crippledtart vs TNA Impact

What a novel way to start TNA Impact: empty platitudes from Hogan in the headmaster’s office. He’s giving a pep talk to the troubled kid made good. He talks about raising the bar and insinuates that the ratings are going up. The funny thing is, the minority of viewers who actually know/care about TV ratings are the very people who know that TNA’s ratings haven’t gone up at all.

Then Hardy leaves the headmaster’s office, and we, the viewers, get to hear what he is thinking in his head. Like in Peep Show. I absolutely hate that sort of stuff because it completely takes you out of the moment. It’s like Hornswoggle drawing a hole on a wall and then jumping in. It instantly says “this is fake”. The annoying thing is that they could have achieved exactly the same thing where Hardy was being interviewed while they showed a montage of him walking through the four challengers outside the headmaster’s office. An awful, unnecessary, credibility-killing idea and one of TNA’s lowest moments ever.

Todd Pettengill changed his surname. I don’t mind the alternating commentary teams, it gives the show a freshness. But who is Todd Kenely?! It’s like tuning into Match Of The Day one week and someone you’ve never seen before introduces the show like they’ve been there all along. Kenely is polished in that soulless, WWE style. I don’t get the feeling he’d ever watched wrestling before TNA gave him a job and a crash course. Bring back Don West.

The Impact Zone crowd looks like it’s got a lot of kids’ birthday party bookings tonight.

RVD vs Ion was good. RVD seems to have more energy at the moment, and the crowd was hot for him. Nice solid booking with Joey Ryan too. The Ryan-Morgan tandem doesn’t feel right. It’s like the two of them have completely different motivations. I don’t understand why Morgan has associated himself with Ryan. It’s like if Brock Lesnar randomly started hanging around with The Miz, without giving any kind of explanation

Does the average viewer really understand Morgan’s beef with Hogan? I don’t remember them ever having any kind of feud when Morgan was previously in TNA? It’s just more of the masturbatory backstage stuff that most people can’t relate to. If Phil Mitchell and Tanya Branning from Eastenders started going out in real life, the writers of Eastenders can’t just suddenly have them acting like a couple in the show. They would still need to create an actual storyline where the two characters become a couple. Or, if the actor who plays Derek is actually the dad of Jay in real life, Jay can’t start calling Derek “dad” in Eastenders. That’s why I hate them referencing the backstage stuff when nothing in the context of the scripted narrative has alluded to it.

Aries has got his personality back now he’s lost the title. Although I’m not sure it screams main event.

Do the people writing Impact actually speak with each other? It’s so shoddy having two heels in the space of about a minute reference Mr Nanny.

Daniels and Kaz’s promo was fine. The crowd was quite engaged. They’re still the headline tag team. Chavo still doesn’t have it.

The dramatic music for the headmaster’s summit was unnecessary. Would Hulk Hogan really have thought this was a good idea in the 80s when he was one of the wrestlers, rather than the headmaster?

How come Mr Anderson is so angry? He should be delighted that he’s in the running for a world title shot given his recent win/loss record. And then, when Hogan tells him he’s out, and he should be angry, he isn’t. And when Aries throws water at him, he’s angry again. So the only thing he’s not angry about is that he didn’t get a shot at the supposed top prize in the business.

This is my problem with Anderson. For the whole segment he comes across as a completely unsympathetic character with an attitude problem. Then he brawls with Aries, a heel. So am I now supposed to like him? it’s endemic of TNA in general; nobody is a nice person. Everyone has a bad attitude, everyone’s a bit angry, and everyone’s horrible  to everyone else.

Did I really just hear the director say “Cut. Ok”?! This is so amateurish.

Brilliant. Aces and Eights. Devon says “Nobody needs to know who you are”. I don’t think anyone needs to worry about that.

Good win for Joe over Robbie T, who probably has the most impressive body of any jobber in wrestling history.

Why is Bully Ray so bothered about Aces and Eights? Didn’t him and Devon break up years ago? Wasn’t it Ray who actually turned on Devon when team 3D broke up?! Why is all of this more important to Ray than the world title? I still don’t really get why anyone would be bothered by Aces and Eights’ presence, especially when a barely mobile 59 year old can beat up four of them at once.

