Max Adamson's Christmas Bonanza! - Friday 22nd December

Live from the Katuaq Cultural Centre, Nuuk, Greenland, it's Max Adamson's Christmas Bonanza!

Match One
No holds barred rematch for the WSW World Championship
Matzko the Amazing (c) v Jackson Jackson

Match Two
Bra and Panties match
Percy Percival v Olly's ex Hodor

Match Three
"When beasts collide"
Frank Horrigan v Man Mountain Mike

Match Four
Cage match - 6WF v 7WF
6WF's The Consultancy (Johnny Oko and Vortex) v 7WF's The Beasts of Justice (Peter Shilton and The Jailer)

Main Event
Rematch for the now defunct 6WF Undisputed Championship
Max Adamson v Mr Kenty

(Card subject to change)

(The camera shows a snowstorm going on at the Katuaq Cultural Centre, we see Jackson Jackson and Frank Horrigan arriving, both shivering)

Horrigan: Why the hell are we in Greenland? It's f*ckin freezing here. And I thought we were done with Adamson.

(Jackson brushes the snow out of his hair and tries to warm up a little)

Jackson: Look. We had no other bookings. This pays us well. And frankly there's a chance for me to get some retribution here too.

(Horrigan looks unimpressed at Jackson)

Horrigan: You're still hung up on that WSW thing?

Jackson: Only every single day.

(Horrigan pauses)

Horrigan: So you dragged us BOTH to Greenland to get your opportunity?

(Jackson looks defensive)

Jackson: Hey, it's not like that! We're both former 6CW World Tag Team Champions, and come the new year we'll be wearing 6CW gold again, I'm certain of it. But while 6CW is on a break, we get Christmas in the North Pole, I get to right this wrong, you get to wrestle Man Mountain Mike, and we both get paid handsomely for the privilege.

(Horrigan sighs)

Horrigan: Is this not just a dick measuring contest between you and Adamson? Both of you are basically going through this so you can relive a past glory...

(Jackson looks offended)

Jackson: Hey! I am nothing like Adamson. Don't you ever compare us again. That guy is an overweight Aussie junkie, and I am far better than him. I'm not the one who booked myself a show just to give my ego a rub. That's Adamson. I'm merely here because Adamson got Matzko the Amazing to defend his title here. That title was screwed out of my possession and I'm gonna win it off him because I can. Okay?

(Horrigan smirks)

Horrigan: Okay bro, whatever you say...

The camera pans around the Katauq Cultural Centre as Magic by Pilot begins to play and a plume of smoke rises up and fills the ring, the fans look on with interest for a few moment but as the smoke begins to dissipate to their shock the ring remains empty. After a few moments the camera moves around only to reveal a short fat man dressed as a magician struggling to pull his cape from under the ring with it clearly being caught on a piece of the ring.

Harold: Is that who I think it is....the WSW Champion?! Matzko The Amazing.

Henry: For goodness sake...this moron again?!

Harold: Like it he's here as a champion...

The camera cuts back to Matzko who has begun to attempt to bite his way free from the cape that remains stuck under the ring, after a few more seconds a stage hand runs down with scissors and begins to help

Henry: Well he looks like an idiot right now...we all know that he's a fake champion anyway...that belt rightly belongs to Jackson Jackson!

Harold: Say what you want but Matzko was crowned the first ever WSW Champion and he's come a long way since appearing in 6CW as one of Brandon Perez' Groupies...it was a big moment for him...

Henry: Well at the Bonanza his time in the lime light will be over and he can go back to doing kids parties...unless the rumours are true that is...

Henry mouths the word “nonce” causing the camera to cut away abruptly taking us back to Matzko who is finally free, albeit it having ripped himself free leaving his magician costume in tatters. Matzko quickly scurries in to the ring revealing the WSW belt around his waist, he proudly taps it before talking to the confused crowd who just had to sit through the entire botched magic trick.

