"International Week" Press Conference

1. We're 10 weeks into the season: how have your ambitions changed since day one?
They haven't changed drastically, I aimed for midtable and I'm still aiming for midtable, we won't win the title, nor will we finish bottom, hoping to build a good enough side for S2.

2. John Terry or Rio Ferdinand?
Have to pick Terry. Rio is a better technical footballer, and a better human being, but if you wanted one to go into war alongside you, it would be Terry.

3. Which pundit would you get into a midseason feud with?
Jamie Carragher. The nasty piece of work that he is. I'd instantly bring up him gobbing on a child as soon as he had anything negative to say about me.

4. Next season, are you telling the groundsman to use the average pitch length and width, or go either as small or as large as possible? Remember, size does matter, but it's also how you use it.
I'd go small but girthy, but not too wide as we play a narrow formation, and the wider the pitch, the more susceptible we would be to counter attacking wingers.

5. Who is your most important player?
Koke Vegas. He's the goalkeeper. If he does his job we literally can't lose.

6. Shag, marry, kill: Viva, Fury, Trebs?
Toughie. I'd probably marry Fury, due to him being a baller and also a similar love of FUT. I'd shag Viva using lotion cos he'd hate it the most. Thus killing Trebs. Sorry Trebs.

7. Should Millwall fans be allowed?
Not in public, no. I do think the whole Millwall/Everton thing has been blown out of proportion, the guy who got slashed wasn't an innocent football fan, he went there for football violence, was on the front line throwing punches at Millwall fans, and got slashed. Morally the worst that should have happened was he got punched back, but thems the risks you take being hoolie.

8. If you could add one player to your squad, no limitations, who would it be?
Big Kev De Bruyne. Him as the AM in my squad would be immense.

9. Which Premier League manager is best in bed?
I reckon Eddie Howe. He's likely to have a pre-planned scheduled routine of when he goes to sleep and when he wakes up, to ensure he maximises his sleep pattern to its fullest. Definitely the best in bed.

10. You're tasked with bringing in three different selections/types of biscuits (eg custard creams, bourbons, hobnobs) into the office. It's your first week since the big merger, your office has just merged with the Slough branch but the eccentric boss has given you this responsibility to ingratiate you with your new team. What three choices are you bringing in?
Chocolate Hobnobs, because it's about making a good impression, so you bring out the big guns. Plain Digestives, cos people are fussy f*ckers and nobody hates Plain Digestives. And finally, the Toffy Pops, because they are a supreme blend of shortcake, and chocolate with a toffee centre.

We're 10 weeks into the season: how have your ambitions changed since day one?

I feel I'm punching above my weight, but for now I'll carry on doing what I am doing until my form starts to drop. My ambition at the start was to finish top half, now its to try and win it.

2. John Terry or Rio Ferdinand?

Rio. There is nothing I like about John Terry, whilst Rio has been through a lot and comes across as a real genuine man

3. Which pundit would you get into a midseason feud with?

Paul Merson - has a serious anti Everton chip on his shoulder, and there is no obvious reason for it given he never played for anyone who you would consider a rival.

4. Next season, are you telling the groundsman to use the average pitch length and width, or go either as small or as large as possible? Remember, size does matter, but it's also how you use it.

Go wider. My style is quick passing build up, so more space to pass and move it good

5. Who is your most important player?

At the moment, probably Campos or Mahachi. Both cover multiple positions, and are probably the best player in all of them.

6. Snog, marry, kill: Viva, Fury, Trebs?

Kill. Oh, I see, one for each. Snog Trebs (as I reckon he's the cleanest of the 3, Marry Viva as I don't want to kill him, which leaves Kill Nick as its the only option left

7. Should Millwall fans be allowed?

No, no, no. Every experience I've had of them, has been unpleasant. Watched them at Bristol City twice - once they ripped up the seats and were throwing them at us, and second time they were escorted by police from the train to the stadium (as in surrounded by police and marched to the ground) and they still managed to set fire to people's bins en route. Never been to their ground, nor do I plan to after Saturday

8. If you could add one player to your squad, no limitations, who would it be?

Either Iniesta, as I'm still convinced I can make him work! Or Hazard as he was incredible for me in the last game.

9. Which Premier League manager is best in bed?

If you listened to Liverpool fans, it's clearly Klopp.

