Santa Letter

by kiakahaaotearoa Tue 10 Dec 2013, 2:39 pm

Yes Santa is real - at least in the world of 606 - and no he can't perform miracles. So don't go asking him to turn all your losses into wins, chalk you up a Grand Slam or a RC, or change your coach for the best there is.

But seeing as you have been reasonably behaved children this year, you can write three things to Santa you'd like added to your team performance (not results) for next year. Any over the top wishes or unrealistic claims and your rugby nation will be afflicted with injuries and poor results.

As an example

Dear Santa

I would like the following 3 things for the ABs next year.

1. Scrum sorted out.
2. More mongrel in the pack.
3. Improve the breakdown area

You're the best
Kia kaha

by Guest Tue 10 Dec 2013, 2:43 pm

Dear Santa,

I know Mike Phillips is physical, but could we try out a 'nippy' 9 like Gareth Davies or Rhodri Williams from the start of the game (rather than on 75 minutes). And I don't mean in a development game where they'll be surrounded by other inexperienced players. 6N would be ideal. Give it a go, or you'll never know!

Thanks

Griff

by bedfordwelsh Tue 10 Dec 2013, 2:48 pm

Dear Santa

I like Spikey but can we please give a No9 with a speedy service a run out in proper game.
JD to make a quicker than expected recovery from injury
More composure/mental toughness in the really big games (cheers Santa)

Thanks

BW

by Luckless Pedestrian Tue 10 Dec 2013, 2:50 pm

Dear Santa,

1) Please could you turn me into a secret fly (not the Secret Fly) so that I can fly into Roger Lewis's office and find out whether he really did ask the current Test players not to sign new contracts with the regions?

Could I also have:

2) Some kind of forcefield so I can't be swatted;

3) Immunity to fly spray.

Yours, etc.

Luckless Pedestrian.

by kiakahaaotearoa Tue 10 Dec 2013, 2:52 pm

Changes to the team bedfordwelsh not to results. Before Evil Santa waves his wand I will give you a chance to amend your letter: more composure in high pressure games.

I will tolerate that LP because it only benefits you and even that is debatable.

by GLove39 Tue 10 Dec 2013, 2:54 pm

Dear Santa ,

I'm not greedy so I'm only going to ask you for one thing. Can we please win back the Calcutta Cup next year?

Don't let me down big man.

Graham

by kingraf Tue 10 Dec 2013, 2:56 pm

I'd like to beat the ABs, it could include a dodgy red card, and Mandela magically appearing to finish off a last minute try, while the ABs side are mysteriously blinded by an eclipse only they can see... I think I'd still take it with glee!!

by kiakahaaotearoa Tue 10 Dec 2013, 2:58 pm

Too results based. Evil Santa will be working overtime...

by Luckless Pedestrian Tue 10 Dec 2013, 2:58 pm

Ah balls, I forgot to ask to be turned back into a human once I'd finished my spying mission. Do I have to wait until next Christmas?

by Knowsit17 Tue 10 Dec 2013, 2:59 pm

Dear Santa,

For Wales I would like the following areas of the game to improve:

-The breakdown: Players far too slow getting there and not physical enough either to clear out effectively. The Aussies absolutely wiped us out in this area and in general Wales won't be living with the best until they can consistently hold their own in this area

-Support play: Two facets to this. I) related to the breakdown insofar as the players have an annoying habit of letting the man in possession run by himself, get isolated and subsequently turned over and II) in terms of attack there have been countless past instances of being a single pass away from a try. This is the aspect of the game NZ excel at and a central determinant of their success over the past 2 years imo, coupled of course with superb linkmen of quality offloading skills like Read.

-The kicking game: No excuse whatsoever, Wales were simply dire in this respect throughout last month.

Good idea for a thread btw thumbsup

by Geordie Tue 10 Dec 2013, 3:01 pm

Dear Santa

Being an England and Falcons fan isnt very entertaining. Both have big packs and non existant backs.

Please can you help England be a little bit more flamboyant (im happy with Farrell, just getting him playing flatter and a bit more adventurous at times...)

And can you help the Falcons understand what a backline is and its purpose...

