Random Thoughts.....

This post contains stuff that happened on RAW and mention of bodily fluids. If you don’t want to know about either then look away now. Otherwise, this week’s Random Thoughts is brought to you in association with John Morrison’s latest t-shirt: “We’re Gonna Eat Your Lunch!”

Yeah well, we’re gonna do your missus.


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Mark Henry and the Big Show put on a wrestling clinic at Vengeance this past Sunday. The highlight was obviously the imploding ring, but for me they should have gone an extra step further by having the entire arena sucked into a vortex created by the ‘Suplex Heard Around the World’. It would have been the best ending to a pay per view since Lex Luger’s count-out victory over Yokozuna at Summerslam 93.

Of course John Cena would no-sell the vortex by countering it with the No-Pressure STF but you can’t have it all.


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Speaking of Jumpin’ John Cena, he managed to put together a pretty watchable match along with Alberto Del Rio, in spite of a broken ring. This cast my mind back to when the Hart Foundation faced the Rockers on Saturday Night’s Main Event back in 1990. The top rope broke early and the match went to hell, so much so that it never aired on TV.

The only conclusion that can be drawn from this is that John Cena > Bret Hart, Shawn Michaels, Marty Jannetty and Jim Neidhart.

Can’t wait until the next time the Hitman or HBK appear on WWE television and the fans bombard them with “You can’t wrestle!” chants.


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‘Big Sexy Hair’ Kevin Nash has returned! Again. Contain yourselves people. He almost killed Triple H with the Jack-off.....sorry Jack-knife powerbomb. Ken Anderson must have watched that and been peed. Maybe John Cena and Randy Orton will complain to Vince that they don’t want to work with Nash because he’s not safe. Anyway, so much for Nash coming back to put over CM Punk, instead we’ll be getting the feud EVERYBODY wants to see – HHH v Kevin Nash. Again.

On the surface, this looks like it’ll be sh*t, but I can exclusively reveal the stipulation for their match which will most likely take place at Survivor Series; we’ll be seeing the Game-uhh Triple H versus ‘Big Grandaddy Cool’ Diesel one-on-one in a ‘Conditioner v Conditioner’ match, where the loser is forced to give up all their conditioner.

The stakes couldn’t be ANY higher.


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As for Survivor Series, instead of the traditional multi-man match we were all expecting, the rumoured participants have instead branched off into their own feuds. We’ve got HHH v Nash, Punk v Del Rio and we’re going to get Cena & The Rock v Awesome Truth.

It’s the tag match that is the most ricockulous scenario of the lot. Cena - who is going to face The Rock at Wrestlemania 28 and has been embroiled in an on-off feud with the People’s Champ for the best part of the year – could pick any partner he wants and he’s choosing The Rock. Quoi?

The Rock - who is going to face John Cena at Wrestlemania 28 and has been embroiled in an on-off feud with the....umm.....what’s Cena’s nickname? for the best part of the year – is going to accept Cena’s offer. Que?

How in the name of Shake ‘n’ Vac does that make sense?

“Hey Rock, you’re a jerk!”

“No John, YOU’RE a jerk! And I’m going to cost you the WWE title in the main event of Wrestlemania 27!”

“Wanna be my tag team partner against a couple of guys you’ve got no issues with?”

“Sure!”

Where’s Randy Orton? I need a “Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!”


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Michael Cole has issued a challenge to Jim Ross for next week’s RAW. If Good Ol’ JR wins, he gets his seat back on RAW and Michael Cole quits. Whilst I’d like to see Ross back announcing and Cole move on to a manager’s role - a guy with that much heat with the live crowds shouldn’t be stuck behind an announce desk – I get the feeling this will be another excuse to embarrass the Hall of Famer.

So next week I’m predicting that Ross will be forced to urinate, excrete and ejaculate into a bowl then have to eat it, all whilst singing “Don’t you wish your girlfriend was hot like me”, then he’ll have to have sex with Mae Young, he’ll get bummed by Heidenreich and the YET-AY!, Vince McMahon will pull a bicycle, a family bag of Skittles (FRUITY! SKITTLES! FRUITY! FRUITY! SKITTLES! FRUITY! BAH GAWD KING THEY’RE FRUITY!), a Texas Longhorns football helmet and a leopard out of his ass before Michael Cole pins him after farting in JR’s mouth.