10. You're tasked with bringing in three different selections/types of biscuits (eg custard creams, bourbons, hobnobs) into the office. It's your first week since the big merger, your office has just merged with the Slough branch but the eccentric boss has given you this responsibility to ingratiate you with your new team. What three choices are you bringing in?

Malted Milk as they are the king of dunking biscuits, so it makes the dunkers happy. Chocolate Hobnobs as that always appeals to the mainstream and Chips Ahoy Cookies for a left field choice

1. We're 10 weeks into the season: how have your ambitions changed since day one?

I thought I'd be in with a shout of winning, now I'm just scouring for future gold

2. John Terry or Rio Ferdinand?

I wouldn't piss on Terry if he was on fire, Rio isn't perfect but he's a hell of a lot better as a player and a man than that scummy pr!ck

3. Which pundit would you get into a midseason feud with?

Carragher / Souness / Redknapp are all mongs, in fact any of the Liverpool mafia on TV can fook off

4. Next season, are you telling the groundsman to use the average pitch length and width, or go either as small or as large as possible? Remember, size does matter, but it's also how you use it.

Large as possible obviously, Olly's mum requested the same so it must be what works

5. Who is your most important player?

None of them have been that great, probably one of my beastly centre backs as I seem to lose whenever they are out

6. Shag, marry, kill: Viva, Fury, Trebs?

Marry Trebs as he's a lovely guy who'd be a complete doormat, the opposite of my wife. I'd go in dry on Fury and kill Viva

7. Should Millwall fans be allowed?

I think of them in the same way I view John Terry. Absolute c u next Tuesdays with no redeeming values

8. If you could add one player to your squad, no limitations, who would it be?

Kante to decimate every attack, worked pretty well in the last iteration

9. Which Premier League manager is best in bed?

Klopp is probably far too used to being rimmed by the media to be any use, Poch has already had Madrid and Utd sending him multiple supermodels and Ole has probably been sleeping with one of the Glazers, so they're all out. Nuno seems to get everything else right so I'll go for the Wolves manager

10. You're tasked with bringing in three different selections/types of biscuits (eg custard creams, bourbons, hobnobs) into the office. It's your first week since the big merger, your office has just merged with the Slough branch but the eccentric boss has given you this responsibility to ingratiate you with your new team. What three choices are you bringing in?

Milk chocolate digestives are the king of biscuit
Custard creams and malted milk are the all rounders that no one dislikes

Dolphin Ziggler wrote:1. We're 10 weeks into the season: how have your ambitions changed since day one-ish? Well i was aiming for safety and not the bottom three so a top 5 five will feel like an over achievement tbh.

2. John Terry or Rio Ferdinand?
As a person - Rio
As a footballer - Terry

3. Which pundit would you get into a midseason feud with?

Mark Lawrenson would love to punch him in the face or Danny Murphy pretty much anyone on the BBC

4. Next season, are you telling the groundsman to use the average pitch length and width, or go either as small or as large as possible? Remember, size does matter, but it's also how you use it.

I like a small pitch to play keep it tight and narrow and squeeze it in there from outwide

5. Who is your most important player?
Probably Addae seems to be influencing both ends of the pitch

6. Shag, marry, kill: Viva, Fury, Trebs?
Kill - Trebs cos he's a nonce
Shag - Fury
Marry - Viva

7. Should Millwall fans be allowed?
I went to the den and didn't get punched or had anything thrown at me. On a comparison i was abused and had stuff thrown at me at the olympic stadium.

8. If you could add one player to your squad, no limitations, who would it be?
Kevin De Bruyne cos he's a sexy footballer

9. Which Premier League manager is best in bed?
Nuno with his beard

10. You're tasked with bringing in three different selections/types of biscuits (eg custard creams, bourbons, hobnobs) into the office. It's your first week since the big merger, your office has just merged with the Slough branch but the eccentric boss has given you this responsibility to ingratiate you with your new team. What three choices are you bringing in?

Choccy Digestives
Jam Wagon Wheels
Salted Caramel Matchmakers

1. We're 10 weeks into the season: how have your ambitions changed since day one?
Not one jot. I still don't care about winning, still don't care about the cup, still don't care that Olly fancies his sister.

2. John Terry or Rio Ferdinand?
John Terry. Proper centre back, not a wannabe Beckenbauer like Rio.

3. Which pundit would you get into a midseason feud with?
I genuinely don't know who's punditing these days. I'll say Gary Neville, because he talks the talk, but when he attempted to walk the walk at Valencia he tripped over and smashed his teeth in. Mug.

