Help, girlfriend wants to move in
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EmmDee57
ADMIN
Fists of Fury
Mad for Chelsea
Shifty
SugarRayRussell (PBK)
Cari
TwisT
JPX
13 posters
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Help, girlfriend wants to move in
So, she's been dropping some big hints lately about moving into my place. She rents and I own my place so I can see where she's coming from, but how do I break it to her that I like my own space without making her resort to the old 'no committment' chestnut? or worst case scenario I let her move in can I charge her rent (may as well get something out of it, say my mortgage amout + 20%?), only problem is I don't want to give her mixed signals, would 'I'm happy as we are' be a bad move?
Particularly interested in the female members views.
Particularly interested in the female members views.
JPX- Posts : 1110
Join date : 2011-05-13
Location : Twatshire
Re: Help, girlfriend wants to move in
Depends on how long you been going out and whether or not you see a future with her.
I would not go down the charging her rent road.....but she will probably want to give you a bit of money towards food and other costs anyway. JUST DON'T MENTION IT UNTIL SHE DOES.
Fact is, if there is a long term future for you two, then moving in is the next step. Your lucky she hasn't mentioned about getting engaged!
IF you like your own space, then maybe relationships are not your kinda thing. If you been together a few weeks, then yeah I see your point. If it is years though, then maybe she isn't the girl for you. I mean moving in together should be something you are looking forward to as well, at some point (yes? no?)
I would not go down the charging her rent road.....but she will probably want to give you a bit of money towards food and other costs anyway. JUST DON'T MENTION IT UNTIL SHE DOES.
Fact is, if there is a long term future for you two, then moving in is the next step. Your lucky she hasn't mentioned about getting engaged!
IF you like your own space, then maybe relationships are not your kinda thing. If you been together a few weeks, then yeah I see your point. If it is years though, then maybe she isn't the girl for you. I mean moving in together should be something you are looking forward to as well, at some point (yes? no?)
TwisT- Posts : 17835
Join date : 2011-05-23
Age : 40
Location : Kent
Re: Help, girlfriend wants to move in
I think moving in together depends on the sort of relationship you have. It seems to me (from you've said here) that you just like your girlfriend around when it suits you. Normally I'd expect a couple who move in together to be close like two pals who'd be more than happy to live together. Of course, I don't know you or your relationship, or even how long you've been together, but you could still enjoy your own "me" time and have your girlfriend living with you if your relationship was that close. However, it sounds to me that you don't want that though.
If that's the case and I was your girlfriend, I'd appreciate honesty from the outset. So, do the right thing and be honest.
If that's the case and I was your girlfriend, I'd appreciate honesty from the outset. So, do the right thing and be honest.
Cari- Posts : 18478
Join date : 2011-04-05
Location : De Cymru
Re: Help, girlfriend wants to move in
Mate be a man! Pretend you don't have a clue that she's dropping hints and when she does bring the subject up play it by ear.
If it's move in together or we are over then some up if she's worth it then make your choice.
If you fancy another go at playing the field see if you can keep her on retainer and get yourself some action somewhere else you may always have her to fall back on in case you have lost or indeed have no charm and can't get any.
Remember the grass isn't always greener and all that.
If it's move in together or we are over then some up if she's worth it then make your choice.
If you fancy another go at playing the field see if you can keep her on retainer and get yourself some action somewhere else you may always have her to fall back on in case you have lost or indeed have no charm and can't get any.
Remember the grass isn't always greener and all that.
SugarRayRussell (PBK)- Posts : 6716
Join date : 2011-03-19
Age : 39
Re: Help, girlfriend wants to move in
Decide what you want out of the relationship, if you wanted commitment you wouldnt of posted here, would you?
If she's just something to bust a nut in, until something better comes a long then, wait until the big conversation and be honest with her. But she may be at the point where she wants things to move on.
If she's just something to bust a nut in, until something better comes a long then, wait until the big conversation and be honest with her. But she may be at the point where she wants things to move on.
Shifty- Posts : 7393
Join date : 2011-04-26
Age : 45
Location : Kenfig Hill, Bridgend
Re: Help, girlfriend wants to move in
Well I would guess first you need to ask yourself if you're serious about your relationship. If you're not serious but she's dropping hints about moving in, then clearly you're not on the same wave-length regarding your future. If that's the case then I think you should be honest with her and say it straight out. Delaying things won't help, best if you make clear where you stand.
