The Culture Cup round 6

First topic message reminder :

It's just as funny on the second read.

39 now.

The man is a machine.

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:34 now.  Way out in the lead for today's top 20 posters.

You're in second.  Well done.

Thanks. Not sure if I've asked you this before but how do you get "unknown" showing for your last visit? I would quite like to be mysterious as well.

Galted wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:34 now.  Way out in the lead for today's top 20 posters.

You're in second.  Well done.

Thanks.  Not sure if I've asked you this before but how do you get "unknown" showing for your last visit?  I would quite like to be mysterious as well.

I'm just a bit of an enigma.

I could tell you, but then I would have to Wingrove you.

My Christmas was good, cheers Tina. Dropped the hammer on that drivel about fake watches. May not have much power left but can still deal with that stuff.

Rowley wrote:My Christmas was good, cheers Tina. Dropped the hammer on that drivel about fake watches. May not have much power left but can still deal with that stuff.

You the man, Jeff.

Crush em all.

Still keeping tabs on the TSMR via satellite?

Cheers Rowzers   

I banned him and trying to clean up a little.

Bought a few watches first mind.

Adam d wrote:

I banned him

Oh for those halcyon days, Jeff.

Adam d wrote:Cheers Rowzers   

I banned him and trying to clean up a little.

Bought a few watches first mind.

My translation of part of oringtonchan's post into Icelandic seems to have been inadvertently deleted. Please restore this post as it contains some of my finest work.

Galted wrote:

Adam d wrote:Cheers Rowzers   

I banned him and trying to clean up a little.

Bought a few watches first mind.

My translation of part of oringtonchan's post into Icelandic seems to have been inadvertently deleted.  Please restore this post as it contains some of my finest work.

certainly most coherent if not best.

Adam d wrote:

Galted wrote:

Adam d wrote:Cheers Rowzers   

I banned him and trying to clean up a little.

Bought a few watches first mind.

My translation of part of oringtonchan's post into Icelandic seems to have been inadvertently deleted.  Please restore this post as it contains some of my finest work.

certainly most coherent if not best.

Alternatively, you could just add a "LOL LOL LOL" onto the end of each of Rowley's posts.

I wonder what time my last visit was. Think I'll go onto the Today's Top Twenty Posters page to see.

Nope. No information there.

Rubbish on here this year.

Who said that? I can't see you.

Very good.

Wanted my response to be more along the lines of "I can't see you either" but wasn't able to work it in with any degree of wit or subtlety so had to settle for a "very good".

You seem a bit subdued, Tino. Did the freeloading parental units finally push you over the edge on new year's and leave you regretting a moment of 667ness?

Almost. I am bloody glad they have gone though.

How did the kitten survive the evening? I watched the fireworks on the TV, they were loud. I very nearly soiled myself.

That's a relief, as I hit "send" I had a nasty feeling that you may have done them in, wasn't nasty enough to delete the post though.

The kitten survived just fine. She showed mild interest in the fireworks amongst chewing up all the cardboard and paper she could find in my room. Didn't manage to watch tv as I was too busy trying to rescue bits of paper that may have contained valuable information not yet transferred to USB.

We had some friends come over on the 31st as well and I managed to upset quite a few of them so it wasn't a complete waste of time.

My old man had some beer called Bishops Finger and I made, what I thought anyway, was an excellent joke about lots of choirboys enjoying a bishops finger in the past but it didn't hit the spot.

My mum just got up and left the room, Mrs Windows glared at me whilst a few of the others just pretended they hadn't heard it. Only my dad showed any solidarity by guffawing rather loudly. I just went back to the kitchen.

Honestly Tina, when you can't tell a child molestation joke without some bloody do gooder taking offence, it's political correctness gone mad. Just wait till Duty hears about this, suspect there will be a sternly worded letter winging its way to the Daily Mail.

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
My mum just got up and left the room, Mrs Windows glared at me whilst a few of the others just pretended they hadn't heard it.  Only my dad showed any solidarity by guffawing rather loudly.  I just went back to the kitchen.