Ross will then Tweet that he’s old school, he was just doing his job which is how he was brought up, the fans look into these things too much and just don’t get it and Bill Watts used to get stuff pulled out of his ass all the time in the Mid-South days and you didn’t hear him complain about it.


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Thinking about it, Michael Cole could be used as the next RAW General Manager. I know they’re looking for someone ‘independent of the company’ but if he quits next week then technically he’ll be independent of the company.

Ok it’s a bit of stretch, but hey it’s a lot more logical than some of the stuff they’ve done in the past.

Gobbledygooker anyone?


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Dolph Ziggler looks like a shoe-in for a top spot sometime next year. He’s come on leaps and bounds despite being saddled with a ridiculous name. Mick Foley once said that a good name wouldn’t make you, but a bad name could damn sure break you (in relation to the creative department coming up with a list of names that included ‘Chilly McFreeze’ and ‘Baron von Ruthless’ for Steve Austin’s cold-blooded killer gimmick).

For Ziggler that hasn’t been the case. It just goes to show that even if you get given a rubbish name, you can still rise above it all.

Bet Salvatore Sincere, Braden Walker and Michael McGillicutty..........cutty are kicking themselves.


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Idea for the Diva’s division – Training montages. Prior to each Diva’s match they should show vignettes of the girls training for the match, complete with sound bites of them saying stuff like “This is the biggest test of my career” and “The training camp’s been intense”. You could also have other Divas and random celebrities giving their opinion on how they think the match will go.

Then we’d get a 90 second match full of hairmares, cartwheels and botches.


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Told you WWE would bring out another John Cena t-shirt (as expected, it’s sh*t) once news broke of CM Punk being the new #1 in merchandise sales. Seems these ‘Random Thoughts’ posts aren’t as random as they first appear. MWAHAHAHAHA! YOU BUNCH OF MARKS! I SWERVED YOU ALL! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

P.S. Please continue to read ’Random Thoughts’ posts, watch any ‘Random Thoughts’ programming and buy all ‘Random Thoughts’ pay per views and merchandise. Marks.


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We’ve had ‘The World’s Most Dangerous Man’ Ken Shamrock. We’ve had ‘The World’s Strongest Man’ Mark Henry. Introducing WWE’s newest gimmick: ‘The World’s Most Feminine Man’ Heath Slater!

Entrance theme: “WHOOOOAAAAA! BODYFORM!”

Catchphrase: “It’s not WHAT you said, it’s THE WAY you said it”

Finishing Move: Frenzied Attack with a Red Stilleto Before Bursting into Tears.

It’ll be bigger than Hulkamania.


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James Storm leap-frogged ahead of Bobby Roode to win the TNA World title. Bet Bobby wishes he’d said he was from Omaha, Nebraska now. All is not lost though, as I have it on good authority that Roode is next in line for the World title. After Kurt Angle. And Jeff Hardy. And Mr. Anderson. And AJ Styles, Crimson, Matt Morgan, Samoa Joe, Kazarian, Christopher Daniels, Rob Van Dam, Austin Aries, Brian Kendrick, Bully Ray, Scott Steiner, Gunner, Abyss, Jeff Jarrett, Karen Jarrett, Eric Bischoff, Ric Flair, Eric Young, Robbie E, Rob Terry, all the Knockouts, Earl Hebner, Al Snow, D-Lo Brown?, Dixie Carter, Bob Carter, June Carter, Jimmy Carter, Jimmy Jack Funk, Terry Funk, Flash Funk, Grandmaster Flash, Grandmaster Sexy, Scotty 2 Hotty, Rikishi, The Rock, Rocky Johnson, Rocky Balboa, Apollo Creed, Ivan Drago, Ivan Lendl, Michael Chang, Michael J. Fox, Jamie Foxx, Jamie T, Mr T, Dirk Benedict, Benedict Arnold, Arnold Palmer, Geoffrey Palmer, Geoffrey from Rainbow, the band Rainbow and Matt Hardy.

Of course, I’m only joking.

Matt Hardy isn’t in contention.


