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6WF Trashies 2011 - Part Uno of Duo
by MtotheC's Wrasslin Biatch Wed 30 Nov 2011, 4:05 pm
The stage is surrounded by a large red curtain with two spotlights pointed at it.
Voiceover : Ladies and Gentlemen – welcome to the 2011 6WF Trashies Awards sponsored by Northern Rock. Would you please welcome your hosts for this evening… Mr. Steve “Prime Time” Johnson, and Mr. Gerry “Hollywood” Johnson…. THE PRODUCERS!
“Video killed the Wrestling Star” by The Buggles plays and one curtain starts to pull back whilst the other one gets caught. Gerry is revealed, waving and shortly after Steve sullenly walks around his half of the curtain – is grand entrance having been ruined.
Gerry spots Steve is upset and reaches into his pocket, taking out a pack of dirty playing cards. He selects one and shows it to Prime Time. PT can’t help smiling, and they both bound down the ramp laughing and waving.
Gerry passes his pack of dirty playing cards to a young fan in the front row, and the young boy’s mother immediately throws her drink over him in anger. Making him look miserable. The Producers music stops with the sound of a vinyl record abruptly halting and scratching.
The young boy takes out a card and shows Gerry, who can’t help but smile –just like Steve. Then Gerry takes the cards and flicks through them, selecting a specific card. He shows it to the boy’s mum, and she can’t help but smile and takes a tissue out, handing it to Gerry.
Hollywood : I would, but we’re on live telly – it would be too inappropriate
Mother : It’s to dry yourself with – idiot!
Hollywood : Oh… yes of course.
He pats himself down with the tissue and rolls into the ring where Prime Time is waiting with a mic.
PT : Without further ado, because we’re already a week late - Let’s get this show on the road!
Voiceover : Ladies and Gentlemen – welcome to the 2011 6WF Trashies Awards sponsored by Northern Rock. Would you please welcome your hosts for this evening… Mr. Steve “Prime Time” Johnson, and Mr. Gerry “Hollywood” Johnson…. THE PRODUCERS!
“Video killed the Wrestling Star” by The Buggles plays and one curtain starts to pull back whilst the other one gets caught. Gerry is revealed, waving and shortly after Steve sullenly walks around his half of the curtain – is grand entrance having been ruined.
Gerry spots Steve is upset and reaches into his pocket, taking out a pack of dirty playing cards. He selects one and shows it to Prime Time. PT can’t help smiling, and they both bound down the ramp laughing and waving.
Gerry passes his pack of dirty playing cards to a young fan in the front row, and the young boy’s mother immediately throws her drink over him in anger. Making him look miserable. The Producers music stops with the sound of a vinyl record abruptly halting and scratching.
The young boy takes out a card and shows Gerry, who can’t help but smile –just like Steve. Then Gerry takes the cards and flicks through them, selecting a specific card. He shows it to the boy’s mum, and she can’t help but smile and takes a tissue out, handing it to Gerry.
Hollywood : I would, but we’re on live telly – it would be too inappropriate
Mother : It’s to dry yourself with – idiot!
Hollywood : Oh… yes of course.
He pats himself down with the tissue and rolls into the ring where Prime Time is waiting with a mic.
PT : Without further ado, because we’re already a week late - Let’s get this show on the road!
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Re: 6WF Trashies 2011 - Part Uno of Duo
by MtotheC's Wrasslin Biatch Wed 30 Nov 2011, 4:05 pm
Voiceover: And here to present the award of Most Iconic Secondary Character, please welcome on stage Manchester City's Mario Balotelli!
A firework flies across the stage and hits the curtain at the back, igniting it at the bottom. The Producers run out and put the flames out with fire extinguishers. Balotelli walks out on the stage.
MB: Sorry about that! It wasn't me though...it was my friend.
Primetime (whispering): He was back there on his own?
Hollywood: Don't worry about it, he is a fireworks safety spokesman - it couldn't have been him!
MB: That is right, fireworks are dangerous kiddies so don't play with them!
PT: Why is your pocket smoking?
Balotelli pulls a lit firework from his pocket and throws it just as it ignites and flies backstage.
HW: Great, that will be something else for us to deal with!
MB: It wasn't me! My friend asked me to hold it for him. I did not know what it was!
(from backstage) PT: Get on with the award...before you burn the arena down!
MB: Alright! The winner of the Most Iconic Secondary Character is....Miss Jessica!
Miss Jessica struts out onto the stage to a chorus of boos and takes the microphone. Balotelli stares at her with a grin on his face.
MJ: Well it is like obvious that I win this. I mean why didn't they just get me out here instead of having this oaf stink the place up? I am like the most iconic person in 6CWF and everybody knows it.
MB: Wow! You are beautiful.
MJ: Whatever! Tell me something I don't know already. I would give a thank you speech, but nobody deserves any thanks...apart from me of course!
MB: You really are gorgeous, you could be a Bunga Bunga girl like my girlfriend!
MJ: What and have to pleasure some sleazy old man...like no way!
MB: That old man is one of the most powerful men in Italy though?
MJ: Powerful you say?
Miss Jessica links arms with him and leads him off stage whispering in his ear.
A firework flies across the stage and hits the curtain at the back, igniting it at the bottom. The Producers run out and put the flames out with fire extinguishers. Balotelli walks out on the stage.
MB: Sorry about that! It wasn't me though...it was my friend.
Primetime (whispering): He was back there on his own?
Hollywood: Don't worry about it, he is a fireworks safety spokesman - it couldn't have been him!
MB: That is right, fireworks are dangerous kiddies so don't play with them!
PT: Why is your pocket smoking?
Balotelli pulls a lit firework from his pocket and throws it just as it ignites and flies backstage.
HW: Great, that will be something else for us to deal with!
MB: It wasn't me! My friend asked me to hold it for him. I did not know what it was!
(from backstage) PT: Get on with the award...before you burn the arena down!
MB: Alright! The winner of the Most Iconic Secondary Character is....Miss Jessica!
Miss Jessica struts out onto the stage to a chorus of boos and takes the microphone. Balotelli stares at her with a grin on his face.
MJ: Well it is like obvious that I win this. I mean why didn't they just get me out here instead of having this oaf stink the place up? I am like the most iconic person in 6CWF and everybody knows it.
MB: Wow! You are beautiful.
MJ: Whatever! Tell me something I don't know already. I would give a thank you speech, but nobody deserves any thanks...apart from me of course!
MB: You really are gorgeous, you could be a Bunga Bunga girl like my girlfriend!
MJ: What and have to pleasure some sleazy old man...like no way!
MB: That old man is one of the most powerful men in Italy though?
MJ: Powerful you say?
Miss Jessica links arms with him and leads him off stage whispering in his ear.
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Re: 6WF Trashies 2011 - Part Uno of Duo
by MtotheC's Wrasslin Biatch Wed 30 Nov 2011, 4:06 pm
RJ: Here we go folks, the next award is coming up and it’s the award won by only one man so far. Rasta. Could this be the year where he becomes the most decorated slammie star ever?
Dave Law: Good god - says it all about these awards really, doesn’t it!
The lights in the arena dim and some dramatic music starts up before a voice over booms out from the speakers.
“ladies and gentlemen, to present the award for best character of a Jamaican Descent - THE X FACTOR JUDGES!”
“LOUIS WALSH” The curtains get pulled back and out walks Louis Walsh who comes out grinning inanely before doing his weird seal like clap.
“KELLY ROWLANDS” The curtain gets pulled back and out walks the Destiny’s Child star.
“TUILISA” The Ndubz star walks out before holding up her arm to show off her tattoo (which reads “Trash TV rules”)
“AND GARY BARLOW” the Take That front man walks out and tries to rally the crowd by waving his arms and jumping like a loon as the crowd lap it up and cheer.
DL: Cheap pop.
The four judges make their way to the announce table and join RJ and DL.
DL: What are you guys doing here?
Gary: We are not here to give out the awards, we are here to critique the contestants giving out the awards.
Voice Over man: “Reading out our first nominee and Representing the Over 25’s Kitty Brucknell!”
Kitty comes out to the podium wearing a dress made of Tofu.
DL: What is she doing here?
GB: Shes desperately holding on to her 15 minutes of fame. She heard there was an opening tonight - she didn’t hear that it was the opening of an envelope though!”
Kitty pulls out the card and cuts herself by accident. The crowd gasp in shock at the blood. Upon noticing the crowd reaction and attention, she grabs the card again and slices her arm. The crowd start to scream which eggs on Kitty even more who starts to thrash the card at her legs opening more wounds.
Kelly: She just put it down, girl.
Tuilisa: That’s just desperate, doing stunts like that wont get her working with the big names like Jessie J and Dappy like I have.
Louis: Well I think she is great. And I just hope the people in Birmingham pick up their phones and vote for her.
RJ: What are you on about Louis?
In the ring, Kitty is dripping in claret but the card as become so soggy with blood, she cant do anymore damage.
Kitty “You will love me! I am Kitty!” She starts to burst into song “The first nominee is Scorpion”
Louis: I can really see Scorpion making it all the way to the final this year. I just hope the people of Liverpool pick up their phones and vote.
Gary: Well I think it was a poor choice of nomination. It was far too predictable a nomination.
The paramedics run down to tend to Kitty who is beginning to get woozy from the blood loss. They strap her to a gurny and wheel her to the back.
Voice Over man: “Reading out our seecond nominee and Representing the girls - Mischa B!”
The crowd look to the curtain but no one appears. After several moments the camera cuts backstage where Mischa B has a crewmember up against a wall.
Mischa (unaware the camera is on her) - and tomorrow I want your lunch money too. And don’t you tell nobody about this or I will get you”
Mischa drops the man and turns around with a huge threatening scowl on her face. Upon seeing the camera she lights up and smiles for the camera.
Mischa: the second nominee is Primetime Johnson
Gary: She gets better every week.
Louis: I wish people would not believe the rumours they read about her. And pick up their phones and vote. I can see her in the final.
Tuilisa: Shes got it all and she can be a global superstar like me. And Dappy.
Kelly: She put it down. The crew member that is.
Voice Over man: “Reading out our third nominee and Representing the boys - Frankie Cocozza!”
Once again the crowd await in anticipation and there is a no show. The camera cuts backstage and the cameraman is desperately going through the corridors looking for him. Suddenly a crewmember points them through a door. The camera goes through to see Rasta and Frankie passing a reefer back and forth.
GB: I see that Frankie is with his nominee. He is a real rebelrouser that one. I see that Rasta has been sharing his golden rulebook with him.
Frankie gets up and pulls down his trousers to show the list of the name of girls tatooed on it. At the bottom, the latest addition is Miss Jessica. He turns around an gives a goofy grin before grabbing the spliff.
Kelly: He just put his trousers down.
Louis: I think that Frankie has what it takes to go all the way. Pick up your phones, East Kilbride and vote for him.
Tuilisa: I am in Ndubz don’t you know? I am a superstar - I have duetted with Dappy for god’s sake!
Voice Over man: “Reading out our Final nominee and Representing the -”
“What time is it?”
RJ: Not this again! Surely not!
DL: My god - its him. He’s back at the Trashies again!
“ITS CHICO TIME!”
Chico comes bounding through the curtains and does his hoppy dance thing down to the ring.
Chico: What time is it 6WF?
*crowd silence”
Chico: Do you want me to sing you a song?
*crowd boos*
Chico: The final nominee is Sharon Osbourne?
Louis: I think Sharon Osbourne can make it all the way this year. If the people of Ludlow just pick up their phones and vote.
GB: I didn’t like that nomination……I loved it!
Kelly: Sharon who now?
Tuilisa: That old hag. She knows nothing about music. Has she ever worked with Ndubz like me? She~ ahhhhhhh
Sharon Osbourne appears from the crowd and drags Tuilisa by the hair over her chair.
Sharon: Steal my F*ing job would ya? Go F*** yourself, you scrawny little sl@g.
Tuilisa: Get off me biatch or Dappy will get you.