All the best
Geordie..

by kiakahaaotearoa Tue 10 Dec 2013, 3:02 pm

You'll have to be a good fly and wait patiently for 2014. Laugh

A model letter Knowsit. For that it shall come true.

by **Biltong** Tue 10 Dec 2013, 3:05 pm

Wrote this a few weeks ago. wrote:Dear Santa, hope you had a good year and are rested up for all the things people will be asking for in the next 30 days.

Even though you may think I am a tad selfish to be asking for the things I am going to, I want you to realise that although there may be many requests more important than mine, it will be really appreciated if you could comply.

For New Zealand

Please make the All Blacks just a little more error prone and a little more vulnerable. I know you receive cheques from them on an annual basis, but it is time to do some pro bono work.

I would appreciate it even more if you could mellow Kieran Read out just a tad, he is too highly motivated and simply too busy on the rugby field.

You need to ensure that his career is prolonged, and the only way for this to happen is for him to slow down a tad and reduce his work rate.

For Australia

Please provide the Wallabies with one or two mongrels for their pack, and if at all possible some homing device so their passes will go more readily to hand.

The number of tries they butchered this year with open try lines has just become sad.

Michael Hooper wants a ruck buddy, someone who is always there to assist him in the contact zone, he has been the lone ranger for the past year, and maybe you can free up Tonto for a stint in the Green and Gold.

For South Africa

Please use some of your powers to influence the dreams of Heyneke Meyer. Show replays of Willie le Roux hitting a hole, creating space, offloading and using little chip kicks, but do it in slow motion and find a way to romanticise the images so that it will be stuck forever in his subconscious.

By the same token show Meyer every pedantic move, every error and inaccurate pass of Ruan Pienaar, but add some dramatic music in the back ground as to emphasise the worsening effect of his play and how it reduces our chance of attack and quick ball.

It is vitally important that Meyer continues in his quest to play positive rugby, and we need his subconscious to be altered so that he fully believes in this methodology.

A little bit of whatever you deem necessary to prolong Jean de Villiers’ rugby career will be highly appreciated, but please whatever you do, eradicate his propensity to deliver inaccurate and forward passes.

Willem Alberts and Duane Vermeulen need a little more pace. Some of what you take away from Read will help, but if you need a little more, then take some from Boden Barrett, he doesn’t need all that pace.
Julian Savea, Israel Dagg and Corey Jane has enough for the All Blacks to utilise successfully.

Lastly, if you could assist with a few IQ points here and there to improve the decision making it will be of great help.

For Argentina

They need some help, hopefully your infinite wisdom should be able to find ways to keep their best players in their domestic system.

Alternatively, you could perhaps find a place for a couple of them in each Super Rugby franchise.

For Six Nations teams

Just keep doing what you are doing and let them fight among themselves for the Six Nations crown.

It has been keeping them very busy and somehow they have forgotten that the Test matches against our SANZAR nations are not friendlies, but serious business.

One thing though, is it possible that you could provide them with a tad more sunlight, fewer worm-infested pitches and keep the freezing cold away until the middle of December?

It will be a big help for us Southies to be able to play on proper rugby pitches rather than bogs.

If that is too much trouble a voucher from Eagle turf in the USA could help.

For SANZAR

Finally, these pin striped suits in their glass towers need some direction.

Our players are run off their feet by the end of the season, 11 months of hard labour is more than most prisoners will endure in a calendar year.

Our players cannot go to the hole for some rest and relaxation like prisoners do.

The travel is killing them and we are losing players to Japan, Europe and anywhere else where they can make a bit more money or have less arduous schedules.

If you can’t get the tectonic plates to move us closer together, could you find it in yourself to provide wisdom and guidance to these blokes? They need to buck up.

As you can see I am not asking for a lot, and I don’t expect you to find the time to comply to every request I have made.

If you need to prioritise, I can guide you to South Africa and then New Zealand. Those two are of utmost importance.

Other than that, have a good month and keep working at it. We believe in you.

by kiakahaaotearoa Tue 10 Dec 2013, 3:07 pm

Nice work BB. Your wish for Sanzar will come true. Hug

by GloriousEmpire Tue 10 Dec 2013, 3:09 pm

Dear Santa,

Could I please have a decision at Twickenham.

