It's not 'Send', it's the 'Culture Cup', stupid.

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A booze-pilfering drunken feral pig has caused chaos by running amok at an Australian campsite and starting a fight with a cow.

The belligerent porker went on a drunken bender after stealing and drinking three six-packs of beer that had been left out by campers at the DeGrey River campsite in Port Hedland, Australia.

In the predictable series of events that followed the animal went on to ransack rubbish bin bags to find some late-night snacks before starting a fight with an innocent eyewitness cow.

Following the boarish rampage the pig decided to swim out into the middle of a river before collapsing drunk under a tree and falling asleep.

One camper named Merida recounted the tale to the ABC network: "It was in the middle of the night and it was these people camping opposite us and they heard this crunching of the can and they got their torch out and shone it on the pig and there he was scrunching away at their cans."

"Then he went and raided their rubbish that they had sort of covered over with a bin as well.

"And then there was some other people camped right on the river and they saw him running around their vehicle being chased by a cow.

"It was going around and around and then it went into the river and swam across to the middle of the river.

"The people that were camped on the river went across and crept up on it and it was hiding and sleeping under a big log right on the edge of the water."

"It was sort of coming from there for a couple of days but we didn't see it this morning or last night."

Halal ham!
He screams
Hark the herald angels sing
Coke Zero
Coke Zero

Fear not. I am not Rick Parfitt or Zara Phillips' unborn child.

Merry Christmas Jew lovers.

Alas poor George 'Julius' Michael I threw him well.

JuliusHMarx wrote:Fear not. I am not Rick Parfitt or Zara Phillips' unborn child.

That just seems offensive to me, unless I'm missing something.

Oh sh*t
it's Cyril
he rhymes with Prevost's squirrel
Cyril!
Cyril!

ShahenshahG wrote:Alas poor George 'Julius' Michael I threw him well.

You didn't throw me far enough. I am not George Michael.

Boxing
Day
Where they play football
Hammersmith's p*ssed
Hammersmith's p*ssed

Jules...ya dead?

No, Shah. Were I to die I would become more powerful than you can possibly imagine.

Powerful enough to post lies from beyond the grave?

This is not the thread you're looking for.

JuliusHMarx wrote:This is not the thread you're looking for.

That post is offensive enough to turn a princess's c*nt inside out.

Morning all, seasons greetings and whatnot.

FistTurd

Dear Galts

Please accept my apologies, this was an administrative error, and has now been rectified.

I will ensure that this will not happen again, and the family of the individual involved has been fed to wolves whilst their children watched.

I hope this brings an acceptable end to the matter.

Regards

Dagless

rick_dagless wrote:Morning all, seasons greetings and whatnot.

Fist

Dear Mr Dagless

If you inspect the thread more closely you will find that you were not fist but, in fact, turd.

I trust that you will review your post and resubmit a more accurate version.

Yours, most sincerely,
Mr Galted

Morning all!

Saw Rogue One yesterday in 3D I-MAX. Superb - best film since the video of Gary Wilmot's wedding.

Morning, I have not yet seen it but I have finally got around to watching John Wick, and the Equalizer, both of which I thoroughly enjoyed.

Gutentag notches. Apologies galore and reparation made by a suitably barbaric method. Happy holidays indeed

Morning mate, you had a good one?

Fair to be honest. Had a turkey dinner the other day and thought of you asking about it. Apart from that mostly looking through power tools for the good deals. What about yours?

I had a good one, cheers, though everyone was a bit ill and whiny which took the edge off a little bit, but I did get a lockpick set (long story) so happy days.

That's one story you're going to have to share.

It is not as interesting as you think it might be, and involves a computer game...

I am practicing with it though and have managed to open the test padlock once.

Did you right click it and select unlock?

Pretty much mate.

The sandwich place over the road is shut here today, so I am stuck here today eating crap food with worse service... Lame.

Wish I had a spicy pizza.

How come you're at work mate?

Someone needs to be in for idiot queries, and as most of my team have kids I am more than happy to be in whilst they sprog watch.

Plus in doing very little and early away, and I can get my mail stack under control and then laugh at them all in the new year.

Might do a Tino for the rest of the week though, as this place is a ghost town.

Is this the latest ever fist?

And do Christmas michaelsings count?

On a weekday it could well be, and, no, michaelsing does not count at this time of year.

Morning Galts.

Morning all...been very ill over Xmas so my apologises for not sending my best wishes for the Holidays. However may I take this opportunity to wish you all a very Stabby, sorry, Happy New Year....yes, even you, Galted!

Methinks the Grim Reaper is building up to an absolute doozy for New Year but dread to think who it might actually be.  Anyway, I can heartily recommend watching Kubo and the Two Strings even though my kids have watched Trolls six times in as many days and will probably watch it again at some point today.  Keep up the good work chaps and all the best for 2017.

Morning, dagless. I'm glad to have received legal advice on the michaelsing, thank you for that.

Morning, Dave. Was going to correct your spelling of "doozy" but, it turns out, you were correct.

Galted wrote:Morning, Dave. Was going to correct your spelling of "doozy" but, it turns out, you were correct.

First time for everything, mate. Shame I appear to have left it so late....I'm usually right once a year, this was 1997's effort.

Morning, serial, seasons stabbings to you too my good man, did you get some internet for Christmas or is this a flying visit?

While you're here, Greenwich is currently infested with loads of lippy kids on bikes who all require a f*cking good stabbing.
There's a pair of slippers, an uncracked Christmas cracker and some left over parsnips in it for you*.

* might be a bit soggy.

An insipid "meat" pie, some tasteless gravy, cold chips, orange Lucozade. 1/10

rick_dagless wrote:An insipid "meat" pie, some tasteless gravy, cold chips, orange Lucozade.  1/10

Do you like parsnips?

I can take them or leave them to be honest Galts.

I like parsnips.

Still got some going spare after Christmas. They were soggy but may have fossilized by now. First one to stab or drown some local kids gets them.

I bloody love a parsnip.

You may have first option then, Jeff. Some carrots as well, don't know how you feel about them.

At best I'm indifferent.

Offensive on here today.

Sickened.

A pot of M&S Millionaire's Mini Bites for lunch. They have replaced my hunger with a pressing need to vomit and there are still 4 left. Good value at £2.80 if I can keep them down.

Gold Coast slave ship bound for cotton fields
Sold in the market down in New Orleans
Scarred old slaver knows he's doin' all right
Hear him whip the women just around midnight
Brown Sugar, how come you taste so good
Brown Sugar, just like a young girl should
Drums beatin' cold, English blood runs hot
Lady of the house wonderin' when it's gonna stop
House boy knows that he's doin' all right
You should have heard him just around midnight
Brown Sugar, how come you taste so good
Brown Sugar, just like a young girl should
Brown Sugar, how come you dance so good
Brown Sugar, just like a black girl should
I bet your mama was a Cajun Queen,
And all her boyfriends were sweet sixteen
I'm no school boy but I know what I like
You should have heard them just around midnight
Brown Sugar, how come you taste so good
Brown Sugar, just like a black girl should
I said, yeah, yeah, yeah, wooo
How come you, how come you dance so good
Yeah, yeah, yeah, wooo
Just like a, just like a black girl should
Yeah, yeah, yeah, wooo

Fist in 2017!

That is a mighty fist. Well done, Julius.