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6. 5. Civic

You should have left the g*lf thread to die, Galted.

You've resurrected that simmering hotbed of suppressed homosexuality and barely suppressed racism. If this prompts some kind of terror attack, I shall hold you responsible.

Apologies, Tino. You're probably right but seeing the usual suspects banging on and on with no chance of changing their viewpoints is very reassuring in these times of global strife.

Galted wrote:Apologies, Tino.  You're probably right but seeing the usual suspects banging on and on with no chance of changing their viewpoints is very reassuring in these times of global strife.

I give it 15 posts before fat people are mentioned.

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

Galted wrote:Apologies, Tino.  You're probably right but seeing the usual suspects banging on and on with no chance of changing their viewpoints is very reassuring in these times of global strife.

I give it 15 posts before fat people are mentioned.

l*l out loud

Well played, Duty.

Guess I'll take a fist for the team.

Well done, Jules. Team player.

Just you and me on here these days. Who would have thought a dead guy and someone who was around during the Crusades would be the only people left.

I'll be popping in every once in a while to ensure that neither of you are stuck with the michaelsing. It's a burden I bear regularly and bear well.

I'll do my bit as well now that I've had all my holidays.

Has jeff been banned or removed himself from Tw*tter? Seems to have vanished and I was wondering if he'd come back here with his tail between his legs.

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:Well done, Jules. Team player.

Just you and me on here these days. Who would have thought a dead guy and someone who was around during the Crusades would be the only people left.

Yeah, that song they did with Randy Crawford was quite good.

superflyweight wrote:I'll do my bit as well now that I've had all my holidays.  

Has jeff been banned or removed himself from Tw*tter?  Seems to have vanished and I was wondering if he'd come back here with his tail between his legs.  

I suspect that he was either banned or changed his name to free himself of the past, but he can now be found at jazzpaul82.

Mornin all.

Blimey. All sorts of deaduns turning up now.

Hello Superfly and LiW. Maybe you're the same person?

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:Blimey. All sorts of deaduns turning up now.

Hello Superfly and LiW. Maybe you're the same person?

I don't think so, but the mind does play tricks sometimes.

Threatened a teenage lad in Majorca last week and then had words with his dad. The lad was bullying lots of other kids in the pool which culminated in him deliberately coming down one of the slides right after my daughter and kicking her in the back. I told him that if he did it again I'd inflate a rubber ring up his a*se. He then went off to tell his mum and dad.

superflyweight wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:Blimey. All sorts of deaduns turning up now.

Hello Superfly and LiW. Maybe you're the same person?

I don't think so, but the mind does play tricks sometimes.  

Threatened a teenage lad in Majorca last week and then had words with his dad.  The lad was bullying lots of other kids in the pool which culminated in him deliberately coming down one of the slides right after my daughter and kicking her in the back.  I told him that if he did it again I'd inflate a rubber ring up his a*se.  He then went off to tell his mum and dad.    

Good. Teach the little f*cker a lesson. Teenagers were better in my day. We spent all our time on acid or e's and did a bit of shoplifting. Good harmless fun. They are all little c*nts these days.

How did the dad take it?

superflyweight wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:Blimey. All sorts of deaduns turning up now.

Hello Superfly and LiW. Maybe you're the same person?

I don't think so, but the mind does play tricks sometimes.  

Threatened a teenage lad in Majorca last week and then had words with his dad.  The lad was bullying lots of other kids in the pool which culminated in him deliberately coming down one of the slides right after my daughter and kicking her in the back.  I told him that if he did it again I'd inflate a rubber ring up his a*se.  He then went off to tell his mum and dad.    

Great parenting, Supes.

Bullying is a huge problem worldwide and the sooner the perpetrators are stamped out; the better.

What did the dad say? Did you get the blank stare... pretending not to understand (that's worth a bashing in itself) or was he English speaking?

Spot on Tino. A bit of shoplifting to keep the idiot store keepers on their toes. My list of credits includes cricket balls and boxes of fireworks. Some porn once too on a rainy night at the Cross. It was so easy. I was dared (by a mate who's now a lawyer)... so I took up the challenge. We threw the mags in a bin right next to the Police station. This was before all those in-store cameras of course.

Pal Joey wrote:

superflyweight wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:Blimey. All sorts of deaduns turning up now.

Hello Superfly and LiW. Maybe you're the same person?

