Music Section Morning Tea Society

First topic message reminder :

It's a bit HOT down here.

must be due a CC soon

A bit of a shock to find out I'm not Sinead O'Connor. Seems the musos are p*ssing Tino off as well.

She had it coming, Galted.

Nicking songs off Prince, then crying about it. Stop crying baldy, this is going to make you millions.

Having regular pops at the Catholic Church, calling them nonces. That wasn't very charitable of her.

Not on my watch, Galted.

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:She had it coming, Galted.

Nicking songs off Prince, then crying about it. Stop crying baldy, this is going to make you millions.

Having regular pops at the Catholic Church,  calling them nonces. That wasn't very charitable of her.

Not on my watch, Galted.

Fair enough, Tino, much as I like to argue, I have to agree that she had it coming.

Which Aussie is top of your list, Warner, Smith Smith or PJ?

Galted wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:She had it coming, Galted.

Nicking songs off Prince, then crying about it. Stop crying baldy, this is going to make you millions.

Having regular pops at the Catholic Church,  calling them nonces. That wasn't very charitable of her.

Not on my watch, Galted.

Fair enough, Tino, much as I like to argue, I have to agree that she had it coming.

Which Aussie is top of your list, Warner, Smith Smith or PJ?

I don't compare to them do I?

Smith Smith must be a close sicond to that pathetic grinning poor excuse for a walrus.

F*cking hell, Galted. Don't be lumping Pee Jay in with Warner and Smith.
1) Jackman
2) Warner
3) Smith
4) Saltwater crocodile
5) Bouncer
6) Jason Donovan
7) Paul Robinson
8) AC/DC
9) Rebel Wilson
10) Pee Jay

1) Warner
2) Smith Smith
3) Chris Smith
4) Alf Stewart
5) David Koch
6) Chris Kenny
7) Kyle Sandilands
8) John Howard
9) Kylie Minogue
10) Noel Pearson

1 - McGrath
2 - Warner
3 - Pat Cash
4 - Mark Bosnich
5 - the stingray that killed Steve Irwin
6 - the rest of INXS
7 - Crocodile Dundee
8 - PJ
9 - Hugh Jackman
10 - Rebel Wilson
11 - Nathan Lyon

Forgot about Rupert Murdoch, would have him in at number 3.

Pal Joey wrote:1) Warner
2) Smith Smith
3) Chris Smith
4) Alf Stewart
5) David Koch
6) Chris Kenny
7) Kyle Sandilands
8) John Howard
9) Kylie Minogue
10) Noel Pearson

Loving number 4, Pee Jay.

Considered Kylie for my list but I don't trust myself with her dead body so left her off.

Galted wrote:Forgot about Rupert Murdoch, would have him in at number 3.

Genuinely thought he was dead already.

Choosing the stingray that did for Steve Irwin is an absolute piece of genius, Galted.

Wish I'd thought of that myself, you c*nt.

Pal Joey wrote:
2) Smith Smith

Missed that. L*l out loud.

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

Galted wrote:Forgot about Rupert Murdoch, would have him in at number 3.

Genuinely thought he was dead already.

Choosing the stingray that did for Steve Irwin is an absolute piece of genius, Galted.

Wish I'd thought of that myself, you c*nt.

It was inspired by your choice of saltwater crocodile.

I’ll never forgot hearing about Steve Irwin’s death - was told by a big, thuggish Cockney I used to work with, who’s gullible as f*ck and invariably gets his stories wrong.  He came rushing in that morning, shouting that Steve Irwin was skydiving over the sea and landed on a stingray which killed him, he emphasised the landing by slapping his hands together.  Which, when you imagine it, means that either Irwin didn’t bother with a parachute because he’s so hard, or he could see the ray looming below him and was frantically trying to climb back into the sky.  Not to mention who the f*ck skydives over the ocean?  Was p*ssing myself laughing when I went onto the Beeb to find out what really happened.

Superb call on McGrath, Galted. Cash, Bosnich and Murdoch definitely should be on there. I was going to put Peter Andre but then realised he was born in Harrow... but spent some time here.