Sharon: I am married to the lord of Darkness himself you kumquating ho. Dappy can go F*** himself and the stolen Fiat he drove in on.
Kelly: Oh she put you down, girl.
Louis: I think Sharon can win this. Vote for her!
G: Predictable. Same thing every week.
Chico: What time is it? Its chico time!
RJ: this is more insane than usual! Can we please just get to the winner and get these freaks out of here?
Voice Over man: “ Representing the girls - Jedward!!”
Jedward bound out on stage.
John: So the wi-
Edward: -nner is like, so brilliant like, and I was say-
John: -ing how cool would it be to be on 6-
Edward: -WF and I was like, man-
John: -that is so cool.
Louis: I think Jedward will be in the final three. I want the people of Ireland to vote for them.
Jedward: RASTA AND SCORPION!!!!!
DL: Please say that was the winner and we can move on!
The camera cuts backstage to show Rasta and Frankie doing lines and oblivious to the award. The camera switches to Scorpion who is googling the word “legends” and adding them to a list of “people I need to kill”.
John: Well I guess, that its-
Edward: -cool for us to take the award and I am like
John: -brilliant and happy that we get to-
Chico: What time is it?
Kelly: Jedward just laid it down, boys.
John: Its so cool-
Edward: And I was like, yeah, its cool.
Chico: Its chico time!
Kitty hops through the curtain, still strapped to the gurney, zippo lighter in hand trying to light her tofu dress.
RJ: Can we go to the ad break please?
*commercial break*
Dave Law: Good god - says it all about these awards really, doesn’t it!
The lights in the arena dim and some dramatic music starts up before a voice over booms out from the speakers.
“ladies and gentlemen, to present the award for best character of a Jamaican Descent - THE X FACTOR JUDGES!”
“LOUIS WALSH” The curtains get pulled back and out walks Louis Walsh who comes out grinning inanely before doing his weird seal like clap.
“KELLY ROWLANDS” The curtain gets pulled back and out walks the Destiny’s Child star.
“TUILISA” The Ndubz star walks out before holding up her arm to show off her tattoo (which reads “Trash TV rules”)
“AND GARY BARLOW” the Take That front man walks out and tries to rally the crowd by waving his arms and jumping like a loon as the crowd lap it up and cheer.
DL: Cheap pop.
The four judges make their way to the announce table and join RJ and DL.
DL: What are you guys doing here?
Gary: We are not here to give out the awards, we are here to critique the contestants giving out the awards.
Voice Over man: “Reading out our first nominee and Representing the Over 25’s Kitty Brucknell!”
Kitty comes out to the podium wearing a dress made of Tofu.
DL: What is she doing here?
GB: Shes desperately holding on to her 15 minutes of fame. She heard there was an opening tonight - she didn’t hear that it was the opening of an envelope though!”
Kitty pulls out the card and cuts herself by accident. The crowd gasp in shock at the blood. Upon noticing the crowd reaction and attention, she grabs the card again and slices her arm. The crowd start to scream which eggs on Kitty even more who starts to thrash the card at her legs opening more wounds.
Kelly: She just put it down, girl.
Tuilisa: That’s just desperate, doing stunts like that wont get her working with the big names like Jessie J and Dappy like I have.
Louis: Well I think she is great. And I just hope the people in Birmingham pick up their phones and vote for her.
RJ: What are you on about Louis?
In the ring, Kitty is dripping in claret but the card as become so soggy with blood, she cant do anymore damage.
Kitty “You will love me! I am Kitty!” She starts to burst into song “The first nominee is Scorpion”
Louis: I can really see Scorpion making it all the way to the final this year. I just hope the people of Liverpool pick up their phones and vote.
Gary: Well I think it was a poor choice of nomination. It was far too predictable a nomination.
The paramedics run down to tend to Kitty who is beginning to get woozy from the blood loss. They strap her to a gurny and wheel her to the back.
Voice Over man: “Reading out our seecond nominee and Representing the girls - Mischa B!”
The crowd look to the curtain but no one appears. After several moments the camera cuts backstage where Mischa B has a crewmember up against a wall.
Mischa (unaware the camera is on her) - and tomorrow I want your lunch money too. And don’t you tell nobody about this or I will get you”
Mischa drops the man and turns around with a huge threatening scowl on her face. Upon seeing the camera she lights up and smiles for the camera.
Mischa: the second nominee is Primetime Johnson
Gary: She gets better every week.
Louis: I wish people would not believe the rumours they read about her. And pick up their phones and vote. I can see her in the final.
Tuilisa: Shes got it all and she can be a global superstar like me. And Dappy.
Kelly: She put it down. The crew member that is.
Voice Over man: “Reading out our third nominee and Representing the boys - Frankie Cocozza!”
Once again the crowd await in anticipation and there is a no show. The camera cuts backstage and the cameraman is desperately going through the corridors looking for him. Suddenly a crewmember points them through a door. The camera goes through to see Rasta and Frankie passing a reefer back and forth.
GB: I see that Frankie is with his nominee. He is a real rebelrouser that one. I see that Rasta has been sharing his golden rulebook with him.
Frankie gets up and pulls down his trousers to show the list of the name of girls tatooed on it. At the bottom, the latest addition is Miss Jessica. He turns around an gives a goofy grin before grabbing the spliff.
Kelly: He just put his trousers down.
Louis: I think that Frankie has what it takes to go all the way. Pick up your phones, East Kilbride and vote for him.
Tuilisa: I am in Ndubz don’t you know? I am a superstar - I have duetted with Dappy for god’s sake!
Voice Over man: “Reading out our Final nominee and Representing the -”
“What time is it?”
RJ: Not this again! Surely not!
DL: My god - its him. He’s back at the Trashies again!
“ITS CHICO TIME!”
Chico comes bounding through the curtains and does his hoppy dance thing down to the ring.
Chico: What time is it 6WF?
*crowd silence”
Chico: Do you want me to sing you a song?
*crowd boos*
Chico: The final nominee is Sharon Osbourne?
Louis: I think Sharon Osbourne can make it all the way this year. If the people of Ludlow just pick up their phones and vote.
GB: I didn’t like that nomination……I loved it!
Kelly: Sharon who now?
Tuilisa: That old hag. She knows nothing about music. Has she ever worked with Ndubz like me? She~ ahhhhhhh
Sharon Osbourne appears from the crowd and drags Tuilisa by the hair over her chair.
Sharon: Steal my F*ing job would ya? Go F*** yourself, you scrawny little sl@g.
Tuilisa: Get off me biatch or Dappy will get you.
Sharon: I am married to the lord of Darkness himself you kumquating ho. Dappy can go F*** himself and the stolen Fiat he drove in on.
Kelly: Oh she put you down, girl.
Louis: I think Sharon can win this. Vote for her!
G: Predictable. Same thing every week.
Chico: What time is it? Its chico time!
RJ: this is more insane than usual! Can we please just get to the winner and get these freaks out of here?
Voice Over man: “ Representing the girls - Jedward!!”
Jedward bound out on stage.
John: So the wi-
Edward: -nner is like, so brilliant like, and I was say-
John: -ing how cool would it be to be on 6-
Edward: -WF and I was like, man-
John: -that is so cool.
Louis: I think Jedward will be in the final three. I want the people of Ireland to vote for them.
Jedward: RASTA AND SCORPION!!!!!
DL: Please say that was the winner and we can move on!
The camera cuts backstage to show Rasta and Frankie doing lines and oblivious to the award. The camera switches to Scorpion who is googling the word “legends” and adding them to a list of “people I need to kill”.
John: Well I guess, that its-
Edward: -cool for us to take the award and I am like
John: -brilliant and happy that we get to-
Chico: What time is it?
Kelly: Jedward just laid it down, boys.
John: Its so cool-
Edward: And I was like, yeah, its cool.
Chico: Its chico time!
Kitty hops through the curtain, still strapped to the gurney, zippo lighter in hand trying to light her tofu dress.
RJ: Can we go to the ad break please?
*commercial break*
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Re: 6WF Trashies 2011 - Part Uno of Duo
by MtotheC's Wrasslin Biatch Wed 30 Nov 2011, 4:06 pm
PT : Our next award is for best show and to present the award is...
HJ : The digitised image of Steve Jobs!
From behind the curtain there is suddenly a sound of machinery and onto the stage walks a robot similar to a handbot from Doctor Who, in place of its head though is a touch screen and Steve Jobs face beams out.
Steve Jobs: Welcome to the future, welcome to iLife.
No more days off sick, no more niggles, no more aches and pains. And most importantly I come in a range of colours!
iLife provides you with multiple upgrades on normal life, fully custom built touchscreen faces.
Unhappy with your normal nose? We have a range of them available through the app store!
Including some celebrity endorsed ones through the iLife Platinum experience. Not only look like a star but actually live their life as a star!
From the back walks out Bill Gates with a remote controller in his hands.
Gates: Whoah whoah whoah there Jobs! What on earth do you think you’re doing? We’ve already patented the Windows Afterlife Edition 3.0, this is a clear breach of copy write!
People don’t want to carry on with shiny baubles like touchscreen faces and a prissy wipe clean surface, they want improved power and performance, which is what I provide, ladies and gentlemen I give to you the future of living, the RoboHuman!
From out of the back walks Robocop but with large bulky addons just stuck on his arms and legs.
Jobs: That’s Robocop. That’s Robocop with a toaster on his shoulder and a set of GHD straightners strapped to his leg.
Gates: Yes but from feedback we’ve learnt that our female demographic value straightners as the must have accessory.
Jobs: But he doesn’t have any hair.
Gates: That will be launched in the 4.0 version.
Jobs: I’m not having any of this Gates, I want an end to our squabbles right here, right now! Let’s get it on!
A robotic voice echoes out from the back...and out wheels Professor Steven Hawkings.
Hawkings: Life is not something that is for the whims of marketers like you Jobs or geeks like you Gates. I am going to put an end to this mockery of life!
Jobs: You and who’s army window licker?
From out of the back marches out SGT Bash from Robotwars, Johnny Five from Short Circuit and the little annoying thing from Batteries Not Included, they all rush at Jobs and Robocop.
Jobs: Argggh, screen freeze, screen freeze, quick reinstall angry birds app!
The camera pans around the stage as Robocop is bashing his toaster over the head of Johnny Five, already the annoying things from Batteries not Included lie crumpled on the ground. I-Life Jobs is throwing large coloured birds at SGT Bash who’s burning them midair as they approach.
Robocop makes little work of Johnny Five who scream out with his last robotic breath ‘no disassemble Johnny 5!!!’ and then comes to the aid of i-Life Jobs.
Gates: Jobs, we’ll sort out our differences afterwards, let’s deal with the Hawkmeister first!
Robocop runs up to Hawkings and kicks over the chair from the side, Hawkings sprawls out onto the floor and SGT Bash powers down.
i-Life Jobs sees his chance with Robocop distracted and pounces on Gates though, pummelling him to the ground. Repeated blows to the head and Jobs roars in triumph!
Jobs: Victory, victory is mine! Finally I have defeated my arch Nemesis! Finally I get to the point of why exactly I’m out here in the first place. Yes your winner of best show is 6WF DESTINY!
Suddenly a red light flashes from Bill Gates eye and he grabs hold of Jobs by the throat.
Gates: I warned you Jobs, I warned you of the consequences! Bill Gates is now improved too, It’s now Gates T1000, Microsoft is to relaunch as Skynet!
Jobs: I can see that ending badly I reckon.
Both of the robots trade blows on the stage as they brawl to the back leaving the award on the floor.
HJ : The digitised image of Steve Jobs!
From behind the curtain there is suddenly a sound of machinery and onto the stage walks a robot similar to a handbot from Doctor Who, in place of its head though is a touch screen and Steve Jobs face beams out.
Steve Jobs: Welcome to the future, welcome to iLife.
No more days off sick, no more niggles, no more aches and pains. And most importantly I come in a range of colours!
iLife provides you with multiple upgrades on normal life, fully custom built touchscreen faces.
Unhappy with your normal nose? We have a range of them available through the app store!
