The Culture Cup round 6

First topic message reminder :

It's just as funny on the second read.

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

ShahenshahG wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

ShahenshahG wrote:Tophat has just exploded with envy

That would have a blast radius of about 400 miles.

Why do you think he was given an office on the uppermost point of the shard? Harmlessly dissipates the blast into the atmosphere and occasionally deflects meteors into easyern europe everytime he feels envious of a job seekers claimant

Is that why it lists to the left and right every time he walks across the office?

I think its trying to show you show to slip a punch or a headbutt

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

Rowley wrote:Not a particularly romatic present Tina, but she does a lot of running so wanted a GPS watch thing that times you and tells you how far you have gone etc, so got her one of them. Sorry I can't give a more accurate description, you pretty much know my views on exercise.

What have you got Mrs Windows, has the Tiffanys gold card took a beating?

A GPS watch.  Who said love is dead.

I work in the precious metals industry, Jeff.  I get pretty all of that stuff on the cheap.  No need for gold cards.  

I don't think the copper pipes you sell at Homebase count as 'precious'

JuliusHMarx wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

Rowley wrote:Not a particularly romatic present Tina, but she does a lot of running so wanted a GPS watch thing that times you and tells you how far you have gone etc, so got her one of them. Sorry I can't give a more accurate description, you pretty much know my views on exercise.

What have you got Mrs Windows, has the Tiffanys gold card took a beating?

A GPS watch.  Who said love is dead.

I work in the precious metals industry, Jeff.  I get pretty all of that stuff on the cheap.  No need for gold cards.  

I don't think the copper pipes you sell at Homebase count as 'precious'

No because copper is a base metal anyway.

Albeit quite expensive these days.

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:I work in the precious metals industry, Jeff.  I get pretty all of that stuff on the cheap.  No need for gold cards.  

Blood diamonds again then I take it.

seanmichaels wrote:What is everyone having for Christmas dinner? My predictions:

Jeff - straight up and down Turkey
Tina - Goose
Tophat - Turkey, Ham, Roast Beef
Galted - Nut Loaf
Shah - Curry? (my Indian mate does at Xmas)
Julius - Pheasant and Venison

I'll be in Costa Rica, so no idea....

(like the caveat for Shah, just so you don't sound racist.....!)

TopHat24/7 wrote:

seanmichaels wrote:What is everyone having for Christmas dinner? My predictions:

Jeff - straight up and down Turkey
Tina - Goose
Tophat - Turkey, Ham, Roast Beef
Galted - Nut Loaf
Shah - Curry? (my Indian mate does at Xmas)
Julius - Pheasant and Venison

I'll be in Costa Rica, so no idea....

(like the caveat for Shah, just so you don't sound racist.....!)

That made me chuckle as well. Shah isn't even Indian!

Rowley wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:I work in the precious metals industry, Jeff.  I get pretty all of that stuff on the cheap.  No need for gold cards.  

Blood diamonds again then I take it.

Diamonique, I'd say.

I thought i'd let him off for attempting being considerate

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

TopHat24/7 wrote:

seanmichaels wrote:What is everyone having for Christmas dinner? My predictions:

Jeff - straight up and down Turkey
Tina - Goose
Tophat - Turkey, Ham, Roast Beef
Galted - Nut Loaf
Shah - Curry? (my Indian mate does at Xmas)
Julius - Pheasant and Venison

I'll be in Costa Rica, so no idea....

(like the caveat for Shah, just so you don't sound racist.....!)

That made me chuckle as well.  Shah isn't even Indian!

I doubt he'd be offended. But it was  a deliberate addition to counter any reprisal.

And his meal sounds the best.....

seanmichaels wrote:What is everyone having for Christmas dinner? My predictions:

Jeff - straight up and down Turkey
Tina - Goose
Tophat - Turkey, Ham, Roast Beef
Galted - Nut Loaf
Shah - Curry? (my Indian mate does at Xmas)
Julius - Pheasant and Venison

Not quite sure what a nut loaf is, sounds like something that comes out rather than goes in.  I'll be having a variety of fresh-filled pasta from Sainsburys and M&S and continuing my experiments with nachos and jacket potatoes.  If I stay off the p1ss I may even have space and time for my signature dish, cous cous, halloumi and humus with whatever else is in the fridge thrown in.

