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quinsforever
beshocked
Scrumpy
Taffineastbourne
George Carlin
gregortree
Casartelli
doctor_grey
OzT
Cyril
fa0019
SecretFly
Biltong
munkian
jimmyinthewell68
Bathman_in_London
GloriousEmpire
kiakahaaotearoa
Mr Bounce
Duty281
bedfordwelsh
R!skysports
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Post by R!skysports Fri 15 Nov 2013, 12:39 pm

Just for a wee bit of fun (and something that started on another thread), I thought it would be enjoyable to write the headlines across the country if your team won or lost...

To start, if Scotland lost to South African this weekend, the headlines in each country could be


In Scotland
"Braveheart Scots heart broken by spirited defeat"

or

"Third division football provides thrilling nil- nil draw in front of record crowd of 2 sheep and a heron, in other news Scotland have a rugby team... allegedly"...

In England
"South Africa Rumble on"

In Wales
"Scotland's pre-season hits a bump"

In Ireland
"Sunday rugby leads to higher Guinness Sales, but less crac"






Have fun on Friday (and remember this is just some light hearted fun)

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Post by bedfordwelsh Fri 15 Nov 2013, 12:45 pm

If Wales win

Mighty Wales get back to winning ways against the SH.

If We lose

We doomed doomed I tell the end of the World is nigh bring back Barry Benny Gareth and the like etc etc
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Post by Duty281 Fri 15 Nov 2013, 12:49 pm

If England win, any of these:

New Zealand caught Coled.
Ash to splash.
Fo-midable.
Laying down the English Lawes.
England very (Rob) Shaw of win.
England Launch to victory.
All Hart and soul.
It's a Goode day to be English.
New Zealand's defence Flooded.

Well you get the idea.

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Post by Mr Bounce Fri 15 Nov 2013, 12:51 pm

In England: "Ashton in 4 try shocker as undisciplined ABs throw away certain win as two are sent off" (well it MIGHT happen...) Laugh

In NZ " 'Biased refereeing is a disgrace' says Hansen after McCaw & Read sent off. 'They were perfectly within their rights'"

Wales: "Where now? Gatland's men in desperate late minute loss AGAIN"

Scotland: "Deep-fried Mars Bars not the way forward, says Scotland rugby nutritionist"

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Post by kiakahaaotearoa Fri 15 Nov 2013, 1:04 pm

Scotland Kebabs Provoke Violent Behaviour says a McDs survey




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Post by bedfordwelsh Fri 15 Nov 2013, 1:20 pm

[quote="Mr Bounce"]

Wales: "Where now? Gatland's men in desperate late minute loss AGAIN"

Thats most probably the nearest to a true headline Sad

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Post by GloriousEmpire Fri 15 Nov 2013, 2:11 pm

Daily mail following All Blacks victory:

"Thieving Foreign Referee Cannot Be Deported due to Human Rights Act Despite Stealing Victory From England"


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Post by Bathman_in_London Fri 15 Nov 2013, 2:13 pm

Being realistic:

'Agony again for Wales'

'Blackout' - Always seems to appear

'Springboks too much for spirited Scotland'

'Irish eyes are smiling' - again, always seems to appear at some point

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Post by Bathman_in_London Fri 15 Nov 2013, 2:17 pm

GloriousEmpire wrote:Daily mail following All Blacks victory:

"Thieving Foreign Referee Cannot Be Deported due to Human Rights Act Despite Stealing Victory From England"

I think you forgot to mention house prices.

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Post by Mr Bounce Fri 15 Nov 2013, 2:22 pm

Bathman_in_London wrote:
GloriousEmpire wrote:Daily mail following All Blacks victory:

"Thieving Foreign Referee Cannot Be Deported due to Human Rights Act Despite Stealing Victory From England"

I think you forgot to mention house prices.
The Daily Express will probably mention Princess Diana.

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Post by jimmyinthewell68 Fri 15 Nov 2013, 2:23 pm

Wales lose . Wales been argy bargdy again .
Wales win . gatlands giants grind game to win

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Post by munkian Fri 15 Nov 2013, 2:25 pm

Pumas singed by Wales

All Black all better again

Wee Jock Poo McPlop

BOD not picked for Wallabies shame
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Post by Bathman_in_London Fri 15 Nov 2013, 2:27 pm

munkian wrote:Pumas singed by Wales

All Black all better again

Wee Jock Poo McPlop

BOD not picked for Wallabies shame
Maybe 'Keith Wood fury as Wallabies prevent BOD from scoring'

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Post by Biltong Fri 15 Nov 2013, 2:27 pm

Irish news - Irish eyes are smiling.
English news - The dark descent.
Scottish news - the Murrayfield Massacre.
Wales news - The Dragon breathes fire once again.
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Post by SecretFly Fri 15 Nov 2013, 2:30 pm

If New Zealand win:

McCaw's frequent offsides go unpunished again.