Including some celebrity endorsed ones through the iLife Platinum experience. Not only look like a star but actually live their life as a star!
From the back walks out Bill Gates with a remote controller in his hands.
Gates: Whoah whoah whoah there Jobs! What on earth do you think you’re doing? We’ve already patented the Windows Afterlife Edition 3.0, this is a clear breach of copy write!
People don’t want to carry on with shiny baubles like touchscreen faces and a prissy wipe clean surface, they want improved power and performance, which is what I provide, ladies and gentlemen I give to you the future of living, the RoboHuman!
From out of the back walks Robocop but with large bulky addons just stuck on his arms and legs.
Jobs: That’s Robocop. That’s Robocop with a toaster on his shoulder and a set of GHD straightners strapped to his leg.
Gates: Yes but from feedback we’ve learnt that our female demographic value straightners as the must have accessory.
Jobs: But he doesn’t have any hair.
Gates: That will be launched in the 4.0 version.
Jobs: I’m not having any of this Gates, I want an end to our squabbles right here, right now! Let’s get it on!
A robotic voice echoes out from the back...and out wheels Professor Steven Hawkings.
Hawkings: Life is not something that is for the whims of marketers like you Jobs or geeks like you Gates. I am going to put an end to this mockery of life!
Jobs: You and who’s army window licker?
From out of the back marches out SGT Bash from Robotwars, Johnny Five from Short Circuit and the little annoying thing from Batteries Not Included, they all rush at Jobs and Robocop.
Jobs: Argggh, screen freeze, screen freeze, quick reinstall angry birds app!
The camera pans around the stage as Robocop is bashing his toaster over the head of Johnny Five, already the annoying things from Batteries not Included lie crumpled on the ground. I-Life Jobs is throwing large coloured birds at SGT Bash who’s burning them midair as they approach.
Robocop makes little work of Johnny Five who scream out with his last robotic breath ‘no disassemble Johnny 5!!!’ and then comes to the aid of i-Life Jobs.
Gates: Jobs, we’ll sort out our differences afterwards, let’s deal with the Hawkmeister first!
Robocop runs up to Hawkings and kicks over the chair from the side, Hawkings sprawls out onto the floor and SGT Bash powers down.
i-Life Jobs sees his chance with Robocop distracted and pounces on Gates though, pummelling him to the ground. Repeated blows to the head and Jobs roars in triumph!
Jobs: Victory, victory is mine! Finally I have defeated my arch Nemesis! Finally I get to the point of why exactly I’m out here in the first place. Yes your winner of best show is 6WF DESTINY!
Suddenly a red light flashes from Bill Gates eye and he grabs hold of Jobs by the throat.
Gates: I warned you Jobs, I warned you of the consequences! Bill Gates is now improved too, It’s now Gates T1000, Microsoft is to relaunch as Skynet!
Jobs: I can see that ending badly I reckon.
Both of the robots trade blows on the stage as they brawl to the back leaving the award on the floor.
MtotheC's Wrasslin Biatch- Posts : 12543
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Re: 6WF Trashies 2011 - Part Uno of Duo
by MtotheC's Wrasslin Biatch Wed 30 Nov 2011, 4:07 pm
Hollywood : For this next award we have really pulled out the stops with our guest hosts.
Prime Time : No expense spared – much to their dissatisfaction .
Hollywood : I can’t believe I am even about to say this… but please Ladies and Gentlemen be standing to welcome, presenting the award for the Match of the Year, it’s the Prime Minister David Cameron…
Prime Time : … and his deputy, Mr. Nick Clegg.
Prime Time and Hollywood stand back and applaud as “God Save The Queen” patriotically blares out around the arena. The fans are less enthusiastic, and they boo as the Conservative and Liberal Democrat leaders make their way down the ramp. Clegg holds the ropes open for the PM to step through, then follows him in. Cameron takes the mic from a seemingly awe inspired Hollywood, who curtseys at the two politicians. Cameron steadfastly leans with one arm on the podium in front of him, and fixes the camera with his gaze.
DC : Ladies and Gentlemen of the United Kingdom. It is an absolute pleasure to be here to help celebrate this country’s excellence in the field of e-fed wrestling with you today. We are facing tough times, and tough decisions on both a national and global scale, so it is important to – once in a while - sit back, and take stock of what we have achieved, and in no realm have the achievements been so great, as in the e-fed community.
NC : That’s right. And as such, I make a promise here today, that this celebration will be the biggest ever seen in 6WF, to reflect those achievements.
David Cameron looks a little perturbed, as he adjusts his tie.
DC : Well… maybe not the biggest Nick. These celebrations, in the past, under the stewardship of some criminally negligent hosts, have tended to incur expenditure beyond their means. It cannot, and will not, go on.
Nick Clegg shrugs
MC : Of course. You are right. But when I made that promise, about the celebration being bigger than ever, we were of course operating in a completely different economic environment. Tough decisions have to be taken by tough, responsible politicians. So this will not be the biggest of all time. In fact it may well be the smallest.
DC : That’s right. Now let’s get to the award.
Cameron takes a tatty brown envelope out of his jacket pocket.
Prime Time : Prime Minister Sir. Where’s the big golden envelope?
Cameron chuckles to himself.
DC : You know… um….
NC : Steve.
DC : …Yes. Steve. We are facing very tough times ahead. The days of frivolous expenditure on such vulgar trinkets are over I’m afraid.
NC : But I promise you this Mr. Johnson. That we will make no cuts to the award itself, that will still be presented in all it’s glory to it’s deserved winner. There is absolutely no way we would cut that.
Cameron nervously shuffles again, his rosy cheeks illuminating.
DC : Actually… the Deputy Prime Minister here wasn’t privy to our earlier awards cabinet meeting, where it was indeed decided that the award would be put to more efficient use, if say, melted down to make shoehorns or given to a black man to make jewellery. Like that black man I once seen, I was telling you about Nick, with all the jewellery. “I do pity the foolish one”. Do you remember?
Cameron guffaws as Clegg looks sheepish.
NC : Yes. You mean Mr. T?
Cameron wipes his nose which is running from laughter
DC : Yes. That’s the one. Quite simply the strangest black man I have ever seen. And I’ve seen up to about 7 black men would you believe? Anyway, I digress – I thought it would be good for the economy if we just replaced the award, with a jolly good round of applause.
Cameron walks around the ring and claps as the fans start to boo, suddenly Clegg runs up and pushes the prime minister, who looks at him in shock.
NC : I’m tired of you pushing me around – and making me go back on my promises. I promised these people a party. I promised these people an award. I promised these people their education and you made me go back on it all.
Clegg swings a boot at Cameron who avoids it then get to his feet and starts rolling his sleeves up.
DC : OK Nick. Now I knew this day would come. And seeing as we are in a 6WF arena – how about we have ourselves a little cage match?
Fans : YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
They both take their jackets off and throw them out of the ring, followed by their ties. Suddenly a small picket fence begins to be winched down from above. Nick Clegg looks at it with confusion.
DC : Cages don’t come cheap you know Nick.
NC : YOU PROMISED ME A CAGE MATCH!
DC : AND YOU PROMISED THESE PEOPLE THE WORLD NICK! BUT GUESS WHAT? LIFE SUCKS… UNLESS YOU’RE RICH. NOW ONE’S RICH BOOT, IS GOING TO KICK YOUR POOR ASS! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
The 2 ft picket fence surrounds the ring and the two men square off, but suddenly two masked men slide from under the canvas. Cameron spots it and slides out, trying to elegantly step over the picket fence but failing, getting his trousers caught. The two assailants start beating down Clegg and Cameron with black truncheons.
RJ : BY GOD THIS IS HEINOUS – SOMEONE GET IN THERE. THIS IS TOO FAR!
The two men look around and survey the damage caused, before taking off their hoods as DC and NC are motionless on the floor and security rush to surround the fence, all unable to step over it despite it’s small stature.
RJ : IT’S BALLS AND MILIBAND!
Ed Balls and Ed Miliband look around at the carnage then at the security, then drop to their knees in surrender a la Miz and Truth. Security are about to make their way into the ring but are cut off by a massive blast from the turnbuckles, and the arena becomes shrouded in red.
RJ : WHO THE HELL IS THAT?
The crowd gasp as a man in a mask is led to the ring by Gordon Brown carrying an urn.
GB : IT’S YOUR BROTHER ED! HE’S ALIVE! HE’S ALIVE!
Ed Miliband looks dazed and confused as David Miliband grabs hold of the picket fence gate, flimsily attached, and pulls it off it’s weak hinges.
RJ : BY GOD! LOOK AT THE STRENGTH OF KA… I MEAN DAVID MILIBAND!
David Miliband grabs a shocked Ed and effortlessly tombstones him in the centre of the ring. Brown knocks out Balls with the urn and the lights return to normal and Brown grabs the brown envelope. He opens the envelope and holds it up to his good eye.
Suddenly “Things can only get better” blasts out of the sound system and the fans pop as Tony Blair steps out onto the stage.
TB : Now… I….Um….. Ah…. I stole the show at the um…. Trashies… ah…. last year. And Cherie told me as we were making love last night…. our sensual… warm… tender love, that um… I should not let any politician tarnish the legacy I created with the… hardcore legend… Mick Foley.
Blair smacks the side of his head and points at the ring
TB : ESPECIALLY YOU BROWN!
NOT AGAIN!
Blair’s massive creepy smile spreads across his face as he calms down.
TB : But there are two of you. And I… ah… I would be foolish to fight this fight alone.
The crowd go silent, frustrated at the length of this politics skit, as TB takes out his phone.
?? : HOWDY! WHAT CAN I DO FOR YA?
TB : Oh… hi George. It’s Tone. I was ah… wondering if you could help me out with a little war I’ve gotten myself into.
George W Bush : Sure thing. I’ll help you get them ter’rists. Now watch this drive.
In the ring, Gordon Brown is suddenly floored by a flying golf ball. David Miliband swiftly follows.
TB : Oh thank you George. Thank you so much.
GWB : Hey. No need for y’all to gush. You know the price?
Tony Blair looks worried, putting his hand to his lips.
TB : Oh… ah… it’s not still a Secret Pakistan is it?
All that can be heard is Dubya’s stupid laugh as Tony trudges away.
Hollywood rolls into the ring with a sigh and picks up the envelope.
Hollywood : And the winner of the 6WF Match of the Year award is… THE GOLD RUSH BATTLE ROYAL!
Prime Time steps into the ring and picks up the golf balls.
PT : I’ll use them on Sunday.
Prime Time : No expense spared – much to their dissatisfaction .
Hollywood : I can’t believe I am even about to say this… but please Ladies and Gentlemen be standing to welcome, presenting the award for the Match of the Year, it’s the Prime Minister David Cameron…
Prime Time : … and his deputy, Mr. Nick Clegg.
Prime Time and Hollywood stand back and applaud as “God Save The Queen” patriotically blares out around the arena. The fans are less enthusiastic, and they boo as the Conservative and Liberal Democrat leaders make their way down the ramp. Clegg holds the ropes open for the PM to step through, then follows him in. Cameron takes the mic from a seemingly awe inspired Hollywood, who curtseys at the two politicians. Cameron steadfastly leans with one arm on the podium in front of him, and fixes the camera with his gaze.
DC : Ladies and Gentlemen of the United Kingdom. It is an absolute pleasure to be here to help celebrate this country’s excellence in the field of e-fed wrestling with you today. We are facing tough times, and tough decisions on both a national and global scale, so it is important to – once in a while - sit back, and take stock of what we have achieved, and in no realm have the achievements been so great, as in the e-fed community.
NC : That’s right. And as such, I make a promise here today, that this celebration will be the biggest ever seen in 6WF, to reflect those achievements.
David Cameron looks a little perturbed, as he adjusts his tie.
DC : Well… maybe not the biggest Nick. These celebrations, in the past, under the stewardship of some criminally negligent hosts, have tended to incur expenditure beyond their means. It cannot, and will not, go on.