Perfectly decent match between Aries and Anderson, except for the part where Aries really obviously pointed out to Anderson where the brass knucks were! And I wasn’t keen on the heel doing the move that everyone in TNA does. I’ll say it yet again: heels should not be doing suicide dives. It’s a babyface move. Oh, and the finish was unnecessarily convoluted. Otherwise, like I said, perfectly decent match.

Brooke Hogan is dreadful.

The changeover on commentary was really awkward. Taz was clearly just trying to get rid of the two nerds.

Why would ODB rather wrestle Jesse than the champion? Do the women in TNA not care about titles either?

Devon is actually quite a good heel promo. It’s a shame he has absolutely nothing else going for him. I’ve lost count, but I think Devon is the fourth heel on this show so far to address Hogan in his promo. Everything comes back to Hogan, the star of the show and the only headmaster capable of keeping all these moody teenagers in line. Maybe somebody needs to get Devon’s parents in and find out why he felt the need to join a gang. There are clearly some important underlying socio-economic matters to take into account.

The Aces and Eights storyline reminds me of The Jeremy Kyle Show. Nobody seems to know what they are so angry about. The problem with Bully talking about two years ago and why he turned on Devon is that the character he played after turning was a conniving, cowardly, cheating heel. For this to work, we should be able to go back and watch old TNA footage from two years ago and feel that with hindsight Bully was justified in what he did and he wasn’t actually a heel at all.

But we can’t. Because this whole Aces and Eights storyline is made up from one week to the next.

Morgan reminds me of someone who is completely not over his ex. Joey Ryan might tick all the boxes, but he clearly doesn’t make Morgan’s heart flutter the way Hogan can.

Angle and Hardy always have good matches. It’s probably the most lucrative match they have, if built up correctly. So how does TNA build it up? By having the headmaster announce it about 5 seconds before the match. Seriously, they couldn’t even have advertised it one week in advance? If you’re going to put Angle in a match, in his obviously broken down physical condition, at least try to make it feel meaningful.

Jeff Hardy vs Austin Aries is a far more compelling feud now than it was a month ago, when they were headlining TNA’s biggest event of the year. Sounds like a potential ladder match to me, which could be excellent as long as Aries wrestles like a heel.

It was nice of Aces and Eights to stand by and wait for Angle to finish his world title match before they attacked him.

I'm hopeful that the ending was a way to write Kurt Angle off TV so he can have a proper rest for a few months.

Now this is the kind of TNA review I like.

This makes me want to watch it for all the wrong reasons.

But Parks' law firm is called "Parks, Parks and Parks" Tart-an my man, I'm still laughing at how simple and funny that is.

I certainly would have bought into the inner monologue of Jeff if, instead of rating his opponents wrestling ability, he'd just rated how easily he could score off each of them.

Can't agree with most of that.

The Hardy / Hogan pep talk was neither here nor there for me. Didn't make me like or dislike the show. Didn't mind the Hardy voiceover sequence either...bit of a Hollywood movie cliche, but a bit unusual for a wrestling show IMO (TNA anyway).

I was a bit surprised at the JB + "mystery announcer" combo. Thought they did okay but liked it better when Mike and Taz came back for the second half of the show.

Agree that the Ryan - Morgan thing is very odd. An alliance of convenience perhaps? For the record, Morgan made it clear in a previous show that he's mad at Hogan for not building him up and giving him a title shot - basically not putting him in the same bracket as the likes of Roode, Storm, Aries, Hardy etc.

I really don't know what Ryan's agenda is, except that he apparently wants a shot at the X Division title...and is destined to be a real troublemaker. Which is fine...I just wish he didn't look like a 70s adult movie actor.

Don't understand CT's beefs about the scripting and the music either...this is pro wrestling, not Hollywood (and plenty of worse dross comes out of Hollywood). Okay, the dialogue usually isn't that clever, but I treat it like a comic book. It doesn't need to be brilliant...just good enough for me to figure out whats going on.

Also don't get your problem with Mr Anderson. All the time I've seen him he's been reasonably calm and only really gets riled when someone gets right in his face (like the time Kaz and Daniels wound him up). He was obviously unhappy about not being picked by Hogan and having Aries doorstep him like that was a quite credible way to tip him over the edge...especially when Austin claimed to be a bigger a**hole...neatly setting up their fight for the evening.