However if you are serious about your relationship, then things are a bit more complicated. I understand the need for personal space, but if you see a future with here than she's worth it for you. Again, be honest, have a serious discussion with her, and make it clear that you NEED your own space, even if you're living together. For instance, when my GF first moved in with me (we live in separate cities now unfortunately) we only had about 15m² for the both of us (she was moving into my student accomodations). I made the point that I needed the desk to be in a certain state (read untidy) for my work, and that she had to accept that. And you know what? It all worked fine.
So yeah, whichever way you see your relationship going, be honest. If you're both serious about your future, then you'll work around the odd difficulty with few problems, but it's always best if you know which difficulties are there. Actually, am I the only one whose GF/BF has this annoying tendecy to say "I'm fine, there's nothing wrong" even when quite clearly something is wrong (usually something I did, but she won't tell me)?
Regarding rent, I think given that you own the place it's not quite right to ask her to pay rent, but she should help out financially in other ways (shopping, etc.). I'd wait for her to bring it up, though if she doesn't you should, but tactfully...
However if you are serious about your relationship, then things are a bit more complicated. I understand the need for personal space, but if you see a future with here than she's worth it for you. Again, be honest, have a serious discussion with her, and make it clear that you NEED your own space, even if you're living together. For instance, when my GF first moved in with me (we live in separate cities now unfortunately) we only had about 15m² for the both of us (she was moving into my student accomodations). I made the point that I needed the desk to be in a certain state (read untidy) for my work, and that she had to accept that. And you know what? It all worked fine.
So yeah, whichever way you see your relationship going, be honest. If you're both serious about your future, then you'll work around the odd difficulty with few problems, but it's always best if you know which difficulties are there. Actually, am I the only one whose GF/BF has this annoying tendecy to say "I'm fine, there's nothing wrong" even when quite clearly something is wrong (usually something I did, but she won't tell me)?
Regarding rent, I think given that you own the place it's not quite right to ask her to pay rent, but she should help out financially in other ways (shopping, etc.). I'd wait for her to bring it up, though if she doesn't you should, but tactfully...
Mad for Chelsea- Posts : 12103
Join date : 2011-02-11
Age : 36
Re: Help, girlfriend wants to move in
Thanks all, some food for thought.
We've been together for about 6 months, known each other for a few years when we were just friends (you know, with benefits )
Still, not sure about it, I like her a lot but is she the one? I think I'll wait for her to bring it up, she might not for a while but I'll be honest and tell her to do one (that's a joke BTW!).
We've been together for about 6 months, known each other for a few years when we were just friends (you know, with benefits )
Still, not sure about it, I like her a lot but is she the one? I think I'll wait for her to bring it up, she might not for a while but I'll be honest and tell her to do one (that's a joke BTW!).
JPX- Posts : 1110
Join date : 2011-05-13
Location : Twatshire
Re: Help, girlfriend wants to move in
6 months? Far too soon to move in, in my opinion. Been with my girlfriend over 4 years and we are only just starting to think about it...
Depends on your age, I guess, but I'd still say 6 months is a bit too soon.
Depends on your age, I guess, but I'd still say 6 months is a bit too soon.
Re: Help, girlfriend wants to move in
My mrs and I got engaged and moved in together after a month, 10 year anniversary next month!
Re: Help, girlfriend wants to move in
Congrats Hero, love at first sight?
Not sure I've ever been in love, how do you know? Is it like the feeling you get when you score a screamer at football or get a hole in one?
Not sure I've ever been in love, how do you know? Is it like the feeling you get when you score a screamer at football or get a hole in one?
JPX- Posts : 1110
Join date : 2011-05-13
Location : Twatshire
Re: Help, girlfriend wants to move in
Hero wrote:My mrs and I got engaged and moved in together after a month, 10 year anniversary next month!
Awh that's lovely.
See, it depends on the individuals and their relationship really. Some people are together for yonks and can't live together but then others just do it from the off and it works. My sister and her husband couldn't move in together until they married because he's in the military. They've been married for ten years now.
