The "Waiting for Olly to show up and Captain 'Team Scholes' already" page

Hi.

1 GK Joe Hart
13 GK John Ruddy
21 GK Fraser Forster
2 DF Glen Johnson
15 DF Phil Jagielka
3 DF Leighton Baines
5 DF Gary Cahill
14 DF Ryan Bertrand
6 DF Steven Caulker
16 DF Ryan Shawcross
12 DF Carl Jenkinson
4 MF Steven Gerrard (captain)
11 MF Ashley Young
10 MF Tom Cleverley
17 MF Jack Wilshere
18 MF Tom Huddlestone
8 MF Leon Osman
7 MF Raheem Sterling
9 FW Danny Welbeck
20 FW Daniel Sturridge
19 FW Wilfried Zaha

Joe Hart can be a juggler.

We need the England XI really.

1. Joe Hart
2. Glen Johnson
3. Leighton Baines
4. Steven Gerrard
5. Gary Cahill
6. Steven Caulker
7. Raheem Sterling
8. Leon Osman
9. Danny Welbeck
10. Tom Cleverley
11. Ashley Young

what do you want me to do?

Well, once Olly shows up and assumes his role as captain, I imagine he'll tell you to stay on your own team

You could be a spy Zidane, keep an eye on what they're doing here and report back.

PS If they put stuff in spoilers just click on the bit that says spoiler.

I imagine he'll tell you to stay on your own team

he might not.

1. Joe Hart
Trains as a Professional Wrestler and joins a new version of The Hart Foundation, where he is taught the Sharpshooter submission and how to immensely dislike Shawn Michaels.

Done my bit.

Ashley Young - Olympic Diver

That's 2 done

Marky wrote:We need the England XI really.

1. Joe Hart
2. Glen Johnson
3. Leighton Baines
4. Steven Gerrard
5. Gary Cahill
6. Steven Caulker
7. Raheem Sterling
8. Leon Osman
9. Danny Welbeck
10. Tom Cleverley
11. Ashley Young

Right I want you all to come up with ones for each of these 11 players. Then we will decide which one we think is best, or I will

Submit me your 11 players and there occupations by Sunday midnight via PM so those other bunch dont look at our work!

Make them as funny, and outrageous as you want! In fact the more outrageous and funny the better

Raheem Sterling
Opens a chain of currency exchange shops around the country, with the catchphrase "Sterling knows sterling".
It doesn't take off, because consumers prefer M&S.

sodhat wrote:Raheem Sterling
Opens a chain of currency exchange shops around the country, with the catchphrase "Sterling knows sterling".
It doesn't take off, because consumers prefer M&S.

C-

Not good enough. Must do better

I've gotten to where I am today with Cs. I will take that.

sodhat wrote:I've gotten to where I am today with Cs. I will take that.

I only accept A's and above on this team. Do better Sodhat or else

Leon Osman
Grows his hair out and becomes the 5th member of The Kings Of Leon. He rewrites all their hits and replaces them with northern English dialect. Unable to cope with his fame and fortune, he hits drugs and returns to football with Juventus, who really don't mind what their players take.

sodhat wrote:Leon Osman
Grows his hair out and becomes the 5th member of The Kings Of Leon. He rewrites all their hits and replaces them with northern English dialect. Unable to cope with his fame and fortune, he hits drugs and returns to football with Juventus, who really don't mind what their players take.

Keep it to PM's Soddy. PM'S I TELL YOU!

They can't steal it, it'll be obvious to the omnipotent Azzy

Do I get another C for that?
Do you know whether we are doing the starting XI only, or subs too?

It says only starting XI on the homepage but we can do the whole squad for our own amusement. Marky can you post the whole squad in the OP at some point?