As for Bully Ray and Aces & Eights...you must have a short memory if you don't recall how distracted James Storm got in some of his fights when Bobby Roode stood on the ramp taunting him, or else doing promos putting him down (something Storm himself pointed out). I thought it was actually a clever bit of continuity, plot-wise.

Bully obviously isn't destined for a title shot in the immediate future, so his feud with Devon gives him a high-profile story in the meantime.

If you think Brooke Hogan is awful, where does that leave Karen Jarrett? Personally I think she's doing a good job with very little to work with. When KJ was in charge, she had a full roster of Knockouts and did naff all except bully them. Since Brooke took over, all we've seen are Tara and Tessmacher, with the odd appearance from Gail Kim.

Also, would you care to explain why suicide dives are a "face" move? Aries has done them pretty much all the time I've watched him over the last couple of years. He uses them frequently and usually to good effect.


Back to the Aces & Eights storyline, I agree there are a few holes in it and some better build-up / flashback explanations would help make it more compelling. Again, I suppose it helps to remember the scripts are probably mostly written by Hollywood rejects and TNA trainees.

The Angle / Hardy match, while great to watch, was a bit of a waste of time insofar as they obviously weren't going to have Hardy lose the title so soon and not before the rematch with Aries at Turning Point. I think that feud has the potential to be a compelling long-runner, like the Roode-Storm one.

I like the fact Aries has started acting more heelishly since losing the title but I hope he keeps it sensible and doesn't go OTT like Roode did.

I'd agree on the AA suicide dive point, I'm against heel's being forced to wrestle slyly.

Maybe a good discussion for the podcast next week?

dyrewolfe wrote:.

I really don't know what Ryan's agenda is, except that he apparently wants a shot at the X Division title...and is destined to be a real troublemaker. Which is fine...I just wish he didn't look like a 70s adult movie actor.

Whenever I see him I think more

Spoiler:

Thanks for the response dyrewolfe.

In answer to your main points!...

“The Hardy / Hogan pep talk was neither here nor there for me. Didn't make me like or dislike the show. Didn't mind the Hardy voiceover sequence either...bit of a Hollywood movie cliche, but a bit unusual for a wrestling show IMO (TNA anyway).”

Unusual doesn’t mean good. They could have a squirrel as the guest timekeeper. That would be unusual too. And maybe paint everything purple. The ring, the wrestlers, the crowd, the barriers, everything. That would be unusual too.

Actually I’d love both of those ideas.

I think this was actually the worst thing about the show, and one of the worst things TNA has ever done. I discussed it with Adam on this week’s podcast, which should be up soon. It’s just unbelievably stupid. It takes the viewer completely out of what they are supposed to be doing, which is suspend their disbelief. You can’t have two rules within the same narrative; if it is a show where we hear people’s thoughts, it has to happen consistently, it can’t be a one-off.

“Morgan made it clear in a previous show that he's mad at Hogan for not building him up and giving him a title shot”

That’s my problem with the whole deal. Whatever goes on backstage, the fact is that the world we see on screen is a simulated sport where getting to the top is about winning and losing. Even though we know it isn’t really the case, the question of whether a wrestler qualifies for title shots, etc – in the context of the universe in which TNA exists – should have nothing to do with promos or charisma or “being held back by the office”. Steve Davis was the most boring man in the world, but he was the best snooker player in the world, thus he won his matches and became the biggest star in snooker. Muhammad Ali could have had no personality whatsoever, he could have been a deaf mute, it didn’t matter as long as he kept winning boxing matches. Unless the story is that Morgan was a completely dominant competitor who didn’t get title shots despite clearly being the best wrestler in the company – which isn’t the case, because his win/loss record was not extraordinary at all – it doesn’t make sense and is simply self-indulgent fake insider rubbish that doesn’t have any broad appeal (which TNA’s recent TV ratings back up).

“Don't understand CT's beefs about the scripting and the music either...this is pro wrestling, not Hollywood (and plenty of worse dross comes out of Hollywood). Okay, the dialogue usually isn't that clever, but I treat it like a comic book. It doesn't need to be brilliant...just good enough for me to figure out whats going on.”