Cari- Posts : 18478
Join date : 2011-04-05
Location : De Cymru
Re: Help, girlfriend wants to move in
It sounds more romantic than it was, I'd been going out with her best mate straight beforehand! All the time with her though I knew it was my wife that I fancied. Her mate was okay with it and was the chief bridesmaid at our wedding so no bad vibes there.
Re: Help, girlfriend wants to move in
JPX, I'd only let her move in if you can make a spare bedroom a man's room which means when she is watching her soaps and reality tv you can still get your own space and watch sports in the man's room.
I like my own space too and that's why I don't live with mine but I do let her stay over 2 or 3 times a week when it suits me. So far that arrangement suits both parties.
Financially it would be a good move but beware of the increase in number of cushions that appear on your bed and sofa over time. What is it with women and cushions?? The bed annoys me most, takes ages to clear the bed of clutter to get into bed then it's a danger in the dark of the night when going to the fridge for a pepperami or bit of cheesecake at 3am as there's cushions all over the floor!!
I like my own space too and that's why I don't live with mine but I do let her stay over 2 or 3 times a week when it suits me. So far that arrangement suits both parties.
Financially it would be a good move but beware of the increase in number of cushions that appear on your bed and sofa over time. What is it with women and cushions?? The bed annoys me most, takes ages to clear the bed of clutter to get into bed then it's a danger in the dark of the night when going to the fridge for a pepperami or bit of cheesecake at 3am as there's cushions all over the floor!!
EmmDee57- Posts : 596
Join date : 2011-01-30
Re: Help, girlfriend wants to move in
JPX wrote:Congrats Hero, love at first sight?
Not sure I've ever been in love, how do you know? Is it like the feeling you get when you score a screamer at football or get a hole in one?
Nowhere near that good, mate! Haha.
Re: Help, girlfriend wants to move in
Oh, shame. Someone once said to you will know as all you can think about is her. Sounds quite depressing if you ask me but will have to wait and see.Fists of Fury wrote:JPX wrote:Congrats Hero, love at first sight?
Not sure I've ever been in love, how do you know? Is it like the feeling you get when you score a screamer at football or get a hole in one?
Nowhere near that good, mate! Haha.
JPX- Posts : 1110
Join date : 2011-05-13
Location : Twatshire
Re: Help, girlfriend wants to move in
That's overly romanticised guff. I can think about plenty of things! Look at your missus and then look at Mila Kunis...if you don't think 'damn, what I wouldn't give to get stuck in to Mila Kunis' then it probably means you're gay, and has nothing to do with being in love or not
Re: Help, girlfriend wants to move in
Phew! I passed the test, I can do the hoovering now without worrying about those self doubting thoughts I get now and again.Fists of Fury wrote: look at Mila Kunis...if you don't think 'damn, what I wouldn't give to get stuck in to Mila Kunis' then it probably means you're gay
P.S I've had a text, she wants to meet up tonight for a 'chat'. Gulp!
JPX- Posts : 1110
Join date : 2011-05-13
Location : Twatshire
Re: Help, girlfriend wants to move in
Perhaps she reads V2 also and is going to give you the heave-ho
Davie- Posts : 7821
Join date : 2011-01-27
Age : 64
Location : Berkshire
Re: Help, girlfriend wants to move in
Maybe Davie, if she does read v2 I'm hoping she wants to borrow £170 to buy some leather trousers she seen! lol
JPX- Posts : 1110
Join date : 2011-05-13
Location : Twatshire
Re: Help, girlfriend wants to move in
Hey! I'm female but I don't have cushions on the bed, I hate reality TV, and I've never watched a soap opera in my life.
Seriously though, I would say six months is possibly a bit too soon. I think it was six years before Mr C and I moved in together and another four years before we got round to getting married. But everyone's different and if feels right then go for it.
And a 'fan cave'* is a must. Ours has sports photos all over the walls, a fridge full of beer, a TV, sound system and a dart board.
* can't call it a 'man cave' because I'm in there all the time too.
Seriously though, I would say six months is possibly a bit too soon. I think it was six years before Mr C and I moved in together and another four years before we got round to getting married. But everyone's different and if feels right then go for it.
And a 'fan cave'* is a must. Ours has sports photos all over the walls, a fridge full of beer, a TV, sound system and a dart board.
* can't call it a 'man cave' because I'm in there all the time too.
calamity jane- Posts : 197
Join date : 2011-01-27
Location : Boston, MA
Re: Help, girlfriend wants to move in
A "man cave" eh?..... I like it. That's going on my 'must agree to' list.
