25 Funny Football quotes

25. Phil Neville - The Brazilians were South American, and the Ukranians will be more European.

24. Lawrie McMenemy - When you are 4-0 up you should never lose 7-1.

23. Terry Venables - If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing.

22. Ian Rush - I couldn't settle in Italy, it was like living in a foreign country.

21. Barry Venison - I always used to put my right boot on first, and then obviously my right sock.

20. Ruud Gullit - We must have had 99 per cent of the match. It was the other three per cent that cost us.

19. Paul Gascoigne - I've had 14 bookings this season - 8 of which were my fault, but 7 of which were disputable.

18. Glenn Hoddle - When a player gets to 30, so does his body.

17. Bryan Robson - It wasn't going to be our day on the night.

16. David Coleman - If that had gone in, it would have been a goal.

15. Alan Green - It was the game that put the Everton ship back on the road.

14. Ugo Ehiogu - I'm as happy as I can be - but I have been happier.

13. Kevin Keegan - Argentina won’t be at Euro 2000 because they’re from South America.

12. Alan Ball - I don't believe in luck... but I do believe you need it.

11. Mark Viduka - I would not be bothered if we lost every game as long as we won the league.

10. Tom Ferrie - Dumbarton player Steve McCahill has limped off with a badly cut forehead.

9. Vinnie Jones - Winning doesn't really matter as long as you win.

8. Stuart Pearce - I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel.

7. Peter Jones - Sporting Lisbon in their green and white hoops, looking like a team of zebras.

6. Jonathan Woodgate - Leeds is a great club and it's been my home for years, even though I live in Middlesbrough.

5. Ron Atkinson - Well, Clive, it's all about the two M's - movement and positioning.

4. Metro Radio - Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field.

3. Mark Draper - I'd like to play for an Italian club, like Barcelona.

2. David Beckham - I definitely want Brooklyn to be christened, but I don't know into what religion yet.

1. Ron Greenwood - Playing with wingers is more effective against European sides like Brazil, than English sides like Wales.

Great stuff. I remember watching a Bobby Robson documentary and here is a snippet:

Bobby Robson approaches Bryan Robson in training with the line "morning Bobby" to which Bryan replies "you're Bobby, I am Bryan" !!

Priceless!

"That’s great, tell him he’s Pele, and get him back on" – John Lambie, Partick Thistle Manager, when told his concussed striker did not know who he was.

"The ageless Dennis Wise, now in his thirties" - Martin Tyler.

"Martin O'Neill standing hands on his hips, stroking his chin." - Mike Ingham.

"Paulo Maldini can say he's done it all now." - Peter Crouch after AC Milan played at Fratton Park.

"To put it in gentleman's terms, if you've been out for a night out and you're looking for a young lady and you pull one, some weeks they're good looking and some weeks they're not the best. Our performance today would not have been the best looking bird but at least we got her in the taxi. She weren't the best looking lady we ended up taking home but she was very pleasant and very nice, so thanks very much, let's have a coffee." - Ian Holloway on his side's win over Chesterfield.

"I was a young lad growing up" - David O'Leary.

"They'll be dancing in the streets of Raith" - ??????

"With Joey Barton, you know what to expect. He's going to come strong in the tackle and come in your face" - Philippe Senderos

"Every dog has it's day and today is woof day. Today, I just want to bark" - Ian Holloway

1. On Wayne Rooney: It's an incredible rise to stardom, at 17 you’re more likely to get a call from Michael Jackson than Sven Goran Eriksson.

2. Reporter: Can I ask you about Augustin Delgado [an underperforming player Strachan had purchased for Southampton] Strachan: I've got more important things to think about. I've got a yogurt to finish by today, the expiry date is today. That can be my priority rather than Augstin Delgado.

3. Reporter: Welcome to Southampton Football Club. Do you think you are the right man to turn things around? Strachan: No. I was asked if I thought I was the right man for the job and I said, "No, I think they should have got George Graham because I’m useless."

