It's not 'Send', it's the 'Culture Cup', stupid.

First topic message reminder :

A booze-pilfering drunken feral pig has caused chaos by running amok at an Australian campsite and starting a fight with a cow.

The belligerent porker went on a drunken bender after stealing and drinking three six-packs of beer that had been left out by campers at the DeGrey River campsite in Port Hedland, Australia.

In the predictable series of events that followed the animal went on to ransack rubbish bin bags to find some late-night snacks before starting a fight with an innocent eyewitness cow.

Following the boarish rampage the pig decided to swim out into the middle of a river before collapsing drunk under a tree and falling asleep.

One camper named Merida recounted the tale to the ABC network: "It was in the middle of the night and it was these people camping opposite us and they heard this crunching of the can and they got their torch out and shone it on the pig and there he was scrunching away at their cans."

"Then he went and raided their rubbish that they had sort of covered over with a bin as well.

"And then there was some other people camped right on the river and they saw him running around their vehicle being chased by a cow.

"It was going around and around and then it went into the river and swam across to the middle of the river.

"The people that were camped on the river went across and crept up on it and it was hiding and sleeping under a big log right on the edge of the water."

"It was sort of coming from there for a couple of days but we didn't see it this morning or last night."

rick_dagless wrote:Wherefore art thou baffled dear Shah?

I am good, just come back down to the southern office today to find my desk has now gone, which, although I am not that bothered as I intend to spend minimal time at it, somehow still irks...

Weekend was pretty good, so all cool in the pool, and this weekend I intend to go to the Arcade Club in Bury, which I am unfeasibly looking forward to.

Now I am also baffled at your use of unfeasibly, just made the mistake of going to the daily mail comment section to see them cheering on Phill Hammond's Tax haven threat...surely they must realise that means our pensions and the NHS get scrapped? The mind boggles.

Hopefully the day is filled with clarity for you then mate.

I am staying away from all things brexit until the negotiations become a bit clearer, as there is so much hyperbole going around that it is almost impossible to separate the wood from the trees.

But yes you are spot on, though using the daily mail as a barometer for the general zeitgeist is like using Auswitch reviews on Trip adviser as a barometer of Polish holiday destinations.

http://www.argos.co.uk/product/4281650?cmpid=GS001&_$ja=tsid:59156|cid:189934405|agid:18091936165|tid:aud-158518126633:pla-135344111605|crid:77627771125|nw:g|rnd:9082938277819203388|dvc:c|adp:1o2&gclid=CJOzn6eGxtECFYkp0wod8SoBVA

It's true, I shall avoid them in the near future but maybe not after the sh*t hits the fan. Then it will be funny. ^This is an unbelievably good deal. I think I shall purchase it but maybe Serial would appreciate knowing of this offer.

I am not sure that it could get through bone with sufficient regularity to be of any use to serial mate.

As for Brexit, there is enough daft stuff going on in America at the moment without having to focus on home matters.

Should be a fun year...

It's about this time of year that I'd usually ask Tino for his views on Murray's opening match at the Australian Open. Hard to believe he's dead sometimes.

I'm not Tino.

I wonder if anyone will step up to the plate for V.3?

Morning all, long time no speak b*llocks (although not in Galted's case, it's an endless torrent of gubbins from the lad). Sat at home swearing at my cheap Chinese phone that has decided it doesn't like my network provider but likes all the others and decided to take a break and drop by. Have neither the time, patience or inclination to read through the previous pages and see what I've missed and will be disappearing again shortly.  Still banned from the 'net at work, which, whilst demonstrating how much work I'm supposed to actually get through in a day has also highlighted just how useless everyone else is now I'm working at full tilt. However it's probably inadvisable to point this out to management and ask to be allowed back on the 'net to stop everyone else feeling inadequate.  The little rotary saw looks nice and compact, Shah and would come in handy if I was dismembering babies or midgets...or midget hookers.....hey, there's idea. Obviously it means hanging around the circus which is where I assume they'll ply their trade but I don't mind. Anyway, have a tremendous day everyone, including Galted I suppose and I'm delighted that Jules is still alive (or that his bereaved relatives have simply kept his account open after he died)

The millipede can and does fart, according to biologists. Birds theoretically could break wind but apparently don't, while the crab is definitely not the one who dealt it. The database was created after a conversation between scientists on social media as to whether snakes could fart. According to one, the copperhead snake's smell is "very dry and feral, with a slight hint of stale... musk."

Every day is a school day, if only Tino were here.

