17th Press Conference (Week 15 matches)

1. How did your team get on this week?

2. What music would you play as they came from the tunnel to the pitch?

3. When does this god forsaken season end?

4. What is the weirdest thing you have noticed FIFA doing to your side mid-game?

5. What is the best football kit of all time?

6. Why is it that Grimsby have become so unbeatable?

7. How would you stop fans entering the pitch?

8. Sheep or Lemmings?

9. What is missing from your team?

10. WOW! MAKE YOUR OWN QUESTION SPECIAL: ANSWER A QUESTION OF YOUR OWN WRITING! WOW!

1. How did your team get on this week?
The game hasn't been played yet so I don't know. I also don't care whether we won or lost, so it's win-win for me.

2. What music would you play as they came from the tunnel to the pitch?
S Club 7. Irresistible forces of nature, each and every one of them.

3. When does this god forsaken season end?
To hear some fake online managerial types speak, 2033. I think Hero's son will be past the 75 cap by the time we get to season 2.

4. What is the weirdest thing you have noticed FIFA doing to your side mid-game?
One of my games had my guys down the left, Dickenson and Akieme, try to win throw-ins for about 5mins. Fans must have gone to the loo while they were pratting about.

5. What is the best football kit of all time?
Palermo's pink kit.

6. Why is it that Grimsby have become so unbeatable?
Nando's given them all black cards I think. Also, fun fact, the highest league position IRL Grimsby ever had was 1st in the Championship, which they managed to reach on the same day England pasted Germany 5-1.

7. How would you stop fans entering the pitch?
Ban them from their own clubs for life and make them watch West Ham every week, they'd soon behave.

8. Sheep or Lemmings?
Both are good in bed, but I'll say sheep for the extra warmth.

9. What is missing from your team?
Interest. When you don't care if you live or die, are you really alive?

10. WOW! MAKE YOUR OWN QUESTION SPECIAL: ANSWER A QUESTION OF YOUR OWN WRITING! WOW!
It was only one time, and we said we'd never speak about it again Dolph. Although I did enjoy it, and the cup of tea afterwards was a nice touch.

1. How did your team get on this week?
A narrow victory against our soon to be cup final opponents Bury. We were comfortable in possession yet struggled to create many chances due to their defensive set up. Certainly provided some food for thought ahead of the final.

2. What music would you play as they came from the tunnel to the pitch?
Darude - Sandstorm

3. When does this god forsaken season end?
Hopefully whenever we're top of the league

4. What is the weirdest thing you have noticed FIFA doing to your side mid-game?
The in game subs are baffling, recent ones include bringing on my lowest rated CB to play LB in consecutive games and bringing on a 62 rated striker instead of the 70 and 69 rated ones also sat on the bench. Bizarre.

5. What is the best football kit of all time?
Not quite a kit but the cream Liverpool spice boys suits are legendary.

6. Why is it that Grimsby have become so unbeatable?
Has to be down to either having an amazing manager or performance enhancing drugs. Given it some thought and I think they're all on drugs.

7. How would you stop fans entering the pitch?
Handing out sentences like the one given to that Brummie tosspot would be a pretty good deterrent.

8. Sheep or Lemmings?
Sheep, great game.

9. What is missing from your team?
A trophy

10. WOW! MAKE YOUR OWN QUESTION SPECIAL: ANSWER A QUESTION OF YOUR OWN WRITING! WOW!
Who will take the honours this season?
League - Grimsby
Hardcore Cup - FGR
Other Cup - Morecambe

1. How did your team get on this week?

Bummed some bunch of nonces from Cambridge 4-0. Always knew Oxford was better

2. What music would you play as they came from the tunnel to the pitch?

Beethoven's 5th symphony. I want my team to be as placid and calm as possible, ready to execute the gameplan I've meticulously laid out. Rock and roll to start the 2nd half

3. When does this god forsaken season end?

We're only about halfway through aren't we? Binning off at least two sides will make it shorter next season, and I'd expect at least one more to flounce off. After that we can just pick someone we all don't like to be the final team to leave

4. What is the weirdest thing you have noticed FIFA doing to your side mid-game?

One of my players was the crazy horse, so probably that. Otherwise, they all decide to let in goals for no apparent reason in some games, so that has to count

5. What is the best football kit of all time?

The old Roma kits were beautiful

6. Why is it that Grimsby have become so unbeatable?

Extra powers from sleeping with their sisters

7. How would you stop fans entering the pitch?

I'd put up a big fence, and make sure to close the gates behind the fans once they were tightly packed in. What could possibly go wrong