M.T.A:
Ladies and gentlemen...did you miss me?!

The crowd completely silent causing Matzko to get a little annoyed but he takes a deep breath before continuing with his obviously planned out speech

M.T.A:
It is I...Matzko...(Matzko spins on the spot)...The Amazing and I am here to defend MY WSW World Heavyweight Title. As you all may know I am the first ever WSW Champion and I am proud of that fact...

Suddenly a member of the audience heckles Matzko

Audience Member: THE TITLE LOOKS LIKE A FANNY...

Matzko stops his speech looking at the belt as the realisation sets in, a single tear rolling down his cheek.

Henry: He didn't know?! I thought everyone did?! All of the belts were made to look stupid  on purpose right?! I mean the tag titles are boobs and the hardcore title is a sh¡tty little butthole! I mean the WSW logo itself looks like willies...is the guy really THAT stupid?!

In the ring Matzko shakes his head, a scowl covering his face

M.T.A:
You know what?! SCREW THIS?! The belt might look like a joke to you but to me it's an achievement...a moment where I was rated the best in the world at something I loved...if you don't get that then you can just go to hell.

The crowd boo Matzko, him finally getting a reaction despite it being a bad one.

M.T.A:
Unlike all of you, I'm going to soar in to the sky as the champion I am!

Matzko throws his hands in to the air releasing a dove that quickly flies up in to the rafters only to hit a light before falling back down to the ground. Matzko ignores it, finally signing off.

M.T.A:
...at Max Adamson's Christmas Bonanza...I remind people WHY I'm a world champion AND a world class magician!

Matzko spins on the spot again before pulling throwing a smoke bomb on the ground, the fans look uninterested with some of them pointing out Matzko as he attempts to escape back under the ring.

Harold: There we have it...the WSW Champion Matzko The Amazing...in just over a week he defends the belt against former rival Jackson Jackson!

Henry: Does that idiot know that the fans are here for the next few hours?! Is he just going to stay under the ring the whole time?!

The scene opens up in the Hotel Hans Egede, one of the few hotels operating in Nuuk, Greenland. We enter a hotel room where Vortex is pacing up and down, and Johnny Oko is sprawled over one of the armchairs. Vortex stops pacing and turns towards him.

V: So let me get this straight

Johnny Oko holds his head in his hands and sighs.

JO: Gaijin

Vortex ignores the remark and continues.

V: Max Adamson, a wrestler that was banned from wrestling….

JO: Yes…..

V: Is putting on a Christmas show for 6CW when 6CW cannot currently transmit.

JO: Yes….

V: And we are representing 6WF, a federation that has long since died.

JO: Yes….

V: And we are facing a team from 7WF, a federation that died even further back.

JO: Yes….

Vortex paces to the window and stares out at the snow covered scenery. He growls a bit under his breath and turns round angrily.

V: Have we stepped into the freaking Twilight Zone here?! Things don’t exist, but now we are saying that they do! Nothing makes sense!

Oko ignores his partner’s eruption and reaches into his pocket. He carefully unwraps the silver foil that he takes out and places the bubble gum into his mouth. After chewing on it a few times, he replies.

JO: Apart from one thing….

V: What’s that?

Oko blows out a huge bubble that pops.

JO: You and Oko are getting paid.

Vortex flings his hands in the air and collapses onto the bed. It creaks loudly due to his weight and he lays there still seething.

V: By who exactly? Adamson? How has he managed to rustle up the funds to do this? He has got a show televised in an arena in freaking Greenland and he has managed to dig up a whole range of rejects to take part. Including us!

Oko takes offence at this and kicks the bed.

JO: Oko wasn’t rejected. Oko was mislaid.

Vortex laughs at his partner and sits up.

V: Well you don’t mislay my 300lbs! You can’t miss it!

Oko nods his head and sniggers.

JO: Adamson must have friends in high places. The same high places he goes to when doing drug deals.