4. Next season, are you telling the groundsman to use the average pitch length and width, or go either as small or as large as possible? Remember, size does matter, but it's also how you use it.
Seems like someone has penile envy

Long and wide, I have fast players who want to run into space.

5. Who is your most important player?
Francis Amuzu. I call him Amuzu-bouche when I commentate over my games (yes, I do that). I love him.

6. Shag, marry, kill: Viva, Fury, Trebs?
Marry Trebs, because he's just like my wife at home (never agree on anything, hates my guts, won't touch me sexually). Kill Nick because he's a dirty wum, and obviously shag Viva. So, 1/3 ain't bad.

7. Should Millwall fans be allowed?
Allowed, and encouraged. If they act like that every game, their ground is going to be a fortress with no away fans there to ruin the occasion. Who'd fancy playing at such a hostile away ground?

8. If you could add one player to your squad, no limitations, who would it be?
Daniel Amokachi. Never bought him on Champ Man, never had him in any fantasy team, wish to God I had.

9. Which Premier League manager is best in bed?
Pochettino, because he never comes first

10. You're tasked with bringing in three different selections/types of biscuits (eg custard creams, bourbons, hobnobs) into the office. It's your first week since the big merger, your office has just merged with the Slough branch but the eccentric boss has given you this responsibility to ingratiate you with your new team. What three choices are you bringing in?
Double Cream Oreos, Choco Libenitz, Custard Creams. If you don't eat one, you're fired.

1. We're 10 weeks into the season: how have your ambitions changed since day one?
Ambition remains to finish as high as possible although the focus has definitely changed to investing in youth. Form has taken a hit as a result although hopefully it pays dividends in season 2 whilst still remaining competitive this season.

2. John Terry or Rio Ferdinand?
Rio all day, seems a top bloke.

3. Which pundit would you get into a midseason feud with?
Gary Neville, a good pundit but I'd still like to batter him for his badge kissing Man United days.

4. Next season, are you telling the groundsman to use the average pitch length and width, or go either as small or as large as possible? Remember, size does matter, but it's also how you use it.
Our tactics to date involve throwing as many players forwards as possible, therefore we'd have to go smaller to minimise space for any counter attacks.

5. Who is your most important player?
Hands down Luis Ibanez, the guy has played LB, CM, CF and is our joint top scorer. The league 2 Philipp Lahm.

6. Shag, marry, kill: Viva, Fury, Trebs?
Complete shot in the dark, marry Trebs, shag Viva, kill Fury.

7. Should Millwall fans be allowed?
No, full stop.

8. If you could add one player to your squad, no limitations, who would it be?
I think Aguero would thrive in our set up so has to be Sergio.

9. Which Premier League manager is best in bed?
Neil Warnock

10. You're tasked with bringing in three different selections/types of biscuits (eg custard creams, bourbons, hobnobs) into the office. It's your first week since the big merger, your office has just merged with the Slough branch but the eccentric boss has given you this responsibility to ingratiate you with your new team. What three choices are you bringing in?
Great question! Has to be chocolate hobnobs, shortbread and cookies, if you're not a fan of any of them then we won't get on.

Azzy wrote:

8. If you could add one player to your squad, no limitations, who would it be?
Daniel Amokachi. Never bought him on Champ Man, never had him in any fantasy team, wish to God I had.

God yes! I'm off to find a Youtube video of Amo

1. We're 10 weeks into the season: how have your ambitions changed since day one?

I am in the difficult position of not doing well this season but haven't invested enough in next season. So at the moment I am going game by game to try and find tactics that work.

2. John Terry or Rio Ferdinand?

I say Rio. He comes out with some stupid things at times but I feel sorry with what he went through with his wife. Footballing terms it would be him too.

3. Which pundit would you get into a midseason feud with?

Alan Hansen; just to try and get him back on TV

4. Next season, are you telling the groundsman to use the average pitch length and width, or go either as small or as large as possible? Remember, size does matter, but it's also how you use it.

Go large but with under soil heating on only part of it. Then we can brag about the size but keep the lack of functionality under wraps.

5. Who is your most important player?

Greg Taylor and Luther Singh. I think both of them will get big prize rises so all my hopes are on them for season 2.

6. Shag, marry, kill: Viva, Fury, Trebs?

Viva to shag then at least I will be dead with an SDT before I have to deal with the other two.

7. Should Millwall fans be allowed?

Yes. Everton fans were looking for a fight. The guy who got slashed brought the knife with him!