I think the problem here is that TNA is trying too hard to be something it isn’t, ie Hollywood. Wrestling has always required a degree of drama; if there weren’t storylines and personalities it would be a lot less popular. However, the fundamental thing holding it all together is that it revolves around a simulation of a sport between competitors the fans want to win or lose. That should be where the storylines come from. It’s not a movie. It seems to me that TNA is as much a show about the trials and tribulations of a non-wrestling executive (Hulk Hogan) as a simulation of a sport, complete with bad movie dialogue and kidnapping storylines. What we are seeing on a weekly basis is a scripted reality show about someone who runs a wrestling promotion, and the result is that TNA’s TV ratings are dire and very few people are paying money to watch their product in person or on PPV, so it is failing, as it has done for the past ten years.

One final point. I think if TNA has decided to emulate Hollywood, the company puts itself in a position to be compared with Hollywood. If Adele decides to become a rapper, she similarly puts herself in a position to be compared with other rappers.

“Also don't get your problem with Mr Anderson. All the time I've seen him he's been reasonably calm and only really gets riled when someone gets right in his face (like the time Kaz and Daniels wound him up). He was obviously unhappy about not being picked by Hogan and having Aries doorstep him like that was a quite credible way to tip him over the edge...especially when Austin claimed to be a bigger a**hole...neatly setting up their fight for the evening.”

Again, it’s fine if TNA Impact is a drama programme. But the aim of wrestling should be, and always has been, to entice people to invest wrestling matches, emotionally and financially. I don’t think there is a single match involving Anderson that would compel most wrestling fans to part with their money, and I think the reason is that his character is so impossible to invest in, emotionally. This is another topic that I discussed with Adam this week, so I strongly recommend listening to the podcast when it’s up.

“As for Bully Ray and Aces & Eights...you must have a short memory if you don't recall how distracted James Storm got in some of his fights when Bobby Roode stood on the ramp taunting him, or else doing promos putting him down (something Storm himself pointed out). I thought it was actually a clever bit of continuity, plot-wise.”

Firstly, Storm and Roode’s feud was a lot more heated and Storm had a lot more reason to hate Roode. Secondly, Storm hasn’t at any point passed up an opportunity to fight for the title in order to face Roode. Thirdly, he would have been stupid if he’d passed up a title shot to fight Roode.

“If you think Brooke Hogan is awful, where does that leave Karen Jarrett?”

Also awful. I don’t get your point here. It’s like saying “well if you think Jimmy Saville was so bad, what about Hitler?”

“Also, would you care to explain why suicide dives are a "face" move? Aries has done them pretty much all the time I've watched him over the last couple of years. He uses them frequently and usually to good effect.”

In brief, the reason a heel should not be doing a suicide dive is that, when fans see a wrestler perform a suicide dive, it takes them out of the mindset of “I hate this wrestler and I hope that he loses” to “that was quite cool”. It’s the same reason I wasn’t a big fan of the Storm-Roode match at BFG. The moment when the heel introduced a weapon into the match, and the fans cheered and chanted “we want tables”, was the moment that match became a failure. Because that fan reaction spotlighted an emotional detachment from the characters themselves. And you’ll always get a minority of people who love going to see wrestling and seeing stunts and weapons, but history has shown that such an audience is nowhere near enough to sustain a financially successful product. The money in wrestling is in compelling characters fighting for compelling reasons, whether over personal issues or a desire to be the best, and that has always been the case, which is why TNA has never made any money, and why WWE has experienced a decade of sub-par business. Because they have both largely forgotten or overlooked this fundamental rule.

I’m not saying Aries needs to completely change his style, but he needs to act like a heel otherwise he’s not a heel! At the very least, if he must utilise a move like the suicide dive, he should obnoxiously brag about it afterwards. It should not be a heel transition move.

The fact is, people do not pay money to see spots in large enough numbers to make it viable. Much more people will pay money and watch TV programmes if they feel strongly one way or the other about faces and heels. If the faces are stupid/mean-spirited and the heels do cool things, it is a lot more difficult for people to love or hate them, respectively.

Impact in past weeks has been a lot better than Raw.

CM Punk is really getting onn my jubblies at the moment. It's the same thing every week and don't get me started on Shaemus feller