Oko chuckles at his own joke but Vortex isn’t listening. He is tapping away at his mobile before holding it to his ear. When it is obvious no one is answering, he chucks it back down on the bedside table.

V: Why isn’t he picking up?!

Oko gets to his feet and stretches, before letting out a long yawn.

JO: Why would he? Kramer doesn’t want to take part in this.

Vortex lifts himself off the bed and stands.

V: So why are we?

Oko takes a weary glance at his partner.

JO: Because…….you and Oko are getting paid.

V: Our lives can’t revolve around the pursuit of wealth!

Oko laughs out loud and points at Vortex.

JO: Hamleys gave you £500 to put on a white beard and have children sit on your knee!  Oko cannot think of anything more embarrassing! But you say……£500 is £500.

Vortex shrugs.

V: There is nothing wrong with trying to broaden your talents and getting paid to do it.

Oko laughs again.

JO: Please…….Oko believes you barely have the talent for wrestling, let alone acting.

Vortex walks over to the door.

V: Look, let us do this match, get the money and then walk into the next sunset.

Oko follows him.

JO: Oko believes that to be a wise choice. Oko can go back to his dojo and you can go back to being jolly fat Santa man.

Vortex growls and opens the door.

V: Let’s just get this over with.

The Consultancy walk out the door and shut it firmly behind them.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Katuaq Cultural Centre is packed with the full 1,008 capacity. The fans make some noise and you can barely hear yourself over a whisper. Suddenly the area lights go down that heralds the arrival of someone on the card. Unfortunately it is actually due to the blizzard conditions outside and the lights go up and then down again at various intervals.

Suddenly “Black Shuck” plays around the arena on an old 1980’s JVC sound system. The fans aren’t quite sure what to make of this until prompts from various staff members at the front. A loud cheer goes up and Vortex and Johnny Oko appear. They half-heartedly go through their usual routine of Oko kneeling in front of Vortex and both of them rubbing their fingers together as if holding money. They both stare around at the centre and look at each other bemused. They then head off down the aisle and climb into the make shift ring. Vortex is handed a microphone that has a lead and he struggles to get it free of the ring ropes. Oko sniggers as Vortex swears under his breath.

V: Well hello…………….

He checks his palm.

V: Nuuuuuu-yoooooooou-k

There is audible feedback from the microphone and a few of the fans clap. Vortex shakes his head and continues.

V: I would just like to thank Max Adamson for putting on this show and having the courage to come back and wrestle. It must have been such a difficult decision for him. The embarrassing episode of performance enhancing drugs. The failure in his new venture as a tag team manager. And now having the guts to press ahead with a show that must have the most depressingly dire card in wrestling history.

The fans cheer but not really understanding what they are cheering about.

V: Where are the big stars? Where are the best of 6CW and 6WF? Why must we sit through yet another Adamson v Kenty main event? It wasn’t good the first time…….it won’t be good this time.

Vortex paces the ring as Oko slouches in the corner.

V: But as it is Christmas we need to be thankful. Thankful for this Christmas Show. Thankful that we are getting paid for it. Thankful that you can see The Consultancy in all their glory one more time!

Again there are a few claps and cheers. Vortex seems to expect a bigger reaction. When none comes he chucks the microphone at Oko.

V: I will leave it up to Johnny to explain how we intend to defeat our opponents.

Oko looks down at the microphone with disdain but grudgingly picks it up.

JO: Oko will kick. Vincent will smash. The Consultancy will win.

He chucks the microphone back at Vortex who bends down to pick it up.

V: Enlightening……well there is nothing much more to say. We hope you enjoy the show, but if you don’t it doesn’t matter to us!

He then shouts out.

V: NO WIN

He is met with silence apart from a few lone voices shouting “No Fee” back at him in broken English. He decides not to repeat the phrase the usual two times but speaks under his breath.

V: Someone’s gonna pay………

Vortex and Oko start to head to the outside as the fans are prompted to cheer.