I don't think so, but the mind does play tricks sometimes.  

Threatened a teenage lad in Majorca last week and then had words with his dad.  The lad was bullying lots of other kids in the pool which culminated in him deliberately coming down one of the slides right after my daughter and kicking her in the back.  I told him that if he did it again I'd inflate a rubber ring up his a*se.  He then went off to tell his mum and dad.    

Great parenting, Supes.

Bullying is a huge problem worldwide and the sooner the perpetrators are stamped out; the better.

What did the dad say? Did you get the blank stare... pretending not to understand (that's worth a bashing in itself) or was he English speaking?

You bullied the poor dad didn't you?

Pal Joey wrote:Some porn once too on a rainy night at the Cross. It was so easy. I was dared (by a mate who's now a lawyer)... so I took up the challenge. We threw the mags in a bin right next to the Police station.

l*l out loud.

The dad was actually alright about it and didn't seem surprised that his son was a dick.

They were from somewhere in the north-west, but clearly not from Runcorn or I'd have got a thick ear from the mum.

In the early 90s I once stole a credit card swipe machine (or whatever they were called) from the counter of a crowded bar. That remains my greatest achievement to date, along with stealing a toilet cistern lid from a bar nearby.

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

Pal Joey wrote:Some porn once too on a rainy night at the Cross. It was so easy. I was dared (by a mate who's now a lawyer)... so I took up the challenge. We threw the mags in a bin right next to the Police station.

l*l out loud.

The fireworks probably gave us more satisfaction. Snuck in through the back door expecting a few Pohas and some 10-shots (we used to tie them to the handlebars of the bikes and shoot each other*) but came out with enough ammo to last a few weeks - if we were sensible.

Needless to say they were all 'lit-off' within an hour or so... on a dark beach somewhere near 'Summer Bay'. We might have also (accidentally) set an old timber fence on fire too. It was probably in need of replacement anyway. At least, that's what my slowly fading memory recalls.

It was much more fun compared to what kids get up to nowadays... with their faces stuck to their phones.

* gave that up after one of them (a dud) backfired and showered someone's hand with molten gunpowder. Karma hey‽

superflyweight wrote:

They were from somewhere in the north-west, but clearly not from Runcorn or I'd have got a thick ear from the mum.  

You'd have got a Stanley knife across your neck more like.

That is a fight I would pay to see actually. A Scotsman versus an enraged mother from Runcorn.

My greatest bit of thieving was a patio table and four chairs stolen from outside one of the university halls of residence (Belmont for Rick's benefit) and carried home to our flat about 1/2 a mile away. I carried the table and one of my mates carried the chairs. If stopped by the police our story was going to be that we'd been at a bbq and that we had provided the furniture. It was 2:00 in the morning.

superflyweight wrote:My greatest bit of thieving was a patio table and four chairs stolen from outside one of the university halls of residence (Belmont for Rick's benefit) and carried home to our flat about 1/2 a mile away.  I carried the table and one of my mates carried the chairs.  If stopped by the police our story was going to be that we'd been at a bbq and that we had provided the furniture.  It was 2:00 in the morning.  

Pretty sure the bbq in Aberdeen part would have been your downfall.

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

superflyweight wrote:My greatest bit of thieving was a patio table and four chairs stolen from outside one of the university halls of residence (Belmont for Rick's benefit) and carried home to our flat about 1/2 a mile away.  I carried the table and one of my mates carried the chairs.  If stopped by the police our story was going to be that we'd been at a bbq and that we had provided the furniture.  It was 2:00 in the morning.  

Pretty sure the bbq in Aberdeen part would have been your downfall.

Dundee, mate. Wouldn't be seen dead at a BBQ in Aberdeen. Our downfall would have been the police would never have believed that any furniture at a BBQ in Dundee would not have been thrown onto the flames.

superflyweight wrote:My greatest bit of thieving was a patio table and four chairs stolen from outside one of the university halls of residence (Belmont for Rick's benefit) and carried home to our flat about 1/2 a mile away.  I carried the table and one of my mates carried the chairs.  If stopped by the police our story was going to be that we'd been at a bbq and that we had provided the furniture.  It was 2:00 in the morning.  

L*l out loud.