Nick Clegg shrugs
MC : Of course. You are right. But when I made that promise, about the celebration being bigger than ever, we were of course operating in a completely different economic environment. Tough decisions have to be taken by tough, responsible politicians. So this will not be the biggest of all time. In fact it may well be the smallest.
DC : That’s right. Now let’s get to the award.
Cameron takes a tatty brown envelope out of his jacket pocket.
Prime Time : Prime Minister Sir. Where’s the big golden envelope?
Cameron chuckles to himself.
DC : You know… um….
NC : Steve.
DC : …Yes. Steve. We are facing very tough times ahead. The days of frivolous expenditure on such vulgar trinkets are over I’m afraid.
NC : But I promise you this Mr. Johnson. That we will make no cuts to the award itself, that will still be presented in all it’s glory to it’s deserved winner. There is absolutely no way we would cut that.
Cameron nervously shuffles again, his rosy cheeks illuminating.
DC : Actually… the Deputy Prime Minister here wasn’t privy to our earlier awards cabinet meeting, where it was indeed decided that the award would be put to more efficient use, if say, melted down to make shoehorns or given to a black man to make jewellery. Like that black man I once seen, I was telling you about Nick, with all the jewellery. “I do pity the foolish one”. Do you remember?
Cameron guffaws as Clegg looks sheepish.
NC : Yes. You mean Mr. T?
Cameron wipes his nose which is running from laughter
DC : Yes. That’s the one. Quite simply the strangest black man I have ever seen. And I’ve seen up to about 7 black men would you believe? Anyway, I digress – I thought it would be good for the economy if we just replaced the award, with a jolly good round of applause.
Cameron walks around the ring and claps as the fans start to boo, suddenly Clegg runs up and pushes the prime minister, who looks at him in shock.
NC : I’m tired of you pushing me around – and making me go back on my promises. I promised these people a party. I promised these people an award. I promised these people their education and you made me go back on it all.
Clegg swings a boot at Cameron who avoids it then get to his feet and starts rolling his sleeves up.
DC : OK Nick. Now I knew this day would come. And seeing as we are in a 6WF arena – how about we have ourselves a little cage match?
Fans : YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
They both take their jackets off and throw them out of the ring, followed by their ties. Suddenly a small picket fence begins to be winched down from above. Nick Clegg looks at it with confusion.
DC : Cages don’t come cheap you know Nick.
NC : YOU PROMISED ME A CAGE MATCH!
DC : AND YOU PROMISED THESE PEOPLE THE WORLD NICK! BUT GUESS WHAT? LIFE SUCKS… UNLESS YOU’RE RICH. NOW ONE’S RICH BOOT, IS GOING TO KICK YOUR POOR ASS! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
The 2 ft picket fence surrounds the ring and the two men square off, but suddenly two masked men slide from under the canvas. Cameron spots it and slides out, trying to elegantly step over the picket fence but failing, getting his trousers caught. The two assailants start beating down Clegg and Cameron with black truncheons.
RJ : BY GOD THIS IS HEINOUS – SOMEONE GET IN THERE. THIS IS TOO FAR!
The two men look around and survey the damage caused, before taking off their hoods as DC and NC are motionless on the floor and security rush to surround the fence, all unable to step over it despite it’s small stature.
RJ : IT’S BALLS AND MILIBAND!
Ed Balls and Ed Miliband look around at the carnage then at the security, then drop to their knees in surrender a la Miz and Truth. Security are about to make their way into the ring but are cut off by a massive blast from the turnbuckles, and the arena becomes shrouded in red.
RJ : WHO THE HELL IS THAT?
The crowd gasp as a man in a mask is led to the ring by Gordon Brown carrying an urn.
GB : IT’S YOUR BROTHER ED! HE’S ALIVE! HE’S ALIVE!
Ed Miliband looks dazed and confused as David Miliband grabs hold of the picket fence gate, flimsily attached, and pulls it off it’s weak hinges.
RJ : BY GOD! LOOK AT THE STRENGTH OF KA… I MEAN DAVID MILIBAND!
David Miliband grabs a shocked Ed and effortlessly tombstones him in the centre of the ring. Brown knocks out Balls with the urn and the lights return to normal and Brown grabs the brown envelope. He opens the envelope and holds it up to his good eye.
Suddenly “Things can only get better” blasts out of the sound system and the fans pop as Tony Blair steps out onto the stage.
TB : Now… I….Um….. Ah…. I stole the show at the um…. Trashies… ah…. last year. And Cherie told me as we were making love last night…. our sensual… warm… tender love, that um… I should not let any politician tarnish the legacy I created with the… hardcore legend… Mick Foley.
Blair smacks the side of his head and points at the ring
TB : ESPECIALLY YOU BROWN!
NOT AGAIN!
Blair’s massive creepy smile spreads across his face as he calms down.
TB : But there are two of you. And I… ah… I would be foolish to fight this fight alone.
The crowd go silent, frustrated at the length of this politics skit, as TB takes out his phone.
?? : HOWDY! WHAT CAN I DO FOR YA?
TB : Oh… hi George. It’s Tone. I was ah… wondering if you could help me out with a little war I’ve gotten myself into.
George W Bush : Sure thing. I’ll help you get them ter’rists. Now watch this drive.
In the ring, Gordon Brown is suddenly floored by a flying golf ball. David Miliband swiftly follows.
TB : Oh thank you George. Thank you so much.
GWB : Hey. No need for y’all to gush. You know the price?
Tony Blair looks worried, putting his hand to his lips.
TB : Oh… ah… it’s not still a Secret Pakistan is it?
All that can be heard is Dubya’s stupid laugh as Tony trudges away.
Hollywood rolls into the ring with a sigh and picks up the envelope.
Hollywood : And the winner of the 6WF Match of the Year award is… THE GOLD RUSH BATTLE ROYAL!
Prime Time steps into the ring and picks up the golf balls.
PT : I’ll use them on Sunday.
MtotheC's Wrasslin Biatch- Posts : 12543
Join date : 2011-01-26
Location : MtotheC's Leash
Re: 6WF Trashies 2011 - Part Uno of Duo
by MtotheC's Wrasslin Biatch Wed 30 Nov 2011, 4:07 pm
"And now, the award for 6wf’S Most Missed Superstar. Here is your host, star of the Star Wars films, and of TV sitcom 'Life's too short', dwarf actor Warwick Davies!"
"Little People" by the White Stripes plays, and Warwick Davies walks to the podium on the stage with a golden envelope in his hand. He approaches the podium and it's immediately clear that Warwick can't see over the podium or reach the microphones.
Prime Time casually walks on stage, and lifts Warwick Davies up, Prime Time holds Warwick up in the air around the waist as Warwick speaks.
WD: Thank you ladies and gentlemen. It seems they didn't think of bringing a stepladder or bar stool for me... I'm Warwick Davies and i'm here to present the award for the Most Missed Superstar. Now, before I start, I want to say that I am honoured to be here in front of all of you tonight.
(Hollywood shouts from the side of the stage)
H: DO THE EWOK NOISE!
WD: I am not making the Ewok noise. Now, the nominees for Most Missed Superstar are as followed.
(Prime Time is clearly struggling to keep Warwick Davies in the air)
WD: Cassius Zhi.
TGA.
Mark Palmer…..
PT: I can't hold on...
WD: And the winner is...
(Prime Time falls over while holding Warwick Davies and both men fall to the floor of the stage!)
WD: GET OFF ME YOU IDIOT, THAT'S IT, I'VE HAD ENOUGH! Bloody jokers...
(Warwick Davies storms off stage)
PT: Who knew an Ewok would weigh so much... Warwick Davies everyone!
(Hollywood picks up the envelope that Warwick Davies dropped, and reads it)
H: The winner is SOLOMON RIDDICK. They recieve the Trashie award and this signed picture of Warwick Davies.
PT: Psst, he wouldn't sign it, so i've signed it.
H: "To Trashie award winner, congratulatons, signed Warrik Davis".
PT: Foolproof.
"Little People" by the White Stripes plays, and Warwick Davies walks to the podium on the stage with a golden envelope in his hand. He approaches the podium and it's immediately clear that Warwick can't see over the podium or reach the microphones.
Prime Time casually walks on stage, and lifts Warwick Davies up, Prime Time holds Warwick up in the air around the waist as Warwick speaks.
WD: Thank you ladies and gentlemen. It seems they didn't think of bringing a stepladder or bar stool for me... I'm Warwick Davies and i'm here to present the award for the Most Missed Superstar. Now, before I start, I want to say that I am honoured to be here in front of all of you tonight.
(Hollywood shouts from the side of the stage)
H: DO THE EWOK NOISE!
WD: I am not making the Ewok noise. Now, the nominees for Most Missed Superstar are as followed.
(Prime Time is clearly struggling to keep Warwick Davies in the air)
WD: Cassius Zhi.
TGA.
Mark Palmer…..
PT: I can't hold on...
WD: And the winner is...
(Prime Time falls over while holding Warwick Davies and both men fall to the floor of the stage!)
WD: GET OFF ME YOU IDIOT, THAT'S IT, I'VE HAD ENOUGH! Bloody jokers...
(Warwick Davies storms off stage)
PT: Who knew an Ewok would weigh so much... Warwick Davies everyone!
(Hollywood picks up the envelope that Warwick Davies dropped, and reads it)
H: The winner is SOLOMON RIDDICK. They recieve the Trashie award and this signed picture of Warwick Davies.
PT: Psst, he wouldn't sign it, so i've signed it.
H: "To Trashie award winner, congratulatons, signed Warrik Davis".
PT: Foolproof.
MtotheC's Wrasslin Biatch- Posts : 12543
Join date : 2011-01-26
Location : MtotheC's Leash
Re: 6WF Trashies 2011 - Part Uno of Duo
by MtotheC's Wrasslin Biatch Wed 30 Nov 2011, 4:07 pm
The show comes back from a commercial break.
PT: and now the award for best promoer.
HJ: And to present it, we have teen sensation Justin Bieber to host!
“baby” begins to play and the spotlight lights up the curtain. After several moments it becomes quite apparent that no one is coming out.
PT: I am sorry about this folks - not sure what is happening. Cmon Gerry - grab a camera - this is going to be tele.
HJ: Steve! We don’t do that anymore!
The titantron lights up and it goes backstage where a group of people are crowded around a slumped body. Someone turns the body around and its Bieber, beaten black and blue, lying in a pool of blood.
HJ: Oh my god, the humanity. Who would do such a thing?
PT: This is heinous! Why? WHY?
“Don’t fear the Reaper” blares out and the curtain is yanked back and out walks Hobo. The crowd begin to cheer, louder than they have all evening. Hobo smiles and gives a few thumbs up to the members of the Riff Raff Revolution in attendance.
He rolls into the ring and gets behind the podium.
Hobo: It looks like Mr bieber is indisposed so I am going to have to present this award.
PT: You could have just asked if you wanted to come out. We emailed you over a dozen times to do it anyway!
Hobo: As you can see, I am back. And I am fitter than ever.. No lasting damage to the H- Bomb. I am a walking legend. Or not as it would seem…..
HJ: Hobo - you are here to present best promoer - don’t air your dirty lundry in public. Again.
PT: Didn’t do yourselves any favours last time, did it?
Hobo: Best promoer. Lets hear the nominations.
Hobo picks up the envelope and opens it. He looks at the list for a few seconds before throwing it away. Hobo rips the microphone away from the podium and walks over to the turnbuckle and climbs it. He sits down on the top ropes and starts to talk.
Hobo: Best promoer……..there was a time when I might have been up for this award. You remember. When people liked me. Yeah, that was a long time ago, wasn’t it. I was flying high in 6WF, taking scalps, taking belts, taking all the plaudits. I even ran this place for a little while - some of the greatest moments in 6WF history happened during my watch. But then I disappeared.
The crowd begin to go silent.
Hobo: I thought I would retire, knowing that I was a great of this business. That I was someone that would always be remembered. That I would go down as a legend.
Hobo rolls out of the ring and goes to a laptop at ringside. He switches the view mode so that the screen is showing on the titantron. He goes on to 6wf.com and brings up the legends club page.
