WWE suspends Twitter

WWE SUSPENDS TWITTER FOR THIRTY DAYS DUE TO WELLNESS POLICY VIOLATION
By Justin Henry _{http://www.wrestlecrap.com/headlies102811.html}

Stamford, CT – World Wrestling Entertainment was rocked internally by yet more scandal this week, as the popular social networking site Twitter, an in-house favorite for WWE to promote their global appeal, was suspended thirty days for violation of the company’s Wellness Policy.

The decision comes down days after Vince McMahon, an ardent advocate for the use of Twitter as an advertising tool, made a horrifying discovery.

“McMahon had logged into Twitter after a meeting on Monday, and was aghast at what he saw,” said a source who asked not to be identified. “In his “recommended follow” list, there popped up three different pages. Two were for online pharmacies, and the other one was for a guy named “Shuffle” who, according to his description, “can get you the really good stuff for a fee.” Being that his main followers included Mason Ryan, Dave Batista, and the estate of Road Warrior Hawk, it seems clear what that “good stuff” happens to be.”

WWE officials knew somebody was about to be suspended, because McMahon allegedly spent forty-five minutes flushing his personal toilet, while screaming, “NOTHING BUT FLINTSTONES CHEWABLES IN HERE!”

When it was pointed out that Twitter itself didn’t actually violate the Wellness Policy, but instead made suggestions for whom McMahon can follow based on the pages he personally views, our source blinded our reporter with a handful of salt and ran away.

As for the suspension of Twitter, the WWE locker room will have to find other ways to express themselves until December 7th. Only in rare cases does this seem to be an issue.

“Michael Cole’s been calling me every hour to ask what’s trending,” said former WWE superstar and current Twitter user Cliff “Domino” Compton. “He sounds really needy and desperate.”

MICHAEL COLE’S HOUSE WILL HAVE PLENTY OF “TRICK OR TWEETERS” THIS YEAR
By Justin Henry

Amenia, NY – Children who go trick or treating this year in Michael Cole’s neck of the woods had best be prepared for a social networking experience to go along with the candy.

The media-affirmed WWE announcer plans on turning this year’s Halloween experience into a worldwide global phenomenon, not unlike what WWE has claimed to be millions of times.

“I’m very excited to do this for the Neighborhood Universe, because the demand has been overwhelming for quite some time now,” Cole said. “I’m hoping the first batch of trick or treaters provides memorable fodder for me to tweet about, so that we can get trending in a hurry.”

But the question is: what is there to tweet about?

“Let’s say a kid shows up dressed as, I don’t know, who’s the most important star in the world…..Johnny De--, no….Justin Bei….hmm, no…..John Cena. Let’s say a kid shows up dressed as Cena. I’ll tweet something like #KidInCenaCostume on my personal account and, within minutes of pushing it, I’ll announce that “Kid in Cena Costume” is trending WORLDWIDE on Twitter. The purpose of this is….uhh….to show how hip myself and the WWE are. Beyond that, as long as we appear hip, that’s all that matters.”

Cole also explained that the trending will not be limited to just costume selections.

“I’ll also tweet about the candy being given out. This year, the wife and I bought heavy on mini Snickers and Three Musketeers. If we tweet about them, boom, future sponsorships for WWE right there. And with the Three Musketeers movie coming out, there’s crossover potential. Did somebody say “Guest hosts” and “swordfight between Hornswoggle and a soon-to-be-fired Heath Slater”? I know I did! And it’s trending WORLDWIDE on Twitter!