Scott Johnson could have said it....

For a little light relief on a Friday, I thought I would add a post to see how creative you can be - by having a competition to out Scott Johnson, Scott Johnson with the wackiest rugby quote you can make up - so that you don't just write wibble - we want to see a 'Scott Johnson like reasoning behind the quote'




For my effort

"while we have mixed around the team, it has enabled us to understand the core of the pitch we play on. Every inch is different, and without this our boots would just be a day of studs playing below the ground, while the boots water ski at the Olympics."  -

SJ Reason - dropping players grows our expertise and enables us to play payers in positions they are unfamiliar with, so they can develop a rounder game across the park

real reason - He is mad

Enjoy

"when you play to win, you could win or lose - so we play to experience the life and death struggle that bambi had on its road to self discovery. You will look back on the warm days of 2014 and realise that it was on that day that Scotland shook itself from its chrysalis and became a team"

SJ reason - we need to develop and sometimes we will lose, but we are on a road to a better squad and team

Real reason - he is mad

or... Real reason - he is a crap coach and is trying to divert people stupid enough to listen !

"Look..it's in the third half the of game where we need to step in and what really matters is not who's getting the ball but it's what's on the inside that counts". "It's no good asking me if the team know's what's expected of them...it's what's unexpected of none of them that wins footy. Every one of the squad knows they're not an individual - they're less than that. There's no I in offload"

"i expect the players to step up and play the play that they play. Even oldies like ASBO, have to reach into their youth and develop their play -because if they can not play the way I want them to play, they can play their play in someones elses playground. This is not play time boys and girls"

"i will play a 7 at 8, and 8 at6 and a 7 in the centre"

In an interview with SonYa McLaughlin

"Allo sheila

You see love. Rugby is like a barbie. Not a barbie doll like you, a barbie where you cook things see. If you keep throwing the same tucker on the barbie, you start to lose the flavours, so you can't just throw another shrimp on the barbie, sometimes you've got to throw some steak on there. Thats what I do with a backrow. You get used to Strokes/Denton/Brown so you need to mix it up a bit with Wilson/Beattie/Fusaro.
I'm picking the right things to put on the barbie, but sometimes it rains and you need to accept that some things are not meant to be. If it gets to the stage that the vegitarians are rocking up to the barbie, then I'll not bother sticking any meat on it. We'll have half a barbie with only half the things. Wy have 15 when 8 will do

now, where did I leave me Gallah"

"If we overshoot the direction of our pawses, they'll call it forward.  Forward is a bad plyce to be in rugby coz yah get yourself pinged too much.

Our gyme is about making sure our passes always go backways.  Back to our own 22 is probably the safest plyce to be on a rugby field if yah got a barkin' ref not likeing your progressions."

"Look, am not going to sit here and pretend that I know what I'm doing. I'm just a working class guy from Oz. You see what you've got to understand is we're not looking for excuses, these kids will find their own feet, but in the mean time I'm responsible for putting their socks on."

GLove39 wrote:"Look, am not going to sit here and pretend that I know what I'm doing. I'm just a working class guy from Oz. You see what you've got to understand is we're not looking for excuses, these kids will find their own feet, but in the mean time I'm responsible for putting their socks on."

I can actually hear him saying that!

"what you've got to remember is that we are progessing. So far we've gone from being an unknown entity to being the water carrier for austrailia, to backs coach at the O's, to skills coach for the jocks, to head coach for the jocks and soon we'll be Director of Rugby - Now thats what I call progession.

Oooooooooooh, you meant how do I think the TEAM are doing........................."

"What do I think of Cotter comin' over to see us? - What do you think I think?  Am I shining his desk for him?  Am I putting out his milkbottles?  Putting toilet roll in his dunny?
The man can handle his own hygiene.  I haven't got an apron on.  Nobody is going to slap my ass and ask for a quickie in French."

"Unlike other sides in the competition, France play above the ground a bit and there will be a lot of mauling. I've picked a side that can win the game."

Oh, hang on......

Exactly... funnyExiled

That's too much.  We're trying to keep the comments quirky but as realistic as possible at the same time.  
Just think 'something he Would say' not 'something I'd like him to say'.
You've got the right idea but.............Try again.

"when we go out there, we want to put our shirts on the right way. It does not matter if it remain clean at the end, but we have to learn to put one arm in at a time. We came into this thinking we could put both arms in, and a little head, but that is not how you win games. I am developing a team that know their dunny from a jumper and in 2015, that is what will let us steal the cat walk. People will look at this team, and say - they are the ungly ducking that grow in to the super model - and I will be part of that.'

