ATP ANNOUNCES 'ANYONE BUT DJOKOVIC BRIGADE'!

Following the relative success of the 'Nadal is a boring baseline moonballer' and 'Federer is a shanker with a rubbish backhand' brigades, the ATP has announced that, in honour of the fact Novak Djokovic has actually won a lot of stuff as well, a hate group shall be created in his honour. The name has yet to be decided, but the manifesto of the group has already been decided:

1. The ATP are changing the courts to favour Djokovic
A firm favourite of the Nadal slaters, it has recently been considered that Madrid is in fact not a clay court. It is at high altitude, and as all physics experts will tell you, clay at high altitude morphs. This can mean only one thing: Madrid is a red hard-court. Serbian groundsmen are also being blamed for casting dark magics and performing rituals on the previously clay courts at midnight to complete the transformation, which of course gives no-one else a chance to win.

2. The other players are bringing the wrong game to Djokovic
A new, original policy is to slate Djokovic because his opponent 'brought the wrong game' to him. Djokovic's most recent success in Madrid was corrupted by the fact that Nadal, amongst others, had brought their hard court game to Djokovic, forgetting, at no fault of their own, to bring their clay court game with them to a clay court! How silly of them, silly players! But we can't blame them, oh no, that wouldn't make sense. It is worth pointing out that Djokovic's Australian Open success shall be branded a failure too, as he did after all face Roger Federer, who'd brought his 'Grass court at altitude roughly 1,547m above sea level datum, with the occasional rough patch of soil in the corners of the service box' game with him instead of his Aussie Open court game.

3. Novak's only winning because it is a weak era
A favourite of all hate groups. Blame the weak era. The era was strong before Djokovic started winning, but when he did start, it is fairly clear that players suddenly started being really rubbish. Much of this is likely to be down to Policy 2, however, it is worth noting that players simply aren't winning as much these days. Of course, this may be because Novak is winning everything, so other people can't logically win as much as they did last year is the clearest indicator of all that the standard has dropped a huge amount. We pine for the strong, golden lion of greatness era, albeit we can't actually remember which one it is.

4. Novak's Dad is fixing the draw
Perennial draw fixer Uncle Toni has been knocked of his perch by the man known simply as Djokovic senior. The draw for Rome, where Djokovic faces clay court big guns Jurgen Melzer, Robin Soderling, Nicolas Almagro, and the Italians nationals well known for performing miracles at their home tournament players of an equivalent level to 5 year olds. Hell, I could beat his draw, cakewalking fluke merchant. His winning streak will clearly continue because of his easy, easy draw, where he will still probably have to beat Nadal or Federer in the final probably face a wildcard. It's like a lion taking on a herd of rabbits in a fight. Although of course this era is weak, so Djokovic is no lion.

5. When his winning streak ends, he will lose it all
OK, maybe he's doing alright, though clearly his wins are mostly worthless right now due to the above. But what happens when it ends? Then IT'S ALL OVER FOR HIM. His confidence shattered by the knowledge he has had a win streak that will last throughout the ages as one of the finest starts to a season witnessed, let alone the trophies and glory brought to him a single, excrutiating loss will inevitably destroy his mind, as it does with everyone who loses after winning a lot (see Federer, Nadal, Sampras, Agassi, Borg....), and his challenge to the top will fade away , despite the fact he's already got a spot in the World Tour Finals this year and can be World Number 1 by making semi-finals for the rest of the year. He will never be number 1, and if does, then he is a transitional number 1. That's not a real Number 1, despite what the rankings say.


The ATP has a great deal of faith that the group will succeed as the other hate groups have done in the past. Recruitment begins now.

Stealth Maestro Agro Love wrote: Much of this is likely to be down to Policy 2, however, it is worth noting that players simply aren't winning as much these days. Of course, this may be because Novak is winning everything, so other people can't logically win as much as they did last year is the clearest indicator of all that the standard has dropped a huge amount. We pine for the strong, golden lion of greatness era, albeit we can't actually remember which one it is.

I always wondered what strikethrough can be used for.

STealth, I have to say that was sheer genius. The best satire I have read in a long time. I have already heard many of these same arguments about Djokovic's recent run of form. I especially like the "Madrid is red hardcourt one" and the ATP changing the courts to favor Djokovic. Where have we heard this before? Yes success breads envy and resentment, and I am sure now that Novak is winning a great deal a whole slew of online detractors and wums will surface.