8. If you could add one player to your squad, no limitations, who would it be?

Rashford. Just because he is the first name that popped into my head

9. Which Premier League manager is best in bed?

Klopp probably. He enjoys bumming his front 3 anyway.

10. You're tasked with bringing in three different selections/types of biscuits (eg custard creams, bourbons, hobnobs) into the office. It's your first week since the big merger, your office has just merged with the Slough branch but the eccentric boss has given you this responsibility to ingratiate you with your new team. What three choices are you bringing in?

Rich Tea, Choc Digestives, Pink Panther wafers. Because that is what I like and I don't get on well with colleagues.

1. I said at the start of the season that I expect to win the league, as there is no point in having a target of anything less. We're in fantastic form at the moment, scoring four goals in both of our last two games.

I've just got to look forward to the next game, and we know that Twist was very nervous about it based on his comments earlier in the season. Luckily he's had a few weeks to sort himself out - so there might be some challenge, but we expect to pick up another win.

2. Rio Ferdinand for me. But that might be the biased United fan inside speaking. Centre backs are all about partnerships, or they were in the days of four at the back, and the Rio-Vidic partnership was the best of any I've ever seen.

3. I'd go for Robbie Savage because it'd be a fun feud, full of proper banter who can both dish it and take it without being properly nasty. Did think of Chris Sutton, but he's just malicious, has a go when there's absolutely no need for it. And nobody likes those type of people - so yes, I'm saying Robbie Savage.

4. I'd prefer a long, narrow pitch myself, get the grass all slushy and my players are happy.

5. I'm not giving away my secrets that easy.

6. I couldn't bring myself to kill Viva or Nick, both of them are such great guys. So I guess that means it would have to be suicide, which I'm sure would cheer up a few people on here.

7. All sets of fans have decent people and those who we don't want associated with football. They do seem to be involved in a lot of incidents, but I think it's sensationalised because it's Millwall. I'm sure you could find fans of several clubs that shouldn't be allowed, Chelsea in particular.

8. Akinfenwa, he's an absolute monster. Oh wait....

9. Shame Jose Mourinho isn't an option for this question really.

10. This is a question that requires careful consideration:

I'd get the own-brand chocolate hobnobs.  My manager would want me to show that you can get good value for less, and I'd want to see if people can genuinely tell the difference. In my opinion there's very little.

Secondly, ginger nuts - the slightly hipster choice, but there's always someone out there with a thing for gingers. Which leaves me with one choice, and it would need to be something fruity to balance it out. I'd suggest Jammie Dodgers

1. Still the same although Bam’s scouting system appears to be beating me to my targets atm, I’ll hopefully generate a bit of cash heading to Season 2 but Bam’s going to be sitting on a fortune.
2. Rio, great bloke, always recall the time he gave up half an hour to give Noah a training session.
3. Robbie Savage, overinflated opinion of himself and he ensured his lad got Player of the Tournament that Noah was at, and his lad really wasn’t anything special.
4. Don’t think any of it’ll matter, my players flap around the pitch like they’re infertile sperm at the best of times.
5. Well it was Hiroki Abe but he’s gone off the ball recently. It’s like asking which is the sweetest smelling turd.
6. Wow like asking would I prefer to get AIDS, cancer or Ebola. Erm marry Trebs as he’s Northern, shag Viva as he’s prob taken it up the bum before and kill Nick because he disallowed me buying Jesus Navas one time because he wouldn’t get on a plane.
7. As much as Chelsea or West Ham ones are.
8. Mbappe, because he’s worth more than anyone else.
9. Sean Dyche
10. Viennese fingers, choco liebniz, double cream oreo

1. We're 10 weeks into the season: how have your ambitions changed since day one?
As Sun Tzu once famously said "The goals you set yourself at the start of a war may change during the long winter. You may have lost some battles and morale may be low but you must persevere! The war is not lost! Find allies to help you. Even if you must promise them things you do not have. For winning the war is all that matters"

2. John Terry or Rio Ferdinand?
Rio. He's a better footballer and a better human being. John Terry seems like the type of guy who would be best mates with Tommy Robinson.

3. Which pundit would you get into a midseason feud with?
Gary Lineker. The guy always has summat bad to say about Real Madrid. He's just a Barca bum boy through and through.

