Mammal Kingdom Match Day Squad

It's been a while since it was done and I'm bored at work

We're picking a match day squad of 23 from the animal kingdom that are mammals. This means no picking blue whales for the scrum (coz they'd not be effective on land) and you can't cheat by having a bird on the wing to fly over everyone else!

You can only pick one position to fill (to give everyone a chance). If you think you have a better idea for a position already filled, by all means let us know so we can argue about things to pass the time.

Mind it's just a laugh so the fact that some animals don't have hands to catch the ball is irrelevant.

I'll pick one first just to get the ball rolling, but it's going to be a sub just for the giggles.

1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.

9.
10
11.
12.
13.
14.
15.

16. Rhino (Hooker replacement) Brought on after 60 mins to bring additional ball carrying and dynamism against a tiring opposition.
17.
18.
19.
20.
21.
22.
23.

3. Hippo

7. Jackal.

Hmm, if only picking one....

How about:

9) Jack Russell Terrier - always yapping away

Laidlaw does remind me a little of a meerkat.

No.8 Polar bear
The slightly smaller cousin to some modern day 8s.

Yeah meerkat was the one that came to mind for 9.

As its been said already I'll go with a honey badger for 6

wikipedia wrote:It is primarily a carnivorous species and has few natural predators because of its thick skin and ferocious defensive abilities.

Sounds a natural fit to me!

13. Horse

Powerful pacy line breaker at outside centre

TheMildlyFranticLlama wrote:Yeah meerkat was the one that came to mind for 9.

As its been said already I'll go with a honey badger for 6

wikipedia wrote:It is primarily a carnivorous species and has few natural predators because of its thick skin and ferocious defensive abilities.

Sounds a natural fit to me!

Most put him at 7 (he goes for the testicles apparently!)

Or at 14 due to Nick "The Honeybadger" Cummings

4/5 - Camel & Girraffe - Or possibly Shire Horse....

1 or 3 - Musk Ox

Sure he honey badger played on the wing for australia.

Obviously pit bull has to be in at hooker.

1. Silverback
2. Rhino
3. Hippo
4. Elephant
5. Giraffe
6.Warthog/Boar
7. Hyena
8. Grizzly

Size is a bit like the French pack...

tigertattie wrote:

You can only pick one position to fill (to give everyone a chance).

propdavid_london wrote:1. Silverback
2. Rhino
3. Hippo
4. Elephant
5. Giraffe
6.Warthog/Boar
7. Hyena
8. Grizzly

My suggestion would be buffalo for number 6. Rampaging carrier, plus the you could even have them pack down in the tight 5 at scrum time to allow you to pick a taller, more lightweight mammal at lock.

tigertattie wrote:

TheMildlyFranticLlama wrote:Yeah meerkat was the one that came to mind for 9.

As its been said already I'll go with a honey badger for 6

wikipedia wrote:It is primarily a carnivorous species and has few natural predators because of its thick skin and ferocious defensive abilities.

Sounds a natural fit to me!

Most put him at 7 (he goes for the testicles apparently!)

Or at 14 due to Nick "The Honeybadger" Cummings

But surely the 7 couldn't be anything other than the groundhog!

All the big cattle come in to play aswell.
American Bison, African Buffalo, Gaur...absolutely monstrous animals..

Rhino at 8...be like Waldrom on the hoof!!

No mention of the big cats? Tiger, Lion, Jaguar, Leopard,

Cheetah on the wing.
Impala or Springbok on the other wing?

Wolverine?

Fox for 10?

Domestic Cat at 9...

African hunting dog at 7...bigger engine than Robshaw!

Polar Bear?

Can tell you guys are rugby fans...nobody sticking to the rules!

Scottrf wrote:Can tell you guys are rugby fans...nobody sticking to the rules!

Think Ritchie McCaw has a few usernames on this forum!

GeordieFalcon wrote:All the big cattle come in to play aswell.
American Bison, African Buffalo, Gaur...absolutely monstrous animals..

Rhino at 8...be like Waldrom on the hoof!!

No mention of the big cats? Tiger, Lion, Jaguar, Leopard,

Cheetah on the wing.
Impala or Springbok on the other wing?

Wolverine?

Fox for 10?

Domestic Cat at 9...

African hunting dog at 7...bigger engine than Robshaw!

Polar Bear?

I'd be putting a Tiger in at 6 myself. Imagine that thing chasing down the opposition over and over again. Pretty sure it would make a decent carrier going forward too!

The other option would be at 12!

Tigers are just pretty spectacular in general!

tigertattie wrote:

GeordieFalcon wrote:All the big cattle come in to play aswell.
American Bison, African Buffalo, Gaur...absolutely monstrous animals..

Rhino at 8...be like Waldrom on the hoof!!

No mention of the big cats? Tiger, Lion, Jaguar, Leopard,

Cheetah on the wing.
Impala or Springbok on the other wing?

Wolverine?

Fox for 10?

Domestic Cat at 9...

African hunting dog at 7...bigger engine than Robshaw!

Polar Bear?

I'd be putting a Tiger in at 6 myself. Imagine that thing chasing down the opposition over and over again. Pretty sure it would make a decent carrier going forward too!

The other option would be at 12!

Tigers are just pretty spectacular in general!

These big game cats are lazy. Might get away with them in the backs. No chance at 6.

I'm sure there's an old joke to be used here, something along the lines of...

Can't we just do what New Zealand do, and pick 15 cheetahs?

