Whos to blame - Window cleaner, Grass cutter tea lady or someone else

A fierce discussion is taking place on the Scotland team and an interesting point has been made about who is really to blame from the Scotland decline - in summary the main culprits are:

The Tea Lady
You know something I think we are all barking up the wrong tree here. Blaming the coaches i.e. it started with Williams, Then to Hadden and now to Robinson.

I'm begining to see a pattern here.

I think we should be sacking the Murrayfield tea lady for spiking every single one of the coaches teas and coffees with LSD. This visual demonsration below will help you understand :

+ =

or in Robbinson's case :

+ = Play Morrison at 12 because he is an international class inside centre, play Parks at 10 for our 6N opener because he showed he could do it in 2010, play Hines at 6 because a big lumbering 2nd row is really the answer we need at blindside flanker and this weekend playing a light weight specialist openside is exactly the level of physicallity we want to bring to Hairy, Dusatoir and Bonnaire.

There you go! Sitiuation explained.

SACK THE TEA LADY!!!!!

The Grass Cutter
I am starting a new campaign to get rid of the grass cutter - as I beleive it is this that has been the root of our down fall - how long can we continue with a Grass Cutter who is clearly still living in the pre-pro global warming era.

Our grass is still be cut in a vertical pattern starting from the west wing on the left- everyone and their dog know that the form direction is horizonal from the south, with slight triangles (determining the right size is what makes the best grass cutters) in the corners.

Out game is being held back, as the bounce of the ball, and even passes are being affected (adverse air flow over the apex of each blade). Our players are being hampered by the inability to play on a Pro Global Warming Grass Surface (PGWGS), designed for slightly warmer weather, with the likelyhood of snow men

This also affects us on the road, as we when we arrive at away grounds it takes us 40 mins to understand the density of blade zoning.

Oh, what could have been if we had looked forward and planned for the post global warming era instead of harcking back to the good old amateur grass days, where just being slightly shorter and greener were enough

It is not a conincidence that our younger players, who have only know PGWGS, are the most exciting we best able to cope

Sack the GRASS CUTTER



The Window Cleaner
No, no, lads you have it all wrong, you're not getting to the root of the problem with the tea lady and the grass cutter - it is the window cleaner who is at fault.

The young lad has been reading phosphorous nitrade (PdNd2), a deeply poisonous toxin that befuddles the brain of anyone that spend too long in a windowed confined space, instead of the infinitely less harmful phosphoride nitrite (PoNi2). PdNd2 causes the afflicted to lose all reason and knowledge when selecting the national team - it is particularly harmful to those that open their nasal passages when screaming and shouting and generally losing the plot in said windowed box.

Having spoken to a couple of far more experienced chemists than myself, I am led to believe that we are lucky that we haven't lined up with Big Euge somewhere in the threequarters, and Shuggy in the front row. There is a suggestion that the same chemical imbalance in a more severe form may have afflicted Nick Mallett when he selected Mauro Bergamasco as a scrumhalf against Italy that time.

Sack the WINDOW CLEANER

I thought it was worth opening this up to the rest of the forum, who is to blame for your teams losses

Kiwis: What losses?

Everyone else: The weather, ref, food, grass, beer, wife.

The wife - now that needs some explaining!

A big part is surely the rugby culture of a country.

I know in France up until players are 16 they continue to play without specialist positions on a small pitch. By contrast in Ireland we are using large full scale pitches 3 years sooner. The minute you are done with U12 you play full pitch.

Also in countries like Italy/Argentina - there is a sense of pride when it comes to scrummaging. In Ireland we don't have that - we've prided ourselves in recent years on a strong lineout - something Wales for example wouldn't have.

You also get in some countries like Wales and France; big lads who want to emulate the Gareth Edwards and Phillipe Sellas of old and end up in the backs despite their size - see Jauzion, Rougerie, Roberts, North, Traille, Cuthbert, Malzieu etc. In Ireland we have tended to operate with big guys up front and slightly smaller lads in the backs.

Also in Ireland I would say that the provinces have enjoyed such "emotional rollercoasters" in the last decade and built such a rivalry that I believe it is affecting the players and fans committment to the national team. Other teams like France, NZ, Wales, South Africa etc etc etc etc can simply park their club form at the door when they go international. We seem to hope we can simply mash Munster and Leinster together.

A lot of these are reasons we are struggling now. We struggle as fans to get as excited about Ireland as with Leinster/Munster/Ulster. The team struggles to produce a coherent national team gameplan instead relying on the players to do what they do with provinces. Our scrum has been a sore point as we have tended to see it as a mere way of restarting the match (like Australia) rather than relishing it like Italy or Argentina do. Our players don't have the flair or a France or a Wales or a NZ (who play age level rugby based on weight so even big guys cant rely on size) as they aren't learning it at a young age.

The culture of a country is massive. Wales for example for years suffered due to the rugby culture not producing forwards with the nous, brute power or organisation to provide a platform for the backs. Every country has a unique rugby culture.

Riskysports wrote:The wife - now that needs some explaining!

Players overexcerting themselves the night before the match. Didn't the some wendyball side ban nookie during/leading up to a euro/world cup as they were claiming it was leading to the players being warn out?

ScarletSpiderman wrote:

Riskysports wrote:The wife - now that needs some explaining!

Players overexcerting themselves the night before the match. Didn't the some wendyball side ban nookie during/leading up to a euro/world cup as they were claiming it was leading to the players being warn out?

Ah thought you were refering to the spupporters wives - that may happen in Football (Giggs anyone) but I was surprised in rugby

This thread needs a poll

Added poll

You want the truth about why we lose, can you handle the truth?

Well OK then, in no order of importance.

1. Bruce Lawrence.
2. Political interference.
3. PDV
4. SARU allowing themselves to be intimidated by those politics.
5. SARU and their hidden agendas.
6. Antiquated game plan
7. geriatrix holding on for dear life to their springbok jumper
8. Quotas

But there is a light on the horison. Don;t know how strong it is yet though.

biltongbek - not sure I can handle the truth

sorry bud, you asked for the truth.

benefit for you is you just have to read it, I have to live through it day in and day out.