It's not 'Send', it's the 'Culture Cup', stupid.

First topic message reminder :

Have I missed it?

What about STD Roulette?

Gutentag the few notches available today.

ShahenshahG wrote:What about STD Roulette?

Gutentag the few notches available today.

No thanks, I'm at work.

Gutentag to you as well though.

Did £140 on a fruit machine a few weeks ago. Can't gamble sensibly. Facking noel edmonds

seanmichaels wrote:Did £140 on a fruit machine a few weeks ago. Can't gamble sensibly. Facking noel edmonds

Why didn't you just visit your prefects instead?

Morning Galted the Spalted, how goeth it all?

Fist

Damn

Morning Julius the Gulyas

ShahenshahG wrote:Morning Galted the Spalted, how goeth it all?

It goes swimmingly, and has done ever since I learned of the word 'spalted'. When I've worked it into a conversation I shall be bl"*ody f*cking h*ppy.

How are you, my intolerant friend?

Some wood sculptures are spalted quite nicely.

If you go to Hungary you might see some gulyas.

Cheers, Julius, but I've never initiated a wood sculpture conversation before.

Galted wrote:Cheers, Julius, but I've never initiated a wood sculpture conversation before.

Surprising, given your knowledge and experience of all things cultural.

Thanks for noticing that it's surprising.

As soon as I get my new Arts Pass I will find a wood sculpture exhibition so that I can say "I do not believe that I've ever borne witness to such diabolical spalting. C*nts".

Galted wrote:Thanks for noticing that it's surprising.

As soon as I get my new Arts Pass I will find a wood sculpture exhibition so that I can say "I do not believe that I've ever borne witness to such diabolical spalting. C*nts".

Followed by a silent fart.

JuliusHMarx wrote:

Galted wrote:Thanks for noticing that it's surprising.

As soon as I get my new Arts Pass I will find a wood sculpture exhibition so that I can say "I do not believe that I've ever borne witness to such diabolical spalting. C*nts".

Followed by a silent fart.

Of course, there's no point to culture without a silent fart.
My mingle, release and drift away technique is second to none.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-wales-south-east-wales-39302001

Tattie?

I'm not Chuck Berry.

Julius is dead.

JuliusHMarx wrote:I'm not Chuck Berry.

Sorry, hadn't seen that when I posted.

Morning clubmuckers,

I'm nearly not Michael Caine. Does he have a death wish or something?

Have a really scary spider story. Almost to embarrassing to post. So so evil... yet a touch of respect between the juicy one and me - in my slumber state. Nature at its best. Or symbiosis if you will...

wotcha TLD, please regale us with tales of arachnids....

plan of spider web:

I was staying overnight at the edge of jungle... front bedroom. Feb 16? It had been a brutally hot day of about 42 degrees. Fans on constantly in between swims/showers... yet hardly any relief. Unbearable!

Finally drifted off to sleep when the temperature dropped below 30. Probably 1am. Slept quite soundly thereafter.

Had to get up early, around 6am. Just had this funny sense of a silent yet hard working presence. In the very near vicinity.

Remember the Bond movie with the gondola somewhere in the Alps? Jeff must know which one.

The first thing I saw upon awakening was this relatively good sized spider suspended a few inches from my face... slightly to my left. I didn't panic. Just let it do its thing. In a couple of seconds it was over on top of the fan (which was still blasting away off the foot of the bed)
It then abseiled over to a sideboard and I used the cup method to capture it. It turned into a beautiful gold and brown ball... almost like one of those Ferrero Rocher chocolate balls... which I think are totally overrated by the way.

Took him/her outside and it went down a gap in the corner of the front verandah.

It must have thought: great place to set up. Breeze with potential victims from window... so I'll make it parallel to that. The old dog must have struggled in this heat too so I'll let him lie. Just string my gondola from wall to fan and hopefully be ready by dawn.

I was pretty freaked out by its derring-do yet I marvelled at its brazen ingenuity.

Pretty sure this is it... or a relative. Taken just now. Massive, massive web under a flood light.

Goldern Orb:

I would have shat my pants TLD so fair play to you...

How is life in general dear boy? Casa del TLD all done now?

rick_dagless wrote:I would have shat my pants TLD so fair play to you...

How is life in general dear boy? Casa del TLD all done now?

About 96% done inside. A bit of landscaping still to do.
After that heatwave we've had heavy rain almost every day. Quite frustrating (the delays) but nearly there.

How are things with you, Ricko? All good I trust.

I too would have shat my pants and would have pissed the bed for good measure!

I almost cooked myself alive by refusing to open a window on my first night in Sydney. I'd noticed a massive tree outside the window of my room and thought there was a good chance that if I left the window open I'd wake up sharing the bed with all kinds of arachnids and insects.

