It's not 'Send', it's the 'Culture Cup', stupid.

First topic message reminder :

He is
much vaunted
and so old his b*mhole is haunted
Julius
Julius

I'm not Sir Bruce Forsyth.
Sad news.

JuliusHMarx wrote:I'm not Sir Bruce Forsyth.
Sad news.

Wow, saw it here first.

God(If I believed in him) - "Nice to see you, to see you nice"

Gutentag Notches

How went the wedding Rickoshine?

Wedding was good, cheers long day though.

How was the weekend?

Pretty fair to be honest, didn't get up to much, just a bit of work and read a couple of books which were Poopie to middling. What about yours? did the wedding celebrations last into the weekend?

Saturday, just out with friends and Sunday watching the football, good do.

Finished reading Way of the Shadows, which was a good read.

Tired today as didn't sleep that well last night, which is unusual for me.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZzHqXzcuWuE

This'll perk you up

I achieved two great feats of technology over the weekend. Firstly I followed Jeff on Twitter, and secondly posted to a closed group on Facebook. Made both look easy but my heart was in my mouth.
I would recommend Jeff's Twitter feed, bloody funny stuff (assuming that it is actually Jeff and not someone else).

I don't do Twitter to be honest, but post a link on here so I can have the occasional look.

Shah what is that link?

Does Jeff ever mention his formative years on the Culture Cup?

I haven't seen any mention, it may be one of the many things that are beneath him.
Much about politics though, far more scathing and to the point than the off-topic debacle.

The angry Kiwi has spent the last working day and a half demolishing three heavy duty crates with nothing but fury and a hammer (the kind of crates used to transport pianos or wildlife).
Witnessing it has been both terrifying and exhilarating

Why, may I ask, has he been undertaking such a task?

Did you video it?

Half a day per crate? The work-shy fop.

Received a whole bunch of pcs and screens back which we'd previously loaned out. For some reason DHL have taken their return very seriously, especially considering that the place from where they've been returned is a five minute walk from here.

No video.

Almost went an hour, I need to write a quiz for one of the local bars soon, so I can test it here.

It will be like old times (or alternatively when Jules shares his quiz on here)

Did you see the link rick?

I did not, I will have a look when I have some peace and quiet (probably in about 15 I expect)

rick_dagless wrote:Almost went an hour, I need to write a quiz for one of the local bars soon, so I can test it here.

It will be like old times (or alternatively when Jules shares his quiz on here)

I'm writing one for the end of September.
8 rounds -
Firsts
Seconds Out
Three's Company
Four Candles
Fifth Symphony
Six Of One
The Magnificent Seven
Eight Days A Week

Which one would you put your joker on, and why?

Plus 2 picture rounds - Logo-a-gogo and I Don't Know Much About Art...

Have an angry Kiwi round where each team gets a crate and a hammer.

Galted wrote:Have an angry Kiwi round where each team gets a crate and a hammer.

One round that lasts half a day?

Jules wrote:Which one would you put your joker on, and why?

Probably firsts, or four candles.

Firsts can be memorable, and is the four candles, words that sound like other words but mean something different?

Just snapped a plastic box folder shut on my left nipple by mistake. C*nting well hurts, fairly close to tears though I'm holding them off for now.

rick_dagless wrote:

Jules wrote:Which one would you put your joker on, and why?

Probably firsts, or four candles.

Firsts can be memorable, and is the four candles, words that sound like other words but mean something different?

Four Candles is a TV comedy round

Galted wrote:Just snapped a plastic box folder shut on my left nipple by mistake.

Yeah right, 'cos that's so easily done.

It is easily done when you're leaning over ready to put the folder away. My nipple was covered by my blue polo shirt but it hurt nonetheless.

JuliusHMarx wrote:

Galted wrote:Just snapped a plastic box folder shut on my left nipple by mistake.

Yeah right, 'cos that's so easily done.

He'll accidently get his willy stuck in a vacuum hose next

ShahenshahG wrote:

JuliusHMarx wrote:

Galted wrote:Just snapped a plastic box folder shut on my left nipple by mistake.

