Random Thoughts....

Brought to you in association with whichever pay per view WWE have going on this week



I was really hoping that this week’s RAW was just going to be 2 hours of Justin Roberts introducing John Cena. Picture the scene; the RAW opening plays, pyro goes off, Cena’s music hits and he comes bounding out to the ring. As he steps through the ropes, Justin Roberts gets on the mic;

“Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome…………...JAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN
CEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN
NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN
NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN~ RAW ends.

Best.

RAW.

Ever.


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Once again Jim Ross was embarrassed in his home town. To be fair, I think he got off lightly. He didn’t have to join the John Laurinaitis Kiss My Ass Club, he didn’t get beaten up and he didn’t have anything pulled out of his ass. I think Vince McMahon is going soft in his old age. The least I expected was Good Ol’ JR being forced to jack-off Mark Henry, then losing a Street Fight to Michael Cole before having to strip down to his underwear and bark like a dog. Wait, haven’t they done that last one to somebody before?


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Vince McMahon returned to RAW this week to relieve of his duties the man who relieved him of his duties, Triple H. How in the name of blue cheese dressing does that work?

“Vince, you’re fired!”

“No Triple H, you’re fired!”

“You can’t fire me!”

“I can!”

“Can you?”

“Can I?”

“I don’t know”

“Me neither”

“F**k it, let’s put Laurinaitis in charge until we figure it out”

“Alright then”

Compelling stuff, of that there is no doubt. Who’ll end up in charge of RAW next week? Teddy Long? Vickie Guerrero? Mick Foley? Spaceman Frank Hickey?

Tune in to find out.

TUNE IN DAMN YOU!


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John Morrison is now officially the world’s highest paid jobber. I reckon WWE should go the whole hog and turn him into an 80’s jobber. Give him a rubbish haircut, crappy generic trunks, battered white boots, have him already in the ring when his opponent comes out and every week give him a slightly different name. One week he’d be Bob Morrison, the next he’d be John Morris, the week after he’d be John Matheson and so on. He’d always lose in less than 2 minutes, with his offense consisting of a solitary forearm to the chest of his opponent. It’s the only way he could be of any value from here on out.


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John Laurinaitis – the most electrifying man in sports entertainment – is now the Executive Interim Vice General President Manager of RAW Talent Relations. HUZZAH! Hopefully he goes the Triple H route of a 20 minute monologue to start every RAW. Ratings would go off the scale and the NFL would have to cancel Monday Night Football. I’ve heard a rumour that WWE are planning on bringing in Linda McMahon for a 60 Minute Iron Man Promo with Johnny Ace. There’s only one word to describe that epic confrontation – scintillating.


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The Big Show has returned! And he’s peed off! And the crux of his anger is the fact that due to his injury sustained at the hands of Mark Henry he couldn’t put on his pants or play with his dogs. That my friends is what makes his feud with Henry so compelling. You can break a guy’s ankle. You can take 4 months of his career. But you NEVER stop a man from putting on his pants or playing with his dogs! MARK HENRY YOU SONOFABITCH, YOU’LL PAY FOR THIS!


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Idea for the Diva’s division – During their entrances, a ‘Did You Know?’ caption pops up and provides us with a random fact about each Diva. For example – “Kelly Kelly once ate 4 Mini-Babybels before realising you have to peel the red skin off”. Or “Rosa Mendes has 14 nipples”. Or “When asked, Alicia Fox said her favourite animal was the egg plant”. Fascinating stuff for sure. And it’s all true.


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Brock Lesnar is going to be in the new WWE ’12 game. Word is that the UFC okayed the move, so long as Brock was portrayed as a wrestler and not a mixed martial artist. Yeah I’m sure WWE were torn between going with the near unstoppable ‘Next Big Thing’ or else a guy who gets punched in the face once then turtles up for the rest of the match. Bet Lesnar still has a lower rating than most of the Divas though.


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WWE want to do more storylines that will appeal to internet fans. Don’t get your hopes up people, I’ve got the inside scoop on said storylines. They all end with Triple H Pedigreeing the internet.