8. Sheep or Lemmings?

Lemmings requires more creativity in the questions to work properly, sheep is a game for the simple minded, so works well for us

9. What is missing from your team?

The ability to win more than 1 game in a row, defend like they have a clue and scroe goals against the better teams

10. WOW! MAKE YOUR OWN QUESTION SPECIAL: ANSWER A QUESTION OF YOUR OWN WRITING! WOW!

No Olly's mum, I don't think you should take your clothes off in the middle of the high street

1. How did your team get on this week?

Very disappointed after some positive displays. I believe I have found the reason, but it hurt to be beaten in that way

2. What music would you play as they came from the tunnel to the pitch?

I Will Survive

3. When does this god forsaken season end?

When the fat lady sings

4. What is the weirdest thing you have noticed FIFA doing to your side mid-game?

Probably not the weirdest thing but the change to 442 and playing Kamara up front killed any hope of a come back

5. What is the best football kit of all time?

1980's Holland

6. Why is it that Grimsby have become so unbeatable?

Right players in the right formation

7. How would you stop fans entering the pitch?

Tasers, lifetime ban and 6 months in prison

8. Sheep or Lemmings?

Lemmings.....sheep is pointless. Or not as the case may be.

9. What is missing from your team?

A good CB. I have plans to bring one in this week

10. WOW! MAKE YOUR OWN QUESTION SPECIAL: ANSWER A QUESTION OF YOUR OWN WRITING! WOW!

What did I have for lunch? Footlong Subway Melt

1. We won. Our team played excellently, and had we not scored that late winner, I'd have been mighty disappointed. I must say that Fluxy has an excellent side and will have better days, but I'm sure he'd agree with me that our Exeter side were worthy winners on this occasion.


2. Man's Not Hot. What else?


3. I don't know. I hope it's soon as it seems a more appropriate time for me to hand in my resignation then. It does seem to be going on forever.


4. Why our penalty taker was substituted off after the penalty was awarded, but before the taking of it just completely baffles me. It's very strange.

I must say that the goalkeeper pulled off an excellent save though.


5. Not sure about all time, but my favourite recent kit is the Man Utd away shirt last season - the black one. England 2004 maybe?


6. Because they have the right friends. In all seriousness, I barely keep up with my own side and their exploits, so I don't really care about what any other side is doing. Looking highly likely to win the league so the pressure is on them to continue their excellent form.


7. At Brexeter City we get rid of all those undesirables who would do something like that. Send them all back to where they came from. Birmingham.


8. Sheep.


9. Domestic deals. That's what is missing from almost every team in this league. I'm in a bit of dilemma at the moment, because there are three players on my shortlist I want. But I was considering only doing domestic deals for the rest of the season, to help me retain some kind of interest and try to have fun. We shall see.


10. What should we do about Brexit?

All of us at Brexeter City are supportive of a no deal Brexit, with a focus on domestic dealings.

1. How did your team get on this week?

Still not firing like they were earlier in the season. It seems that my tinkering when the boredom set in is not working, so I need to find a way of getting them back to how they were.

2. What music would you play as they came from the tunnel to the pitch?

Scottish pipes followed by Z-Cars. What else

3. When does this god forsaken season end?

It does seem to be going on and it's not even halfway through yet. I think one thing to take from it is that a 16 team, play each other twice season is too long. I think this will resolve itself a bit in season 2, as we are definitely down to 14 teams, and I wouldn't be surprised if we went with 12 teams with no Exeter or MK Dons either given the situation of their current managers. That's 8 less weeks straight away.

4. What is the weirdest thing you have noticed FIFA doing to your side mid-game?

Its either the ball floating by itself or Koscielny's crazy horse routine, both in the last season

5. What is the best football kit of all time?

England 19966 kit from the final, purely for its iconic status. Worst kits have to come from some of the Arsenal or United away offerings of the 90s!

6. Why is it that Grimsby have become so unbeatable?

I don't know what you mean. I have a 100% record against them and have scored 20% of my goals against them

7. How would you stop fans entering the pitch?

Better quality in the stewarding. We are asking aging men, or young students to stop idiots who have be on the pop for hours. Get better trained people, maybe ex military, and they'll soon stop them

8. Sheep or Lemmings?

Sheep

9. What is missing from your team?

The dynamism to create from the middle of midfield. My team tend to do lots of nice intricate passing between the halfway line and penalty area, without ever putting the incisive ball into the box

WOW! MAKE YOUR OWN QUESTION SPECIAL: ANSWER A QUESTION OF YOUR OWN WRITING! WOW!

