Complete the sentence

First topic message reminder :

This is a game where you complete the sentence of the previous post and start off a new sentence for the next poster to complete.

Its not to make a story, just a load of random sentences.

To start you off:

The fridge door wouldnt open so I............

I enjoy being a nudist but when I go to the beach...others don't share my enthusiasm. They chase me with sticks and force me to wear clothes.

One day, I'd like to....

One day I'd like to give Yummy the chance to have the last
word because she is getting ....

One day I'd like to give Yummy the chance to have the last
word because she is getting ....urges to blow up the 606v2 website, and indeed the whole internet if she doesn't get her way. So she should be allowed to win.

As my granny always used to say....

As my granny always used to say you can't teach a horse
to suck eggs.

Listen very carefully - I shall say thees only wunce ...

Listen very carefully - I shall say thees only wunce ...Good Moaning. I waz just pissing by ze dawr.

Back in the old days...

Back in the old days when Dinosaurs ruled the world the
T-Rex was King. But even they were afraid of ...

Back in the old days when Dinosaurs ruled the world the
T-Rex was King. But even they were afraid of ...Cliff Richard, who was as fearsome as he was tanned.

His only weakness was...

His only weakness was Sue Barker who he intended to marry but
got cold feet at the final hurdle.

BUT he luurves his tennis so much that ...

BUT he luurves his tennis so much that ...he has a full size replica of Centre Court at Wimbledon in his bathroom.

Scientists have proven that neither the chicken nor the egg came first, it was in fact....

Scientists have proven that neither the chicken nor the egg came first, it was in fact.... Me, but i don't like to talk about it.

But whenever i do see a Chicken, or an egg for that matter, i...........

But whenever i do see a Chicken, or an egg for that matter, i...........get horrible flashbacks to that night.

You see what happened was.....

You see what happened was that a Chicken laying an egg made
such a noise that it frightened my mother out of her wits.

During the mad rush to the hospital...

During the mad rush to the hospital...we forgot the reason we were making our way to the hospital in the first place.

Pandemonium ensued when....

Pandemonium ensued when.... out of nowhere, here comes the chicken, full speed ahead at the ambulance,

i said to the driver.............

I said to the driver "PULL OVER" and he replied
"No - it's a Chicken - get your eyes tested mate".

Oh HOW we laughed BUT tragedy was lurking just around ...

Oh HOW we laughed BUT tragedy was lurking just around ...the roundabout. An ice cream van had collided with an oil tanker, and all the lollies were ruined. I can still hear the screams of anguished children as they forlornly wailed for a 99 or a Fab.

These days, I try not to....

These days, I try not to look like Boris Johnson.

Sometimes, I wish...

Sometimes, I wish...I could fly right up to the sky. But I can't.

If a dingo steals your baby....

If a dingo steals your baby, deal with it, you're not the only person in the world. Bit harsh.


When i see a picture of Katie Price, i.....

When i see a picture of Katie Price, i.....throw up inside my mouth a little. Then I burn the picture and all is right with the world.

If I had only one wish, I'd wish for......

If I had only one wish, I'd wish for.......nothing but the best for you

When Bruce Willis was dead at the end of Sixth Sense, I...

Legend wrote:If I had only one wish, I'd wish for.......nothing but the best for you

Aww!

When Bruce Willis was dead at the end of Sixth Sense, I...was confused. And hungry.

To the untrained eye...

To the untrained eye a milf goes unnoticed, shame on you.

First i was afraid, i........................

First I was afraid, I couldn't venture outside. Thinking neds were gonna get me and steal my shoes. Now, I carry a baseball bat embedded with nails and I am no longer afraid.

Once, when I was eating.......

Once, when I was eating, i choked and died. I'm better now.


Where there's a will, there's a.............................

Where there's a will, there's a.............................law to prevent us from fully exercising that will.

It's very similar to when you are alone in the office kitchen, when suddenly....

It's very similar to when you are alone in the office kitchen , when suddenly .... ping the microwave ends but you didn't put anything in it but you think what the hell and eat it anyway .

Greed can be an evil thing , worse even then ......

Greed can be an evil thing , worse even than ......lust, which is the most physically satisfying of all the seven deadly sins.

As the intolerant Jesuit priest once said to me whilst looking into his whip cabinet for his favourite "No.3":

As the intolerant Jesuit priest once said to me looking into his whip cabinet for his favourite "No.3": Get down on your knees and pray now! you whore of babylon loving little choirboy.

And that my friends explains why i cant look again at a .......

And that my friends explains why i cant look again at a .......picture of Tony Blair with that half smirking but deadly serious expression on his face as if to say - "This is going to hurt you more than it's going to hurt me...but it's best for our country"

Having recovered from the severe punishment and feeling rather empowered, I decided to take a walk down to....

Having recovered from the severe punishment and feeling rather empowered , i decided to take a walk down to ... the local crown green bowling club , as saturdays were ladies days the thought of all those mature women bent over was thrilling .

When i got there i wasn't disappointed as it was match day The Rose and Crown versus The Womens institute , but that was when the trouble started .....

When i got there i wasn't disappointed as it was match day The Rose and Crown versus The Womens institute , but that was when the trouble started .....not long after I had found a good table close to the action and settled down for the much anticipated Top Of The Table Clash.

As I leaned over the table to hand a jug of beer to my mate Grizzo, I accidently brushed a buxom waitress carrying the tip jar around the tables; and before I knew it........