Galted wrote:

seanmichaels wrote:What is everyone having for Christmas dinner? My predictions:

Jeff - straight up and down Turkey
Tina - Goose
Tophat - Turkey, Ham, Roast Beef
Galted - Nut Loaf
Shah - Curry? (my Indian mate does at Xmas)
Julius - Pheasant and Venison

Not quite sure what a nut loaf is, sounds like something that comes out rather than goes in.  I'll be having a variety of fresh-filled pasta from Sainsburys and M&S and continuing my experiments with nachos and jacket potatoes.  If I stay off the p1ss I may even have space and time for my signature dish, cous cous, halloumi and humus with whatever else is in the fridge thrown in.

Very Christmassy. Will you also be giving Tiny Tim the afternoon off?

Galted wrote:

I'll be having a variety of fresh-filled pasta from Sainsburys and M&S and continuing my experiments with nachos and jacket potatoes.  If I stay off the p1ss I may even have space and time for my signature dish, cous cous, halloumi and humus with whatever else is in the fridge thrown in.

Are you not seeing your family at Christmas?

This has saddened me, Galted. Do you want to come round mine? You'll have to put up with my father (he is a Jock so quite hard work) but there will be plenty of food.

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

Galted wrote:

I'll be having a variety of fresh-filled pasta from Sainsburys and M&S and continuing my experiments with nachos and jacket potatoes.  If I stay off the p1ss I may even have space and time for my signature dish, cous cous, halloumi and humus with whatever else is in the fridge thrown in.

Are you not seeing your family at Christmas?

This has saddened me, Galted.  Do you want to come round mine?  You'll have to put up with my father (he is a Jock so quite hard work) but there will be plenty of food.

He can just hop over Weiss's fence when dinner is served.

I'll be using him as bait if I decide to have a vigilante hunt for local pedos.

The only worthwhile Xmas food is roast potatoes which are over-rated and freely available in pubs on Sundays at any stage of the year in times of non-famine. Turkey is dry and pointless, Brussels sprouts are revolting and Xmas pudding is inedible.

seanmichaels wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

Galted wrote:

I'll be having a variety of fresh-filled pasta from Sainsburys and M&S and continuing my experiments with nachos and jacket potatoes.  If I stay off the p1ss I may even have space and time for my signature dish, cous cous, halloumi and humus with whatever else is in the fridge thrown in.

Are you not seeing your family at Christmas?

This has saddened me, Galted.  Do you want to come round mine?  You'll have to put up with my father (he is a Jock so quite hard work) but there will be plenty of food.

He can just hop over Weiss's fence when dinner is served.

  

Its a bit of a walk to their village but I will point him in the right direction.  No doubt he will be suitably dressed for the cold weather.

Galted wrote:I'll be using him as bait if I decide to have a vigilante hunt for local pedos.

The only worthwhile Xmas food is roast potatoes which are over-rated and freely available in pubs on Sundays at any stage of the year in times of non-famine.  Turkey is dry and pointless, Brussels sprouts are revolting and Xmas pudding is inedible.

Tiny Tim, that is, forgot to use the quote function.

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

Galted wrote:

I'll be having a variety of fresh-filled pasta from Sainsburys and M&S and continuing my experiments with nachos and jacket potatoes.  If I stay off the p1ss I may even have space and time for my signature dish, cous cous, halloumi and humus with whatever else is in the fridge thrown in.

Are you not seeing your family at Christmas?

This has saddened me, Galted.  Do you want to come round mine?  You'll have to put up with my father (he is a Jock so quite hard work) but there will be plenty of food.

Galted - Remember when you had a misshapen head - Accept Tinos invitation and it'll go back to those dark days. I'd invite you round mine but considering recent evens I don't think you'd feel comfortable with a room full of bearded muslims with severe expressions on their face. Go to Rowleys - TSMR might need comforting after she finds out that Rowley follows her every move with a gps tracker.

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

Galted wrote:

I'll be having a variety of fresh-filled pasta from Sainsburys and M&S and continuing my experiments with nachos and jacket potatoes.  If I stay off the p1ss I may even have space and time for my signature dish, cous cous, halloumi and humus with whatever else is in the fridge thrown in.

Are you not seeing your family at Christmas?

This has saddened me, Galted.  Do you want to come round mine?  You'll have to put up with my father (he is a Jock so quite hard work) but there will be plenty of food.