That reminds of drunkenly stealing a pile of interlocking plastic crates from outside a restaurant in Shoreditch in the early hours. Was stopped by two coppers in a car who didn't buy my story that they were mine. C*nts made me take them back but, as I was trying to impress the supposedly anarchist bird I was with, I waited for the car to go and stole them again, this time successfully.

The east end really can bring out the villain in people.

superflyweight wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

superflyweight wrote:My greatest bit of thieving was a patio table and four chairs stolen from outside one of the university halls of residence (Belmont for Rick's benefit) and carried home to our flat about 1/2 a mile away.  I carried the table and one of my mates carried the chairs.  If stopped by the police our story was going to be that we'd been at a bbq and that we had provided the furniture.  It was 2:00 in the morning.  

Pretty sure the bbq in Aberdeen part would have been your downfall.

Dundee, mate.  Wouldn't be seen dead at a BBQ in Aberdeen.  Our downfall would have been the police would never have believed that any furniture at a BBQ in Dundee would not have been thrown onto the flames.  

Dundee, that's the one. Knew it was somewhere up there.

The only thing I ever stole in my youth was ladies' hearts.

Just like Ted Bundy.

Busy on here today

rIck_dAgless wrote:Busy on here today

(perfect michaelising)

lostinwales wrote:

rIck_dAgless wrote:Busy on here today

(perfect michaelising)

I was pleased with it.

Fist

I'm not letting my old mate riCK michaels this place twice in a row.

Galted, yes. RICk, no.

C*nt.

Galted wrote:C*nt.

I bloody love you Galted.

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

Galted wrote:C*nt.

I bloody love you Galted.

I'm not ashamed of admitting that that's the way I feel about you.

Galted wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

Galted wrote:C*nt.

I bloody love you Galted.

I'm not ashamed of admitting that that's the way I feel about you.

It appears to have made everyone else uncomfortable.

It would be ironic if Shah turned up now. Just in time to throw us off a tall building.

I'm not David Warner, David Trimble or Paul Sorvino.

JuliusHMarx wrote:I'm not David Warner, David Trimble or Paul Sorvino.

Dammit that made me look at the news. I am definitely not Jack Fenton

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

Galted wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

Galted wrote:C*nt.

I bloody love you Galted.

I'm not ashamed of admitting that that's the way I feel about you.

It appears to have made everyone else uncomfortable.

Makes me a bit uncomfortable too, to be fair.

Galted wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

Galted wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

Galted wrote:C*nt.

I bloody love you Galted.

I'm not ashamed of admitting that that's the way I feel about you.

It appears to have made everyone else uncomfortable.

Makes me a bit uncomfortable too, to be fair.

#metoo

I am a bit torn. Not sure who I would do (given the choice), truss or the English bird coach

seanmichaels wrote:I am a bit torn. Not sure who I would do (given the choice), truss or the English bird coach

Just the sort of content this forum's been lacking.

Don't know what the England coach looks like but Truss looks like a sex doll that wasn't put together properly.

Fist, unmichaelsing the michaelsing which unmichaelsed michaels.

Excellent unmichaelsing of the michaelising which unmichaelsed michaels, Galted.

Sicond.

Cheers, PJ. My head is very sore now.

seanmichaels wrote:I am a bit torn. Not sure who I would do (given the choice), truss or the English bird coach

"Given the choice" is doing a lot of heavy lifting there.

Tird.

superflyweight wrote:

seanmichaels wrote:I am a bit torn. Not sure who I would do (given the choice), truss or the English bird coach

"Given the choice" is doing a lot of heavy lifting there.

Tird.  

Hope Shah doesn't read the 'I am a bit torn' part.

Galted wrote:

superflyweight wrote:

seanmichaels wrote:I am a bit torn. Not sure who I would do (given the choice), truss or the English bird coach

"Given the choice" is doing a lot of heavy lifting there.

Tird.  

Hope Shah doesn't read the 'I am a bit torn' part.

If that doesn't bring him back, nothing will.

The answer is Liz Truss, by the way. Just so one could shout, "I'm doing you, Truss" during the sex. In honour of our resident Beefcake, Trussman.

Galted wrote:

superflyweight wrote:

seanmichaels wrote:I am a bit torn. Not sure who I would do (given the choice), truss or the English bird coach

"Given the choice" is doing a lot of heavy lifting there.

Tird.  

Hope Shah doesn't read the 'I am a bit torn' part.

Shah is not Natalie Imbruglia