If millipedes farting doesn't being him back, nothing will.

It is somewhat of a last ditch effort Jules.

Cheese sandwich, Seabrooks Salt and Vinegar. 8/10

It's the not knowing...

I think we need to get to the acceptance phase.

Lock the appletini thread as a memorial, and get a eulogy done.

It will help I think.

Dagexited.

Fecking Hell.

Gutentag Notches

Sickened.

Survived Blue Monday. I feel like a new order person.

Good morning both, well done for surviving...

Can't let it be daglessed all day.

I don't mind michaelsing the thread for the evening.

Gutentag Notches, All good in the hood?

Morning, Shah. Damn splendid, how are things in Luton?

Nippy as feck, everytime the door opens you get a arctic blast that chills yer fecking bones. Feck.

How are things in camp davinski?

I don't have to worry about any arctic blasts as I now work in a basement which is roughly the same temperature as the arctic. Shows the high regard in which the c*nting banking industry holds external staff.

Morning southerners!

Shorts and T-shirt weather here.

Morning southerners, a bit of fun to start off the day!

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-38638339

I went to McDonald's one evening with my wife and children. I sat at a large table while my wife and children went to the counter. A group of children aged between 12 and 14 were watching porn on a large iPhone with the sound on. I asked them to switch it off and received a cold shoulder. I insisted since I had young children or I would report them to the manager. Happily they switched it off before my children came. Paul Brown, Glasgow

L*L out loud

Morning mate, all good in the Shah household?

Good underage pornographic anecdote to crack the day off.

I read the article but didn't see the punchline. Well observed, Shah.

Not bad my friend, they can get a bit rowdy but a quick rattling of the bars settles them down quick enough. How are things with Chick rick?

Morning Galted, is your office moving out staff to the continent?

ShahenshahG wrote:Morning Galted, is your office moving out staff to the continent?

In my home, the staff look after the incontinent.

Nope, they've just had a great big monstrosity of a building built in London so they'll want to get their money's worth. The other regions I have dealings with are US, APAC and Switzerland so they're pretty global - a bit like racism and pedophilia.

All is good here Shah.

Morning Jules/Galts

Morning Dagless. Quite exhilarating, early morning posting these days, knowing that any post could completely michaels the thread. It's a bit like Russian roulette.

'I was on an overland train and a man, about 25 years old and wearing a hoodie, was watching porn on his mobile as we waited for the train to depart.'

So you were on a train then.

Tw@t.

Morning all. Might watch some p0rn on a train to see what all the fuss is about.

I once saw an elderly gentleman openly reading a gentleman's art book on a train once, and then once finished, opened up a holdall, which was full to the brim of said literature, and discerningly picked another, and continued reading.

I kind of expected Don Joly to be around but such is life.

It does keep you on your toes Galts, all previous rules have gone out of the window.

Morning TSRRN

rick_dagless wrote:I once saw an elderly gentleman openly reading a gentleman's art book...

You mean one of those colouring-in books they do for adults?

Very similar, Jules, though the dot to dot puzzles are quite simple.

How's it going Rick?

You mean like this Jules.

https://www.groupon.co.uk/deals/colour-therapy-anti-stress-adult-colouring-book

A bargain too!

Exactly Tattie. I don't see what's wrong with having one of those on a train. rick is so judgemental.

I didn't pass judgement, I was merely regaling an anecdote, but anyone who colours in as an adult is basically a c**t.

You sound stressed Rick.

May I recommend....
https://www.groupon.co.uk/deals/colour-therapy-anti-stress-adult-colouring-book

DAVE needs fcking millions of these mind.

Tattie Scones RRN wrote:You sound stressed Rick.

May I recommend....
https://www.groupon.co.uk/deals/colour-therapy-anti-stress-adult-colouring-book

Lol out loud

I've ordered one for the train.

I think a thread split might be a bit optimistic for this week.

rick_dagless wrote:I think a thread split might be a bit optimistic for this week.

I blame Rowley. Tino doesn't visit the site anymore, but Rowley is on here and simply ignores us. We're beneath him.
F*ck him, from now on I'm pronouncing it 'Rowley'.

Yeah... "Rowley"

Chips, peas and gravy from the chip shop near work, 9/10

GUTENTAG NOTCHERINOS

HAPPY FRIDAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

All good in the respective hoods?

Glad it is Friday mate, helping a mate to move and then hitting the arcade club tonight, nice.

You?

The Arcade Club looks great. If I had some capital I'd get a club like that on the go in Edinburgh - would make a killing in the right location.