Kill The Ant!

This is a game where someone says the reason the ant didnt die, and gives a new senario for the 2nd person to come up with why the ant didnt die, and then they give a new senario, and so on etc.

For example

Starting post) The ant was thrown off a bridge

Poster 2) A boat was coming under at the time and it landed softly
A rock fell down the cliff and landed on the ant

Poster 3) But the ant was on steriods and the rock smashed into a million pieces
On his trip at the beach a huge bird swooped down and ate the ant.

Poster 4) gives explainantion & new senario.

Got it?
If the thread gets busy at times, its probs best to quote the senario you are answering so it makes sense lol

ok, starting post:

When a plane goes past the ant gets sucked into the engine

The ant was so small that it came out through the other end in one piece.

But it started falling to the ground where there was a swamp of crocodiles below...

The crocodiles were too busy eating the bad guys from Indiana Jones & The Temple of Doom to notice the ant.

The ant was hiding in a computer, so that as soon as its turned on the ant is electrocuted.

Y I Man wrote:The ant was hiding in a computer, so that as soon as its turned on the ant is electrocuted.

He was revived by George Clooney, who was shouting "DON'T YOU DIE ON ME! DON'T YOU DARE DIE ON ME!"

Once the ant was on the mend, he went for a walk in the park. He was swooped upon by a parakeet, who flew to a height of 30,000 feet, before inexplicably dropping the ant to the cold, hard concrete below.

But the Ant has special built in Inspector Gadget style springs in his shoes thus resulting in a few soft bounces before walking off.

But as he walked on, the ant fell down a hole and was surrounded by bigger, nastier ants who would rip him to shreads.

But unbeknown to the other ants, this Ant was a Jedi Knight, and he pulled out his lightsabre and swung mercilessly at the others, sending limbs and blood everywhere. Once the carnage had ended, the Ant took his cigarettes out of his pocket, lit a fag and prayed for his fallen foes.

The Ant flicked the cigarette out and climbed out of the hole, but at the top he was met by an army of ladybirds who surrounded him...

Luckily, this ant was a ladies' ant. He then swooned the ladybirds, taking them out for a nice seafood lunch where they enjoyed a fruits de mer and a nice bottle of Muscadet. They exchanged numbers but the ant didn't call them again.

After leaving the restaurant, the ant was trodden on by Brian Blessed.

Brian Blessed was devastated by this turn of events, and using his not inconsiderable personal wealth, commissioned a team of scientists to rebuild the ant.

"I WANT YOU TO REBUILD HIM! YOU HAVE THE TECHNOLOGY! YOU CAN MAKE HIM BETTER THAN HE WAS! BETTER...STRONGER...FASTER! and give him one of those wind speed indicators on top of his head. And headlights."

Once the ant was rebuilt he went merrily on his way, until he crossed paths with Michael Barrymore wielding a flaming axe.

But the ant was best friends with Bruce Forsyth and called him to help. Brucy & Barrymore got into a in a 'gameshow catchphrase battle' that enabled the ant to sneek away safely.

The ant found himself on a plate for the bush tucker trial on Im a Celeb and was about to eaten.

Fortunately, the contestant who was required to eat him was Gillian McKeith. She fainted instantly at the site of the ant. The person holding the plate dropped it and ran to Gillian, checking she was okay. This gave the ant just enough time to make a run for it. He replaced himself with the show's presenter - Ant - so they would not realise he had gone.

However, the ant grew cockier, proud of his ingenious plan and started moonwalking away. Unbeknown to the ant, there was a giant hungry spider right behind him.

The Ant turned round and looked the spider up and down; he paused momentarily before grabbing his Ant crotch and yelling "Hooooooooooooooo!". The spider stepped back in shock as the Ant began thrusting his hips at him, confused and slightly aroused the spider decided to leave and ran through the trees.

The Ant smiled as he walked off, he approached the bridge to leave camp but as he did so the bridge creaked and planks fell from the walkway...

