Rugby on the silver screen

This week I have been laid low with a virus. Apart from feeling sorry for myself that I wasn't able to go up skiing, I moped around home watching a lot of movies. Other than Invictus, I couldn't think of any other rugby movies. I have an issue with Matt Damon playing Francois Pienaar. Indeed I have an issue with Matt Damon. Maybe if he played the part of JOC I could buy it. But a number 6. Jonah Lomu in the film looked like George Gregan. Maybe my bitterness over the final prevents me from gleaning anything positive from this film but surely we can do better. Eastwood is more concerned with the personal story rather than providing great action sequences.

So here's my scenario. Some Hollywood producer mistakenly comes across a game of rugby. To his surprise, he likes what he sees. He gets enthusiastic about making a rugby film. He canvasses a few ideas and approaches a few directors. The following are his wishlist.

Oliver Stone.

With his film Any Given Sunday, Stone proved that he could capture the heart of a sport's action and put it up on the big screen. You didn't have to be a NFL fan to enjoy this film. It was a highly cynical view of the sport and was not shy of making the point that the sport had sold its soul. Stone doesn't seem to be too worried about stepping on people's toes.

This is the film the producer puts forward to Stone. Club vs Country Some Anglo-French rivalry played up here. The state of the club scene in Europe, where a few clubs with wealthy owners are hell bent on acquiring the best showcase of talent at whatever cost to the international game. Give him liberal license to come up with a far-fetched conspiracy theory - the Arab world using sport as a means of infiltrating Western society for example - for this and no doubt we will get a few clichés thrown at us. But we should also get to see a lot of great rugby action with a clear argument hammered into a strong narrative.

Lee Tamahori

With his film Once Were Warriors, he didn't hold back depicting the violence of South Auckland life and the way alcohol tears a hole through families. More of the same thing depicting the upbringing of Jonah Lomu. We start off with a kid who falls in with the wrong crowd. He seems to be drifting further apart from his family. They make the decision to send him to Wesley College in order to escape that life. There he discovers rugby and a positive outlet to beat out his frustrations. He quickly becomes the best athlete at school and excels in everything he does. None more so than rugby. But the confidence he has playing school boy rugby is a curse as well as a blessing. He gets spotted by rugby coaches and gets called up to the ABs aged only 19. He used to play 6 or 8 for Wesley College but now finds himself on the left wing. His first test against France is not a happy debut. He is filled with doubt and the critics are harsh. He doesn't know how to deal with the spotlight and is shy and retiring in media press conferences. But he puts his head down and takes the criticism on the chin. Then he has more tests with his kidney putting further doubt into his mind. The specialists say he is putting his life in danger by playing. We culminate in the 95 semi final against England. Cue Keith Quinn's orgasm: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A0NLC3uk5xs

Christopher Nolan. Well the thinking man's director needs a couple of thinking man's teams. The film starts with Australia and France in the final of the World Cup. We get flashbacks into the teams they overcame in the semis. France overcomes NZ and Australia overcomes England. Both were painted as underdogs in their respective games. Both overcame their opposition by out thinking them. We go into their respective psyches and see what makes them tick. The mind games that get played before the final. The mental demons that come to roost. The motivation used in the dressing rooms to root out those demons. Then comes the match and the key talks under the posts. As with all Christopher Nolan films, the ending has been clear from the beginning and yet left open to question at the resolution of the film.

Stephen Spielberg. The sentimental director gets the sentimental Cool Runnings team. Madagascar and their march through the World Cup qualifiers and final representation in the 2015 RWC in England. Expect the heart strings to be tugged to death but along the way we can be assured of a few great rugby action sequences and a heartwarming tale that inspires us and warms the cockles of your heart or sends you quickly searching for a vomit bag. This film will inevitably be filmed in 3D and will be using motion technology to film the rugby action. So the people playing the actors will be real rugby players but they will be imaginary figures onscreen representing real rugby players.

Peter Jackson. The fantasy director has another chance to use his technological wares to showcase God's Own or God Zone. But in this case in order to defeat the rugby team of Mordor, Gandalf must scour Middle Earth to find a team capable of taking on the might of Sauron (played by Graham Henry) and the Witch King who is immortal (played by Richie McCaw) and Saruman (played by Daniel Carter) who is later replaced by a lesser wizard in grey (played by Stephen Donald). The situation seems hopeless until somebody seen as the least likely source of hope enters the fray and sets about changing the course of history (played by George Gregan who delivers the immortal cinematic phrase Four More Years you orc scrum).

Honourable mentions: Bend it like Beckham sees a Iranian team of women fight off prejudice and persecution to go to the World Cup. In the end they are disqualified for not wearing regulation uniforms insisting on wearing their full head dress but they win the hearts of the opposition and decide to play anyway. Guy Ritchie and David Fincher combine to tell a film about a shady dealer who needs to come into some quick cash to pay off some debts and assembles a rugby team to play in a secret rugby tournament. The only rules are there are no rules and the team captained by Richie McCaw stand in the way of glory and debt relief or complete annihilation.

So which director should get the gig and which film would you like to see on the silver screen? Or feel free to put your own director and film choice.

Way too good for me, I don't know any movies or movie related things, but have to congratulate you on an excellent article

Ang Lee should direct - Fullback mountain - The story of Gareth Thomas
The Farrelly Brothers should direct - Dumb and Dumber - Gavin Henson story

Woody Allen - Vickery, Califano, Barcella - A story about an unlikely love triangle involving three props.

I'd take GAvin O'Connor as director. He was responsible for Warrior, which as for balance between high quality sports/action sequences and personal story and heart, is the best you can ever get.