Cheers, Tino, that's really kind of you. I would be more worried about your kids than your father though.

ShahenshahG wrote: Go to Rowleys - TSMR might need comforting after she finds out that Rowley follows her every move with a gps tracker.

And she has huge knockers according to Jeff.

ShahenshahG wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

Galted wrote:

I'll be having a variety of fresh-filled pasta from Sainsburys and M&S and continuing my experiments with nachos and jacket potatoes.  If I stay off the p1ss I may even have space and time for my signature dish, cous cous, halloumi and humus with whatever else is in the fridge thrown in.

Are you not seeing your family at Christmas?

This has saddened me, Galted.  Do you want to come round mine?  You'll have to put up with my father (he is a Jock so quite hard work) but there will be plenty of food.

Galted - Remember when you had a misshapen head - Accept Tinos invitation and it'll go back to those dark days. I'd invite you round mine but considering recent evens I don't think you'd feel comfortable with a room full of bearded muslims with severe expressions on their face. Go to Rowleys - TSMR might need comforting after she finds out that Rowley follows her every move with a gps tracker.

You don't miss a trick shah

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

ShahenshahG wrote: Go to Rowleys - TSMR might need comforting after she finds out that Rowley follows her every move with a gps tracker.

And she has huge knockers according to Jeff.

They only technically belong to her because they are attached to her husband. Rowley's moobs getting dry humped by galted would put even tophat off hs lunch.

seanmichaels wrote:

You don't miss a trick shah

Are you trying to nice to him to make up for your racist comment, earlier?

ShahenshahG wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

Galted wrote:

I'll be having a variety of fresh-filled pasta from Sainsburys and M&S and continuing my experiments with nachos and jacket potatoes.  If I stay off the p1ss I may even have space and time for my signature dish, cous cous, halloumi and humus with whatever else is in the fridge thrown in.

Are you not seeing your family at Christmas?

This has saddened me, Galted.  Do you want to come round mine?  You'll have to put up with my father (he is a Jock so quite hard work) but there will be plenty of food.

Galted - Remember when you had a misshapen head - Accept Tinos invitation and it'll go back to those dark days. I'd invite you round mine but considering recent evens I don't think you'd feel comfortable with a room full of bearded muslims with severe expressions on their face. Go to Rowleys - TSMR might need comforting after she finds out that Rowley follows her every move with a gps tracker.

I'd probably fit in even though I don't have a beard, I often wear a severe expression over Xmas. Don't know about Rowley's, don't fancy spending Xmas morning milking the cows and the rest of the day down a granite quarry. I think he hates me as well which could be awkward.

Galted, you're welcome to come over to my mum's house at Xmas. I'll be at my house and she'll be at my brother's, so you'll have the place to yourself.

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

seanmichaels wrote:

You don't miss a trick shah

Are you trying to nice to him to make up for your racist comment, earlier?

He's on the road to damascus tino

JuliusHMarx wrote:Galted, you're welcome to come over to my mum's house at Xmas. I'll be at my house and she'll be at my brother's, so you'll have the place to yourself.

You said "come over to my mum's", does that mean you live with your mum or that you work from your mum's?

P.S.  Thanks.

You are right Galted, you are not welcome at mine. I don't really hate you, but definitely do not want to spend any time with you in person particularly not on Christmas day, you clearly have some issues and you also dress like a weirdo. For all my inherent northerness I do have some satorial flair. Cannot have you dragging me down.

I forgot IG.

I think he'll be eating a fairtrade bonanza, possibly substituting Turkey with sustainably sourced pigeon.

Galted wrote:

JuliusHMarx wrote:Galted, you're welcome to come over to my mum's house at Xmas. I'll be at my house and she'll be at my brother's, so you'll have the place to yourself.

You said "come over to my mum's", does that mean you live with your mum or that you work from your mum's?

P.S.  Thanks.

Neither, it was an expression necessary for the gag to work.

Rowley wrote:You are right Galted, you are not welcome at mine. I don't really hate you, but definitely do not want to spend any time with you in person particularly not on Christmas day, you clearly have some issues and you also dress like a weirdo. For all my inherent northerness I do have some satorial flair. Cannot have you dragging me down.

That's one of the sweetest things anyone's ever said to me.