4. Reporter: Gordon, you must be delighted with that result? Strachan: You’re spot on! You can read me like a book.

5. Reporter: This might sound like a daft question, but you'll be happy to get your first win under your belt, won't you? Strachan: You're right. It is a daft question. I'm not even going to bother answering that one. It is a daft question, you’re spot on there.

6. Reporter: Bang, there goes your unbeaten run. Can you take it? Strachan: No, I'm just going to crumble like a wreck. I'll go home, become an alcoholic and maybe jump off a bridge. Umm, I think I can take it, yeah.

7. Reporter: where will Marion Pahars fit into the team line-up? Strachan: Not telling you! It's a secret.

8. Reporter: Gordon, Do you think James Beattie [one of Strachan's players] deserves to be in the England squad? Strachan: I dont care, I'm Scottish

9. Reporter: You don't take losing lightly, do you Gordon? Strachan: I don't take stupid comments lightly either.

10. Reporter: So, Gordon, in what areas do you think Middlesbrough were better than you today? Strachan: What areas? Mainly that big green one out there...

haha, all those strachan ones a top class. i cant believe 1,2,3 and 5 are true in the OP. the bobby robson one is very funny too

The last Strachan one is my second favourite football quote.

Only beaten by Peter Crouch, when asked what he would be if he wasn't a pro footballer, to which he replied 'a virgin'.

The best Strachan quote:

Reporter: Gordon where do you think the game was lost today?

Strachan: (points to the end of tunnel) That green thing out there!

The best football quote for me:

Reporter: Does the gaffer have any nicknames for you?
Ameobi: No he doesn't.
Reporter: What does he call you?
Ameobi: Carl Cort

Is that Ameobi one about Bobby Robson?

It is.

It is a favourite with the press. Robson was always forgetting names.

Sir Bobby to Bryan Robson: “Good morning, Bobby.”
Bryan: “You’re Bobby, I’m Bryan!”

Another bobby gem:

Alan Brazil: “I’m delighted to say we’ve got Sir Bobby Robson on the
end of the phone, fresh from getting his knighthood at Buckingham Palace.
Bobby, terrific news.”

Sir Bobby Robson: “What is?”

Brazil: “You know, getting the old sword on the shoulder from Prince
Charlie.”

Sir Bob: Eh? [Long pause] “Oh yeah… well, it was a day I’ll never
forget.”

His book is brilliant I might add. The Ipswich years with John Cobbold are just hilarious

"Without being harsh, he (David Beckham) cost us the match" Ian Wright going easy on his England team mate

"Chile have three options. They could win or lose." Kevin Keegan, numerically challenged.

"Barnsley have started the way they mean to begin" Chris Kamara easing his way into the game.

"He's carrying his left leg, which to be honest is his only leg" Steve Coppell reporting, presumably, from the Paralympic Football Competition

"He says he will walk away from the game when his legs go" Andy Gray, never one to hang around when he's outlived his welcome.

"That pass was only an yard away from being inch perfect" Murdo McCleod, who just wouldn't sound the same in metric.

"If I was still at Ipswich I wouldn't be where I am today" Dalian Atkinson showing that there's nothing geographically challenged about him, for sure..!!

"If you gave Arsene Wenger eleven players today and told him to pick his team, this would be it" Andy Gray leaving the Arsenal boss with little room for manoeuvre

"Well, Harry, fifth place last season, how can you better that?" Fergus Sweeney, demonstrating his grasp of the basic principles of league tables.

"It's good to have a new face in the dressing room to bounce things off" Lawrie McMenemy hinting at what may happen to the half time teacups

"Beckenbauer has really gambled all his eggs" Ron Atkinson. And I'm speechless to find something to add to that.

'nuff said.

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"I wouldn't say I was the best manager in the business. But I was in the top one" - On his own success.

"If God had wanted us to play football in the clouds, he'd have put grass up there" - On the importance of passing the ball to feet.

"I only ever hit Roy the once. He got up so I couldn't have hit him very hard" - On dealing with Roy Keane.

"We talk about it for 20 minutes and then we decide I was right" - On dealing with players who disagree with him.