If you have not seen it, I advise you to go to a shop and purchase it now, you will not be disappointed.

GunsGerms wrote:Woody Allen - Vickery, Califano, Barcella - A story about an unlikely love triangle involving three props.

My favourite rugby movie is still Old Scores http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Old_Scores

Welsh touch judge makes death-bed confession that he didn't raise his flag for a Welsh foot in touch on the way to the winning try vs the 1966 (who didn't actually tour) All Blacks. The WRU (headed by Windsor Davies) and NZRU decide to re-play the match ... with the original players. Which means the Welsh have to find their star player (who migrated to NZ after a falling out with his team-mates) while the NZers have to dry out their skipper, etc.

Cameos (playing themselves) from Ian Kirkpatrick, Waka Nathan, Grahame Thorne, Alex "Grizz" Wyllie, Phil Bennett, Gerald Davies, Mervyn Davies, Gareth Edwards, Tony Faulkner, Dennis Hughes, Barry John, Allan Martin, David Morris, David Price, Mike Roberts, J.J. Williams, Bobby Windsor, Steve McDowell and Keith Quinn

Pete I was just about to mention that film. My old dairy used to rent videos and video games (spacies to you and I I'm sure) and there was a munted old copy of Old Scores in that giant plastic case whose lining cracked everywhere (still have one of those of the original ET film which is about as old as I am literally).

That last kick of the game with Old Lucky-ah what a crackup.

Kia I agree-I won't watch Invictus on principle. My girlfriend watched it in our hostel in Lima with a group of other neutrals. I'm sure my response when asked if I wanted to join them was quite amusing.

Sir David Lean.

The Allies have a game of rugby to decide on the tactics following D Day and the push to Berlin. Monty and the Empire v Ike and the New World.

The game would last three hours, but would be beautifully shot.

Good site here for rugby movies, or films containing rugby bits...

http://wesclark.com/rrr/r_movies.html

Quote:

The Internet is a wonderful thing. With just a few clicks of the mouse, from home, you can now access all sorts of information. While still more useful for pop culture types of information rather than information in detail - you must still rely on a library for that - the technology has revolutionized the way we gain facts and knowledge.

The Internet Movie Database is a resource I find myself using all the time, and one uneventful afternoon, while wondering what else I could add to this web site, it occurred to me that I didn't know what, if any, movies on the subject of rugby were available. Sure, the silver screen is lousy with films about basketball, baseball and football, but where are the rugby films? A quick search on the IMDB listed these, a few of which have I seen. You can go to the IMDB entry by clicking on the movie title.

Seems crazy that they chose to use an actor whose best roles are all playing anonymous characters to play someone so much larger than life

Can you get Silvesta Stalone - I believe he has a good track record of acting in sporting films - :-) (dig dig)

Good stuff OzT. That said, it still seems thin on the ground. My school took a trip to the Court to see the play Old Scores. Never saw the film Pete or DC. It was an alright play though. Personally I'd love to see a film about Jonah. The big man deserves to have a film about himself. Get Julian Savea to play him. They have similar stories and personalities. Both wear their taiaha on the inside.

To his credit Risky he also wrote some of the Rocky springplays. I'd love to check out the dialogue he writes.

Int. Boxing gym - day

Rocky rrehhrejflkajk

Manager I know Rocky.

Rocky rhmmhmh mdfssj gfooss

Manager You telling me things I already know.

And now that Tom Cruise has been seen fit to play Jack Reacher all bets are off in terms of who can play what in these blockbusters...

Peewee herman can now play Lomu...
In Invictus 2 (the 2007 WCup) Morgan Freeman can play both Mandela and John Smit with a touch of make up.

And in the upcoming Di movie Naomi Watts neednt worry about the likeness comparison, Freemans available for that as well....

Lomu was played in Invictus by Zac Feau'nati - the kiwi/samoan number 8 who played for Bath. Hardly like George Gregan!!!???

One of my favourite rugby films is Grand Slam, starring Windsor Davies, about an away trip to France to watch Wales v France in the 5 nations for the grand slam in the 70s. A bit dated now, and a bit cringe worthy in places, but has all the elements of a good rugby tour abroad!

And it had Sharon Morgan's jubblies in it!

I never actually watched the film Griff. Too much hurt there still! My comments were based on the trailer.

Ladeda Graham. Sounds like an amusing film.

Which one is the Richard Harris film?

Is Mickey Rourke still doing that movie based on Gareth Roberts?

Gareth Roberts?

Yes, Gareth Roberts. It's a film about a North Walian who struggles against overwhelming prejudice and eventually gets to present rugby coverage on S4C.

I'll tell you a story about that. It was supposed to be Rhodri Ogwen who had the rugby gig, but he was 'otherwise disposed' (peed out of his skull) when he was supposed to be presenting the show. Gareth Roberts was practically handed the mic and shoved in front of the camera. He did such a good job the gig remains his ten years later. Now there's a film script.

Gareth Roberts came to my great-aunt's funeral. True story (but not one that would make a good film).

kia, that Rocky dialougue made me laugh!!!

George Carlin wrote:Which one is the Richard Harris film?

Harris was a union player but "This Sporting Life" was based around league. Good film.

One of the best football code films is "The Club", based on a play about an Aussie Rules team.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0080546/

Great performance by Jack Thompson, who is always in my thoughts since I learned he lived for fifteen years in a threesome with his wife Leona and her sister Bunkie. He apparently often says: "Know how difficult it is living with the woman you love? Try doubling it".