I know this is a long shot. But I've always wanted one.

And going back over a decade, I can't recall one.

I find it hard to believe that all those English kids are so well behaved that you and your elves and reindeer have given them all away.

Please. Just the one?

Love,

GE.

Edit : Sorry, just read the stipulation about no miracles this year. Can I have a puppy, then?

by quinsforever Tue 10 Dec 2013, 3:14 pm

GloriousEmpire wrote:Dear Santa,

Could I please have a decision at Twickenham.

I know this is a long shot. But I've always wanted one.

And going back over a decade, I can't recall one.

I find it hard to believe that all those English kids are so well behaved that you and your elves and reindeer have given them all away.

Please. Just the one?

Love,

GE.

Edit : Sorry, just read the stipulation about no miracles this year. Can I have a puppy, then?

by Guest Tue 10 Dec 2013, 3:16 pm

Dear Santa,

I know I haven't asked for much recently - just the occasional SH scalp to tease some friends with; asking not to get the 6N wooden spoon on years that I remember to write to you, but this year it's different, I really REALLY would love for you to pull something magical out of that sleigh for our Scotland team next year:

1. No more music at Murrayfield home games
2. A backline that is on form and uninjured for at least 2 games in a row
3. Kelly Brown at 6 (and if you can find it in your heart, everyone else in their actual positions)

Kisses,
Effie

by quinsforever Tue 10 Dec 2013, 3:20 pm

Dear Santa,

i would like 3 things please:

- can we have an injury free run from now up to RWC for the england squad please? i would really like to see a team picked entirely on merit for a while.

- can we please see 1 or 2 of the current crop of U20 and recently ex-U20 england backs break through and nail a place in the England squad going into RWC?

- can you help broker a solution to the euro club mess in time for the 2015 season? not asking for the 2014 season as i can't expect miracles.

yours QFE

by GunsGerms Tue 10 Dec 2013, 3:24 pm

1. All top Irish players to be retained in Ireland.
2. Rematch v the ABs next November.
3. Improve Jonathan Sexton's goal kicking particualry on pressure/crucial kicks.

& a lightning McQueen bicycle for my son.

Thanks.

by nobbled Tue 10 Dec 2013, 3:27 pm

Dear Santa,

Please could you persuade SL to let go of his security teddy. He's outgrown him now and needs to move on.

He calls him "Chris Ashton".

I understand there is a new toy known as a "Wade" that would make him much happier in the long run.

Thanks Santa

Nobbled

by kiakahaaotearoa Tue 10 Dec 2013, 3:29 pm

But does Wade swallow? Run

by nobbled Tue 10 Dec 2013, 3:31 pm

kiakahaaotearoa wrote:But does Wade swallow?

You are a baaaaaaad man!

by Guest Tue 10 Dec 2013, 3:48 pm

Dear Santa,

Please can Wales

1) Let somebody else have a go at being Six Nations Champions, as it's getting boring now.
2) Can we please have one win v SA out of the four games and blydi beat the Aussies for a change.
3) Can Sir Warren have the courage and moral fibre to actually drop out of form players, particularly if their replacement's form warrants a start more (yes you Sam and Mike).

Cheers butty

Rev xx

by Comfort Tue 10 Dec 2013, 4:21 pm

Dear Santa

For Wales

can you please:

1. Retire Mike Phillips to the bench at least. Rhodri Williams/Richie Rees/Gareth Davies any of those 3 will do starting.

2. Cut Hibbards hair (I'm still convinvced he miss-throws when his hair gets in his eyes or he has a loreal moment).

3. Teach Wazza the value of 'quick ball' to us, and the negatives of providing it to the opposition.

4. Slap Roger Lewis.

5. A re-appearance of our infamous ballboy in the next AIs (every helping hand we can get).

6. Teach Wazza and his cronies what 'variation' means and how it can help them in their roles, Howley particularly.

7. Keep Leigh safe and sound forever, but give him back his license to kill, or just attack, I'll settle for counter-attacking in fact.