Hobo: Legends club. Best promoer. It would appear not. I am just a footnote in the annals of 6wf it would appear. Destined to be forgotten for all time.
Hobo rolls back in and picks up the envelope again.
Hobo: Best promoer? This is the best there is today. These imbeciles? I cant believe that 6WF has sunk so low that the names on this list are being held as the pinnacle of the industry. I would rather this award go to Tuberculosis than the names on this list.
Hobo rolls out of the ring and starts to fumble under the apron. He pulls out a label maker that has strangely been placed there. He rolls back in with it in his hand and places the mic back in the stand.
H: I was an innovator in 6WF. When this place finally shuts its doors, and the historians of 3011 look back at what went down, my name will be the one that keeps coming up. My name will be the one talked about in the history lessons. My name will stand tall.
H: Born in Fire? Immortalised by Trash TV.
Hobo starts to create a label of his own that reads “T-H-E--R-E-A-L--L-E-G-E-N-D--C-L-U-B----HOBO”. He picks up the the Trashie award for best promoer and looks at the plaque at the bottom which reads “Miss Jessica”. He sticks his own label over the top and smiles.
H: I would like to thank all those who nominated me. I never believed that I would be the first and only member of the The Real Legends club but it kind of makes sense. I would like to thank those who made this possible - you know who you are. The ones who ignored me. Those who have sullied my reputation. Take a bow backstage for all of your efforts.
Hobo holds up the award and looks at PT and Hollywood.
Hobo: Fin…….
Hobo drops the mic and walks quickly backstage with "his" award
PT: and now the award for best promoer.
HJ: And to present it, we have teen sensation Justin Bieber to host!
“baby” begins to play and the spotlight lights up the curtain. After several moments it becomes quite apparent that no one is coming out.
PT: I am sorry about this folks - not sure what is happening. Cmon Gerry - grab a camera - this is going to be tele.
HJ: Steve! We don’t do that anymore!
The titantron lights up and it goes backstage where a group of people are crowded around a slumped body. Someone turns the body around and its Bieber, beaten black and blue, lying in a pool of blood.
HJ: Oh my god, the humanity. Who would do such a thing?
PT: This is heinous! Why? WHY?
“Don’t fear the Reaper” blares out and the curtain is yanked back and out walks Hobo. The crowd begin to cheer, louder than they have all evening. Hobo smiles and gives a few thumbs up to the members of the Riff Raff Revolution in attendance.
He rolls into the ring and gets behind the podium.
Hobo: It looks like Mr bieber is indisposed so I am going to have to present this award.
PT: You could have just asked if you wanted to come out. We emailed you over a dozen times to do it anyway!
Hobo: As you can see, I am back. And I am fitter than ever.. No lasting damage to the H- Bomb. I am a walking legend. Or not as it would seem…..
HJ: Hobo - you are here to present best promoer - don’t air your dirty lundry in public. Again.
PT: Didn’t do yourselves any favours last time, did it?
Hobo: Best promoer. Lets hear the nominations.
Hobo picks up the envelope and opens it. He looks at the list for a few seconds before throwing it away. Hobo rips the microphone away from the podium and walks over to the turnbuckle and climbs it. He sits down on the top ropes and starts to talk.
Hobo: Best promoer……..there was a time when I might have been up for this award. You remember. When people liked me. Yeah, that was a long time ago, wasn’t it. I was flying high in 6WF, taking scalps, taking belts, taking all the plaudits. I even ran this place for a little while - some of the greatest moments in 6WF history happened during my watch. But then I disappeared.
The crowd begin to go silent.
Hobo: I thought I would retire, knowing that I was a great of this business. That I was someone that would always be remembered. That I would go down as a legend.
Hobo rolls out of the ring and goes to a laptop at ringside. He switches the view mode so that the screen is showing on the titantron. He goes on to 6wf.com and brings up the legends club page.
Hobo: Legends club. Best promoer. It would appear not. I am just a footnote in the annals of 6wf it would appear. Destined to be forgotten for all time.
Hobo rolls back in and picks up the envelope again.
Hobo: Best promoer? This is the best there is today. These imbeciles? I cant believe that 6WF has sunk so low that the names on this list are being held as the pinnacle of the industry. I would rather this award go to Tuberculosis than the names on this list.
Hobo rolls out of the ring and starts to fumble under the apron. He pulls out a label maker that has strangely been placed there. He rolls back in with it in his hand and places the mic back in the stand.
H: I was an innovator in 6WF. When this place finally shuts its doors, and the historians of 3011 look back at what went down, my name will be the one that keeps coming up. My name will be the one talked about in the history lessons. My name will stand tall.
H: Born in Fire? Immortalised by Trash TV.
Hobo starts to create a label of his own that reads “T-H-E--R-E-A-L--L-E-G-E-N-D--C-L-U-B----HOBO”. He picks up the the Trashie award for best promoer and looks at the plaque at the bottom which reads “Miss Jessica”. He sticks his own label over the top and smiles.
H: I would like to thank all those who nominated me. I never believed that I would be the first and only member of the The Real Legends club but it kind of makes sense. I would like to thank those who made this possible - you know who you are. The ones who ignored me. Those who have sullied my reputation. Take a bow backstage for all of your efforts.
Hobo holds up the award and looks at PT and Hollywood.
Hobo: Fin…….
Hobo drops the mic and walks quickly backstage with "his" award
MtotheC's Wrasslin Biatch- Posts : 12543
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Re: 6WF Trashies 2011 - Part Uno of Duo
by MtotheC's Wrasslin Biatch Wed 30 Nov 2011, 4:08 pm
Prime Time : Up next we have some very special guests to present the Storyline of the Year award.
“Bombtrack” by Rage Against the Machine hits and the crowd pop as Bezerker rides his golf buggy out onto the stage.
RJ : IT’S BEZERKER!
Bezerker brakes harshly and points to his mask, which he activates so the fairy lights start flashing, generating another cheer. He goes to the bag space in the golf buggy and takes out a bazooka, which het hen uses to fire Trash TV t-shirts into the crowd. Once he’s out of stock, BZ runs down to the ring and hi-5’s The Producers. He slouches up against the microphone stand chaotically and talks in rapid motion.
BZ : LadiesandgentlemenpleasedonotadjustyoursetsbecausetheoneandonlytelemakergeneralBezerker hasindeedarrived...and the following five minutes or so WILL… BE… TELE!
Hollywood : But you’re not the host BZ.
BZ : Of course I am. These people have paid to see tele, and I’m about to give them some tele.
Prime Time : You’re a contestant.
BZ strokes chin in an Edge and Christian fashion (SCIAENCF) as Alberto Del Rio’s music hits and the arena is filled with a loud car horn. The camera pans to the stage as a car slowly makes its way around the corner, with the license plate AMS 1. Steve and Gerrie Hi-5 as Bezerker has an insane grin upon his face. Behind them in the ring, Nick Hewer has appeared with a microphone.
The car door opens, and Lord Alan Sugar steps out, with a silk scarf around his neck.
Nick Hewer : Ladies and Gentlemen, please allow me to introduce to you, he is a lord of the realm, a multi millionaire, world famous TV presenter, the entrepreneurial genius behind Amstrad, hailing from the East End of London……
LORD ALANO………. SUGARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Nick Hewer thrusts his arms out towards the ramp in celebration, as Lord Sugar makes his way down. Karen Brady appears on the stage and follows him to the ring. The camera cuts to a wildly grinning Bezerker again before following Lord Sugar and Karen into the ring. Sugar looks at the grinning Bezerker with disdain, then shakes hands with Steve and Gerrie. Someone has set up chairs for everyone to sit around.
Lord Sugar : Right then. Let’s get straight to it shall we? You were all tasked to make and sell t-shirts this week. Correct?
The Producers : Yes Sir Alan
BZ (at the same time) : Yes Sir Alex
Nick Hewer stares at the newfound contestants with hate, as Karen turns her nose away
Nick Hewer : It’s Lord Sugar.
Lord Sugar : (huffing) Yes. So how did they do then?
Nick takes his piece of paper and looks at it as if surprised by it’s contents.
Nick Hewer : Well… Bezerker here only managed to shift three t-shirts.
Lord Sugar rolls his eyes
Nick Hewer : The three we just saw him fire from his bazooka.
Sugar stares at BZ unrelenting
Lord Sugar : A loss? A BLADDY LOSS? How did that ‘appen?
BZ : I didn’t know we were in a competition to sell t-shirts Sir Alex.
Lord Sugar : Right. And I suppose you don’t know you’ve got those ridiculous lights on your face either do you? You look like a bladdy Christmas tree. And if there’s one thing I hate more than bladdy idiots like you, it’s bladdy Christmas. And why do you think that is?
BZ ponders for a moment
BZ : Because you’re a Jew, Sir Alan, and therefore discount the theory that Jesus Christ is the son of God?
Lord Sugar looks unimpressed
Lord Sugar : No. It’s because my bladdy daughter costs me loads of bladdy money – JUST LIKE YOU DO! The other team please Karen.
Karen Brady : Well the other team actually did quite well, also shifting three t-shirts, but actually selling them.
Alan’s eyes light up
Lord Sugar : MMMMM. A tidy profit. I suppose you sold them to your whorish mothers did you boys? A bit of clothing to wear whilst she’s whoring about town is it?
PT + H : Yes Lord Sugar.
Lord Sugar : Right. You three go away. I’m going to talk to Karen and Nick, and one of you is going to get fired.
Bezerker and the Producer walks all the way up the ramp and to the backstage area and sit on the floor. The camera cuts back to Sugar, Hewer and Brady discussing the task. When it cuts back Bezerker is at the water cooler, having trouble operating it.
Again we see Nick telling Lord Sugar that Bezerker was useless, and doesn’t understand the concepts of business. The camera cuts to the back where BZ has the Water Cooler lifted up, shaking it trying to pour water directly into his mouth.
Back to the ring and Karen says she is quite impressed by young Prime Time, who is quite the entrepreneurial spirit. Backstage The Producers are trying to wrestle the water cooler away from BZ. Uryu can be seen in the corridor, looking at the chaos around his favourite drink dispenser, and opts out of getting a drink. He walks away as Clarissa’s phone rings.
Lord Sugar : You can send them in now.
Clarissa : Lord Sugar will see you now.
BZ drops the water cooler violently and it suddenly springs water from the damage. BZ runs back and opens his mouth to catch some spraying water, but The Producers grab him and drag him away to the ring.
Back in the ring Lord Sugar looks at the three apprentices.
Lord Sugar : Let’s just cut the lar-de-dar right. I’m not after time-wasters. I’m not after someone I have to look after, right? I just want to say, here’s my dry cleaning – get it done. And when I’m back, it’s done. YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT I’M SAYING? This is business, not a bladdy crèche.
So you’re all fired.
BZ & The Producers : Thank you for the opportunity Sir Alan… Alex.
The three contestants walk away
Lord Sugar : Sick to death of the lot of them. The winner is actually in this envelope… And the winner is… … … THE CHURCH OF HERO.
As Bezerker and The Producers make their way backstage, they are confronted with an irate Mark Palmer.
Palmer : THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY WELL! I’VE WARNED PEOPLE TO STAY OUT OF MY WELL BEFORE. I DON’T REACT WELL TO PEOPLE IN MY WELL!
Palmer grabs a sledgehammer and runs outside.
BZ : Follow me Steve… this will be tele!
Steve grabs a camera and runs outside with Bezerker. As they get out, they see a well, with two hands climbing out of it. It becomes clear that Uryu is the person in the well, as he emerges with a cup of water. Palmer screams in his face.
Uryu : What? The water cooler is broken. Please calm down, you are showing yourself up.
Uryu walks away from Palmer who starts swinging his sledgehammer at thin air.
Palmer : STAY! OUT! OF! MY! WELL!
BZ : Tele!
“Bombtrack” by Rage Against the Machine hits and the crowd pop as Bezerker rides his golf buggy out onto the stage.
RJ : IT’S BEZERKER!