So we're currently looking at

1. Musk Ox
2.
3. Hippo
4. Giraffe
5. Elephant
6. Honey badger
7. Jackal
8. Polar Bear

9. Jack Russell (Finn's wee brother?)
10. Fox
11. Cheetah
12. Tiger
13. Horse
14. Springbok
15.

16. Rhino
17. Silverback
18.
19. Buffalo
20. African Hunting Dog
21.
22.
23.

So we need a fullback, Hooker and bench cover for Loosehead and 3 back replacements! Given that the starting 9 and 10 are looking a bit weak in defense, might want to think of that

Im sure this bull would know how to do a job at hooker

marty2086 wrote:Im sure this bull would know how to do a job at hooker

Which bull are you talking about?

Got to be a chimpanzee at hooker, good at swinging between solid objects, much stronger than they look, can throw well, unlike most mammals, always yapping to each other and has a thing about always playing with themselves, good for a hooker

Wolf or Leopard at full back.
Both are fast, aggressive, powerful, agile....

Not see the Cheetahs on Big Cats? I want them at FB.

In an unusual suggestion, I'd like to go for a hybrid animal in the centres - much like the French use Bastereaud, I'd like to suggest a Liger, which is of course a Male Lion/Female Tiger cross. It grows bigger than either of its parent species, some weighing over 900lb.

They're quick, powerful and extremely difficult to stop. And like most backs, they think they're good looking too.

so here we have it!

1. Musk Ox
2. Chimp
3. Hippo
4. Giraffe
5. Elephant
6. Honey badger
7. Jackal
8. Polar Bear

9. Jack Russell
10. Fox
11. Cheetah
12. Tiger
13. Horse
14. Springbok
15. Leopard

16. Rhino
17. Silverback
18. Rory Best's Bull
19. Sebastian Chabal
20. Buffalo
21. African Hunting Dog
22. Wolf
23. Liger

tigertattie wrote:19. Sebastian Chabal

Was this whole thread an elaborate setup for that tattie?

There was a space on the bench and couldn't help myself!

I've still got doubts about the blindside selection. I know the honey badger has the skill-set, but I'd question whether it has the height and weight for international rugby.

cascough wrote:

tigertattie wrote:

You can only pick one position to fill (to give everyone a chance).

propdavid_london wrote:1. Silverback
2. Rhino
3. Hippo
4. Elephant
5. Giraffe
6.Warthog/Boar
7. Hyena
8. Grizzly

My suggestion would be buffalo for number 6. Rampaging carrier, plus the you could even have them pack down in the tight 5 at scrum time to allow you to pick a taller, more lightweight mammal at lock.  

Ooops - apologies

15. Blue whale.

What?

He's still a f**king mammal! Don't any of you watch Attenborough???

SecretFly wrote:15.  Blue whale.

What?

He's still a f**king mammal!  Don't any of you watch Attenborough???

Not sure about the mobility on land.

Scottrf wrote:

SecretFly wrote:15.  Blue whale.

What?

He's still a f**king mammal!  Don't any of you watch Attenborough???

Not sure about the mobility on land.

He's a blue whale, Scott. Stretch him out across the tryline and just watch them cheetahs try to get a ball across it. He can bloody go to sleep for all I care, defence is taken care of for the whole game.

Would get pinged for a no arms tackle though.

True. Didn't think of that. Forget the Blue Whale. And now he's under contract and I paid a fortune for him. Basterde agents!!!

He'd also get pinged constantly for not rolling away.

SecretFly wrote:True.  Didn't think of that.  Forget the Blue Whale.  And now he's under contract and I paid a fortune for him.  Basterde agents!!!

Plus, the gravity would ensure he suffocates under his own weight so he'd be fine for the opener, but I wouldn't bank on him for the grand slam decider.

cascough wrote:

SecretFly wrote:True.  Didn't think of that.  Forget the Blue Whale.  And now he's under contract and I paid a fortune for him.  Basterde agents!!!

Plus, the gravity would ensure he suffocates under his own weight so he'd be fine for the opener, but I wouldn't bank on him for the grand slam decider.

Are there any rules on picking players who are already dead?

lostinwales wrote:

cascough wrote:

SecretFly wrote:True.  Didn't think of that.  Forget the Blue Whale.  And now he's under contract and I paid a fortune for him.  Basterde agents!!!

Plus, the gravity would ensure he suffocates under his own weight so he'd be fine for the opener, but I wouldn't bank on him for the grand slam decider.

Are there any rules on picking players who are already dead?

Not seen AWJ play recently?

lostinwales wrote:

cascough wrote:

SecretFly wrote:True.  Didn't think of that.  Forget the Blue Whale.  And now he's under contract and I paid a fortune for him.  Basterde agents!!!

Plus, the gravity would ensure he suffocates under his own weight so he'd be fine for the opener, but I wouldn't bank on him for the grand slam decider.

Are there any rules on picking players who are already dead?

Not sure. But the Liger and the Tiger lording it over the carcass is bound to cause friction. At best the rest of the team will be distracted from the task at hand and at worst there will be infighting. Hang on, who are we playing?

Power and Speed!!

1 Musk Ox
2 African Buffalo
3 Hippo
4 Giraffe
5 Elephant
6 Lion
7 Grizzly Bear
8 Rhino

9 Thomsons Gazelle
10 Big Red Kangeroo
11 Cheetah
12 Polar Bear
13 Tiger
14 Pronghorn Antelope
15 Leopard

Sorry to go all Attenborough but a Kangeroo isn't a mammal.

Although Scott is correct in his thirst for detail, I'd say he is incorrect.

They are not placental mammals (the animals we generally consider to be mammals), but they are marsupial mammals, who both share a class of mammalia. Quite frankly though, if we leave the pesky Australians out then who will complain?

Great thread.

I stand corrected.

Reptiles next ?

Komodo Dragon, Saltwater Croc...some power and aggression there!

I'm surprised I haven't seen a donkey and a mule somewhere in amongst 1, 2 and 3. Try moving them boys forward, back or to the side when they don't want to do it. Even a rhino would lose his cool and get red carded trying to shift them.