JuliusHMarx wrote:

Galted wrote:

JuliusHMarx wrote:Galted, you're welcome to come over to my mum's house at Xmas. I'll be at my house and she'll be at my brother's, so you'll have the place to yourself.

You said "come over to my mum's", does that mean you live with your mum or that you work from your mum's?

P.S.  Thanks.

Neither, it was an expression necessary for the gag to work.

Thanks for clearing that up, Julius, was causing me some confusion. I feel that we can all get on with our lives now.

Galted wrote:

JuliusHMarx wrote:

Galted wrote:

JuliusHMarx wrote:Galted, you're welcome to come over to my mum's house at Xmas. I'll be at my house and she'll be at my brother's, so you'll have the place to yourself.

You said "come over to my mum's", does that mean you live with your mum or that you work from your mum's?

P.S.  Thanks.

Neither, it was an expression necessary for the gag to work.

Thanks for clearing that up, Julius, was causing me some confusion.  I feel that we can all get on with our lives now.

Or we could just carry on posting here instead.

JuliusHMarx wrote:

Galted wrote:

JuliusHMarx wrote:

Galted wrote:

JuliusHMarx wrote:Galted, you're welcome to come over to my mum's house at Xmas. I'll be at my house and she'll be at my brother's, so you'll have the place to yourself.

You said "come over to my mum's", does that mean you live with your mum or that you work from your mum's?

P.S.  Thanks.

Neither, it was an expression necessary for the gag to work.

Thanks for clearing that up, Julius, was causing me some confusion.  I feel that we can all get on with our lives now.

Or we could just carry on posting here instead.

  

Should have put "lives" in inverted commas, sort of like I just did.

I'm a bit skint, I'm not sure whether to go waitrose made in store range £3.50+ or their £1 simply cheddar.

seanmichaels wrote:I'm a bit skint, I'm not sure whether to go waitrose made in store range £3.50+ or their £1 simply cheddar.

Somebody sent me a gift of some wine and cheese yesterday. It has some aged cheddar that is encased in wax. I could send you that if you're really short of cash?

Think he'd rather you sent the wine.

It's nice wine.

Keep the cheddar - send him the wax. It's probably not toxic.

JuliusHMarx wrote:Keep the cheddar - send him the wax. It's probably not toxic.

I'm keeping the wax. I want to try and fashion my own candle out of it.

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

JuliusHMarx wrote:Keep the cheddar - send him the wax. It's probably not toxic.

I'm keeping the wax.  I want to try and fashion my own candle out of it.

Nice wick if you can get it.

 

I once worked in a candle factory with some Downies.

seanmichaels wrote: 

I once worked in a candle factory with some Downies.

  

Hope that goes viral, it's genius.

Honestly I did. The agency sent me to a sort of complex where they lived (and rutted fervently). I was under the impression I'd be mowing lawns or something but it turned out I was on a processing line with a group of them 'toiling' away.

Can picture you in the production line, twice as tall as the next tallest one, getting really annoyed that your output is 250-300 candles a day and each of them spend the whole day on one that ends up being a dented ball of wax anyway.

I'm going to have to ask what Downies are, 'cos my first thought was that it was people with Down's syndrome but I'm assuming Galted wouldn't plumb the depths of bad taste by mocking such people.

JuliusHMarx wrote:I'm going to have to ask what Downies are, 'cos my first thought was that it was people with Down's syndrome but I'm assuming Galted wouldn't plumb the depths of bad taste by mocking such people.

You've not read much of galteds work have you? This is a guy who plays soggy biscuit with his dad.

Did feel a bit wrong to laugh but the thought of michaels infiltrating their midst was too much.

Galted wrote:Did feel a bit wrong to laugh but the thought of michaels infiltrating their midst was too much.

You know how if you play with higher level players, your game improves - you reckon thats why michaels was sent there?

Porn filters block sex education websites By Mike Deri Smith

BBC Newsnight



It's really frustrating because I'm trying to provide a sex education site for young people and it's hard enough directing young people to good quality information on the internet”

Justin Hancock

Galted wrote:Did feel a bit wrong to laugh but the thought of michaels infiltrating their midst was too much.

That's it. I do my part, we have a family who come and watch every game and their son is Down's. I always look after them and got him tickets for a T20 at Surrey. Some things you can laugh at but in this case it was mostly at myself.