8. Slap Roger Lewis again.

9. And again for luck.

Nice one boyo
Cymru am beth

by **rodders** Tue 10 Dec 2013, 4:29 pm

Dear Santa,

Please can I have:

1) A GS for Ireland.

2) A Heino for Ulster.

3) A baby sitter so I can get peace to watch both.

Thanks.

by **Notch** Tue 10 Dec 2013, 4:39 pm

1) Heineken Cup sorted out
2) More test opportunities for minnow nations
3) Ulster to win something!

by Mr Bounce Tue 10 Dec 2013, 5:01 pm

Dear Santa

Please may I have the following:

1) Christian Wade's, Alex Corbisiero's, Manu Tuilagi's & Marland Yarde's injuries to heal quicker than expected.

2) The England midfield to get a little more creative.

3) The England pack (and back ups) to be injury-free for the next 8 months.

4) Chris Ashton to be given a 1 month long tackle coaching session before the 6 Nations.

5) Mike Phillips to start a game where he's not stupidly agressive.

6) Tomorrow's school reunion not to be TOO messy as I need to be on the last train home.

Love Bounce

PS Can I have a reconditioned gearbox for my project car please? Thanks very much. Wink

by SecretFly Tue 10 Dec 2013, 5:12 pm

Santy, how are you doing? Did Merkel tell you to shave your beard off yet, in the interests of making sure you're not an American spy for the Coke Company?

Anyway, hope all is well and that you have me Cristmas present list before you with my no-compromise demands on it. Make sure I get everything I've asked for or the younger kids get told you don't exist. Got it?!

Anyway, that's all really; apart from me wanting to know am I bein' a bad man, and maybe childish for me age and things, for keeping to my promise that I will not send Gats a Christmas card?

B O'D

by SecretFly Tue 10 Dec 2013, 5:15 pm

rodders wrote:Dear Santa,

Please can I have:

1) A GS for Ireland.

2) A Heino for Ulster.

3) A baby sitter so I can get peace to watch both.

Thanks.

Awww. I knew you were young but not that young Rodders. Now the best thing to do is let your parents worry about the babysitter. But don't let your daddy worry too much about her.... just enough that she minds you.

by jimmyinthewell68 Tue 10 Dec 2013, 5:26 pm

dear Santa can we have a good 2014 six nations with lots of running hardly no scrum resets plenty of tries good ref decisions and plenty of shock results cheers. oh and a batman cape

by Guest Tue 10 Dec 2013, 10:51 pm

bedfordwelsh wrote:Dear Santa

I like Spikey but can we please give a No9 with a speedy service a run out in proper game.
JD to make a quicker than expected recovery from injury
More composure/mental toughness in the really big games (cheers Santa)

Thanks

BW

Spikey's nickname used to be Splinters in the days when he was sitting on the bench for Wales behind Dwayne Peel (who did have a speedy service).

by Scratch Wed 11 Dec 2013, 2:56 am

Dear Santa

Don't land at the millennium, you'll crash your sled

cheers

Scratch

by bedfordwelsh Wed 11 Dec 2013, 6:03 am

optimist wrote:
bedfordwelsh wrote:Dear Santa

I like Spikey but can we please give a No9 with a speedy service a run out in proper game.
JD to make a quicker than expected recovery from injury
More composure/mental toughness in the really big games (cheers Santa)

Thanks

BW

Spikey's nickname used to be Splinters in the days when he was sitting on the bench for Wales behind Dwayne Peel (who did have a speedy service).

There's been many a player from all Countries who have kept benches warm, Chico Hopkins and Gatland to name a few, who was the regular back ups to Moore and Wood any remember?

by Slow and Sedate Wed 11 Dec 2013, 1:35 pm

Dear Santa

Please can you give the nice Mr Lancaster a nice little game plan where he encourages his scrum halves to play the game they play for their clubs, ask young Owen to play nearer the gain line, (Young Owen may want a special present of how to pass accurately) and then perhaps we can see some running rugby from England again.

For the IRB a gift of not trying to update the laws or change the laws they have just amended for a few years to make sure they work. Just make sure you enforce what you say you want the refs to ref.

