The Culture Cup Round x - Adam is a naughty naughty boy

by **seanmichaels** Mon 26 Sep 2016, 8:51 am

First topic message reminder :

I am pretty sheet. Got into double figures last week though. All well on the forum?

What do you think windows will do for a career now? Screwfix are hiring down here.

by **rIck_dAgless** Thu 06 Oct 2016, 6:50 am

Morning all

by **ShahenshahG** Thu 06 Oct 2016, 6:59 am

Morning Rick the Slick, all good in the wood?

by **rIck_dAgless** Thu 06 Oct 2016, 7:01 am

All good today, though there appears to be a super secret call today from one of the execs, probably to do with a re-structure that everyone is babbing themselves about.

Personally couldn't care less but makes for an interesting atmosphere as Chinese whispers fly around...

You?

by **ShahenshahG** Thu 06 Oct 2016, 7:11 am

I am a f*cking genius, I have discovered a way to collate years worth of data in minutes what the makers of the software in question took months to do and with an error margin of +5/-5 where the entries are in their 50000's. Badabing, badabang, badabong. Thank you, Microsoft Excel, the only reason why Bill Gates hasn't been executed for creating PowerPoint. So all good here.

by **rIck_dAgless** Thu 06 Oct 2016, 7:18 am

Fair play, you should start going into BI...

For some reason a recruiter constantly sends me C.V's of BI candidates, I have no idea why, I keep telling him this, and they keep coming... Odd

Excel is the best thing in Office, or maybe Outlook. Word & PowerPoint suck balls.

by **ShahenshahG** Thu 06 Oct 2016, 7:35 am

rick_dagless wrote:Fair play, you should start going into BI...

For some reason a recruiter constantly sends me C.V's of BI candidates, I have no idea why, I keep telling him this, and they keep coming... Odd

Excel is the best thing in Office, or maybe Outlook. Word & PowerPoint suck balls.

You might even say queer...

What's BI?

by **rIck_dAgless** Thu 06 Oct 2016, 7:38 am

Business Intelligence, effectively the art of getting a shed load of data from multiple sources, and then amalgamating it and producing reports based on business need...

So effectively, just what you described really, Big Data seems to be a key phrase at the moment. It is huge in retail.

by **ShahenshahG** Thu 06 Oct 2016, 7:39 am

Hmm, interesting. Well not really, but if it pays well.....

by Rowley Thu 06 Oct 2016, 7:45 am

Not sure conversations about efficient working practices are going to breath life back into the ailing CC.

by **rIck_dAgless** Thu 06 Oct 2016, 7:45 am

It does pay well if you are good at it, but depends whether or not you enjoy doing it, if not then it is a tedious business.

by **rIck_dAgless** Thu 06 Oct 2016, 7:46 am

True Jeff but there is normally no fecker about at this time of the morning, we normally get into the interesting stuff about half 8

by **ShahenshahG** Thu 06 Oct 2016, 7:55 am

Exactly Rick, This lazy fr*nch b*stard doesn't turn up for a month and then comes back wondering why his workplace is closing down

by **ShahenshahG** Thu 06 Oct 2016, 8:13 am

Aren't you even going to give us sh*t music to complain about?

by **rIck_dAgless** Thu 06 Oct 2016, 8:17 am

Halcyon days indeed Shah

by Rowley Thu 06 Oct 2016, 8:37 am

Just for you shah

https://youtu.be/__OSyznVDOY

by **JuliusHMarx** Thu 06 Oct 2016, 8:43 am

rick_dagless wrote:Business Intelligence, effectively the art of getting a shed load of data from multiple sources, and then amalgamating it and producing reports based on business need...

So effectively, just what you described really, Big Data seems to be a key phrase at the moment. It is huge in retail.

Huge Data is big, but Big Data is huge.

by **rIck_dAgless** Thu 06 Oct 2016, 8:53 am

It is the biggerest

by **ShahenshahG** Thu 06 Oct 2016, 9:10 am

Sean is a poof

by **rIck_dAgless** Thu 06 Oct 2016, 9:17 am

We must be due a sean cameo soon

by **JuliusHMarx** Thu 06 Oct 2016, 9:18 am

rick_dagless wrote:We must be due a sean cameo soon

Word up

by **rIck_dAgless** Thu 06 Oct 2016, 9:20 am

LOL out loud, well played.

by **ShahenshahG** Thu 06 Oct 2016, 9:27 am

by **rIck_dAgless** Thu 06 Oct 2016, 11:24 am

In 2012 a Hamster called Smurf, managed to store a magnet in his cheek pouch. He was later found stuck to the bars of his cage.

If you say the letters S.O.C.K.S aloud in English, you will find yourself pronouncing the Spanish for, ‘it is what it is’ almost perfectly.

The world record holder of the longest accurate archery shot has no arms.

Goats can’t cry.

Caodaism is a Vietnamese religion that worships Joan of Arc, Shakespeare and Muhammad

It has been reported that prisoners at Guantanamo Bay which have been cooperating with interrogations have been rewarded with McDonalds Happy Meals.