If England win:

New Zealand on the toilet seat again

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Post by fa0019 Fri 15 Nov 2013, 2:31 pm

SA news.... "Big Jim Hamilton is the biggest thug in world rugby according to Bakkies".

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Post by munkian Fri 15 Nov 2013, 2:32 pm

Bathman_in_London wrote:
munkian wrote:Pumas singed by Wales

All Black all better again

Wee Jock Poo McPlop

BOD not picked for Wallabies shame
Maybe 'Keith Wood fury as Wallabies prevent BOD from scoring'
Horwill drops BOD ! (on head)
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Post by SecretFly Fri 15 Nov 2013, 2:32 pm

Wales win:

The ref ruined the game

Argentina win:

The ref ruined the game

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Post by SecretFly Fri 15 Nov 2013, 2:33 pm

fa0019 wrote:SA news.... "Big Jim Hamilton is the biggest thug in world rugby according to Bakkies".
Nice one...I'd read that article.

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Post by R!skysports Fri 15 Nov 2013, 2:34 pm

If Scotland win

In Scotland
"Braveheart Scots bish bask bosh the boks"

In England
"Scotland beat weakened South Africa"

In Wales
"Pre-season jump as Scotland down the Boks"

In Ireland
"To be sure, to be sure - Scotland sure footed win"

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Post by Cyril Fri 15 Nov 2013, 2:35 pm

Russell Crowe, Lucy Lawless, Peter Jackson, Neil Finn, Shortland Street - Your Boys Took A Hell of A Beating!

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Post by R!skysports Fri 15 Nov 2013, 2:37 pm

Wales win:

"Wales re-discovers winning form and now are second best team in the world"

Argentina win:

"Gatland blames wrong sort of roof over stadium"

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Post by SecretFly Fri 15 Nov 2013, 2:38 pm

Scotland win:

Scotland tell Vern Cotter to stay away

South Africa win:

South Africa snub Scotland by not showing for the second half.

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Post by OzT Fri 15 Nov 2013, 2:45 pm

Lucy taking a beating, hmmm ,now that'll be a show worth watching......

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Post by doctor_grey Fri 15 Nov 2013, 2:45 pm

Duty281 wrote:If England win, any of these:

New Zealand caught Coled.
Ash to splash.
Fo-midable.
Laying down the English Lawes.
England very (Rob) Shaw of win.
England Launch to victory.
All Hart and soul.
It's a Goode day to be English.
New Zealand's defence Flooded.

Well you get the idea.
All Blacks go down to a bunch of Ash-holes
or, conversely
ABs jump on the Ash-holes



Or the ever popular
Ref controversy ruins rugby win for (fill in the blank)________________

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Post by Biltong Fri 15 Nov 2013, 2:48 pm

How about ash- es to ash-es, dust to dust
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Post by OzT Fri 15 Nov 2013, 2:49 pm

Can't do that Bilts, that was an aussie cricket chant....
ashes to ashes
dust to dust
if lillie don't get ya
thommo must

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Post by GloriousEmpire Fri 15 Nov 2013, 2:54 pm

England win nzherald:

"All Blacks refuse to blame scapegoats or excuses, despite scapegoats and excuses being to blame"

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Post by Casartelli Fri 15 Nov 2013, 3:06 pm

Western Mail front page;

"Halfpenny & Henson for Strictly Xmas Special?"

Back page might have something about the actual rugby.

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Post by R!skysports Fri 15 Nov 2013, 3:06 pm

Any NH team win

In the GreyGhost times

"Petty small minded refs ruin game while biased fans sing songs that disrespects the Haka by making noise"

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Post by GloriousEmpire Fri 15 Nov 2013, 3:27 pm

NH paper (any) following narrow England victory due to small minded petty refereeing blatantly cheating for 80 minutes to hand a marketing victory to the RFU to bolster their profile prior to 2015:

"World beaters England Simply The Best Ever As They Crush Hapless Arrogant Kiwis In Display Only English Team Could Produce Due To Our General Superiorness at Being Human"


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Post by gregortree Fri 15 Nov 2013, 3:33 pm

GloriousEmpire wrote:NH paper (any) following narrow England victory due to small minded petty refereeing blatantly cheating for 80 minutes to hand a marketing victory to the RFU to bolster their profile prior to 2015:

"World beaters England Simply The Best Ever As They Crush Hapless Arrogant Kiwis In Display Only English Team Could Produce Due To Our General Superiorness at Being Human"

Not the Western Mail. More like "Lucky England helped by homer ref", before moving on to extoll the virtues of the open running style of Wales Rugby'

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Post by George Carlin Fri 15 Nov 2013, 3:40 pm

I'm waiting for:

Dylan Hartley removes opponent's testicles and throws them into Row K.

That's a lot of balls, says Hansen.
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Post by Taffineastbourne Fri 15 Nov 2013, 3:47 pm

If Wales put a record score on Argentina,here in England the headline would be:
Kettering Town 0 Eastbourne Borough 0 !