As you can't do miracles I won't ask for an England win in NZ in the summer, but perhaps you could arrange for South African Suzie to give the All Blacks a lovely pre match meal before the 2nd Test...well we've got no chance in the first Very Happy

Many thanks

Slow and Sedate

ps I hope you can do this with only 14 sleeps to go

by Scratch Wed 11 Dec 2013, 10:53 pm

Dear santa

My mum just told me you are dropping me from your delivery schedule this year?

Is this true?

Brian O 'Driscoll

by nganboy Wed 11 Dec 2013, 11:31 pm

Dear Santa

I want the ABs to have rusty performance against the POMs in the first test but scrap through in the end by about 20 points. This will encourage many to talk about the gap clearly being closed since its an England B team.

For the second test I want the ABs to turn it on a bit and win by 25 points.

For the third test I want all the old fellas to be unavailable and only people under 29 turn out for the team. That means a team of Toomaga Allen, Coles, Faumina, Whitelock, Retallick, Luatua, Read, Cane, Perenara, Cruden, Savea, Taylor, Crotty, Piatau and Dagg with Crockett, Motu, Afeaki, Romano, Savea, Smith, Barrett, Saili. Please can I have Barrett come on after 50 minutes and personally push our 5 point lead out to 30 by the end of the game.

Many thanks
Shane

by Breadvan Thu 12 Dec 2013, 11:42 am

Dear Santa,
I would love this year, and as I've been sooo extra good and all that..

1.The England players injured to suddenly recover in the new year.

2. A world class attack/backs coach for the Ospreys and England.

3. Danni Minogue in a latex elf outfit.

Cheers. A tot of 60yr old port and a warm mince pie awaits on the hearth...

by GunsGerms Thu 12 Dec 2013, 11:45 am

Scratch wrote:Dear santa

My mum just told me you are dropping me from your delivery schedule this year?

Is this true?

Brian O 'Driscoll

Ha ha ha. Thats really funny. You are good at jokes.

by Scratch Thu 12 Dec 2013, 5:12 pm

Dear Santa

Can i have a sense of humor please?

Thanks

Guns Germs and Steel

by quinsforever Thu 12 Dec 2013, 5:21 pm

Dear Scratch,

i don't do miracles

yours Santa

by SecretFly Thu 12 Dec 2013, 5:32 pm

Dear Santa... I don't like saying Dear coz I'm a boy that be's liking girls.

Anyway, can you please sent me a favourite AB shirt coz none of the ABs left any of theirs behind them as they're now too expensive to throw away.

I want to wear one to steal me neighbour's presents, as you always give him ones worth more than mine.

Junior Fly.

by **Biltong** Thu 12 Dec 2013, 5:36 pm

SecretFly wrote:Dear Santa... I don't like saying Dear coz I'm a boy that be's liking girls.

Anyway, can you please sent me a favourite AB shirt coz none of the ABs left any of theirs behind them as they're now too expensive to throw away.

I want to wear one to steal me neighbour's presents, as you always give him ones worth more than mine.

Junior Fly.

Hi FLy, this is Santa.

Go buy a fake jersey, what makes you think I get them any cheaper? Rolling Eyes

by SecretFly Thu 12 Dec 2013, 5:48 pm

Dear Santy... thanks for the advise. Will it still look good in a dark room at night after I cut the phone and elec............ electro.............ecle............. elictacs?

Me Mammy says I shouldn't be speaking to you if you're still as skinny as you were in that shopping centre with the paint peeling off the walls and making Mammy sit on your knee instead of me.

by **Biltong** Thu 12 Dec 2013, 8:27 pm

Anyone looks good in black Fly, look at the All Blacks, even the ugly ones look good.

So don't worry your little head about that, tell your mammy I'll see her on Christmas eve. Wink

by nganboy Thu 12 Dec 2013, 11:44 pm

There are no ugly All Blacks. When we say we are the best team ever we mean the best looking too.

by **Biltong** Fri 13 Dec 2013, 3:33 am

nganboy wrote:There are no ugly All Blacks. When we say we are the best team ever we mean the best looking too.

by nobbled Fri 13 Dec 2013, 1:06 pm

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