I was thinking of doing an English list but I'm in the lucky position of being unfamiliar with your contemporary d!ckheads and f*ckwits.

I'd have Stokes right near the top but the ugly ginger tattooed c*nt was born in NZ. Can't stand those Top Gear jerks, the Harrys (both f*ckface Windsor and the sh!t singer) Vaughan, David Lloyd, Atherton... that smug cheating c*nt. Then there's Ben Duckett with a face like a half-squeezed lemon but he's probably a 'nice guy'.

You guys will have more in-your-face experience of current ars3holes (tv personalities, actors, footballers, in-bred northerners and politicians) than I would though. You've got so much to choose from and we haven't even got into your pissweak wildlife, cr@p weather, and your stingy, filthy, whiny, pasty, hair-bunned hospitality sector yet.

Pal Joey wrote:Superb call on McGrath, Galted. Cash, Bosnich and Murdoch definitely should be on there. I was going to put Peter Andre but then realised he was born in Harrow... but spent some time here.

I was thinking of doing an English list but I'm in the lucky position of being unfamiliar with your contemporary d!ckheads and f*ckwits.

I'd have Stokes right near the top but the ugly ginger tattooed c*nt was born in NZ. Can stand those Top Gear jerks, the Harrys (both f*ckface Windsor and the sh!t singer) Vaughan, David Lloyd, Atherton... that smug cheating c*nt. Then there's Ben Duckett with a face like a half-squeezed lemon but he's probably a 'nice guy'.

You guys will have more in-your-face experience of current ars3holes (tv personalities, actors, footballers, in-bred northerners and politicians) than I would though. You've got so much to choose from and we haven't even got into your pissweak wildlife, cr@p weather, and your stingy, filthy, whiny, pasty, hair-bunned hospitality sector yet.

Would have to be a top 100, updated daily as more c*nts are called to memory. I could do a list of 10 comedians alone.

How come no celebrities or politicians end themselves by strangle w*nk anymore? It's a lost art.

superflyweight wrote:How come no celebrities or politicians end themselves by strangle w*nk anymore?  It's a lost art.  

Reckon that's how Corden is going to go.

Galted wrote:

superflyweight wrote:How come no celebrities or politicians end themselves by strangle w*nk anymore?  It's a lost art.  

Reckon that's how Corden is going to go.

The main thing is that he dies before I do.

Pal Joey wrote:Then there's Ben Duckett with a face like a half-squeezed lemon

That is wonderful stuff, Pee Jay.

superflyweight wrote:

Galted wrote:

superflyweight wrote:How come no celebrities or politicians end themselves by strangle w*nk anymore?  It's a lost art.  

Reckon that's how Corden is going to go.

The main thing is that he dies before I do.  

You could strangle him whilst he is w*nking?

You'd need big hands to get round his blubbery neck but it's an option.

superflyweight wrote:How come no celebrities or politicians end themselves by strangle w*nk anymore?  It's a lost art.  

Sinead O'Connor?

JuliusHMarx wrote:

superflyweight wrote:How come no celebrities or politicians end themselves by strangle w*nk anymore?  It's a lost art.  

Sinead O'Connor?

Sinead O'Gonner

Fist. Was going to put up a shelf today but I think I'll get obscenely drunk instead.

Galted wrote:Fist.  Was going to put up a shelf today but I think I'll get obscenely drunk instead.

Sicond. I've been outside speaking to the builder working on our extension this morning. Conversation covered a wide variety of topics such as where I wanted him to put in radiators, sockets and light circuits and the quality of Edinburgh strippers 30 years ago.

superflyweight wrote:

Sicond.  I've been outside speaking to the builder working on our extension this morning.  Conversation covered a wide variety of topics such as where I wanted him to put in radiators, sockets and light circuits and the quality of Edinburgh strippers 30 years ago.  

Excalibur Cottage? Ye House?

Used to go to a strip club in Shoreditch about 20 years ago. The strippers would walk around holding tankards before their dance and you had to put in at least 50p. I once had nothing less than a pound coin on me and asked for change, the verbal abuse I received was very much unbefitting of a young lady.