4. Next season, are you telling the groundsman to use the average pitch length and width, or go either as small or as large as possible? Remember, size does matter, but it's also how you use it.
Definitely make the pitch bigger. We will be working on improving our stamina and on a bigger pitch you have to do more running so by the 70th minute the oppo will be all out of gas and easy pickings.

5. Who is your most important player?
Probably Lainez. But I treat each of my players as equals. I don't discriminate.

6. Shag, marry, kill: Viva, Fury, Trebs?
I'd have Viva shag nick and then trebs to kill nick out of jealousy thus leading to trebs forcing viva to marry him in his underground sex dungeon.

7. Should Millwall fans be allowed?
I haven't met any Millwall fans personally but if all the rumours about them are true I'd stay well clear of them.

8. If you could add one player to your squad, no limitations, who would it be?
CR7.

9. Which Premier League manager is best in bed?
José Moaninho. The clue as to why is in the name.

10. You're tasked with bringing in three different selections/types of biscuits (eg custard creams, bourbons, hobnobs) into the office. It's your first week since the big merger, your office has just merged with the Slough branch but the eccentric boss has given you this responsibility to ingratiate you with your new team. What three choices are you bringing in?
Jaffa cakes nuff said.

Nads wrote:"6. Shag, marry, kill: Viva, Fury, Trebs?
I'd have Viva shag nick and then trebs to kill nick out of jealousy thus leading to trebs forcing viva to marry him in his underground sex dungeon. "

Nads wins

BamBam wrote:

Nads wrote:"6. Shag, marry, kill: Viva, Fury, Trebs?
I'd have Viva shag nick and then trebs to kill nick out of jealousy thus leading to trebs forcing viva to marry him in his underground sex dungeon. "

Nads wins

I think that is taken straight from one of Nadz wet dreams

Nadz also loses by picking Jaffa Cakes as biscuits, and not picking two others.

1. We're 10 weeks into the season: how have your ambitions changed since day one?

Don't finish bottom is still the goal, baby.

2. John Terry or Rio Ferdinand?

Rio is the better person and was always, always the better player. I'd call him Franz Ferdinand, but that evokes some poorer times. YOU'RE LUCKY, LUCKY, YOU'RE SO LUCKY!

3. Which pundit would you get into a midseason feud with?

I'm Cambridge manager and I've worked at a bookies. Steve Claridge famously left Cambridge owing thousands of pounds to local bookmakers. I'd be after him.

4. Next season, are you telling the groundsman to use the average pitch length and width, or go either as small or as large as possible? Remember, size does matter, but it's also how you use it.

Get that pitch big, make it wet, finish me.

5. Who is your most important player?

Matt Turner is a class goalkeeper.

6. Shag, marry, kill: Viva, Fury, Trebs?

Marry Trebs, he's too nice. But the rest is a trick question, how do you shag someone without killing them? They talk, otherwise.

7. Should Millwall fans be allowed?

Dirty scum. No.

8. If you could add one player to your squad, no limitations, who would it be?

Lionel Messi, for he is the greatest of all time. Easy. Every other answer is wrong.

9. Which Premier League manager is best in bed?

Sarri would have the fags for when you finish, but it's Marco Silva. He'd start really well, but it wouldn't last long.

10. You're tasked with bringing in three different selections/types of biscuits (eg custard creams, bourbons, hobnobs) into the office. It's your first week since the big merger, your office has just merged with the Slough branch but the eccentric boss has given you this responsibility to ingratiate you with your new team. What three choices are you bringing in?

Chocolate hobnobs, the best. Choco Liebniz are insanely good. Then I'm going controversial - I'm getting those Hovis biscuits that look like bread. They're just digestives, but people are tricked into thinking you can put cheese on them.

1. We aimed for top 3 and some good value rises, going well on both fronts so far, so no change.

2. Rio every time, Terry gets too much of a hard time though, his dads an even bigger bell so no surprise he’s no angel

3. Chris Sutton - Makes a career in Scotland by being a Celtic fan.

4. Same as by tinder bio says, long and narrow

5. Fernandez, bagging the goals and assists so with a rating increase should be more of the same hopefully

6. Furious shag, married in Las Vegas, sorry Treva got to go

7. Whoever had the knife shouldn’t be allowed, who turns up to a fist fight with a sword. But the Everton fans were clearly at it too. And I don’t like generalising even if Millwalls minority is larger than everyone else’s.

8. Maradona legend card.

9. Jose, all that pent up anger and dirty talk. 

10. Custard creams. Chocolate fingers. Chocolate hobnobs.