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Sting’s ‘Insane Icon’ gimmick appears to have run its course now that he’s in charge of the day to day operations of TNA. Guess you could call him the COO. Does Dixie Carter have a daughter that Sting married? Anyhoo, I’m a bit disappointed that Sting’s Joker-inspired gimmick is over, it freshened up his character, he played it really well and he seemed to have fun with it. Where next for Sting? We’ve had the Crow. We’ve had the Joker. Which painted face character will be borrowed for the Icon’s next role? Well, my sources tell me that Vince Russo has rented ‘Priscilla Queen of the Desert’ 37 times in the last 2 weeks, so that might give us some idea of where the Stinger is headed.


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Jeff Hardy and Jeff Jarrett had a nice little pull-apart brawl on Impact. D-Lo Brown? played a major part in it when he inadvertently helped Jarrett kick Hardy in the nuts. A couple of points about their segment. First off; out of Jeff Hardy, Jeff Jarrett and Karen Jarrett, Karen looks the toughest. Secondly, why is calling someone by their full name considered heelish? How does Jarrett calling Hardy “Jeffrey Nero (Nero *snigger*) Hardy” make him any more of a bad guy? If Jarrett really wants to be dastardly he should call Jeff “Matt”. Ooh the scoundrel!

Actually that wouldn’t work because everybody – including Jeff Hardy – would be like “Matt?”


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As for the’ Toughest SOB in TNA’ Karen Jarrett; her voice. Just......................no.

Just no.


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Eric Bischoff has disowned his son Garrett, whose place as Eric’s pride and joy has been taken by the NAITCHA F**KING BWAAAAAAAAH! Ric Flair. This will lead to some awesome vignettes where Eric and Ric take part in all sorts of father/son activities, such as playing catch in the back yard with a ball made out of divorce papers, Eric presenting Ric with ‘My First Blade’ and showing him how to cut himself open, their first Christmas together where they get each other cream sports jackets – which they promptly start elbow dropping - and finally Bischoff teaching Flair how to ride a wheelchair – complete with stabilisers; “WOOO! I’M DOING IT DAD! I’M F**KING DOING IT! LOOK AT ME! F**KING LOOK AT ME DAD! WOOO!”

Heart-warming.


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Abyss is the Monster again! How do we know he’s the Monster? Well......umm........he produced a lot of saliva at the end of his match with Gunner. He was slobbering all over the place. If generating spittle is the sign of being an unhinged monster, then Cody Rhodes & Jack Swagger must be frickin’ insane.


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Mario Balotelli set his house on fire when he let off fireworks in his bathroom. I guess we now know what happened to the WWE pyro technician who nearly burned the Undertaker to death (A dead Deadman - oh the irony) at Elimination Chamber 2009.

Heath slater- quality musings!

Y2, dont ever stop being u being u brother, your musings are always the highlight of the week

and for the record I would freakin love to see Geoffrey Palmer raise the TNA world title, maybe he could have a Savage/Elizabeth style wedding with Judi Dench as well and then that dude that played Allister in As time goes by could turn heel and kick him in the nuts as Dlo Brown? ran down to stop the carnage whilst shouting 'wont someone think of the children'

Now that my friend is how to book a wrassling show

Quality from Y2 again. The Cole JR match should be a Wrestlemania Main Event with that stipulation.

I think they wasted a trick with the Last Man Standing stipulation on Del Rio Vs. Cena.

That should have been the stipulation for The Game-uhh Vs. Nash. The first man to blow a quad loses!

Would be even better if they had VKM as Special Ref and his quad blew before the match even started.

Without a doubt your best one to date Y2. I have tears streaming down my face after reading that.

The JR humiliation segment was excellent :laugh

Love the Bobby Roode bit, i actually laughed out loud at that, infact i want to have a go at the name game.

I heard Bobby Roode was next in line after James Storm, Storm Lee, Lee Westwood, Tim Westwood, Woody Allen, Alan Sugar, Sugar Ray Leonard, Ray Winstone, Winston Zeddemore, Winston Churchill, Churchill the Dog, Dog The Bounty Hunter, Hunter Hearst Helmsley, Triple 8, 8 out of 10 Cats, Kat Von D, D-Von Dudley, The Dudley Boyz, Boyz II Men, Men in Black, John Terry, Terrys Chocolate Orange, Orange Wednesdays, Wednesday Adams, Adam Ant, Ant and Dec, Declan Kidney, Kidney Bean, Bean Burger, Burger King, King Henry 8th, The 8th Wonder of the World Chyna, China White, White Wine, Hardys Wine and Matt Hardy.

Man, that felt good.

Men in black leading to John Terry = genius