Galted wrote:Used to go to a strip club in Shoreditch about 20 years ago.  The strippers would walk around holding tankards before their dance and you had to put in at least 50p.  I once had nothing less than a pound coin on me and asked for change, the verbal abuse I received was very much unbefitting of a young lady.

Think I told you about the one I went to in Stoke where the 'young' lady hid an unopened bottle of Champagne (sparking wine, this was in Stoke) in her person. I was worried about how unhygienic it was.

Was the same place another 'young' lady had enough control to hold a lit cigarette in her minge without burning herself. Remarkable really.

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

superflyweight wrote:

Sicond.  I've been outside speaking to the builder working on our extension this morning.  Conversation covered a wide variety of topics such as where I wanted him to put in radiators, sockets and light circuits and the quality of Edinburgh strippers 30 years ago.  

Excalibur Cottage? Ye House?

The Cinnamons or Ace House.

superflyweight wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

superflyweight wrote:

Sicond.  I've been outside speaking to the builder working on our extension this morning.  Conversation covered a wide variety of topics such as where I wanted him to put in radiators, sockets and light circuits and the quality of Edinburgh strippers 30 years ago.  

Excalibur Cottage? Ye House?

The Cinnamons or Ace House.  

It's a shame the rules prohibit us meeting, Supes. I actually think we would get on.

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

Galted wrote:Used to go to a strip club in Shoreditch about 20 years ago.  The strippers would walk around holding tankards before their dance and you had to put in at least 50p.  I once had nothing less than a pound coin on me and asked for change, the verbal abuse I received was very much unbefitting of a young lady.

Think I told you about the one I went to in Stoke where the 'young' lady hid an unopened bottle of Champagne (sparking wine, this was in Stoke) in her person. I was worried about how unhygienic it was.

Was the same place another 'young' lady had enough control to hold a lit cigarette in her minge without burning herself. Remarkable really.

Does ring a bell. The only tricks these ones could do was get their flaps out.

Still a trick of sorts.

I need some assistance, Galts. I'm on holiday for a couple of weeks from tomorrow. Can you do the bins please? Recycling and garden waste this Sunday, normal rubbish following week. Much obliged.

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

superflyweight wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

superflyweight wrote:

Sicond.  I've been outside speaking to the builder working on our extension this morning.  Conversation covered a wide variety of topics such as where I wanted him to put in radiators, sockets and light circuits and the quality of Edinburgh strippers 30 years ago.  

Excalibur Cottage? Ye House?

The Cinnamons or Ace House.  

It's a shame the rules prohibit us meeting, Supes. I actually think we would get on.

That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me this year.

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:Still a trick of sorts.

I need some assistance, Galts. I'm on holiday for a couple of weeks from tomorrow. Can you do the bins please? Recycling and garden waste this Sunday, normal rubbish following week. Much obliged.

No worries, will probably do what I normally do and forget, then get the pikeys round on the last day to chuck everything.

Late last day of July unmichaelising fist of something or other!

lostinwales wrote:Late last day of July unmichaelising fist of something or other!

Yep, most of the guys glued to the Oval rain and Jules / Julia still trying to find the ball that Alfie hit over the rope.

Fairly annoying that I've been pretending to care about cricket so I can stalk Guildford on the Ashes thread when he's been frequenting this one. The cruise anecdote was worthy of favourable comment.

guildfordbat wrote:

lostinwales wrote:Late last day of July unmichaelising fist of something or other!

Yep, most of the guys glued to the Oval rain and Jules / Julia still trying to find the ball that Alfie hit over the rope.

Is that the ball that I bowled when I said England had enough runs?

I'm not Paul Reubens, but from what I know about him, I'm fairly sure he was Tino.

He's how I imagine Coxy.

JuliusHMarx wrote:

guildfordbat wrote:

lostinwales wrote:Late last day of July unmichaelising fist of something or other!

Yep, most of the guys glued to the Oval rain and Jules / Julia still trying to find the ball that Alfie hit over the rope.

Is that the ball that I bowled when I said England had enough runs?