Yeah right, 'cos that's so easily done.

He'll accidently get his willy stuck in a vacuum hose next

Then accidentally sit on an orange whilst naked.

JuliusHMarx wrote:

ShahenshahG wrote:

JuliusHMarx wrote:

Galted wrote:Just snapped a plastic box folder shut on my left nipple by mistake.

Yeah right, 'cos that's so easily done.

He'll accidently get his willy stuck in a vacuum hose next

Then accidentally sit on an orange whilst naked.

Then trip over and accidentally impregnate the neighbours dog

My vacuum cleaner's a Miele. If my willy came anywhere near it I'd be fishing it out the bag.

JuliusHMarx wrote:

ShahenshahG wrote:

JuliusHMarx wrote:

Galted wrote:Just snapped a plastic box folder shut on my left nipple by mistake.

Yeah right, 'cos that's so easily done.

He'll accidently get his willy stuck in a vacuum hose next

Then accidentally sit on an orange whilst naked.

Are you grooming me?

Galted wrote:My vacuum cleaner's a Miele. If my willy came anywhere near it I'd be fishing it out the bag.

It's what you'd deserve for playing with your food.

Morning notches.

The top 15 funniest jokes from the Fringe

1. "I'm not a fan of the new pound coin, but then again, I hate all change" - Ken Cheng

2. "Trump's nothing like Hitler. There's no way he could write a book" - Frankie Boyle

3. "I've given up asking rhetorical questions. What's the point?" - Alexei Sayle

4. "I'm looking for the girl next door type. I'm just gonna keep moving house till I find her" - Lew Fitz

5. "I like to imagine the guy who invented the umbrella was going to call it the 'brella'. But he hesitated" - Andy Field

6. "Combine Harvesters. And you'll have a really big restaurant" - Mark Simmons

7. "I'm rubbish with names. It's not my fault, it's a condition. There's a name for it..." - Jimeoin

8. "I have two boys, 5 and 6. We're no good at naming things in our house" - Ed Byrne

9. "I wasn't particularly close to my dad before he died... which was lucky, because he trod on a land mine" - Olaf Falafel

10. "Whenever someone says, 'I don't believe in coincidences.' I say, 'Oh my God, me neither!"' - Alasdair Beckett-King

11. "A friend tricked me into going to Wimbledon by telling me it was a men's singles event" - Angela Barnes

12. "As a vegan, I think people who sell meat are disgusting; but apparently people who sell fruit and veg are grocer" - Adele Cliff

13. "For me dying is a lot like going camping. I don't want to do it" - Phil Wang

14. "I wonder how many chameleons snuck onto the Ark" - Adam Hess

15. "I went to a Pretenders gig. It was a tribute act" - Tim Vine

I saw that - I'd go for 14, 4 and 7

I think my favourites are 8, 10 and 13.

13 was too much like the Woody Allen line - I'm not afraid of dying, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

I just hate camping...

1,2,8, 9 and 10

Morning Notches

9 for me.

My left nipple is still sore.

That is out of the Hungarian to English phrase book, I am sure.

That was 'my nipples explode with delight'.

Julius seems to have eased off with my online grooming. I'm a bit disappointed really, but it may just be part of his cunning.

It was indeed, Galted, I am just glad you picked up on my tenuous Monty Python link...

As for Jules, as the kids say, he will be sliding into your DM's

rick_dagless wrote:It was indeed, Galted, I am just glad you picked up on my tenuous Monty Python link...

As for Jules, as the kids say, he will be sliding into your DM's

Dark Matter?

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-hampshire-41010998

For shame, the Asda

JuliusHMarx wrote:http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-hampshire-41010998

For shame, the Asda

Bloody yanks...

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-41011259

Good news for the Lidl, bad for the Waitrose

Bit disappointed to find the Culture Cup unattended.

How's Julius supposed to unleash his puns if there is no platform?

For f*ck's sake.