Mmm, not sure. One Pizza sized cheeseburger does sound good, by 5 cheeseburger sized pizzas sounds good too. I'll go for the giant cheeseburger please

1. How did your team get on this week?
On here? I have no idea. I've really fallen away regarding watching back my games

2. What music would you play as they came from the tunnel to the pitch?
Darude - Sandstorm. Full sesh.

3. When does this god forsaken season end?
I believe it has another 14 months left until the mid season break.

4. What is the weirdest thing you have noticed FIFA doing to your side mid-game?
Mostly weird subs or moving players out of position.

5. What is the best football kit of all time?
Finally a good question! I'll go with Barcelona 1999, the half red, half blue, no sponsor centenery one.

6. Why is it that Grimsby have become so unbeatable?
I think it's the fear factor, opposition players fear catching some variety of disease from their players living in Grimsby most of the week.

7. How would you stop fans entering the pitch?
Netting. Like in some European stadiums. It's not as barbaric as the old fences, but it stops large thrown objects and people easily getting onto the pitch.

8. Sheep or Lemmings?
Neither really appeal that much, Sheep is easier to run.

9. What is missing from your team?
About 11 World Class footballers

10. WOW! MAKE YOUR OWN QUESTION SPECIAL: ANSWER A QUESTION OF YOUR OWN WRITING! WOW!
Which would you rather have sex with, two 8 foot tall women, or four 4 foot tall women? For the purposes of the question, everyone is in proportion and equally as attractive.

I'd choose two 8 foot tall women.

1. How did your team get on this week?
Poorly. They may well have felt sick to their stomachs after that. I'm gonna have to find a reason to ban Bam, but I know someone who I can ask about that.

2. What music would you play as they came from the tunnel to the pitch?
All The Single Ladies - Beyonce

3. When does this god forsaken season end?
Never

4. What is the weirdest thing you have noticed FIFA doing to your side mid-game?
Diangana left back

5. What is the best football kit of all time?
Croatia's efforts around 96/98. Man United's weird yellow and green. The England reversible top.

6. Why is it that Grimsby have become so unbeatable?
Nando was the first person to find a tactic that works.

7. How would you stop fans entering the pitch?
I like Marky's netting idea. I think month-long closures if there is anything deemed threatening or confrontation to a player.

8. Sheep or Lemmings?
Lemmings

9. What is missing from your team?
Shooting.

10. WOW! MAKE YOUR OWN QUESTION SPECIAL: ANSWER A QUESTION OF YOUR OWN WRITING! WOW!
Rework the fixture list, give wins to all players against managerless teams.

I've been on my best behaviour for the last couple of weeks, but if Ireland best Wales I guarantee I'll be banned within 3 days

BamBam wrote: if Ireland best Wales

Maesteg would ban you for this comment alone

Dolphin Ziggler wrote:

6. Why is it that Grimsby have become so unbeatable?
Nando was the first person to find a tactic that works.

my tactic is to just not touch them and whack in an xi/subs bench

Afro wrote:

BamBam wrote: if Ireland best Wales

Maesteg would ban you for this comment alone

You dared to type Wales, racist.

1. How did your team get on this week?
We lost a game we were expected to win so not a good result. Congrats to azzy on the win tho.

2. What music would you play as they came from the tunnel to the pitch?


3. When does this god forsaken season end?
As Sun Tzu once famously said "The war is only over once the enemy forces surrender or if the enemy leader has been killed. The oppressed people shall be freed and under new rule they will thrive"

4. What is the weirdest thing you have noticed FIFA doing to your side mid-game?
Casemiro at RW last year. Nothing too bad on this fifa.

5. What is the best football kit of all time?


6. Why is it that Grimsby have become so unbeatable?
Because nando is a fifa nerd. He knows the game more than he knows his own kids.

7. How would you stop fans entering the pitch?
Sniper rifle on the roof of the stadium would work.

8. Sheep or Lemmings?
Sheep.

9. What is missing from your team?
A couple of real madrid players.

10. WOW! MAKE YOUR OWN QUESTION SPECIAL: ANSWER A QUESTION OF YOUR OWN WRITING! WOW!
Q. "Do you think Azzy secretly worships Luka Modric and has posters of him at home"
A. Most definitely! Azzy is probably the biggest Modric fan in the world.