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I realise times are difficult, especially when having to deal with Wordsworth, but has it really reached the stage where steak-related puns are completely overlooked?

JuliusHMarx wrote:I realise times are difficult, especially when having to deal with Wordsworth, but has it really reached the stage where steak-related puns are completely overlooked?

F*ck you, Jules.

I liked your pun, but you've posted better.

Me on the other hand, I've never posted anything funnier than than the Dead Poets Society gag earlier and nothing from you.

F*ck you.

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

JuliusHMarx wrote:I realise times are difficult, especially when having to deal with Wordsworth, but has it really reached the stage where steak-related puns are completely overlooked?

F*ck you, Jules.

I liked your pun, but you've posted better.

Me on the other hand, I've never posted anything funnier than than the Dead Poets Society gag earlier and nothing from you.

F*ck you.

Apologies Tino, I was too busy leading a life of quiet desperation.

JuliusHMarx wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

JuliusHMarx wrote:I realise times are difficult, especially when having to deal with Wordsworth, but has it really reached the stage where steak-related puns are completely overlooked?

F*ck you, Jules.

I liked your pun, but you've posted better.

Me on the other hand, I've never posted anything funnier than than the Dead Poets Society gag earlier and nothing from you.

F*ck you.

Apologies Tino, I was too busy leading a life of quiet desperation.

I just know that this is a Wordsworth related pun but I can't confirm that without googling.

This is why I shouldn't bother taking you on in a word play fight.

For the sake of f*ck.

It's not Wordsworth related, it's Dead Poets Society related. Do a Thoreau search of the internet.

JuliusHMarx wrote:It's not Wordsworth related, it's Dead Poets Society related. Do a Thoreau search of the internet.

Porn and insects. Occasionally insect porn.

Doing my civic duty and unmichaelsing a poster who I've always tolerated and, on occasion, respected.

superflyweight wrote:Doing my civic duty and unmichaelsing a poster who I've always tolerated and, on occasion, respected.  

Literally the nicest thing you've ever said to me.

Is breaking silence after 1 hour and 48 minutes truly unmichaelsing? Shouldn't there be a minimum time before this term is applicable.

lostinwales wrote:Is breaking silence after 1 hour and 48 minutes truly unmichaelsing? Shouldn't there be a minimum time before this term is applicable.

Depends on the time of day. I'd say 1hr 48 is a long time over lunchtime and requires an unmichaelsing.

Unmichaelsing fist

Had to be done

Sicond.

I don't recall a fist unmichaelsing an unmichaelsing explanation before. That's just as controversial as Duty's appearances.

Tird.
We live in controversial times.

Froth.

Speak out, do not conceal your mind.
Boethius.

Bela Lugosi's dead.
Bauhaus.

Undead undead undead undead.

Victory is ours!
Mrs Teasdale.

We're all doomed.
Private Frazer.

Galted wrote:That's just as controversial as Duty's appearances.

I only visit here to defend my age and bemoan the geographical knowledge of University Challenge contestants.

I only visit here to defend my age and bemoan the geographical knowledge of University Challenge contestants.
Duty281.

'Oh, Galted, I have a problem.  I've got this neighbour, fella called Tino.  He's a little stalkerish w*nker.  I've heard that you know him, is that true?'
                                                               
                                                                                                                                                                                                                              - Weisz, 2018



'Nope.'
                                                             
                - Me, 2018

Galted wrote:'Oh, Galted, I have a problem.  I've got this neighbour, fella called Tino.  He's a little stalkerish w*nker.  I've heard that you know him, is that true?'
                                                               
                                                                                                                                                                                                                              - Weisz, 2018



'Nope.'
                                                             
                - Me, 2018

It was stalkerish little w*nker that Coxy called me, not little stalkerish w*nker. Subtle but very important difference.

Another essential lunchtime unmichaelsing.

BBC News Ticker: Diamonds swapped for pebbles in London gem heist.

l*l

Hi Super. You gave me a bit of a fright!

superflyweight wrote:Another essential lunchtime unmichaelsing.  

Thanks, champ.

I appear to be as popular as Duty these days. At least someone has my back.

Seen any decent insect swarms lately, Tino?

Pal Joey wrote:Seen any decent insect swarms lately, Tino?

Yeah, actually. I saw hundreds of black caterpillars congregating round a branch the other day. Never seen anything like it. I took a picture but I've no idea how to download them on here so you'll just have to take my word that it was quite a scene.