Bezerker brakes harshly and points to his mask, which he activates so the fairy lights start flashing, generating another cheer. He goes to the bag space in the golf buggy and takes out a bazooka, which het hen uses to fire Trash TV t-shirts into the crowd. Once he’s out of stock, BZ runs down to the ring and hi-5’s The Producers. He slouches up against the microphone stand chaotically and talks in rapid motion.
BZ : LadiesandgentlemenpleasedonotadjustyoursetsbecausetheoneandonlytelemakergeneralBezerker hasindeedarrived...and the following five minutes or so WILL… BE… TELE!
Hollywood : But you’re not the host BZ.
BZ : Of course I am. These people have paid to see tele, and I’m about to give them some tele.
Prime Time : You’re a contestant.
BZ strokes chin in an Edge and Christian fashion (SCIAENCF) as Alberto Del Rio’s music hits and the arena is filled with a loud car horn. The camera pans to the stage as a car slowly makes its way around the corner, with the license plate AMS 1. Steve and Gerrie Hi-5 as Bezerker has an insane grin upon his face. Behind them in the ring, Nick Hewer has appeared with a microphone.
The car door opens, and Lord Alan Sugar steps out, with a silk scarf around his neck.
Nick Hewer : Ladies and Gentlemen, please allow me to introduce to you, he is a lord of the realm, a multi millionaire, world famous TV presenter, the entrepreneurial genius behind Amstrad, hailing from the East End of London……
LORD ALANO………. SUGARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Nick Hewer thrusts his arms out towards the ramp in celebration, as Lord Sugar makes his way down. Karen Brady appears on the stage and follows him to the ring. The camera cuts to a wildly grinning Bezerker again before following Lord Sugar and Karen into the ring. Sugar looks at the grinning Bezerker with disdain, then shakes hands with Steve and Gerrie. Someone has set up chairs for everyone to sit around.
Lord Sugar : Right then. Let’s get straight to it shall we? You were all tasked to make and sell t-shirts this week. Correct?
The Producers : Yes Sir Alan
BZ (at the same time) : Yes Sir Alex
Nick Hewer stares at the newfound contestants with hate, as Karen turns her nose away
Nick Hewer : It’s Lord Sugar.
Lord Sugar : (huffing) Yes. So how did they do then?
Nick takes his piece of paper and looks at it as if surprised by it’s contents.
Nick Hewer : Well… Bezerker here only managed to shift three t-shirts.
Lord Sugar rolls his eyes
Nick Hewer : The three we just saw him fire from his bazooka.
Sugar stares at BZ unrelenting
Lord Sugar : A loss? A BLADDY LOSS? How did that ‘appen?
BZ : I didn’t know we were in a competition to sell t-shirts Sir Alex.
Lord Sugar : Right. And I suppose you don’t know you’ve got those ridiculous lights on your face either do you? You look like a bladdy Christmas tree. And if there’s one thing I hate more than bladdy idiots like you, it’s bladdy Christmas. And why do you think that is?
BZ ponders for a moment
BZ : Because you’re a Jew, Sir Alan, and therefore discount the theory that Jesus Christ is the son of God?
Lord Sugar looks unimpressed
Lord Sugar : No. It’s because my bladdy daughter costs me loads of bladdy money – JUST LIKE YOU DO! The other team please Karen.
Karen Brady : Well the other team actually did quite well, also shifting three t-shirts, but actually selling them.
Alan’s eyes light up
Lord Sugar : MMMMM. A tidy profit. I suppose you sold them to your whorish mothers did you boys? A bit of clothing to wear whilst she’s whoring about town is it?
PT + H : Yes Lord Sugar.
Lord Sugar : Right. You three go away. I’m going to talk to Karen and Nick, and one of you is going to get fired.
Bezerker and the Producer walks all the way up the ramp and to the backstage area and sit on the floor. The camera cuts back to Sugar, Hewer and Brady discussing the task. When it cuts back Bezerker is at the water cooler, having trouble operating it.
Again we see Nick telling Lord Sugar that Bezerker was useless, and doesn’t understand the concepts of business. The camera cuts to the back where BZ has the Water Cooler lifted up, shaking it trying to pour water directly into his mouth.
Back to the ring and Karen says she is quite impressed by young Prime Time, who is quite the entrepreneurial spirit. Backstage The Producers are trying to wrestle the water cooler away from BZ. Uryu can be seen in the corridor, looking at the chaos around his favourite drink dispenser, and opts out of getting a drink. He walks away as Clarissa’s phone rings.
Lord Sugar : You can send them in now.
Clarissa : Lord Sugar will see you now.
BZ drops the water cooler violently and it suddenly springs water from the damage. BZ runs back and opens his mouth to catch some spraying water, but The Producers grab him and drag him away to the ring.
Back in the ring Lord Sugar looks at the three apprentices.
Lord Sugar : Let’s just cut the lar-de-dar right. I’m not after time-wasters. I’m not after someone I have to look after, right? I just want to say, here’s my dry cleaning – get it done. And when I’m back, it’s done. YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT I’M SAYING? This is business, not a bladdy crèche.
So you’re all fired.
BZ & The Producers : Thank you for the opportunity Sir Alan… Alex.
The three contestants walk away
Lord Sugar : Sick to death of the lot of them. The winner is actually in this envelope… And the winner is… … … THE CHURCH OF HERO.
As Bezerker and The Producers make their way backstage, they are confronted with an irate Mark Palmer.
Palmer : THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY WELL! I’VE WARNED PEOPLE TO STAY OUT OF MY WELL BEFORE. I DON’T REACT WELL TO PEOPLE IN MY WELL!
Palmer grabs a sledgehammer and runs outside.
BZ : Follow me Steve… this will be tele!
Steve grabs a camera and runs outside with Bezerker. As they get out, they see a well, with two hands climbing out of it. It becomes clear that Uryu is the person in the well, as he emerges with a cup of water. Palmer screams in his face.
Uryu : What? The water cooler is broken. Please calm down, you are showing yourself up.
Uryu walks away from Palmer who starts swinging his sledgehammer at thin air.
Palmer : STAY! OUT! OF! MY! WELL!
BZ : Tele!
MtotheC's Wrasslin Biatch- Posts : 12543
Join date : 2011-01-26
Location : MtotheC's Leash
Re: 6WF Trashies 2011 - Part Uno of Duo
by MtotheC's Wrasslin Biatch Wed 30 Nov 2011, 4:08 pm
PT: Welcome back to the Trashies and up next is the Token 6CW award.
HJ: AS you all know this award is for the 6CW roster and is to recognise outstanding something or other.
PT: And here is your presenter for the evening, the one, the only, the legendry scourge of the yellow seas……
HJ: Shinobi Blackbeard!!!!!!!
“Kung Fu Fighting” by Carl Douglas blares out of the speakers and the Ninja Pirate comes bounding through the curtain onto the stage. He is dressed in full pirate regalia but sports a ninja mask under his large pirate hat.
He removes his cutlass before rolling into the ring and moving up to the lectern.
SB: Aaaaarrrrrr me hearties. You be wondering why ol’ shinobi be asked to present at the Trashies? You be wondering why, after a 2 yeaaaarrrrrrr banishment, the infamous ninja pirraaaate returns to torment you land lubbers?
PT whispers to HJ (why is he back?)
SB: Well, I be telling you that 6CW needed a ratings boost, and they be on thee phone to ol Blackbeard. Yaarr be wondering why the ol ninja be having a telephone? Well be wondering no morrrre.
SB: And the nominations arrrrrrrr
HJ to PT : why does he have a phone?
Primetime shrugs
SB: Clement Oedipus - the genius behind creative control. He be a starrrr that warrior be.
Hollywood holds his head in his hands.
SB: Doctorrrrr Shoe be the nominee secondly. I have it on good authorrrrity that he never be in 6cw but he is my favorite to win thee booty.
PT starts signalling to the security to come and remove Shinobi.
SB: But the winner be, of the CW of 6 award, Rilley Dicey. May your ship sail farrr and long. Now avast! And shower me in pieces of eight.
PT tells the security guars to remove Shinobi who just laughs and raises his cutlass in the air. He wolf whistles and a rope drops down from the rafters. He wraps the rope around his arms and pulls out a comical old fashioned round bomb with the fuse already lit.
SB: Farewell, you scurvy ridden Wferrrrs, I won’t be seeing you, this time soon.
He drops the bomb into Hollywoods hands as the screen goes black and the show goes off air with a loud bang.
HJ: AS you all know this award is for the 6CW roster and is to recognise outstanding something or other.
PT: And here is your presenter for the evening, the one, the only, the legendry scourge of the yellow seas……
HJ: Shinobi Blackbeard!!!!!!!
“Kung Fu Fighting” by Carl Douglas blares out of the speakers and the Ninja Pirate comes bounding through the curtain onto the stage. He is dressed in full pirate regalia but sports a ninja mask under his large pirate hat.
He removes his cutlass before rolling into the ring and moving up to the lectern.
SB: Aaaaarrrrrr me hearties. You be wondering why ol’ shinobi be asked to present at the Trashies? You be wondering why, after a 2 yeaaaarrrrrrr banishment, the infamous ninja pirraaaate returns to torment you land lubbers?
PT whispers to HJ (why is he back?)
SB: Well, I be telling you that 6CW needed a ratings boost, and they be on thee phone to ol Blackbeard. Yaarr be wondering why the ol ninja be having a telephone? Well be wondering no morrrre.
SB: And the nominations arrrrrrrr
HJ to PT : why does he have a phone?
Primetime shrugs
SB: Clement Oedipus - the genius behind creative control. He be a starrrr that warrior be.
Hollywood holds his head in his hands.
SB: Doctorrrrr Shoe be the nominee secondly. I have it on good authorrrrity that he never be in 6cw but he is my favorite to win thee booty.
PT starts signalling to the security to come and remove Shinobi.
SB: But the winner be, of the CW of 6 award, Rilley Dicey. May your ship sail farrr and long. Now avast! And shower me in pieces of eight.
PT tells the security guars to remove Shinobi who just laughs and raises his cutlass in the air. He wolf whistles and a rope drops down from the rafters. He wraps the rope around his arms and pulls out a comical old fashioned round bomb with the fuse already lit.
SB: Farewell, you scurvy ridden Wferrrrs, I won’t be seeing you, this time soon.
He drops the bomb into Hollywoods hands as the screen goes black and the show goes off air with a loud bang.
MtotheC's Wrasslin Biatch- Posts : 12543
Join date : 2011-01-26
Location : MtotheC's Leash
Re: 6WF Trashies 2011 - Part Uno of Duo
by MtotheC's Wrasslin Biatch Wed 30 Nov 2011, 4:09 pm
A constant beep accompanies a 6WF test card, showing River Ace writing match plans on a black board, with a Gollywogg doll sat next to him.
Voiceover : 6WF apologise for this loss of scheduled programming and for any inconvenience caused. We will rejoin the 2011 Trashies Awards ceremony as soon as we possibly can.
The voiceover is replaced with some soft muzac.
Voiceover : 6WF apologise for this loss of scheduled programming and for any inconvenience caused. We will rejoin the 2011 Trashies Awards ceremony as soon as we possibly can.
The voiceover is replaced with some soft muzac.
MtotheC's Wrasslin Biatch- Posts : 12543
Join date : 2011-01-26
Location : MtotheC's Leash
Re: 6WF Trashies 2011 - Part Uno of Duo
by MtotheC's Wrasslin Biatch Fri 02 Dec 2011, 4:34 pm
We come back from the interruption and Steve and Gerry have soot all over them, and hair standing on end. There is debris everywhere .
Hollywood : Welcome back to The Trashies. Now as we go wash and change, and get Heath Slater to come and clean up all this debris… watch this pre-recorded footage.
PT : Because for our next award we are going to the jungle…
Hollywood : … for I’m a 6WF Wrestler….
PT & H : … GET ME OUT OF HERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRE!
The titles for I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here play, and when they finish Prime Time and Hollywood are stood in some forest in the UK in the rain, there is some discarded newspaper and a condom just behind Gerry’s feet.