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Angelina Love looks more and more like a crack whore every time I see her. TNA should just turn that into her gimmick. She can go around trying to sleep with everybody for money so she can score some crack, or else jump out from random places and threaten to stab people with a dirty needle unless they hand over some cash. She can come out for her matches in no condition to perform, then they can cut to the back where Jeff Hardy is watching on a monitor, shaking his head and saying “Now that jest ain’t raaht”.


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Speaking of the Rainbow Haired Charismatic Warrior Enigma, remember the segment from last year where Ric Flair told Jeff Hardy to go backstage and get high off of paint? They should do a skit where Jeff is found passed out with a purple smudge around his nose and an empty pot of finger paint beside him. Sting could pick up the pot, taste the remaining contents and say “It’s just as we thought, Jeff’s on the paint again”. Then, after a year long storyline we would find out it was Angelina Love who attacked Jeff and poured paint all over his face in hopes of finding out where he stashed his crystal meth. This will all culminate in a ‘Loser Goes to Rehab’ match between the two at Bound for Glory. I’m predicting that match alone will push BFG 2012 through the 1 million buys mark.


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In line with the Jeff Hardy / paint sniffing promo, I think that all of Ric Flair’s promos in future should be him telling people to go and do stuff that could harm them, whilst blading himself and elbow dropping a cream sports jacket from his wheelchair, obviously;

“WOOO! GO RUN WITH F**KING SCISSORS! WOOO!”

“WOOO! THE NAITCHA F**KING BWAAAAH! THINKS YOU SHOULD GO AND PLAY IN F**KING TRAFFIC! WOOO!”

“WOOO! MEAN BY F**KING GOD GENE! STYLIN’ AND F**KING PROFILIN’! 16 TIMES! 16 TIMES! THE F**KING WORLD’S HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION! ME! WOOO! YES! JEFF HARDY! YOU LOOK THIRSTY! WOOO! HAVE YOU EVER TRIED DRINKING BLEACH? YOU SHOULD! YOU’LL LOVE IT! LOVE IT! F**KING WOOO!”

I think it could be the gimmick that Flair’s been looking for his whole career.


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As for Sting, I feel really sorry for the guy. He could have been in the biggest match on the card against the Undertaker at Wrestlemania 27 but instead he’s going to have ‘a fight’ with Hulk Hogan at Bound for Glory. The only way Hogan will be able to take a bump in the ring at BFG is if they have Sting punch him then have the lights go out for 10 minutes to give the Hulkster time to lie down on the mat. Even so, I bet the lights come back on and Hogan’s only just managed to get onto all fours. Hangin’ and bangin’ brother!


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My random thoughts -

- I like the way Sheamus walks. He also has good music.
- Cody Rhodes has terrible music, needs to change it.
- Did anyone else think Mark Henry fuffed up by trying to pin Orton on Raw after he'd already been DQ'd? Think commentators recovered well to hide his mistake.
- Sin Cara is awful. Both of them infact. Good work Hunter.
- Why is Mr Money In The Bank Daniel Bryan not getting any exposure?
- I actually think John Cena is very good at what he does. There, i said it.

Mr H wrote:My random thoughts -

- Did anyone else think Mark Henry fuffed up by trying to pin Orton on Raw after he'd already been DQ'd? Think commentators recovered well to hide his mistake.

I thought the same, he looked ridiculous and confused after too... He recovered well himself, but without the commentators it would have looked bizarre...

Mr H wrote:My random thoughts -

- I actually think John Cena is very good at what he does. There, i said it.

Well he does the AA and the STF, does he do them well though?

theundisputedY2D2 wrote:

The Big Show has returned! And he’s peed off! And the crux of his anger is the fact that due to his injury sustained at the hands of Mark Henry he couldn’t put on his pants or play with his dogs. That my friends is what makes his feud with Henry so compelling. You can break a guy’s ankle. You can take 4 months of his career. But you NEVER stop a man from putting on his pants or playing with his dogs! MARK HENRY YOU SONOFABITCH, YOU’LL PAY FOR THIS!

I'm glad you're putting Flair back in the chair.

That was when he was at his best. Could you also take Jay Lethal back for a one time Wooooooooooo off?

theundisputedY2D2 wrote:





WWE want to do more storylines that will appeal to internet fans. Don’t get your hopes up people, I’ve got the inside scoop on said storylines. They all end with Triple H Pedigreeing the internet.

ROFL brilliant, pure brilliance.