Did watch part one of a programme called World's Most Toxic Creatures last night. Might watch part 2 tonight. You'll be surprised to know that Australia featured quite heavily in it.

It was inland taipans and various other snakes yesterday. Some fierce ants and scorpions as well. Then a whole section on the dangers in the sea. Cone shell snails, stone fish, blue ringed jelly fish. That kind of thing.

Part 2 is about spiders so I'm expecting to see lots more of Australia in that. If they go to Sydney to look at the funnel web, I'll keep my eye out for you in the background. Make sure you wave.

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

Pal Joey wrote:Seen any decent insect swarms lately, Tino?

Yeah, actually. I saw hundreds of black caterpillars congregating round a branch the other day. Never seen anything like it. I took a picture but I've no idea how to download them on here so you'll just have to take my word that it was quite a scene.

Did watch part one of a programme called World's Most Toxic Creatures last night. Might watch part 2 tonight. You'll be surprised to know that Australia featured quite heavily in it.

It was inland taipans and various other snakes yesterday. Some fierce ants and scorpions as well. Then a whole section on the dangers in the sea. Cone shell snails, stone fish, blue ringed jelly fish. That kind of thing.

Part 2 is about spiders so I'm expecting to see lots more of Australia in that. If they go to Sydney to look at the funnel web, I'll keep my eye out for you in the background. Make sure you wave.

Ha ha.

After my deadly confession of murdering innocent funnel webs above I'm keeping a very low profile and avoiding TV crews wherever possible.

Bloody quiet here. Even the wildlife (except birds) seems to have gone into lockdown. Disturbed a nest of ants ripping out some bushes the other day but apart from that not much is happening. Haven't seen a cockroach for about two years now and only about 4 flies during the same time span.

Something feels wrong with the natural order generally... probably those huge fires and floods wiped out critical parts of the animal kingdom? Hope it bounces back soon.

Pal Joey wrote:

Something feels wrong with the natural order generally... probably those huge fires and floods wiped out critical parts of the animal kingdom? Hope it bounces back soon.

Sounds logical to me.

Insect populations in the UK have been under pressure the last few years although I'm not sure of the reasoning. It has been having a knock on effect for certain birds as well.

We were looking at having some astro turf laid in part of garden but then I read how bad it is for insects and birds so ditched that idea and went for natural turf instead. More upkeep and more mud in the house but a small price to pay.

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

Pal Joey wrote:

Something feels wrong with the natural order generally... probably those huge fires and floods wiped out critical parts of the animal kingdom? Hope it bounces back soon.

Sounds logical to me.

Insect populations in the UK have been under pressure the last few years although I'm not sure of the reasoning. It has been having a knock on effect for certain birds as well.

We were looking at having some astro turf laid in part of garden but then I read how bad it is for insects and birds so ditched that idea and went for natural turf instead. More upkeep and more mud in the house but a small price to pay.

Yeah. Some idiot builders suggested the same thing (astro turf) but I prefer real lawn. I've already had to replace a large part of it once... it got far too dry (burnt to a crisp!) and then got infested with those pill bugs? I re-turfed it last September after scouring out the underlay and treating it with some natural bug killer product. So far so good. A bit of work to get it established but I'm hoping it can survive through the upcoming summer without any more trauma. It only took about 3 really hot days to destroy it in 2019-20.

Pal Joey wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

Pal Joey wrote:

Something feels wrong with the natural order generally... probably those huge fires and floods wiped out critical parts of the animal kingdom? Hope it bounces back soon.

Sounds logical to me.

Insect populations in the UK have been under pressure the last few years although I'm not sure of the reasoning. It has been having a knock on effect for certain birds as well.

We were looking at having some astro turf laid in part of garden but then I read how bad it is for insects and birds so ditched that idea and went for natural turf instead. More upkeep and more mud in the house but a small price to pay.

Yeah. Some idiot builders suggested the same thing (astro turf) but I prefer real lawn. I've already had to replace a large part of it once... it got far too dry (burnt to a crisp!) and then got infested with those pill bugs? I re-turfed it last September after scouring out the underlay and treating it with some natural bug killer product. So far so good. A bit of work to get it established but I'm hoping it can survive through the upcoming summer without any more trauma. It only took about 3 really hot days to destroy it in 2019-20.

Never really gets hot enough to do too much damage to the lawns over here. Have to careful with astro on dogs paws as well. On the few occasions (such as this week) it gets really hot over here, astro can burn their paws whereas turf will just disperse the heat naturally. Another reason not to have it.