I made a similar joke during a discussion on Rolf Harris yesterday. 'Can you tell what it is yet?'. Went down ok given the company.

My New Year's involved a crate of 24 carling and a couple of bottles of red, babysitting the (sort of) mother in law and niece and 2 films (Now You See Me and Signs). Relatively good one in comparison to recent times.

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:We had some friends come over on the 31st as well and I managed to upset quite a few of them so it wasn't a complete waste of time.

My old man had some beer called Bishops Finger and I made, what I thought anyway, was an excellent joke about lots of choirboys enjoying a bishops finger in the past but it didn't hit the spot.

My mum just got up and left the room, Mrs Windows glared at me whilst a few of the others just pretended they hadn't heard it.  Only my dad showed any solidarity by guffawing rather loudly.  I just went back to the kitchen.

That was an excellent joke, has got me laughing.  I probably would've substituted "nuns" for "choirboys".  I do find it a bit disturbing thought that you went back into the kitchen instead of just going into the kitchen.  And surely any self-respecting Man of the North would've trundled over and given his glaring wife a flat-hand to the side of the head?

Rowley wrote:Honestly Tina, when you can't tell a child molestation joke without some bloody do gooder taking offence, it's political correctness gone mad.

Exactly what I thought, Jeff. Miserable toerags.

Did you have a good new year?

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:My old man had some beer called Bishops Finger and I made, what I thought anyway, was an excellent joke about lots of choirboys enjoying a bishops finger in the past but it didn't hit the spot.

Good one - I'll use it should I get the chance. Just to be sure though, is the joke "choirboys enjoyed a bishops finger in the past" but the joke didn't hit the spot, or is the joke "choirboys enjoyed a bishops finger in the past but it didn't hit the spot" ?

Galted wrote: And surely any self-respecting Man of the North would've trundled over and given his glaring wife a flat-hand to the side of the head?

Nice theory, Galted, but Mrs Windows is from a hunting and fishing village in Canada. She has skinned bears and wrestled alligators and sh*t like that. She would have caught my arm, snapped it at the wrist and made me eat my own shoes.

JuliusHMarx wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:My old man had some beer called Bishops Finger and I made, what I thought anyway, was an excellent joke about lots of choirboys enjoying a bishops finger in the past but it didn't hit the spot.

Good one - I'll use it should I get the chance. Just to be sure though, is the joke "choirboys enjoyed a bishops finger in the past" but the joke didn't hit the spot, or is the joke "choirboys enjoyed a bishops finger in the past but it didn't hit the spot" ?

It was the first one, but your second version would work equally well. In fact, I am quite annoyed I didn't think of that at the time.

Happy New Year, Julius.

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

Galted wrote: And surely any self-respecting Man of the North would've trundled over and given his glaring wife a flat-hand to the side of the head?

Nice theory, Galted, but Mrs Windows is from a hunting and fishing village in Canada.  She has skinned bears and wrestled alligators and sh*t like that. She would have caught my arm, snapped it at the wrist and made me eat my own shoes.

Is that where the kids get it from?

I should clarify my position regarding nuns in the joke. I'm not averse to child-molestation jokes, it's just that a choirboy isn't likely to have enjoyed a bishop's finger, perhaps mentioning that lots of choirboys have had a bishops finger would've been more relevant.

Galted wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

Galted wrote: And surely any self-respecting Man of the North would've trundled over and given his glaring wife a flat-hand to the side of the head?

Nice theory, Galted, but Mrs Windows is from a hunting and fishing village in Canada.  She has skinned bears and wrestled alligators and sh*t like that. She would have caught my arm, snapped it at the wrist and made me eat my own shoes.

Is that where the kids get it from?

Kid. Singular. It is only one of them that has issues.

But yes, it is not from me. I am a lover not a fighter.

seanmichaels wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
My mum just got up and left the room, Mrs Windows glared at me whilst a few of the others just pretended they hadn't heard it.  Only my dad showed any solidarity by guffawing rather loudly.  I just went back to the kitchen.

I made a similar joke during a discussion on Rolf Harris yesterday. 'Can you tell what it is yet?'. Went down ok given the company.