It was mid-summer and I woke up the next morning with a hearty bout of dehydration sickness and spent the day throwing up any water that I tried to drink. Good times.

When I was eventually well enough to take in my surroundings, I noticed the massive fly screen across the window.

I am pretty good TLD, just picked up keys to new digs, and the new job is going well.

Hope we are getting pictures when you are all done.

Morning supes.

Morning Rickster.

One of my mates (in his late 30's) was in the union in Dundee over the weekend.

Shameful!

Blimey, I bet he felt old...

Wonder if it has changed? I can still hear the Daytona theme as I walk into the pool/arcade room now.

I went to the Talented Art Fair in Shoreditch on Friday, Shoreditch being a hipster breeding ground.
What an absolute c*nt-fest, one beardy w*nker was wearing an orange leather jacket and purple top hat with a feather. Galtova even chose not to be offended when I said 'what a c*nt' more loudly than intended, though she did tell me to shut the f*ck up.

Luckily we had tickets to Beethoven's 9th on Saturday so my faith in humankind received a big boost.

Galted wrote:I went to the Talented Art Fair in Shoreditch on Friday, Shoreditch being a hipster breeding ground.
What an absolute c*nt-fest, one beardy w*nker was wearing an orange leather jacket and purple top hat with a feather. Galtova even chose not to be offended when I said 'what a c*nt' more loudly than intended, though she did tell me to shut the f*ck up.

Luckily we had tickets to Beethoven's 9th on Saturday so my faith in humankind received a big boost.

It always amuses me to imagine what might happen to someone dressed like that in a place like Airdrie or Coatbridge.

superflyweight wrote:

Galted wrote:I went to the Talented Art Fair in Shoreditch on Friday, Shoreditch being a hipster breeding ground.
What an absolute c*nt-fest, one beardy w*nker was wearing an orange leather jacket and purple top hat with a feather. Galtova even chose not to be offended when I said 'what a c*nt' more loudly than intended, though she did tell me to shut the f*ck up.

Luckily we had tickets to Beethoven's 9th on Saturday so my faith in humankind received a big boost.

It always amuses me to imagine what might happen to someone dressed like that in a place like Airdrie or Coatbridge.  

Invite rick to airdrie and find out. Gutentag notches, El chauffer for the day.

I've been to Airdrie, never again.

You had black and blue added to the purple and orange?

They are too drunk or emaciated from a poor diet to fight Shah, I just had to continually fight the urge to sign on.

Hahah

Afternoon notches.

Just recovering after weekend. Found in a flower bed Saturday night / Sunday morning. Not my proudest moment

Any reason or just a big session?

seanmichaels wrote:Just recovering after weekend. Found in a flower bed Saturday night / Sunday morning. Not my proudest moment

Reminds me of a 21st I went to back in the day. Arrived late and drunk and was keen to make an impression so imitated some loud, slurring idiot. Thought I was doing a good job and couldn't understand why no-one was laughing then discovered that the slurrer was sober but retarded.
Felt a bit bad and rescued the situation in the only way I could, making friends with him and getting him bladdered. He disappeared after a while and we spent ages searching for him, when he was found he was lying in his underpants in a flowerbed, the rest of his clothes were in a plastic bag next to him.
Buck-passing c*nts tried to blame me when it was their fault for leaving a retarded person in the care of a drunk person.

I'm not Martin McGuiness.

Good to hear it Jules.

Has micheals retired to the flowerbed again?

The natural home of the pansy.

I'm not Colin Dexter.

--. .-.. .- -.. / - --- / .... . .- .-. / - .... .- -

Not sure what that says rick. Presumably it's in Inspector Morse code.

Very clever, reminds me of the thread in its heyday.

"Glad to hear that"

I was working Saturday morning. Couldn't decide what to do, all friends wanted me to go down for brothers belated 40th. Eventually decided to drive down to Christchurch in work clothes on premise I could borrow some once down there. Just basically cooked myself during rugby having eaten nothing all day.funny thing was, having been helped up to the flat from flower bed, I carried on till 4am and a bird even wanted a piece of me. She was tidy as well. Saw her snatch I'm the morning

Morning notches

Fist

Morning Rick. Wassup? All good?

seanmichaels wrote: Saw her snatch I'm the morning

I bet you were... in her eyes.

Spent a few hours in garden beds over the years too. Most painful was my aunt's rose garden at her son's wedding in ChCh (NZ).

Then a few hours later I was rudely interrupted by my uncle whilst rollicking around with a bridesmaid in the sitting room.
He just said "oh.. excuse me (insert name)" and then quietly closed the door. I'll never forget the look of surprise/nudge-nudge-wink-wink on his face.