Rafael Nadal - A Breakthrough

Many of you, our loyal followers, will currently be in a state of shock-and-awe upon seeing the long awaited return of Spaghetti Hans (a.k.a The Main Event Lads).

After over two years in the shadows, where we have been waiting and watching, alongside our friend Paul Bearer, we feel the time is right to re-emerge and spread the Tennis Gospel.

And why have we graced you with our presence? The answer is a simple one: friends - we are no longer afraid. Afraid of one-dimensional attritional counter-punching tennis; afraid of the red muck and the white moon; afraid of the man who had come so very close to destroying the game we loved...Rafael Nadal.

Like all good demons, Nadal knew how to charm - many Rafateers had been hooked (a trick no doubt learnt from his Mallorcan fishermen brethren), but we were not taken in. For over two years on the battlegrounds of ye Olde 606 we fought the noble fight on behalf of Roger Federer (hallowed be His name) and tennis purists worldwide. It was a fight we won.

In order to win that fight we sometimes had to resort to underhand but strategically brilliant tactics. Who could forget the infamous 'Imposter Hits' that took place over the Summer of '09? You must remember the panic that spread like wildfire, as poster turned on poster, and self-proclaimed vigilante, Woofie (a victim of the ingenious hits), vowed to find the culprit. Surely you have guessed by now that it was we, The Main Event Lads, who impersonated known Nadal fans to give the effect that they were defecting to Roger Federer.

Do we feel remorse? We feel none. These actions were indeed officially sanctioned by our leader, King Roger, Himself. Federer's unyielding support of our actions and political influence, facilitated our return, time after time, under various guises despite widespread condemnation - including from the Grandfather of 606, duggietoo. As a symbol of allegiance to Federer, we became the self-ordained Godparents to his twins, little Myla and Charlene, and we continue to watch over them from afar.

It may surprise you to hear our message at this time. We never thought we would say this, but here goes, deep breath...

Thank you Rafa.

Thank you for embracing our wisdom, admitting your weaknesses, and staying away from the sport during such a crucial time of the year.

As much as we abhor slow-court tennis, a discipline in which defensive specialists thrive, we begrudgingly accept that minor league players must have 'Minor Slams' in which to showcase their 'skills'. The French and Australian Opens, contested on red dirt and the ever-slowing plexicushion surface respectively, provide an ideal battlefield for limited counter-punchers, such as Rafael Nadal, Jarkko Niemenen and Tommy Robredo, to spar with each other in tedious rallies ad nauseum. Thankfully for us all, Roger Federer has claimed 4 Australian Opens and the French Open Title, to bestow much needed credibility to these 'Minor Slams'.

But the 'Major Slams', Wimbledon and the US Open, are the showpieces of creative, attacking tennis - and the jewels in Federer's crown. These events in recent times have, tragically, had their honor rolls stained by the name R.Nadal. Fortunately though, Nadal's record at these tournaments is still pretty poor. Nonetheless, the threat of Nadal winning at Wimbledon loomed large prior to the event's start in 2012. With Roger Federer still feeling the effects of 'mono' from 2008, plus a back injury, and Novak Djokovic's emotional issues, the title was up for grabs at SW19.

Though there was little you could do, Rafa, in the face of World #100 Lukas Rosol's ferocious hitting, you honorably halted your comeback in the 5th and hobbled out of the event with your head held high. Clearly our message had got through to you. After all these years, you finally realized that a victory achieved via defensive means is, in fact, a moral defeat - and that playing beautifully was the greatest prize of all.

Imagine our delight when we heard the news that you had withdrawn from the US Open later that fall, in what we can only assume was a noble attempt to preserve the dignity of the second of the Major Slams. Despite the fact that the notion of you actually winning at Flushing Meadows is laughable, your intentions must be applauded.
Rafa

In the immediate aftermath of The World Finals, much praise has been rightly voiced for record 6-time World Champion Roger Federer and now 2-time World Champion, The Viper of Belgrade, Novak Djokovic, for conjuring a majestic match with which to close the curtain on a dramatic and emotional 2012. But we feel that you too, Rafa, deserve credit for acknowledging your atrocious record at the Show of Shows (9-10) and staying firmly on the shelf, humbly continuing to fish in the Bay of Mallorca. Rafa

Consider this a lesson learnt. A breakthrough in our teaching. A stubborn pupil brought to heel.

While the rest of the World's people draw up their New Year's Resolutions, you no doubt, for the good of the sport that we all love, will maintain the status quo.....

And stay away.

have you considered......... therapy?

LuvSports! wrote:have you considered......... therapy?

This is therapy and catharsis (in medical and emotional sense), rolled into one, LuvS.

Tell me about your childhood....

Weren't Tenez and NITB thrown off the board for less intense Nadal hating than this? I vaguely recall main event lads might have been funny but this is a bit wierd to be honest.

Jeez take a chill pill.

Shouldn't you be looking up odds or something..

I quite enjoyed it.

I'm telling on you. Sir, sir



emancipator

This is either genius or madness. I can't decide which!

emancipator wrote:Jeez take a chill pill.

Shouldn't you be looking up odds or something..

I quite enjoyed it.

I'm telling on you. Sir, sir



emancipator

Trying to brand me as just some 1 dimensional better based on about 3 posts on such topic is not good wind up banter, can you not find a better angle.

I do agree that tennis has hit a dangerous low in 2010. But the OP failed to remark how W and USO were already manipulated by that time. Good read though!

Well SH sense of humor was missed for quite sometime and here he enters to entertain us for free.