But the bridge was only two foot high and made of lollipop sticks, having been built by Dec in his meal break. He fell into a rivulet and floated on down to the beach to sun himself and eat icecream.

He was climbing a tree one day and got stuck in some sticky amber resin....

Jubbahey wrote:He was climbing a tree one day and got stuck in some sticky amber resin....

But the team from Jurrasic Park who where looking for mosquito's with dinosaur DNA also trapped in the resin realised he had no such DNA of any importance and set him free.

As the ant walked away he came face to face with Pat Nevin who was about to step on the ant.

Y I Man wrote:As the ant walked away he came face to face with Pat Nevin who was about to step on the ant.

But right at that moment, Nevin received a call from John Barnes saying he'd resurrected 'John Barnes Football Night' on Channel 5 and wanted him as an analyst. Never one to turn down a cherry gig, Pat accepted and went merrily on his way.

This allowed the ant to carry on wandering and enjoy his surroundings. Suddenly, without warning, Katie Price's son Harvey fell out of a tree and started plummeting towards the ant.

and suddenly frankie boyle comes out and volley's harvey into the bin saving the ant.

the ant continues on his wonder and as he looks up the great khali is falling towards him.

Fortuantely, Khali botches the fall. He trips on a dust particle causing him to fall in the other direction.

The ant starts to run away, but he falls off the edge of the ring. It starts plummeting to the (covered) concrete below!

Legend wrote:The ant starts to run away, but he falls off the edge of the ring. It starts plummeting to the (covered) concrete below!

At that moment, Jeff Hardy is having a conversation with a purple unicorn that is riding a Harley Davidson. The talk turns ugly and Jeff decides to throw his t-shirt at the unicorn. Once he's figured out where the unicorn is, Jeff goes to chuck his garment but is shocked to discover it has turned into a yellow manta ray with the face of Harry Secombe! Startled by this, he flings the t-shirt away and the ant manages to catch onto it. The t-shirt transports him to the Fantosio nebula where the ant is fired upon by a kraken with a laser bazooka.

The laser bazooka was bought from Argos and only ejects water.

Once covered in water, the ant had to struggle to swim out to dry land... but he cannot swim!

i cant top that, brilliant Y2

Once covered in water, the ant had to struggle to swim out to dry land... but he cannot swim! But of course, surface tension came to the ants rescue and floated him to the Eastern province of Amaraldinia off the vast ocean of Pragmtica.

The ant managed to get ashore and was confronted by a giant "ant" eater called Prudence who was particularly hungry that morning.

The ant managed to get ashore and was confronted by a giant "ant" eater called Prudence who was particularly hungry that morning.

Which ate the ant and killed this thread instantly.

Sorry, maybe there's a way out for the ant, somehow ?

As the Ant began to walk through the gates of Heaven, Saint Peter stopped him and said "NO ANTS ALLOWED", so b****r off back to the real world.

The Ant woke up inside the Anteaters tumtum and found a baby's rattle next to him.

Which he shook and shook and shook until poor old Prudence
began to feel very ill - at which point she chundered and.................

at which point she chundered and.................spewed forth the bile plastered ant onto a old shoe thrown out by an angry wife from a car. (is that why you only see one shoe on the hardshoulder of motorways ?)
After some passing gypsies cleaned him up, he took a charter flight to Singapore, but got drunk and.......

ended up in Outer Mongolia where a VERY surprised Yak...............

ended up in Outer Mongolia where a VERY surprised Yak...............asked the ant to dance. As they swayed to the dulcet tones of Neil Young, a passing mountain dweller mistook the ant for the reincarnation of Genghis Khan and decided that to avoid any more bloodshed, it would be in his & his nation's best interests if he killed Genghis. Constructing a dirty bomb out of dirt and bombs, the mountain dweller then used a system of wheels & pullies to manoeuvre the bomb over the ants head. As Neil Young reached a crescendo with 'Forever In Blue Jeans', the bomb was dropped straight towards the unsuspecting ant.....

the bomb was dropped straight towards the unsuspecting ant.....or at least that was what the Yak thought. Unbeknown to him, the Ant was imbibed with an uncanny sense of danger from dropping bombs, especially dirty ones.