That particular ball is still being checked for overstepping in line with my most recent post on the Ashes thread.

guildfordbat wrote:

JuliusHMarx wrote:

guildfordbat wrote:

lostinwales wrote:Late last day of July unmichaelising fist of something or other!

Yep, most of the guys glued to the Oval rain and Jules / Julia still trying to find the ball that Alfie hit over the rope.

Is that the ball that I bowled when I said England had enough runs?

That particular ball is still being checked for overstepping in line with my most recent post on the Ashes thread.

I wouldn't be too worried, Guildford. That was a fair delivery according to the 3rd umpire.

I'm having a quiet (and probably an early) night watching your gals taking the Chinese women apart in Adelaide. Another ruthless display from the white shirts thus far. I note Stanway has a plethora of tattoos on 'er arms. Like random doodles.

England are simply too big, too strong, too skilled and too artistic for their cleanskin opposition.

Pal Joey wrote:

guildfordbat wrote:

JuliusHMarx wrote:

guildfordbat wrote:

lostinwales wrote:Late last day of July unmichaelising fist of something or other!

Yep, most of the guys glued to the Oval rain and Jules / Julia still trying to find the ball that Alfie hit over the rope.

Is that the ball that I bowled when I said England had enough runs?

That particular ball is still being checked for overstepping in line with my most recent post on the Ashes thread.

I wouldn't be too worried, Guildford. That was a fair delivery according to the 3rd umpire.

I'm having a quiet (and probably an early) night watching your gals taking the Chinese women apart in Adelaide. Another ruthless display from the white shirts thus far.]I note Stanway has a plethora of tattoos on 'er arms. Like random doodles.

England are simply too big, too strong, too skilled and too artistic for their cleanskin opposition.

Reminds me of the Surrey radio commentator who having interviewed a a topless Jade Dernbach said, ''I didn't know whether to talk to him or read him!''.

guildfordbat wrote:

Pal Joey wrote:

guildfordbat wrote:

JuliusHMarx wrote:

guildfordbat wrote:

lostinwales wrote:Late last day of July unmichaelising fist of something or other!

Yep, most of the guys glued to the Oval rain and Jules / Julia still trying to find the ball that Alfie hit over the rope.

Is that the ball that I bowled when I said England had enough runs?

That particular ball is still being checked for overstepping in line with my most recent post on the Ashes thread.

I wouldn't be too worried, Guildford. That was a fair delivery according to the 3rd umpire.

I'm having a quiet (and probably an early) night watching your gals taking the Chinese women apart in Adelaide. Another ruthless display from the white shirts thus far.]I note Stanway has a plethora of tattoos on 'er arms. Like random doodles.

England are simply too big, too strong, too skilled and too artistic for their cleanskin opposition.

Reminds me of the Surrey radio commentator who having interviewed a a topless Jade Dernbach said, ''I didn't know whether to talk to him or read him!''.

L*l out loud. I imagine that reading Dernbach would be like reading a misspelled version of The Sun.

guildfordbat wrote:

lostinwales wrote:Late last day of July unmichaelising fist of something or other!

Yep, most of the guys glued to the Oval rain and Jules / Julia still trying to find the ball that Alfie hit over the rope.

Bloody hell , guildford ! The one time I fail to override the damn spellchecker and you won't let me forget it

Off on holiday from this evening. Galted, can you please get the pikeys (that's no way to refer to Tina's kids by the way) to clear out the rubbish from my bins as well.

superflyweight wrote:Off on holiday from this evening.  Galted, can you please get the pikeys (that's no way to refer to Tina's kids by the way) to clear out the rubbish from my bins as well.  

No worries, Super, they're tarring Tino's drive while he's away so I'll just get them to leave the bins in the chicken coop when they're done foraging for supper.

Galted wrote:L*l out loud. I imagine that reading Dernbach would be like reading a misspelled version of The Sun.

I imagine it'd be like reading this threads morning tea hallucinations tbh.

king_carlos wrote:

Galted wrote:L*l out loud. I imagine that reading Dernbach would be like reading a misspelled version of The Sun.

I imagine it'd be like reading this threads morning tea hallucinations tbh.

Just not as sporadic.