As I leaned over the table to hand a jug of beer to my mate Grizzo, I accidently brushed a buxom waitress carrying the tip jar around the tables ; and before I knew it ....... i was scooping coins from between her fun bags .

Our eyes locked and to my surprise she smiled and took both Grizzo and myself by the hand and lead us to the ....

Our eyes locked and to my surprise she smiled and took both Grizzo and myself by the hand and lead us to the .... Rose & Crown VIP Room.

The room had soft lighting and strange artwork on the walls but apart from a group of Middle-Eastern businessmen; there were not many other 'players' there... until our hostess lead us to a black door in the corner of the room and in a smoky voice uttered the words which I'm sure Grizzo and me will never forget:......

The room had soft lighting and strange artwork on the walls but apart from a group of Middle-Eastern businessmen;there were not many other 'players' there ... until our hostess lead us to a black door in the corner of the room and in a smoky voice uttered the words which I'm sure Grizzo and me will never forget:..... PC Noble your under arrest !!

Grizzo panicked and made a bolt for the door knocking over a near by table sending whipped cream and chocolate sauce everywhere , PC Noble ran after him leaving me with the decision to run or stay ......

Grizzo panicked and made a bolt for the door knocking over a near by table sending whipped cream and chocolate sauce everywhere , PC Noble ran after him leaving me with the decision to run or stay ...... I stayed.

It was at this moment that I noticed a set of stage props on my left which would have made a perfect temporary hiding place until things settled down but before I could make a beeline for them I just happened to notice...

It was at this moment that I noticed a set of stage props on my left which would have made a perfect temporary hiding place until things settled down but before I could make a beeline for them I just happened to notice ... a naked dwarf being used as a table , the sight of her small but perfectly shaped body combined with all that fresh fruit was to much and i walked over .

My daze was broken by the noise of shattering wood as Grizzo broke through the black door and ran for his life quickly followed by PC Noble . It would be weeks before i saw either again , but i didn't care as all i wanted right then was .....

My daze was broken by the noise of shattering wood as Grizzo broke through the black door and ran for his life quickly followed by PC Noble . It would be weeks before i saw either again , but i didn't care as all i wanted right then was .....a happy ending.

It was a long shot - but the naked dwarf had aroused a certain interest in me with her cheeky smile, so I had no hesitation....

It was a long shot - but the dwarf had aroused a certain interest in me with her cheeky smile so I had no hesitation ..... in touching her melons .

They tasted so sweet i had to try more of her delights so i gorged myself on her bounyfull table of pleasures until i ......

They tasted so sweet i had to try more of her delights so i gorged myself on her bounyfull table of pleasures until i ......came...to my senses.

It was a this stage that I noticed the broken door again so I calmly walked up (after thanking Rosalita) and peered through the splintered remnants; I couldn't believe what I saw - the alley was....

It was a this that I noticed the broken door again so i calmly walked up (after thanking Rosalita) and peered through the splintered remnants; I couldn't believe what i saw - the alley was .... empty , not a policeman in sight ; i was free .

I stepped into the alley and walked to the end , there i proceeded to walk home all the while trying to clear my head of the ilicit thoughts that had gotten me into this mess in the first place . It was just about then that .....

I stepped into the alley and walked to the end , there i proceeded to walk home all the while trying to clear my head of the ilicit thoughts that had gotten me into this mess in the first place . It was just about then that ..... I was feeling hungry and as if by some miracle came across a shop called 'Ye Olde Fish & Chips'.

"What'll it be...?" said the moustachioed man behind the counter; "We've just got in some nice, fresh....

" What'll it be ...?" said the moustachioed man behind the counter; "We've just got in some nice, fresh .... Cod , do you fancy our special of the day a COD FATHER .

COD FATHER i repeated dreamily while thinking of severed horses heads daa daa daa daa dada ......

COD FATHER i repeated dreamily while thinking of severed horses heads daa daa daa daa dada ...... so I bolted out of the shop leaving the owner stunned as a mullet.

Luckily I still had my wallet intact after the Rose & Crown incident, so I hailed a taxi and instructed the driver to....

Luckily I still had my wallet intact after the Rose & Crown incident, so I hailed a taxi and instructed the driver to.... ram the COD FATHERS shop.

He was having none of it though, he turned around and........................

He was having none of it though , he turned around and ........... said didn't i used to date your mum ?

My mum ? I looked at him closely scanning his heavily bearded face for some kind of clue to who he was , then it dawned on me Uncle Manfredo i screamed !!! were have you been ? you left 5 years ago to get ..........

My mum ? I looked at him closely scanning his heavily bearded face for some kind of clue to who he was , then it dawned on me Uncle Manfredo i screamed !!! were have you been ? you left 5 years ago to get .......... a young Thai wife.

Aunty Madge never forgave him for that sudden walkout; in fact she took matters into her own hands by....

Aunty Madge never forgave him for that walkout; in fact she took matters into her own hands by .... hiring a private detective to track him down .

Having found him in Thailand the detective started a smear campaign against Uncle Manny forcing him to return to his homeland and disguise himself with face hair , little did i know ......

Having found him in Thailand the detective started a smear campaign against Uncle Manny forcing him to return to his homeland and disguise himself with face hair , little did i know ......that a heavy beard could conceal a familiar face so well...almost.

Having blown his cover, Manuel decided there was only one option available; namely,...

Having blown his cover, Manuel decided there was only one option available; namely,... to put his feet up and have a beer, he'd had enough of all the running about.

With the football on the TV and the fridge full of beer he was sorted, until he heard the phone go, it was.............