There was something on the local tv over here recently. The RSPCA sent some heat sensing drone up and the pavements in the mid day heat where about 15 degrees hotter than the air and it showed all these people walking their dogs on the concrete. Not a great idea.

The wife got me to replace most of the lawn(small to start with) with three raised beds where she grows flowers. There is a noticable and very positive impact on bug numbers and despite the boys' complaints they seldom got out there anyway.

Also has the important side effect of supplying our smallest cat with butterflies she can rip the wings off.

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

Pal Joey wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

Pal Joey wrote:

Something feels wrong with the natural order generally... probably those huge fires and floods wiped out critical parts of the animal kingdom? Hope it bounces back soon.

Sounds logical to me.

Insect populations in the UK have been under pressure the last few years although I'm not sure of the reasoning. It has been having a knock on effect for certain birds as well.

We were looking at having some astro turf laid in part of garden but then I read how bad it is for insects and birds so ditched that idea and went for natural turf instead. More upkeep and more mud in the house but a small price to pay.

Yeah. Some idiot builders suggested the same thing (astro turf) but I prefer real lawn. I've already had to replace a large part of it once... it got far too dry (burnt to a crisp!) and then got infested with those pill bugs? I re-turfed it last September after scouring out the underlay and treating it with some natural bug killer product. So far so good. A bit of work to get it established but I'm hoping it can survive through the upcoming summer without any more trauma. It only took about 3 really hot days to destroy it in 2019-20.

Never really gets hot enough to do too much damage to the lawns over here. Have to careful with astro on dogs paws as well. On the few occasions (such as this week) it gets really hot over here, astro can burn their paws whereas turf will just disperse the heat naturally. Another reason not to have it.

There was something on the local tv over here recently. The RSPCA sent some heat sensing drone up and the pavements in the mid day heat where about 15 degrees hotter than the air and it showed all these people walking their dogs on the concrete. Not a great idea.

That's right. When we had 48 degrees here surface temps were in the mid to high 60s. Some roads began to melt away. Poor little earth worms and garden skinks were barbecued onto my limestone paving. Hell of a job scraping them off. They were fully cooked - well done.

Pal Joey wrote:Disturbed a nest of ants ripping out some bushes the other day but apart from that not much is happening.

Christ almighty, the ants in Oz are so vicious they rip out bushes.

Galted wrote:

Pal Joey wrote:Disturbed a nest of ants ripping out some bushes the other day but apart from that not much is happening.

Christ almighty, the ants in Oz are so vicious they rip out bushes.

l*l out loud.

But scarily accurate.

I can actually make a sensible contribution regarding venomous wildlife for once - my brother found a black mamba outside his window a while back. Wasn't a big one and he caught and released it, I would've favoured a more violent approach.

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

Galted wrote:

Pal Joey wrote:Disturbed a nest of ants ripping out some bushes the other day but apart from that not much is happening.

Christ almighty, the ants in Oz are so vicious they rip out bushes.

l*l out loud.

But scarily accurate.

I bought these ugly looking silver-green shrubs a few years back. More suited to a marine environment I think. Anyway they barely grew the first year... I thought they were dead. Then they suddenly started to grow quickly... out of control through palings in a fence. So 2 weeks ago I started cutting them back. Then I noticed the roots weren't so deep so I was able to sort of pluck them out very easily. Bonus. Think I'll put some lavender there. It's like Mexico out there in summer. A neighbour gave me a tiny little agave dragon tree which has flourished... it's so huge now. There about half a dozen smaller ones growing around it. Don't know what to do. Chuck them out or leave them near the road for scavengers to pick up and take away? They sell for quite a bit in the nurseries but I was never a big fan of those types of plants.

Galted wrote:I can actually make a sensible contribution regarding venomous wildlife for once - my brother found a black mamba outside his window a while back. Wasn't a big one and he caught and released it, I would've favoured a more violent approach.

Your brother live in SA then? Catching even a new born mamba is fraught with danger though. They can still kill a person straight from birth.

Did he actually catch it himself? He must have some nerve/training to do that.

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

Galted wrote:I can actually make a sensible contribution regarding venomous wildlife for once - my brother found a black mamba outside his window a while back. Wasn't a big one and he caught and released it, I would've favoured a more violent approach.

Your brother live in SA then? Catching even a new born mamba is fraught with danger though. They can still kill a person straight from birth.

Did he actually catch it himself? He must have some nerve/training to do that.

Because it was Galted, I just assumed that he was referring to a dildo.