"At last England have appointed a manager who speaks English better than the players" - On the appointment of Sven-Goran Eriksson.

"I'm sure the England selectors thought if they took me on and gave me the job, I'd want to run the show. They were shrewd because that's exactly what I would have done" - On not getting the England manager's job.

"Players lose you games, not tactics. There's so much crap talked about tactics by people who barely know how to win at dominoes" - On England's exit from Euro 2000.

"The Derby players have seen more of his balls than the one they're meant to be playing with" - On a streaker who once interrupted a Derby County-Manchester United match.


In a champion's league: Cloughie 2-1 Ferguson
"Manchester United in Brazil? I hope they all get bloody diarrhoea" - On Manchester United's decision to opt out of the FA Cup to play in the World Club Championship in 2000.

"For all his horses, knighthoods and championships, he hasn't got two of what I've got. And I don't mean balls" - Referring to Sir Alex Ferguson's failure to win two successive European Cups.

"I can't even spell spaghetti never mind talk Italian. How could I tell an Italian to get the ball? He might grab mine" - On the influx of foreign players.

"I like my women to be feminine, not sliding into tackles and covered in mud" - On women and football.

"Anybody who can do anything in Leicester but make a jumper has got to be a genius" - His tribute to Martin O'Neill, who used to manage Leicester City.

"That Seaman is a handsome young man but he spends too much time looking in his mirror rather than at the ball. You can't keep goal with hair like that" - On the pony-tailed former England goalkeeper David Seaman.

"If a chairman sacks the manager he initially appointed, he should go as well" - Saying that too many managers lose their jobs.

"I thought it was my next-door neighbour because I think she felt that if I got something like that I would have to move" - Guessing who nominated him for a knighthood.

"Who the hell wants 14 pairs of shoes when you go on holiday? I haven't had 14 pairs in my life" - On the contents of Victoria Beckham's missing luggage.

"He should guide Posh in the direction of a singing coach because she's nowhere near as good at her job as her husband" - Advice for David Beckham.

"Don't send me flowers when I'm dead. If you like me, send them while I'm alive" - After the liver transplant which saved his life.

"I want no epitaphs of profound history and all that type of thing. I contributed. I would hope they would say that, and I would hope somebody liked me." - On being remembered

Brian Clough's most infamous quote:


"That Polish goalkeeper, he's a clown". On Jan Tomaszewski, prior to the World Cup Qualifyer between England and Poland, October 1973.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZCTIS6GM8m8


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From before a old firm game in the tunnel between john greig and bertie auld

John Greig "What your win bonus the day?"
Bertie "£3"
Greig "Ours is £6"
Bertie "Aye, at least we'll be getting ours"

I don't think Rush actually said that about Italy. I THINK Stevie Nichol said Rush had quoted that as a wind up.

Think 1 of my underage football managers deserves a mention here. Before a game he was trying to give a motivational speech, "Lads I think yas are s***, yous thinks yas are s***, evryone out there thinks yas are s***, so go out and try prove them wrong." The man had a real way with words.

My favourite Strachan quote :

Reporter: Gordon, Can we have a quick word???

Strachan: Velocity!

A coach of mine when were teainign and he was giving out we weren't working hard enough. Name changed to conceal my identity


Coach : You have something to say,Mike?
Me: I didn't say anything
Coach: So shut the f##k up so.

One of Charlton Athletic's most revered former players is Kieth Peacock. He was much loved at the club and was a fine player.

Some years after Keith retired from playing, in a match played at the Valley between Charlton Athletic and Newcastle United, Gavin Peacock, son of Keith, was playing for Newcastle. During the game, Gavin mishit a shot that skewed several yards wide. Somebody in the crowd shouted: "Oi, Peacock..... you're not as good as your old man"

A cockney accent from somewhere else in the crowd retorted. "F**k that. He's not as good as MY old man".

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Crowd (to Robbie Savage) : "Where's your ca-ra-van, where's your caravan?"

Savage : "Monaco."