PT : Howay. Welcome to I’m a 6WF Wrestler, Get Me Out of Here.
H : Howay. And today it’s time for a Bushtucker Trial why aye man.
PT : Howay. Today’s trial is called – “Walking past a scary dog and eating horrible things”
H : Haha. That’s a good name that howay. How do they come up with them hey? I like that one howay. And the winner will get to reveal to their campmates who the winner of the award is, howay?
PT : Howay. Howay about that hey howay?
H : Now howay. Will you welcome our 6WF Wrestlers. We’ve got CJ off of Eggheads.
PT : Howay?
H : Howay. And we’ve got Miss Jessica.
PT : Howay?
H : Howay.
CJ and Miss Jessica walk onto set in khaki outfits. On the back of CJ’s is his name and a complex simultaneous equation. Miss Jessica’s simply says “Call me for a good time” with a phone number.
PT : Howay are you feeling then howay?
CJ : Positively apprehensive at the undoubtedly preposterous activities you have lined up in the name of what passes for light entertainment these days, lord give me strength.
Miss Jessica : Oh my god – frijid or what? Get a life CJ. I am just like, so excited for this? Hey, like, when do we get to shower under the waterfall? Because I have been on the phone to like, every newspaper going telling them to get their scumzilla paparrazi lenses focussed on this. Seriously… there are going to be a lot of totally grotesque teenage boys, doing some proper vigorous Zack Ryder impressions when this goes out. And then we’re talking like, calendars, magazine shoots… oh my God, this could be me like, breaking into the mainstream. I mean… it’s ABOUT time!
PT and Hollywood look at each other and laugh then face the camera.
PT : Right, howay. Your first trial is to get that star over there, you see it howay? Hanging from the tree howay?
CJ & MJ : Yes.
Prime Time walks away behind a tree
Hollywood : You’re going to have to collect that star and pass it to me. But howay, it’s not that easy. Because…
A little bit of flute adds some tension as Prime Time steps from behind a tree, with a large dog on a lead.
Miss Jessica : Awww…. Cute or what?
CJ just gasps.
PT : Howay. You’ve got to face your fears, and walk past this dog.
The dog sighs and lies down in the mud. Hollywood scratches his head and calls over PT, whispering to him.
Hollywood : Hey. What sort of dog is that? That’s not scary.
Prime Time : You said it couldn’t be dangerous for the contestants – so I’ve had it’s teeth taken out.
Hollywood : When? It doesn’t look very well.
PT : I just got him back from the vet’s. I don’t think his anaesthetic has worn off yet.
They look at the dog who closes his eyes and starts to snore.
Hollywood : Anyway, howay man, it’ll have to do. CJ – You’re up first.
CJ nervously steps up to the line, and chants a Latin mantra over and over to himself. He takes a step forward, towards the dog, as PT and Hollywood start to giggle. CJ takes one step closer, and the lying dog yawns, showing his gums and making CJ squeal.
CJ : Arrrrrrgh! I can’t do it! I can’t do it!
PT : Miss Jes….
Miss Jessica pushes past CJ and walks straight past the sleeping dog, taking the star and putting it seductively in Prime Time’s pocket and patting it.
Hollywood : 1-0 to Jessica. How about that Steve?
Steve is drooling at Miss Jessica.
Hollywood : HAHA! Howay! Well you won’t be drooling at the next part of the task howay. Because Prime Time here has gone out and got the nastiest thing he can think of, and the contestants have to eat it. So howay, what have you got for us Steve?
Steve is still in a trance, but then snaps out of it, reaching into his other pocket
PT : It’s a Fruit and Biscuit Yorkie Bar.
He pulls it out with a goofy smile
Hollywood (dropping the faux Geordie accent) : You what?
PT : It’s the most disgusting thing I can think of – a Fruit and Biscuit Yorkie Bar. Yuk.
Hollywood : What? They’re obviously going to eat that aren’t they? It’s just a chocolate bar.
Miss Jessica : Ummm… excuse me. But there is just like, no way I’m eating it. Do you know how long I’ve been dieting for to get in shape for that waterfall shower? Well, like, actually – no time at all because I always look, just, perfect. But seriously… that Fruit and Biscuit Yorkie Bar will go straight to my hips and I’ll look like a total dobber on live TV for like, the first time in my life. So no way. And it’s been in his manky pocket all day, it’s probably all melted from his rank body heat – it’ll so metabolise even quicker, I’ll be fat in an instant. No way.
PT : CJ? To level the game and take it howay to a tie break howay.
CJ : To be absolutely frank, there is no way I am going to eat that confectionary. One’s complexion is certain to react horrendously to the fatty acids contained within, not to mention the resultant sugar rush that will prevent my sleeping tonight and play havoc with my highly regimented sleeping pattern for weeks to come, having the corollary effect of losing me an hour, maybe an hour and a half of my total life expectancy, which due to my equilibrist diet I have managed to extend to 173.
Hollywood looks at PT like a genius
Hollywood : Well done PT – you found something they wouldn’t eat.
PT : And howay, that means Miss Jessica is the winner howay.
Hollywood : You can take this back to camp and read out the winner.
Miss Jessica looks proud as she takes the envelope and skips through the woods to “camp”. Sat on a log is Fatima Whitbread next to a drunk tramp swigging from a bottle of White Lightning. Miss Jessica opens the envelope.
Miss Jessica : And the winner of Best feud… oh my God, I can’t believe it’s not Saint and Scorpy. As if!
Whatever….. IT’S RAPTURE VS LONGINUS!
Now where’s that waterfall shower already?
Miss Jessica strips her top off down to her bikini, and runs through the woods to find the waterfall shower. Fatima leans back and scratches her crotch and watches Jessica run until she disappears out of view.
Fatima Whitbread : FIT!
Hollywood : Welcome back to The Trashies. Now as we go wash and change, and get Heath Slater to come and clean up all this debris… watch this pre-recorded footage.
PT : Because for our next award we are going to the jungle…
Hollywood : … for I’m a 6WF Wrestler….
PT & H : … GET ME OUT OF HERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRE!
The titles for I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here play, and when they finish Prime Time and Hollywood are stood in some forest in the UK in the rain, there is some discarded newspaper and a condom just behind Gerry’s feet.
PT : Howay. Welcome to I’m a 6WF Wrestler, Get Me Out of Here.
H : Howay. And today it’s time for a Bushtucker Trial why aye man.
PT : Howay. Today’s trial is called – “Walking past a scary dog and eating horrible things”
H : Haha. That’s a good name that howay. How do they come up with them hey? I like that one howay. And the winner will get to reveal to their campmates who the winner of the award is, howay?
PT : Howay. Howay about that hey howay?
H : Now howay. Will you welcome our 6WF Wrestlers. We’ve got CJ off of Eggheads.
PT : Howay?
H : Howay. And we’ve got Miss Jessica.
PT : Howay?
H : Howay.
CJ and Miss Jessica walk onto set in khaki outfits. On the back of CJ’s is his name and a complex simultaneous equation. Miss Jessica’s simply says “Call me for a good time” with a phone number.
PT : Howay are you feeling then howay?
CJ : Positively apprehensive at the undoubtedly preposterous activities you have lined up in the name of what passes for light entertainment these days, lord give me strength.
Miss Jessica : Oh my god – frijid or what? Get a life CJ. I am just like, so excited for this? Hey, like, when do we get to shower under the waterfall? Because I have been on the phone to like, every newspaper going telling them to get their scumzilla paparrazi lenses focussed on this. Seriously… there are going to be a lot of totally grotesque teenage boys, doing some proper vigorous Zack Ryder impressions when this goes out. And then we’re talking like, calendars, magazine shoots… oh my God, this could be me like, breaking into the mainstream. I mean… it’s ABOUT time!
PT and Hollywood look at each other and laugh then face the camera.
PT : Right, howay. Your first trial is to get that star over there, you see it howay? Hanging from the tree howay?
CJ & MJ : Yes.
Prime Time walks away behind a tree
Hollywood : You’re going to have to collect that star and pass it to me. But howay, it’s not that easy. Because…
A little bit of flute adds some tension as Prime Time steps from behind a tree, with a large dog on a lead.
Miss Jessica : Awww…. Cute or what?
CJ just gasps.
PT : Howay. You’ve got to face your fears, and walk past this dog.
The dog sighs and lies down in the mud. Hollywood scratches his head and calls over PT, whispering to him.
Hollywood : Hey. What sort of dog is that? That’s not scary.
Prime Time : You said it couldn’t be dangerous for the contestants – so I’ve had it’s teeth taken out.
Hollywood : When? It doesn’t look very well.
PT : I just got him back from the vet’s. I don’t think his anaesthetic has worn off yet.
They look at the dog who closes his eyes and starts to snore.
Hollywood : Anyway, howay man, it’ll have to do. CJ – You’re up first.
CJ nervously steps up to the line, and chants a Latin mantra over and over to himself. He takes a step forward, towards the dog, as PT and Hollywood start to giggle. CJ takes one step closer, and the lying dog yawns, showing his gums and making CJ squeal.
CJ : Arrrrrrgh! I can’t do it! I can’t do it!
PT : Miss Jes….
Miss Jessica pushes past CJ and walks straight past the sleeping dog, taking the star and putting it seductively in Prime Time’s pocket and patting it.
Hollywood : 1-0 to Jessica. How about that Steve?
Steve is drooling at Miss Jessica.
Hollywood : HAHA! Howay! Well you won’t be drooling at the next part of the task howay. Because Prime Time here has gone out and got the nastiest thing he can think of, and the contestants have to eat it. So howay, what have you got for us Steve?
Steve is still in a trance, but then snaps out of it, reaching into his other pocket
PT : It’s a Fruit and Biscuit Yorkie Bar.
He pulls it out with a goofy smile
Hollywood (dropping the faux Geordie accent) : You what?
PT : It’s the most disgusting thing I can think of – a Fruit and Biscuit Yorkie Bar. Yuk.
Hollywood : What? They’re obviously going to eat that aren’t they? It’s just a chocolate bar.
Miss Jessica : Ummm… excuse me. But there is just like, no way I’m eating it. Do you know how long I’ve been dieting for to get in shape for that waterfall shower? Well, like, actually – no time at all because I always look, just, perfect. But seriously… that Fruit and Biscuit Yorkie Bar will go straight to my hips and I’ll look like a total dobber on live TV for like, the first time in my life. So no way. And it’s been in his manky pocket all day, it’s probably all melted from his rank body heat – it’ll so metabolise even quicker, I’ll be fat in an instant. No way.
PT : CJ? To level the game and take it howay to a tie break howay.
CJ : To be absolutely frank, there is no way I am going to eat that confectionary. One’s complexion is certain to react horrendously to the fatty acids contained within, not to mention the resultant sugar rush that will prevent my sleeping tonight and play havoc with my highly regimented sleeping pattern for weeks to come, having the corollary effect of losing me an hour, maybe an hour and a half of my total life expectancy, which due to my equilibrist diet I have managed to extend to 173.
Hollywood looks at PT like a genius
Hollywood : Well done PT – you found something they wouldn’t eat.
PT : And howay, that means Miss Jessica is the winner howay.
Hollywood : You can take this back to camp and read out the winner.
Miss Jessica looks proud as she takes the envelope and skips through the woods to “camp”. Sat on a log is Fatima Whitbread next to a drunk tramp swigging from a bottle of White Lightning. Miss Jessica opens the envelope.
Miss Jessica : And the winner of Best feud… oh my God, I can’t believe it’s not Saint and Scorpy. As if!
Whatever….. IT’S RAPTURE VS LONGINUS!
Now where’s that waterfall shower already?
Miss Jessica strips her top off down to her bikini, and runs through the woods to find the waterfall shower. Fatima leans back and scratches her crotch and watches Jessica run until she disappears out of view.
Fatima Whitbread : FIT!