He caught the bomb, cleaned it, gave it a manicure and a blue rinse, put a "BOGOF" ticket for a Nail Bar in Soho called Yakkety Yak in its pocket and sent it on its way.

The Any feeling tired after the dance and ego massaging and listening to Neil Young went to sleep under a rock, or at least what he thought was a rock, in actual fact it was a rather nasty ...........

Rhinocerous who took great exception to being awakened so
rudely just as he had got to the BEST part of his
dream. He snorted wth anger and stood up looking to see what had disturbed him.................

stood up looking to see what had disturbed him.................an ant !

"Ant !.......ANT!!!....I 'ates ants, their likkle feelers twitching and flicking, their likkle legs scampering everywhere....EEEeeeKKKkkk!!!"

With this the Rhino (wearing a blouse, large and pink by the way) thunders off into the distance, leaving the ant bewildered, as he didn't speak Rhino, and decided he would try to find a local bistro to drown his sorrows in a pint of amber nectar.

But as he was crossing the road, Thunderbird 2, piloted by Troy McClure was about to drop its load, (if you'll pardon the expression) as the ant passed underneath......

But as he was crossing the road, Thunderbird 2, piloted by Troy McClure was about to drop its load, (if you'll pardon the expression) as the ant passed underneath......

Luckily, the ant remembered Troy McClure from such films as 'The Erotic Adventures of Hercules', 'Dial 'M' for Murderousness', 'The President's Neck is Missing' and 'Gladys, the Groovy Mule' and knew that McClure had a proclivity for always aiming to the right. Once Thunderbird 2 dropped its payload, the ant calmly stepped to his left and avoided 80 tonnes of Daz washing powder. Unbeknownst to the ant he'd inadvertently stepped onto Willie Nelson's estate, and Nelson came at him with the fury of 10,000 stampeding flamingos, brandishing a .38 revolver and a tyre iron......

and Nelson came at him with the fury of 10,000 stampeding flamingos, brandishing a .38 revolver and a tyre iron......
unfortunately, Willie was also trying out his impression of Groucho Marx, dropped the gun, pointed the iron at the ant and said, "If I was small like you, I'd buy high heals and flit around in a dress and make giggles at rich men". Forgetting the trespassing ant for a second, he turned around and strode back to his mansion to look for a cigar, calling the dogs out on the way and shouting, "kill the ant, Kill the Ant !"

The dogs bounded across the lawn intent on ant nibbles........

The dogs bounded across the lawn intent on ant nibbles........

Fortunatley for our heroic ant, Dec's life partner Ant McPartlin was skipping merrily down the lane, having just picked a fresh bunch of petunias. Confused as to which ant they should kill, the dogs set upon McPartlin, nibbling on his massive forehead as the petunias were crushed underneath. The ant saw this as his chance to escape, and flagged down a passing motorcyclist - who turned out to be Brian Blessed.

Blessed wasn't great with directions, and instead of hanging a left at Jeb's Pike, he turned right, sending the bike straight towards a towering inferno that had been started by the four remaining members of Girls Aloud burning Cheryl Cole and her Loreal hair products.

sending the bike straight towards a towering inferno that had been started by the four remaining members of Girls Aloud burning Cheryl Cole and her Loreal hair products........