Here it is:

1 GK Joe Hart - Trains as a Professional Wrestler and joins a new version of The Hart Foundation, where he is taught the Sharpshooter submission and how to immensely dislike Shawn Michaels.
13 GK John Ruddy
21 GK Fraser Forster
2 DF Glen Johnson
15 DF Phil Jagielka
3 DF Leighton Baines - Leighton Baines joins a mod revival gang and buys an Everton coloured vespa while touring the country in a suit, listening exclusively to the Jam and the soundtrack from Quadrophenia.
5 DF Gary Cahill
14 DF Ryan Bertrand
6 DF Steven Caulker
16 DF Ryan Shawcross
12 DF Carl Jenkinson
4 MF Steven Gerrard (captain)
11 MF Ashley Young
10 MF Tom Cleverley
17 MF Jack Wilshere - Jack Wilshere wins the nobel peace prize by age 23. He doesn't do anything to earn it, it's just because he's that good
18 MF Tom Huddlestone
8 MF Leon Osman - Grows his hair out and becomes the 5th member of The Kings Of Leon. He rewrites all their hits and replaces them with northern English dialect. Unable to cope with his fame and fortune, he hits drugs and returns to football with Juventus, who really don't mind what their players take..
7 MF Raheem Sterling
9 FW Danny Welbeck - Danny Welbeck opens a hair salon in Central Manchester offering only one cut - the ponce. It looks strikingly similar to his own hair.
20 FW Daniel Sturridge
19 FW Wilfried Zaha

If you all wanna put up your best efforts on this page please do so. We can judge the best at the end

Danny Welbeck opens a hair salon in Central Manchester offering only one cut - the ponce. It looks strikingly similar to his own hair.

Leighton Baines joins a mod revival gang and buys an Everton coloured vespa while touring the country in a suit, listening exclusively to the Jam and the soundtrack from Quadrophenia.

Jack Wilshere wins the nobel peace prize by age 23. He doesn't do anything to earn it, it's just because he's that good.

Right I'm not about much today team, but if you could get some witty bantering going wih regards to the task that would be great.

I've updated my post above with the best suggestions so far

Maybe we should concentrate on getting the first XI done before worrying about the rest of the squad.

Good work whilst I was away lads...

Ok get the starting XI done first:

01 Hart - Trains as a Professional Wrestler and joins a new version of The Hart Foundation, where he is taught the Sharpshooter submission and how to immensely dislike Shawn Michaels.
02 Johnson - Glen Johnson takes up a career as a barrister, but retires the year later after realising he can't defend.
03 Baines - Leighton Baines joins a mod revival gang and buys an Everton coloured vespa while touring the country in a suit, listening exclusively to the Jam and the soundtrack from Quadrophenia.
05 Cahill - Opens up an insurance company with his fellow club centre backs, but is left horribly exposed when one wonders off to get his haircut like Sideshow Bob and the other heads to Africa for a course in "How racist are you John? Lets find out"
06 Caulker - Caulker obviously went into DIY with his trusty Caulking Gun, he would go from site to site filling holes in the wall with his similar-to-his-surname sealant. It came to an end however, when poor Steven developed an addiction to Caulking, causing his windpipe to be filled and he suffocated. It's not the happiest story, but Wickes have a memorial Steven Caulker range of Caulking Guns, so it has a happy ending.
04 Gerrard - Due to his career long ability to carry 10 men on his back for 90 minutes, Stevie G opens up a long distance cargo company. "Stevie G-Mail" specialises in transporting Scousers to parts of the world where no-one wants them.
07 Sterling - Opens a sperm clinic in his Dad's garage called "Raheem's Rascals". He only takes clients who give him a packet of Haribo Starmix and promise not to tell his parents about it.
08 Osman - Grows his hair out and becomes the 5th member of The Kings Of Leon. He rewrites all their hits and replaces them with northern English dialect. Unable to cope with his fame and fortune, he hits drugs and returns to football with Juventus, who really don't mind what their players take..
10 Cleverley - Ends up in a mental institute, sat on the floor wearing a strait jacket, repeating one phrase over and over in a poor John Motson impression; "Cleverley done by Cleverley"
11 Young - Left wing extremist who throws himself to the floor crying when gets told he's being deported for breaching the peace and trying to get the country to implement Fergie Law
09 Welbeck - Danny Welbeck opens a hair salon in Central Manchester offering only one cut - the ponce. It looks strikingly similar to his own hair.