MtotheC's Wrasslin Biatch- Posts : 12543
Join date : 2011-01-26
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Re: 6WF Trashies 2011 - Part Uno of Duo
by MtotheC's Wrasslin Biatch Fri 02 Dec 2011, 4:34 pm
PT : Our hosts for Best Commissioner are a world famous poet, lyricist and all round showman and entertainer…
Hollywood : … and he’s accompanied by none other than Bono – It’s TUUUUUUUUUBES!
U2’s Elevation hits and Bono runs out onto the ramp, posing with a rockstar stance., his trademark fly glasses and black leather jacket on. Tubes follows him showing no emotion.
Bono rolls into the ring and stands on the turnbuckle, looking amazed at the lukewarm reception he is receiving. He takes off his glasses and touches his heart, mouthing “Thank You”… “Thank You”.
He slowly dismounts the turnbuckle and puts his glasses back on, taking a mic.
Bono : You know… when I was a lad growing up in Dublin. I used to dream about performing in arena like this. I used to dream about holding a beautiful audience like this captive with just words… and music… and feelings.
He pats his heart again
Bono : But I thought that’s all they were… dreams. But everything starts with dreams. One dream can start a revolution of mind, body and spirit. One dream can change the world, for me… for you… for the world.
Bono looks lost in a trance, as if pondering his own bullcrap.
Bono : Today I dream about a united world, rising up against suffering, against hunger, against injustice. Just like U2 rose up against the challenges it faced. Me and my brother in arms here, are here to share our united vision. Go man.
Tubes takes the mic
Tubes : You’re a rockstar
You’re a laugh
Now watch my impression of a giraffe
Tubes walks around with his neck extended as far as he can, making what sounds like elephant noises. Bono watches him incredulously. Tubes stops and shakes his neck out, before fixing Bono with a stare.
Tubes : I’ve got a question.
Who’s the winner?
Bono strokes his stubble and stares at the ceiling
Bono : It’s a wonderful night isn’t it? The night blinks with a million questions. But yours is the deepest man. Woah.
Bono takes off his glasses and wipes his eyes, a tear forming.
Tubes : Thanks man.
Tubes shakes Bono’s hand and walks away up the ramp, as the crowd chant TUUUUUUBES!
Bono : This man had a dream too. About putting on shows in arena like this. And he made it happen. Together we can make anything happen. All the injustices, all the hunger, all those times that you walk into a room and your trouser pocket gets stuck on the door handle. All those bird crapping on your clothes moments. All those sneezes when you’re driving. Constipation. Boiler breakdowns. Aniseed balls. We can end it all together.
It just starts with one dream man. On the streets of Dublin.
A dream like Danny McGraw had.
The Commissioner of the Year!
Hollywood : … and he’s accompanied by none other than Bono – It’s TUUUUUUUUUBES!
U2’s Elevation hits and Bono runs out onto the ramp, posing with a rockstar stance., his trademark fly glasses and black leather jacket on. Tubes follows him showing no emotion.
Bono rolls into the ring and stands on the turnbuckle, looking amazed at the lukewarm reception he is receiving. He takes off his glasses and touches his heart, mouthing “Thank You”… “Thank You”.
He slowly dismounts the turnbuckle and puts his glasses back on, taking a mic.
Bono : You know… when I was a lad growing up in Dublin. I used to dream about performing in arena like this. I used to dream about holding a beautiful audience like this captive with just words… and music… and feelings.
He pats his heart again
Bono : But I thought that’s all they were… dreams. But everything starts with dreams. One dream can start a revolution of mind, body and spirit. One dream can change the world, for me… for you… for the world.
Bono looks lost in a trance, as if pondering his own bullcrap.
Bono : Today I dream about a united world, rising up against suffering, against hunger, against injustice. Just like U2 rose up against the challenges it faced. Me and my brother in arms here, are here to share our united vision. Go man.
Tubes takes the mic
Tubes : You’re a rockstar
You’re a laugh
Now watch my impression of a giraffe
Tubes walks around with his neck extended as far as he can, making what sounds like elephant noises. Bono watches him incredulously. Tubes stops and shakes his neck out, before fixing Bono with a stare.
Tubes : I’ve got a question.
Who’s the winner?
Bono strokes his stubble and stares at the ceiling
Bono : It’s a wonderful night isn’t it? The night blinks with a million questions. But yours is the deepest man. Woah.
Bono takes off his glasses and wipes his eyes, a tear forming.
Tubes : Thanks man.
Tubes shakes Bono’s hand and walks away up the ramp, as the crowd chant TUUUUUUBES!
Bono : This man had a dream too. About putting on shows in arena like this. And he made it happen. Together we can make anything happen. All the injustices, all the hunger, all those times that you walk into a room and your trouser pocket gets stuck on the door handle. All those bird crapping on your clothes moments. All those sneezes when you’re driving. Constipation. Boiler breakdowns. Aniseed balls. We can end it all together.
It just starts with one dream man. On the streets of Dublin.
A dream like Danny McGraw had.
The Commissioner of the Year!
MtotheC's Wrasslin Biatch- Posts : 12543
Join date : 2011-01-26
Location : MtotheC's Leash
Re: 6WF Trashies 2011 - Part Uno of Duo
by MtotheC's Wrasslin Biatch Fri 02 Dec 2011, 4:35 pm
Voiceover: Please welcome on stage, presenting the award for 6CWF’s Next Big Thing….Pat Sharp!
A muted response greats Pat Sharp as he runs onto the stage to the Fun House theme tune.
PS: Hi guys, I’m Pat Sharp and I’m here to present the…
He looks at the envelope and looks around the stage in bewilderment.
PS: What’s going on? I was told I’d be presenting an award to woman! The only Big Thing I was planning on worrying about was in my trousers.
The Producers appear at the side of the stage.
PT: We never agreed to that. We told you it was the Next Big Thing and you started going on about your trousers!
HW: Anyway, with your track record do you think we’d let you near the women of 6CWF?
PS: But that Miss Jessica, I’ve seen what she’s wearing tonight. It’s lucky she’s not my daughter…I’d still be bathing….
PT: Very good Pat, we’ve all heard that before.
PS: But the ladies love Pat Sharp, Melanie and Martina used to fawn over me!
HW: Are you sure? They didn’t have much choice you were the host!
PS: Of course I’m sure….and if it wasn’t for the restraining order Melanie took out against me I’m sure they would be here with me tonight!
PT: Errrr…so are you presenting the award or not?
Sharp looks in the envelope, reads the winner and closes it again.
PS: The winner is a guy! Of course I’m not presenting, I’m only here to find somewhere to park my bike tonight.
With that Sharp storms off the stage thrusting the envelope into PrimeTime’s hand. The Producers look dumbfounded, but then whisper to each other and grins spread across their faces.
HW: It is an emergency, we can’t let the award go un-presented!
PT: We’ll have to do it!
HW: Huzzah! I’ve always wanted to do this.
PT: It’ll be TELE!!!
The two men rush off the stage and voices can be heard off screen.
Voiceover: Please welcome, presenting the Next Big Thing…..The Producers!!
Movies by Alien Ant Farm plays and the two come rushing out onto the stage, hi-fiving each other as the appear.
PT: The winner of the Next Big Thing….
HW: Is….
The Fun House theme tune hits again and The Producers look crestfallen, whilst the crowd looks bemused. But they begin to cheer as the Fun House twins Melanie and Martina appear – wearing their trademark bomber jackets.
Melanie: Now that perv is gone we thought the crowd would love to see the real talent from Fun House!
The crowd cheer as The Producers walk off stage in a sulk.
Martina: And finally, the winner is……..RAPTURE!!
Rapture makes his way onto the stage to a chorus of boos, he snatches the award from Melanie and grabs Martina’s mic.
Rapture: I’m not wasting my breath on this worthless, cheap show. All I will say is that I am not the Next Big Thing…..I am the Current Big Thing!
As he walks off, the twins shrug, wave to the crowd and walk from the stage arm in arm.
A muted response greats Pat Sharp as he runs onto the stage to the Fun House theme tune.
PS: Hi guys, I’m Pat Sharp and I’m here to present the…
He looks at the envelope and looks around the stage in bewilderment.
PS: What’s going on? I was told I’d be presenting an award to woman! The only Big Thing I was planning on worrying about was in my trousers.
The Producers appear at the side of the stage.
PT: We never agreed to that. We told you it was the Next Big Thing and you started going on about your trousers!
HW: Anyway, with your track record do you think we’d let you near the women of 6CWF?
PS: But that Miss Jessica, I’ve seen what she’s wearing tonight. It’s lucky she’s not my daughter…I’d still be bathing….
PT: Very good Pat, we’ve all heard that before.
PS: But the ladies love Pat Sharp, Melanie and Martina used to fawn over me!
HW: Are you sure? They didn’t have much choice you were the host!
PS: Of course I’m sure….and if it wasn’t for the restraining order Melanie took out against me I’m sure they would be here with me tonight!
PT: Errrr…so are you presenting the award or not?
Sharp looks in the envelope, reads the winner and closes it again.
PS: The winner is a guy! Of course I’m not presenting, I’m only here to find somewhere to park my bike tonight.
With that Sharp storms off the stage thrusting the envelope into PrimeTime’s hand. The Producers look dumbfounded, but then whisper to each other and grins spread across their faces.
HW: It is an emergency, we can’t let the award go un-presented!
PT: We’ll have to do it!
HW: Huzzah! I’ve always wanted to do this.
PT: It’ll be TELE!!!
The two men rush off the stage and voices can be heard off screen.
Voiceover: Please welcome, presenting the Next Big Thing…..The Producers!!
Movies by Alien Ant Farm plays and the two come rushing out onto the stage, hi-fiving each other as the appear.
PT: The winner of the Next Big Thing….
HW: Is….
The Fun House theme tune hits again and The Producers look crestfallen, whilst the crowd looks bemused. But they begin to cheer as the Fun House twins Melanie and Martina appear – wearing their trademark bomber jackets.
Melanie: Now that perv is gone we thought the crowd would love to see the real talent from Fun House!
The crowd cheer as The Producers walk off stage in a sulk.
Martina: And finally, the winner is……..RAPTURE!!
Rapture makes his way onto the stage to a chorus of boos, he snatches the award from Melanie and grabs Martina’s mic.
Rapture: I’m not wasting my breath on this worthless, cheap show. All I will say is that I am not the Next Big Thing…..I am the Current Big Thing!
As he walks off, the twins shrug, wave to the crowd and walk from the stage arm in arm.
MtotheC's Wrasslin Biatch- Posts : 12543
Join date : 2011-01-26
Location : MtotheC's Leash
Re: 6WF Trashies 2011 - Part Uno of Duo
by MtotheC's Wrasslin Biatch Fri 02 Dec 2011, 4:35 pm
PT : Well, That’s it Ladies and Gentlemen.
Hollywood : Congratulations to all our winners, and thank you to our guest hosts.
PT : This has been crap, and late – so we probably won’t see you next year.
Hollyeood : Quick – show the funny part again, the bit they all loved. We might make them laugh one more time and save our rep.
PT : GREAT IDEA HOLLYWOOD!
FIN!
A constant beep accompanies a 6WF test card, showing River Ace writing match plans on a black board, with a Gollywogg doll sat next to him.
Voiceover : 6WF apologise for this loss of scheduled programming and for any inconvenience caused. We will rejoin the 2011 Trashies Awards ceremony as soon as we possibly can.
The voiceover is replaced with some soft muzac.
Hollywood : Congratulations to all our winners, and thank you to our guest hosts.
PT : This has been crap, and late – so we probably won’t see you next year.
Hollyeood : Quick – show the funny part again, the bit they all loved. We might make them laugh one more time and save our rep.
PT : GREAT IDEA HOLLYWOOD!
FIN!
A constant beep accompanies a 6WF test card, showing River Ace writing match plans on a black board, with a Gollywogg doll sat next to him.
Voiceover : 6WF apologise for this loss of scheduled programming and for any inconvenience caused. We will rejoin the 2011 Trashies Awards ceremony as soon as we possibly can.
The voiceover is replaced with some soft muzac.
MtotheC's Wrasslin Biatch- Posts : 12543
Join date : 2011-01-26
Location : MtotheC's Leash
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