All the mountains on Saturn’s moon , Titan, are named after peaks in Tolkien’s Middle-Earth

Word of the day, MATUTINAL – active in the pre-dawn hours of early morning

There are circa 3m saunas in Finland for a population of circa 5.5m. That’s more than enough to accommodate the entire population at once.

When people with wonky teeth have them straightened, their balance improves.

Nobody knows for sure who invented the fire hydrant. The US patent records were destroyed in a fire in 1836

Daft quotes of the day

Brooke Shields

— “Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost an important part of your life.”

Axl Rose

— “It’s really hard to maintain a one-on-one relationship if the other person is not going to allow me to be with other people.”

Mick Jagger

— “I’d rather be dead than singing Satisfaction when I’m forty-five.”

Joe Theismann

— “The word ‘genius’ isn’t applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.”

Britney Spears

—“I’ve never really wanted to go to Japan. Simply because I don’t like eating fish. And I know that’s very popular out there in Africa.”

Christina Aguilera

— “So, where’s the Cannes Film Festival being held this year?”

George W. Bush

— “Rarely is the question asked, is our children learning?”

George W. Bush

— “There’s an old saying in Tennessee — I know it’s in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can’t get fooled again.”

by **Galted** Thu 06 Oct 2016, 11:38 am

rick_dagless wrote:Fair play, you should start going into BI...

For some reason a recruiter constantly sends me C.V's of BI candidates, I have no idea why, I keep telling him this, and they keep coming... Odd

Excel is the best thing in Office, or maybe Outlook. Word & PowerPoint suck balls.

Word's f*cking brilliant, the 2010 version anyway. You can compose a letter to the BBC and, within seconds, calculate how many times you used the word "c*nts". And the new search function makes even the most pointless life worth living.

by Guest Thu 06 Oct 2016, 12:34 pm

Word of the day, MATUTINAL – active in the pre-dawn hours of early morning

Police are seeking a man they are dubbing "The Matutinal Mutilator"

by **rIck_dAgless** Thu 06 Oct 2016, 12:39 pm

One for the T & A next time DAVE

by Guest Thu 06 Oct 2016, 12:44 pm

You never know, Rick, you never know!

by **rIck_dAgless** Thu 06 Oct 2016, 12:47 pm

#LIFEGOALS

by **rIck_dAgless** Thu 06 Oct 2016, 1:16 pm

Anyone help me on these?

1. WHICH TELEVISION AND RADIO QUIZ SHOW FOR SCHOOLS RAN FROM 1948 TO 1986?

2. WHAT'S THE MAXIMUM NUMBER OF QUIZ QUESTIONS ASKED IN THE END GAME OF TELEVISION'S FIFTEEN TO ONE?

3. NAME THE TV SERIES FROM THIS THEME TUNE?

4. THE SONG 'SEND IN THE CLOWNS' WAS WRITTEN FOR WHAT MUSICAL?

5. WHICH MUSICAL INSTRUMENT DOES BILL CLINTON PLAY TO A VERY HIGH STANDARD?

6. WHAT NAME HAS BEEN GIVEN TO JEREMY CLARKSON'S NEW SHOW ON AMAZON?

7. WHAT WAS THE FIRST NAME OF HYACINTH BUCKET'S (PRONOUNCED BOUQUET) HUSBAND IN KEEPING UP APPEARANCES?

8. WHO PLAYS BATMAN IN THE 1997 FILM 'BATMAN AND ROBIN'?

9. WHAT RADIO PANEL GAME, ORIGINAL AIRED ON BBC’S THE LIGHT PROGRAMME, WAS HOSTED BY MACDONALD HOBLEY, WITH THE PANEL MADE UP OF JIMMY EDWARDS, ARTHUR ASKEY, TED RAY AND A WEEKLY GUEST?

10. WHICH COMPOSER AND PIANIST, WHO DIED IN 1917, WAS KNOWN AS THE 'KING OF RAGTIME WRITERS'?

by Mind the windows Tino. Thu 06 Oct 2016, 1:18 pm

Afternoon.

by **superflyweight** Thu 06 Oct 2016, 1:21 pm

rick_dagless wrote:Anyone help me on these?