Lets go!

Hart - Gurner (Include a pic from Euro 2012) or a comedian
Baines - Loreal adverts
Gerrard - Nightclub DJ
Sterling - Nothing, he'd still be at school.
Welbeck - Gangsta

I want us to go down the root of Soddy more. More one lines stuff rather than a few words. Sorry Trebs

Well, you could expand on it. Think the best thing to do is think of a trademark or something the players are famous for.

Baines = Hair
Welbeck = Flicked Goals
Hart = Joker
Gerrard = Scouser
Young = Not showing up at the big events
Cleverley = Being better than Wilshere

etc.

onlytreblewinners wrote:Well, you could expand on it. Think the best thing to do is think of a trademark or something the players are famous for.

Baines = Hair
Welbeck = Flicked Goals
Hart = Joker
Gerrard = Scouser
Young = Not showing up at the big events
Cleverley = Being better than Wilshere

etc.

I've updated my post with what we have so far. A couple of posts up.

I will try my best to come up with some stuff, and you guys come up with stuff please post here. I will PM the dudes who aint turned up to see wassgornon

Grant Holt V2 wrote:I want us to go down the root of Soddy more. More one lines stuff rather than a few words. Sorry Trebs

I beg your pardon?

sodhat wrote:

Grant Holt V2 wrote:I want us to go down the root of Soddy more. More one lines stuff rather than a few words. Sorry Trebs

I beg your pardon?

We're gonna abuse you.

Steven Caulker - Hired by a wine merchant to use his fingers to plug bottles of expensive wine and stop air getting to it and turning it sour.

Tenuous link?

sodhat wrote:Steven Caulker - Hired by a wine merchant to use his fingers to plug bottles of expensive wine and stop air getting to it and turning it sour.

Tenuous link?

I'm not sure I get it. Explain

Caulker sounds like 'Corker' - or it does in my southern drawl. So he is utilised as a cork for wine.

I said it was tenuous.

sodhat wrote:Caulker sounds like 'Corker' - or it does in my southern drawl. So he is utilised as a cork for wine.

I said it was tenuous.

Ohh that's pushing the envelope Soddy

Gerrard - Due to his career long ability to carry 10 men on his back for 90 minutes, Stevie G opens up a long distance cargo company. "Stevie G-Mail" specialises in transporting Scousers to parts of the world where no-one wants them.

Cleverley - Ends up in a mental institute, sat on the floor wearing a strait jacket, repeating one phrase over and over in a poor John Motson impression; "Cleverley done by Cleverley"

Glen Johnson takes up a career as a barrister, but retires the year later after realising he can't defend.

Anything in particular you want me to do Olly?

Nothing in particular Trebs but we have 4 people left in Cahill, Caulker, Sterling and Young so if you have anything funny that pops into your head about them then please post it up

Caulker obviously went into DIY with his trusty Caulking Gun, he would go from site to site filling holes in the wall with his similar-to-his-surname sealant. It came to an end however, when poor Steven developed an addiction to Caulking, causing his windpipe to be filled and he suffocated. It's not the happiest story, but Wickes have a memorial Steven Caulker range of Caulking Guns, so it has a happy ending.

That's the best one so far for my money. That's in! Down to 3 now lads! Cahill, Sterling and Young!

You come up with anything yet?

Surely one of the wingers could be a right wing extremist

Just a quick pop on, won't be about much today, not until 10 tonight as have an awards evening

Good captaincy Olly

Sorry I'll try not to have school in the future

Nerd.

I will do one for Sterling later!

That leaves Cahill/Young for the rest of you baying masses

Sterling - Opens a sperm clinic in his Dad's garage called "Raheem's Rascals". He only takes clients who give him a packet of Haribo Starmix and promise not to tell his parents about it.