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Post by Scrumpy Fri 15 Nov 2013, 4:06 pm

If England beat NZ
The Forgotten Lions Roar (Again!)

Ireland beat Aus
BOD is GOD Warren.

Wales beat Arg
30-3....

Scotland beat SA
Celtic still Top


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Post by R!skysports Fri 15 Nov 2013, 4:28 pm

Scotland win

"Scotland dark horses for 6 nations"


reality

"Scotland raises hopes to dash them on the rocks of dispair"

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Post by beshocked Fri 15 Nov 2013, 4:28 pm

New Zealand win: Dan's the man.

England win: A tale of Two Billy's.

Scotland win: Taylor made victory.

South Africa win: Bismark sinks Scotland.



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Post by quinsforever Fri 15 Nov 2013, 5:00 pm

Daily Mail (NZ win): best ever ABs finish the year unbeaten first time ever
DM (NZ loss): Lancaster's Bombers end ABs unbeaten run...again

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Post by ChequeredJersey Fri 15 Nov 2013, 5:23 pm

Bathman_in_London wrote:
GloriousEmpire wrote:Daily mail following All Blacks victory:

"Thieving Foreign Referee Cannot Be Deported due to Human Rights Act Despite Stealing Victory From England"

I think you forgot to mention house prices.
And doctors and how they are systematically ruining the universe
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Post by GloriousEmpire Fri 15 Nov 2013, 5:36 pm

Ok

"House prices soar as filthy euro-MPs gorge in orgy of trafficked Roma girls at tax payers expense whilst you will be arrested and thrown in prison if so much as mention St George in passing despite terrorist immigrant asylum seekers using the human rights act to hand victory to the All Blacks before killer asian storm threatens royal family..."

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Post by R!skysports Fri 15 Nov 2013, 5:38 pm

GloriousEmpire wrote:Ok

"House prices soar as filthy euro-MPs gorge in orgy of trafficked Roma girls at tax payers expense whilst you will be arrested and thrown in prison if so much as mention St George in passing despite terrorist immigrant asylum seekers using the human rights act to hand victory to the All Blacks before killer asian storm threatens royal family..."
Bit long for a head-line imo

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Post by GloriousEmpire Fri 15 Nov 2013, 5:41 pm

True. I was forgetting the semi-literate readership. It's not the guardian.

How about just "THEY'RE ALL SCUM!"

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Post by ChequeredJersey Fri 15 Nov 2013, 5:45 pm

Also, if the All Blacks won, wouldn't the Mail do what they usually do and just make up their own facts and claim an English victory?
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Post by quinsforever Fri 15 Nov 2013, 6:05 pm

after a close match with england losing at half time, they stage an incredible recovery and win the match...

DailyMail: Lions take Kiwis from behind

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Post by KiaRose Fri 15 Nov 2013, 6:13 pm

ChequeredJersey wrote:Also, if the All Blacks won, wouldn't the Mail do what they usually do and just make up their own facts and claim an English victory?
Or distort the facts?

How's about

England 3 New Zealand 1 (cards ...)

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Post by George Carlin Fri 15 Nov 2013, 6:37 pm

"England let those jolly decent Black chaps take a record victory. Because that's what people with proper wicker picnic baskets do. Tally ho."

The National Enquirer might not be the only paper that covers it.
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Post by doctor_grey Fri 15 Nov 2013, 8:10 pm

GloriousEmpire wrote:England win nzherald:

"All Blacks refuse to blame scapegoats or excuses, despite scapegoats and excuses being to blame"
England Win:  GloriousEmpire to parade naked down Regent Street holding a placard reading "Owen Farrell has the cutest bum"

ABs win: Doc Grey is Phooked

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Post by Cyril Fri 15 Nov 2013, 8:13 pm

doctor_grey wrote:
GloriousEmpire wrote:England win nzherald:

"All Blacks refuse to blame scapegoats or excuses, despite scapegoats and excuses being to blame"
England Win:  GloriousEmpire to parade naked down Regent Street holding a placard reading "Owen Farrell has the cutest bum"

ABs win:  Doc Grey is Phooked
Replace "Owen Farrell has the cutest bum" with "Subway Meal Deal This Way" and you're describing his average day. They're not keen on him doing it naked, but that's the way he rolls.

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Post by doctor_grey Fri 15 Nov 2013, 8:30 pm

Best laugh of the day, mate.............

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Post by Breadvan Sat 16 Nov 2013, 11:00 am

Daily mail..NZ win marred by portly kiwi pitch invader attacking referee after penalising all black crocked scrum feed.

Western mail...Welsh squad rampage down St Mary st after narrow win. Saint appeals for calm

Irish inde... BOD and wood in Gatland effigy shame.

Daily record...Salmond declared win over SA victory for independence.
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