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

Galted wrote:I can actually make a sensible contribution regarding venomous wildlife for once - my brother found a black mamba outside his window a while back. Wasn't a big one and he caught and released it, I would've favoured a more violent approach.

Your brother live in SA then? Catching even a new born mamba is fraught with danger though. They can still kill a person straight from birth.

Did he actually catch it himself? He must have some nerve/training to do that.

Correct and correct.  He has worked in a few reserves where he was the designated reptile remover, though it tended to be spitting cobras and puff adders, plus the odd harmless species.  He has a thick pair of gloves which were enough to withstand this snake which he said was quite angry, doubt I'd trust a piece of material with my life though (apart from my covid mask).  He has caught a larger one before (at another location) which was quite placid.

He did once kill an adult mamba with a child's toy rake though.  It had been seen a few times round the camp (which was quite near the Limpopo river) and had once glided past his dog without it noticing.  The owner's kids were frequent visitors so the mamba wasn't particularly welcome.  My brother saw it on the roof of one of the stilted chalets one day so heroically/idiotically grabbed the nearest weapon (the plastic rake) and scaled the chalet.  The mamba had wound itself around one of the supports and was doubled over against itself.  He grabbed the tail and the snake began striking at him but fell short as it was too stupid to unwind itself, it just pulled harder against his grip.  Each time it struck he hit it with the rake until eventually he made a mess of his head.  Would hate to think what would have happened if the rake had disintegrated before the snake.

superflyweight wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

Galted wrote:I can actually make a sensible contribution regarding venomous wildlife for once - my brother found a black mamba outside his window a while back. Wasn't a big one and he caught and released it, I would've favoured a more violent approach.

Your brother live in SA then? Catching even a new born mamba is fraught with danger though. They can still kill a person straight from birth.

Did he actually catch it himself? He must have some nerve/training to do that.

Because it was Galted, I just assumed that he was referring to a dildo.  

Galted wrote: it just pulled harder against his grip.

I think you may be right.

I'm starting to see how it could all have been a misunderstanding on my part. Especially the bit about spitting cobras.

Fist again, like I didn't last summer

I got 21 siconds to go

Galted wrote:I got 21 siconds to go

Is that because of the spitting cobras?

I will be haunted by the spitting cobras for the rest of my 606 life. It's like the time I foolishly told the b*stards about a colleague of mine who passed out in the City only to wake up to, as he put it, 'a tramp getting off with me'.

A colleague who not only looked and sounded like you but also had the same name.
Tird.

Galted wrote:I will be haunted by the spitting cobras for the rest of my 606 life.  It's like the time I foolishly told the b*stards about a colleague of mine who passed out in the City only to wake up to, as he put it, 'a tramp getting off with me'.

I had not heard that story...

A colleague of mine when I was studying for my PhD once famously fell asleep on the train going back into London from Woolwich where we had been drinking. He woke up as the train pulled back into Woolwich. There was also the aftermath to a party in Woolwich where he p!ssed in a wardrobe and climbed into bed with another colleague. Said colleague would normally have been excited about having a naked blond crawl into bed with him but for some reason not in this case...

The drunken colleague is now a professor in a university on the outskirts of London.

Hey everyone, turns out LiW is a professor.

lostinwales wrote:

Galted wrote:I will be haunted by the spitting cobras for the rest of my 606 life.  It's like the time I foolishly told the b*stards about a colleague of mine who passed out in the City only to wake up to, as he put it, 'a tramp getting off with me'.

I had not heard that story...

A colleague of mine when I was studying for my PhD once famously fell asleep on the train going back into London from Woolwich where we had been drinking. He woke up as the train pulled back into Woolwich. There was also the aftermath to a party in Woolwich where he p!ssed in a wardrobe and climbed into bed with another colleague. Said colleague would normally have been excited about having a naked blond crawl into bed with him but for some reason not in this case...

The drunken colleague is now a professor in a university on the outskirts of London.

They sound like they could be related.  My colleague had a similar experience passing out on the train, only he lived in Rickmansworth.  Woke up, relieved to see he was still in central London, then realised he was returning.  Ended up having to take a cab.
He also once disappeared when off to buy ecstasy on a Friday night out.  Another colleague went looking for him and found him sitting forlornly on the pavement with sh*t running out his trousers legs, turned out he'd been sold laxative.  He went back to work, slept in a storeroom, then called me on Saturday morning to invite himself over.  Fortunately he told me that he'd crapped himself so I had an excuse to tell him to f-off, didn't stop him getting the hump with me though.