JPX- Posts : 1110
Join date : 2011-05-13
Location : Twatshire
Re: Help, girlfriend wants to move in
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-14923750
Big business over here.
Big business over here.
calamity jane- Posts : 197
Join date : 2011-01-27
Location : Boston, MA
Re: Help, girlfriend wants to move in
EmmDee57 wrote:JPX, I'd only let her move in if you can make a spare bedroom a man's room which means when she is watching her soaps and reality tv you can still get your own space and watch sports in the man's room.
I like my own space too and that's why I don't live with mine but I do let her stay over 2 or 3 times a week when it suits me. So far that arrangement suits both parties.
Financially it would be a good move but beware of the increase in number of cushions that appear on your bed and sofa over time. What is it with women and cushions?? The bed annoys me most, takes ages to clear the bed of clutter to get into bed then it's a danger in the dark of the night when going to the fridge for a pepperami or bit of cheesecake at 3am as there's cushions all over the floor!!
Could you be anymore sexist?!
My idea of "reality TV" is live sport. I don't watch soaps...in fact I watch little TV generally I'm usually doing other things.
I only have cushions on my sofa, and pillows and duvet on my bed.
I like my own space too because I do have a brain and am perfectly capable of entertaining myself when I have to.
Cari- Posts : 18478
Join date : 2011-04-05
Location : De Cymru
Re: Help, girlfriend wants to move in
Im very lucky with Mrs YI.
We met in the pub (I was playing pool for the pub team) and she was in for the footy.
She likes her soaps (which I cant stand) but apart from that we get on great.
We are like best friends, but more. Like Hero we moved in together pretty much straight away, got engaged after 6 months and married on the turn of the year. Been married for 4yrs come February.
JPX, If you like your own space, tell her. Be honest and she will respect that. She might have the same concerns as you.
We met in the pub (I was playing pool for the pub team) and she was in for the footy.
She likes her soaps (which I cant stand) but apart from that we get on great.
We are like best friends, but more. Like Hero we moved in together pretty much straight away, got engaged after 6 months and married on the turn of the year. Been married for 4yrs come February.
JPX, If you like your own space, tell her. Be honest and she will respect that. She might have the same concerns as you.
Guest- Guest
Re: Help, girlfriend wants to move in
My hetro life consists of watching sport, sci fi and reality TV! Britains and Irelands next top model finished last night
I have numerous pillows and cushions on my bed.
I cook all the meals for the family.
And I moved in with my now wife after 4 months, engaged after 7, married within 2 years and have already celebrated our 10th Wedding anniversary.
I have numerous pillows and cushions on my bed.
I cook all the meals for the family.
And I moved in with my now wife after 4 months, engaged after 7, married within 2 years and have already celebrated our 10th Wedding anniversary.
Re: Help, girlfriend wants to move in
I'd have to giggle though, if she said she didn't want to move in with you and you'd got the wrong end of the stick JPX
Cari- Posts : 18478
Join date : 2011-04-05
Location : De Cymru
Re: Help, girlfriend wants to move in
I let my missus move in after 6 months, been nearly 11 years now, be careful JPX.
The Galveston Giant- Posts : 5333
Join date : 2011-02-23
Age : 39
Location : Scotland
Re: Help, girlfriend wants to move in
GG you boys from the East are a charming bunch!
SugarRayRussell (PBK)- Posts : 6716
Join date : 2011-03-19
Age : 39
The Galveston Giant- Posts : 5333
Join date : 2011-02-23
Age : 39
Location : Scotland
Re: Help, girlfriend wants to move in
It's ok, was just a take away and a film night!
JPX- Posts : 1110
Join date : 2011-05-13
Location : Twatshire
Re: Help, girlfriend wants to move in
Oh is that all?! We wanted a much more exciting update than that...perhaps you should bring up the subject next time...
Cari- Posts : 18478
Join date : 2011-04-05
Location : De Cymru
Re: Help, girlfriend wants to move in
Ha ha sorry Cari. There was a topic of discussion but nowt of interest. You know, the more I think about it the more I'm thinking it might not be such a bad idea!!
JPX- Posts : 1110
Join date : 2011-05-13
Location : Twatshire
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