It actually is quite sad that fans regardless of their allegiance have to find reasons to knock the achievements of other players. It is hard to win on the ATP tour in any era especially when talking grandslams. Well I hope that recruitment for this new brigade goes well, because the more he wins the more the ranks of the online wums will increase.

Socal the wums you speak of are not tennis fans... they are band wagonners but there are those who now have decided that Nole is the next best thing to a slice loaf (withut the crusts on). When on 606 they tore the bloke to pieces.. but he is now flavour of the month.
Just keep your eye on the fans that stay fans through thick and thin.. .win lose or draw. but also appreciate other players on tour not just their favourite. They are the tennis lovers.. the rest you can ignore.

ATP have also announced the "NADAL Sympathetic (to reasons for loss) Ear Brigade" in memorandum of matches not won.

There won't be a "Lost to a better player" heading, as this means Nadal wasn't good enough on the day, which happens to the best of them from time to time and therefore can not be attributed to his loss of form for a measly two hours of his life. There has to be another, infinitely more rational reason for losing to someone like Djokovic.

Great article by the way

Haddie, that was one of the old problems with 606, attacks on players with no objective fairness. Comments like Djokovic is a choker, Murray hates english, Nadal has no talent, Federer is shanky. I personally feel that we should be allowed to point out flaws or weaknesses in the play and performance of the top champions. But we must be fair and objective and not mean spirited. Those that love the game will respect these great champions who give us so much entertainment.

As for the Djokovic bandwagon, I really dont mind it because like you say I remember a time when he was constantly dissed by fans and the media and as Djokovic fan its nice to see him get this positive publicity and attention. I mean Fed and Nadal have been the main topic of conversation since 2004. Its good for the game, and I don't mind new fans as long as they are fair and loyal.

I agree with all you say socal.. what gets me though is if, or rather when, Novak hits a bad patch again, as he inevitably will... human after all.. the high riders remember when they thought he was the bees knees and stick by him whatever. It was tough on Nadal fans when Rafa had such a terrible year with injury, losing the FO, withdrawing from Wimbledon having to retire and get booed at the USOpen.. but if his fans cant support him when its a bad day at the office then they are not fans. And as at the moment things are not going his way.. but we know he will turn it around sooner or later and just suffer the disappointment with him until he does

IT'S HAPPENED!

I have started the revolution!!!!

Stealth, you are a sage. One of the funniest attacks on Djokovic is that he has no weapons. Best returner in the game, top 5 backhands in the game, top ten forehand and he has no weapons. Another one is that his game is dull a montonous. If anyone saw this match tonight and saw the variety on display I doubt they would make such a claim.

Stealth, I don't know how novak was able to win today when he brought his high altitude game to a low altitude match?

socal1976 wrote:Stealth, I don't know how novak was able to win today when he brought his high altitude game to a low altitude match?

If in doubt, quote the 'weak era'.

[/quote]
If in doubt, quote the 'weak era'. [/quote]

You are right about the weak era, Roger is too old although just a little over a year removed from his last grandslam and still ranked #3 in the world. And Nadal is obviously either sick, tired, injured, or emotionally distraught how else could he lose to Djokovic. And Andy Murray is just pure sh**. Novak wouldn't be winning if Juan Del Potro was healthy or Bjorn Borg was 24 years old right now, so how could he be great? For him to be great before every match his opponent must sign a legal affidavit stating that he is 100% healthy; not suffering any emotional anxiety; that he is fully and completely rested; having eaten a meal the night before with the proper amount of carbs, electrolytes, and proteins, and that he will promise to bring the right game for the proscribed altitude level. Other than that how could any of his victories count.

socal1976 wrote:

I wrote:
If in doubt, quote the 'weak era'.

You are right about the weak era, Roger is too old although just a little over a year removed from his last grandslam and still ranked #3 in the world. And Nadal is obviously either sick, tired, injured, or emotionally distraught how else could he lose to Djokovic. And Andy Murray is just pure sh**. Novak wouldn't be winning if Juan Del Potro was healthy or Bjorn Borg was 24 years old right now, so how could he be great? For him to be great before every match his opponent must sign a legal affidavit stating that he is 100% healthy; not suffering any emotional anxiety; that he is fully and completely rested; having eaten a meal the night before with the proper amount of carbs, electrolytes, and proteins, and that he will promise to bring the right game for the proscribed altitude level. Other than that how could any of his victories count.

That's the spirit!