The ant opened his para-glide chute and sailed up into the air above and beyond the inferno, just catching site of Brian hurtling into the maelstrom, bike attached, and bursting into song as he did so. The dulcet tones reached the ants ears just as an unfortunate series of events caused the upwinds to flag and the chute lost its capacity to hang. The ant frantically ejected all the sand bags to gain height, but to no avail, he spiralled down at a tremendous speed towards.....

he spiralled down at a tremendous speed towards.....

a sharp, rusty, iron pike, embedded in the head of Justin Timberlake.

embedded in the head of Justin Timberlake who was, quite frankly,
wondering where his terrible migraine had sprung from. Quick as
a flash the ant used his parachute as a lariat and snared the
sharp. rusty iron pike around the ................................

the ant used his parachute as a lariat and snared the
sharp. rusty iron pike around the ............................... periods of this post.

The ant knew its a well known fact that if you are able to type as many dots as there are dashes in the universe, you would be able to bend time and reverse it back to a beginning of your choice. He did this using his Iphone auto type app, to transmit so many dots that time did indeed bend and the ant flew back to the.....

the ant flew back to the Mother Ship where his Queen awaited
his report on his travels to the planet Snurg.

the ant flew back to the Mother Ship where his Queen awaited
his report on his travels to the planet Snurg.

The ant explained all that had happened to him and was then asked by the Queen if he had remembered to bring her a couple of cases of Mountain Dew. The ant replied that he'd been so busy dodging death that it had slipped his mind, causing the Queen to fly into a rage and cast the ant from the Mother Ship into the outer reaches of the galaxy to his certain doom.

Fortunately for the ant, he was picked up by Major Tom, who said he was on a mission to get back to Earth and have some words with David Bowie about some royalty payments. It took 17 weeks but eventually they landed in Monkey's Eyebrow, Kentucky. There, they were set upon by flaming pitchfork wielding yokels who urged them to "Ged off ma properdee!" The ant was cornered by Billy Bob, Jim Bob and Bob Bob McWahoo. Jim Bob lunged at him with a flaming pitchfork when all of a sudden......

when all of a sudden....

Mom's voice floated out from the cabin "You all wanna invite
that there little critter to dinner Billy Bob?" and pfffft the flaming
pitchfork went out like a bonfire on a rainy night.

Inside the cabin it was warm and cosy and the little ant soon
began to feel better, his likkle feelers going like the clappers.
"A song is in order here", he thought and launched into a stirring rendition
of......

"Ant did those Feelers, in ancient times...."

Luckily, 6 fingered Jimbob's musical ear was discombobulated by the whining ants singing and misinterpreted the wailing as some kind of siren, he rushed out onto the porch, ant in hand and flicked him with a dexterity unhinged by years of practice and launched him into an orbit that described an arc, perfect in curve and plumb dead as an apple falling from a tree.

The ant flew through the air with the greatest of ease and landed as soft as duck-down on a bed of.....duck-down, recently pruned from a Mallards winter feathers.

The ant got up, brushed itself off and inadvertently stepped into a large mass of steaming.....

The ant got up, brushed itself off and inadvertently stepped into a large mass of steaming.....rice pudding, that had been dropped by one of the 3 bears who had been taken ill with botulism, or was it Dutch Elm disease ?

Anyway, the Ant burnt his mandible on the thick skin (he always was a bit sensitive there) and ran to seek help from the local locum.

Problem was, this one didn't treat ants on the assumption that if you found a sick one, then you just trod on it.

The Ant finding that treatment was severely lacking in his dept, went forth and multiplied with a queen he'd recently been introduced to.

They were going to live happily ever after, but a.......

They were going to live happily ever after, but a.......

Travelling tightrope engineer who was practicing standing on one foot (he lost the other leg to a travelling short-sighted arm amputator) and was falling over with consummate ease. Making such a rumpus above the Queens chamber, the Ant went up to complain and got.....

bob's musical ear was discombobulated by the whining ants singing and misinterpreted the wailing as some kind of siren, he rushed out onto the porch, ant in hand and flicked him with a dexterity unhinged by years of practice and launched him into an orbit that described an arc, perfect in curve and plumb dead as an apple falling from a tree.


___________
pasban

.....perfect in curve and plumb dead as an apple falling from a tree.

Into a tar pit. THE END.