"Look…we're focused on our own game not the opposition.  Where is Wales anyway, isn't it just some poxy island of the west coast of England….".

"The Welsh are funny people. They always want to kill you off and eat your heart. Too much killing is never enough for them.
We got a surpise waiting for them. Our boys know how to play our conditions and our conditions the English didn't like. That suits us. This is our territory, the ground suits us. Let's see Wales try the fancy stuff up here"

"Look, people want me to call a spade a spade. But what if I don't think the spade is a spade, what if I think the spade is a tree? I'm gonna keep using that spade as a tree no matter what. Unless I wake up one day and decide I don't want to use the tree at all, then I'll get rid of it back to Saracens for a few weeks"

Reason - he's properly mental

"Wales like swim, and often take deep breaths - we need to swim faster, so I am picking a side that plays in the water, rather than above the ground - that will make sushi of them."

....

"sometimes the team that play the best don't win. Sometimes the team that do do. Ha. Do do. Yes, thats how we'll play.

"What's that Jock that got the drop goal? The squat little fella? - Yeah him, Weary. Weary is the kind of player who would make a big impression on our Number 8 position, particularly as the Valley boys are without Halfpence. Weary is the right kind of player we like there but he's the wrong size. 9 or 10 inches more is what we needed. These are the contraints we're under."

"No 8 is the key position. - it is the pivot that goes between the fat ones at the front and the skinny ones at the back, it is a Caesar salad of rugby - green and crunchy, with bits on the side and fish stuff on top. For that reason, I like Caesar salad, as it conquered the world - so if I have 15 number 8s in the team, we will be like buzz lightyear - we can not fail - unless I get woodie"

"moulding a young team to become world cup winners is like stroking a big croc! If its sleeping then you may get away with it. But if you wake it up yer likely to get yer arm bitten off"

"I've decided to sign Miachael Bradley as backs coach for Vern Cotter. The kid's got experience at beating top European teams and should slot in nicely".

"A croc only has teeth because he eats stuff.  That's what teeth are for and it's why old people lose their's. It's about survival and selection of the fittest.   That's why we hear the jokes about our guys being Dentures.  I don't like that joke.  That's the English press thinking they can do the headlines better than me.  That's a challenge.  We like a challenge.  Here's the answer.  Dentures don't have cavities.  Real teeth have cavities or fillers.  We don't have fillers.  All our players are needed.  Fifteen is a good number.  I like having fifteen players on a team.  All needed.  You hear about this ten man rugby nonsense.  That's not enough players.  And that's why the game is changing so much.  Which isn't right as adaptations are required. And I think we'll adapt to Wales if the right conditions prevail.  But that's up to Wales whether they want to come out and play or not.  If they want to stay in the dresing rooms, we'll come in there and beat them there too.  Because that's the mood we're in after we should have beaten the French.  The French knew how to use their disadavantages against us.  We tried to play the game but they tunnelled through us. And I hold my hand up on that one because that was a tactical error by my players.  They played it slightly above the ground, which was playing into French hands as I had warned them about only yesterday as we're preparing for Wales."

What the feck have you guys been smoking ?  

Can we go down there with a different group of players and compete? Yes. Will we? Yes

Inspiring a nation  

Look, i used to use Grecian 2000 but then i went to my local, The Tartan Dangler, and asked for a pot and now the barnet won't stop curling so i give up, i really do but i liked our place kicker's calves in those socks today.

"We’re business as usual, players know the call will be made and then you switch on. They’re out there training. Get on with it. It’s reality and opportunity. I’m a guy who sees the glass half-full rather than half-empty. Is it perfect? No. But sometimes imperfection isn’t bad either."

Oh hang on ... he did feicin say all that. WTF   

"to win games we've got to be better than the other teams. We're nearly there. Just not quite. Thats why we are not quite winning. To address this I've inspired the boys by getting them to picture a flock of cookaburghs flying by each time they are eating thier breakfast"

Having read all these............................ the final truth is.................. that when he goes (into the background) a part of you all will miss him. He's certainly box-ofice in the weird and wonderful soundbytes department.

So when he goes, who'll be left to fill the gap? Back to Gatland I suppose.

Phillpe Saint-Andre

SecretFly wrote:Having read all these............................ the final truth is.................. that when he goes (into the background) a part of you all will miss him.  He's certainly box-ofice in the weird and wonderful soundbytes department.

So when he goes, who'll be left to fill the gap?  Back to Gatland I suppose.

Oh don't worry, I'm sure he'll still be providing the press with his special 'insight' once he's moved into the DOR role. Because I doubt the SRU have the sense to ban him from media duties, sadly