teams in Scotland. The romped through our league and the league above the next season - they should never have been put so low down.

It was literally kick off, score, kick off, score, kick off score and repeat...

To be fair we also had a really bad team out that day, but even if we had out best team out it would have been 60+ points - they were so much bigger, stronger, faster, fitter and skillful!

It often happens at reserve level - if a big club has no 1s game that day (or if we were meant to be playing their 3rds and their 2s had a call off) you often play against a load of ringers.

I played against former Edinburgh pro prop Lewis Niven once - he definitely wasn't in Edinburgh Accies 3s!

[funnyExiledScot]

My worst rugby defeat was against Merchiston Castle. Lost track of the score, but they were in the 80s and we only scored one try. Not sure I touched the ball the entire game, and made about three tackles in the whole match. A Kellockian effort.

[RDW]

My worst rugby defeat was against Merchiston Castle. Lost track of the score, but they were in the 80s and we only scored one try. Not sure I touched the ball the entire game, and made about three tackles in the whole match. A Kellockian effort.

That's the thing - you can't tackle them if you can't catch them!

[tigertattie]

My last game of rugby saw us getting horsed by nearly 100 points.

I was given the honor of dropping down into the 2nds as they needed numbers. I was playing No 8 and I was getting frustrated at the incompetence that was surrounding me. We were actually playing against an Accies reserve team but these boys were all one year retired from the Accies 1s (apparently they retired on mass but wanted to keep playing social rugby together)

We were already getting hammered when I decided to tackle some fella. Shoulder on shoulder! Ouchies! I should never have continued to play the last ten mins as I later discovered I'd dislocated my shoulder! Injured in a dead rubber game is bloody soul destroying to this day!

But I'll always remember my highlight. Versus Dalkeith (pah ha ha haaaa) we won by over 120 points. We were so far ahead at half time that I got to play inside centre for the 2nd half! Scored a hat trick! Who said forwards couldn't score tries eh!

[RDW]

As for my biggest win, I think that was pre-season 2 years ago when I was on the wing for the 1s against a lower leagued Edinburgh team (I'll spare them their blushes) where we won 100+ points

We had a particularly strong team that year (got promoted that season) and in particular had some big, physical backs and they just ran riot.

You'd think I would have ran in loads of tries on the wing in that game but I only got one - their defence was so bad that the inside backs and the forwards hardly bothered passing the ball and just ran through them. I was on the shoulder ready for an offload for about 10 tries though - but it never came!

[funnyExiledScot]

As for my biggest win, I think that was pre-season 2 years ago when I was on the wing for the 1s against a lower leagued Edinburgh team (I'll spare them their blushes) where we won 100+ points

We had a particularly strong team that year (got promoted that season) and in particular had some big, physical backs and they just ran riot.

You'd think I would have ran in loads of tries on the wing in that game but I only got one - their defence was so bad that the inside backs and the forwards hardly bothered passing the ball and just ran through them. I was on the shoulder ready for an offload for about 10 tries though - but it never came!

Are you Sean Maitland in disguise??

[RDW]

[funnyExiledScot]

My worst rugby defeat was against Merchiston Castle. Lost track of the score, but they were in the 80s and we only scored one try. Not sure I touched the ball the entire game, and made about three tackles in the whole match. A Kellockian effort.

That's the thing - you can't tackle them if you can't catch them!

Hmmm, pretty sure I could have put myself about a bit more if I had been in the mood!!

[RDW]

If the word Kellockian (or, to Kellock) isn't in Urban Dictionary yet then it really needs to be.

'To expend minimal physical effort yet shout and point to look like you're actually doing something'

[funnyExiledScot]

Agreed! A couple more Scottish rugby phrases for insertion in the Urban Dictionary:

- James had a fantastic opportunity, but made a complete Maitland of it.

- Susan was terrified of flying, and when she boarded a plane she did an NDL in her pants.

[George Carlin]

Agreed! A couple more Scottish rugby phrases for insertion in the Urban Dictionary:

- James had a fantastic opportunity, but made a complete Maitland of it.

- Susan was terrified of flying, and when she boarded a plane she did an NDL in her pants.

- John was fairly short, but thankfully God had chosen not to completely Laidlaw him

- Whilst the others all wanted a light breakfast, Big Davy had no hesitation in ordering the complete Jacobson

- Betty was old. Her family was terrified she would Solomon out at any moment

- Their child had pronounced communication difficulties, but thankfully did not yet register on the ScottJohnson-ometer

- Claire sighed when her boyfriend asked for the Hidalgo-Clyne - he'd be in that grooming chair for hours

- Colin left his blind date early. It wasn't the fact that she was arrogant, it was the full Strauss on her face

- A whole fleet of ambulances were required - it was a complete Gilchrist of a car accident

[RDW]

[TheMildlyFranticLlama]

Superb efforts there both!

In other news, for their league opener Gloucester have named Matt Scott (12) at 13. Unconfirmed reports that an incredibly old South African has been spotted in the local area recently handing out selection advice

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