1. WHICH TELEVISION AND RADIO QUIZ SHOW FOR SCHOOLS RAN FROM 1948 TO 1986? Brian of Britain?

2. WHAT'S THE MAXIMUM NUMBER OF QUIZ QUESTIONS ASKED IN THE END GAME OF TELEVISION'S FIFTEEN TO ONE? 30?

3. NAME THE TV SERIES FROM THIS THEME TUNE?

4. THE SONG 'SEND IN THE CLOWNS' WAS WRITTEN FOR WHAT MUSICAL?

5. WHICH MUSICAL INSTRUMENT DOES BILL CLINTON PLAY TO A VERY HIGH STANDARD? Saxaphone

6. WHAT NAME HAS BEEN GIVEN TO JEREMY CLARKSON'S NEW SHOW ON AMAZON? C*ntorama

7. WHAT WAS THE FIRST NAME OF HYACINTH BUCKET'S (PRONOUNCED BOUQUET) HUSBAND IN KEEPING UP APPEARANCES? Richard (no idea how I know that)

8. WHO PLAYS BATMAN IN THE 1997 FILM 'BATMAN AND ROBIN'? George Clooney

9. WHAT RADIO PANEL GAME, ORIGINAL AIRED ON BBC’S THE LIGHT PROGRAMME, WAS HOSTED BY MACDONALD HOBLEY, WITH THE PANEL MADE UP OF JIMMY EDWARDS, ARTHUR ASKEY, TED RAY AND A WEEKLY GUEST?

10. WHICH COMPOSER AND PIANIST, WHO DIED IN 1917, WAS KNOWN AS THE 'KING OF RAGTIME WRITERS'? Scott Joplin

by **superflyweight** Thu 06 Oct 2016, 1:22 pm

Afternoon Tina. Big w*nk done for the day?

by Mind the windows Tino. Thu 06 Oct 2016, 1:25 pm

superflyweight wrote:Afternoon Tina? Big w*nk done for the day?

Too tired to w*nk, Super. Spent the last week and half constructing a tree house for the kids. Back breaking work. I've literally done over 2 hours a day on it.

I'm off to Edinburgh weekend after this one. Fancy meeting up? Me neither.

by **superflyweight** Thu 06 Oct 2016, 1:27 pm

Alas, I'm down at Centre Parcs that weekend so won't even meet you by accident.

by **JuliusHMarx** Thu 06 Oct 2016, 1:29 pm

You using the free computer at the dole office Tino?

by **rIck_dAgless** Thu 06 Oct 2016, 1:30 pm

Cheers supes, afternoon Capability Brown or Bloody Stupid Johnson depending on your literary tastes

by Mind the windows Tino. Thu 06 Oct 2016, 1:36 pm

JuliusHMarx wrote:You using the free computer at the dole office Tino?

Nope my own one, Jules. Normally reserved for watching porn but thought I should check in to the CC.

by **superflyweight** Thu 06 Oct 2016, 1:36 pm

Any truth in the rumours that you've made Pornhub your home page?

by Guest Thu 06 Oct 2016, 1:43 pm

You should check out gigant!ts.com, Tina. It's tremendous. Gianna Micahels is always good, then there's top MILF action with the likes of Kelly Madison and Brandi Love (smoking hot body let down by her excessively protruding labia) but browse away to your ~~heart's~~ Hampton's content!

by Mind the windows Tino. Thu 06 Oct 2016, 1:49 pm

DAVE667 wrote:You should check out gigant!ts.com, Tina. !

So long as I don't see Shah on there with his pendulous moobs.

by **rIck_dAgless** Thu 06 Oct 2016, 3:00 pm

You probably will...

Well that is the afternoon of the long knives gone for another cycle here...

How is everyone shaping up today?

by **JuliusHMarx** Thu 06 Oct 2016, 3:01 pm

rick_dagless wrote:You probably will...

Well that is the afternoon of the long knives gone for another cycle here...

How is everyone shaping up today?

Better than Steven Woolfe

by **rIck_dAgless** Thu 06 Oct 2016, 3:03 pm

Just seen that Jules, must've been a cracking punch...

by **JuliusHMarx** Thu 06 Oct 2016, 3:04 pm

rick_dagless wrote:Just seen that Jules, must've been a cracking punch...

A victory for the 'vote for me or I'll kill you' faction of UKIP.

by **ShahenshahG** Thu 06 Oct 2016, 3:08 pm

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
DAVE667 wrote:You should check out gigant!ts.com, Tina. !

So long as I don't see Shah on there with his pendulous moobs.

F*ck you, you Jeremy Kyle Poster Boy.

by Guest Thu 06 Oct 2016, 3:14 pm

JuliusHMarx wrote:
rick_dagless wrote:Just seen that Jules, must've been a cracking punch...

A victory for the 'vote for me or I'll kill you' faction of UKIP.

Mr Woolfe dramatically collapsed on a walkway in the European Parliament building in Strasbourg at around 11.20 UK time shortly after the fight with another Ukip politician - alleged to be Mike Hookem - at a 'clear the air' meeting

You couldn't make this sh!t up!

by **JuliusHMarx** Thu 06 Oct 2016, 3:19 pm

Hookem claimed innocence - "All I was trying to do was keep the Woolfe from the door"

by **superflyweight** Thu 06 Oct 2016, 3:22 pm

Hookem by name - xenophobic c*nt by nature.

by Guest Thu 06 Oct 2016, 3:24 pm

superflyweight wrote:Hookem by name - violent, short tempered, xenophobic c*nt by nature.

Fixed that for ya, Super

by **ShahenshahG** Fri 07 Oct 2016, 6:51 am

Gutentag Notches

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8_Bo2ro60ro

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