My New Year's involved a crate of 24 carling and a couple of bottles of red, babysitting the (sort of) mother in law and niece and 2 films (Now You See Me and Signs). Relatively good one in comparison to recent times.

Did you sit on the crate as you drank and panic as it grew smaller and your seat became less secure?

Galted wrote:

seanmichaels wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
My mum just got up and left the room, Mrs Windows glared at me whilst a few of the others just pretended they hadn't heard it.  Only my dad showed any solidarity by guffawing rather loudly.  I just went back to the kitchen.

I made a similar joke during a discussion on Rolf Harris yesterday. 'Can you tell what it is yet?'. Went down ok given the company.

My New Year's involved a crate of 24 carling and a couple of bottles of red, babysitting the (sort of) mother in law and niece and 2 films (Now You See Me and Signs). Relatively good one in comparison to recent times.

Did you sit on the crate as you drank and panic as it grew smaller and your seat became less secure?

No. The crate was dismantled and contents put in a large 'bag for life' in my mate's / her sisters pantry. Schoolboy error letting it be known how well you are equipped.

I find it quite difficult to keep count when I'm drunk so I drink alone to avoid any unfortunate accusations.

I did have a good new year Tina, was a bit ill so was struggling a little, but us northerners are a hardy bunch, Guinness gets you through such issues. My new amp is awesome by the way, I now have high definition surround sound, my Police Academy box set has rarely sounded better.

Galted wrote:I find it quite difficult to keep count when I'm drunk so I drink alone to avoid any unfortunate accusations.

Yes, that is a sound theory. I drank heavily over Xmas but managed to avoid any Frank the Tank moments which means the missus thinks I did well.

Rowley wrote:My new amp is awesome by the way, I now have high definition surround sound, my Police Academy box set has rarely sounded better.

I'm sure there are lots of people on here interested in that.

How did TSMR react to your tracking device?

seanmichaels wrote:

Galted wrote:I find it quite difficult to keep count when I'm drunk so I drink alone to avoid any unfortunate accusations.

Yes, that is a sound theory. I drank heavily over Xmas but managed to avoid any Frank the Tank moments which means the missus thinks I did well.

I stayed relatively sober over the festive period so my annual Lord of the Rings extended edition fest was boring as hell, it's amazing how bad they are when you're able to concentrate on the dialogue and you realize that most of the films are in slow-motion.

She still believes it is for running Tina, gullible fool.

Rowley wrote:She still believes it is for running Tina, gullible fool.

You could just remove some layers of rubber off the sole of one of her trainers so she runs in circles while you watch her from the roof drinking the stout you bought with the money you saved.

Galted wrote:

seanmichaels wrote:

Galted wrote:I find it quite difficult to keep count when I'm drunk so I drink alone to avoid any unfortunate accusations.

Yes, that is a sound theory. I drank heavily over Xmas but managed to avoid any Frank the Tank moments which means the missus thinks I did well.

I stayed relatively sober over the festive period so my annual Lord of the Rings extended edition fest was boring as hell, it's amazing how bad they are when you're able to concentrate on the dialogue and you realize that most of the films are in slow-motion.

The highlight of my Xmas was watching star wars episodes ii - vi. Brilliant films may be bar ii. Missus moaned that I was letting the niece (2.5) watch empire strikes back and return of the jedi until she realised that Obi Wan was Santa and Darth Vadar his brother

Should've told the niece that Darth Vader was Santa and he was coming round to stare at her while she slept.

seanmichaels wrote:

Galted wrote:

seanmichaels wrote:

Galted wrote:I find it quite difficult to keep count when I'm drunk so I drink alone to avoid any unfortunate accusations.

Yes, that is a sound theory. I drank heavily over Xmas but managed to avoid any Frank the Tank moments which means the missus thinks I did well.

I stayed relatively sober over the festive period so my annual Lord of the Rings extended edition fest was boring as hell, it's amazing how bad they are when you're able to concentrate on the dialogue and you realize that most of the films are in slow-motion.

The highlight of my Xmas was watching star wars episodes ii - vi. Brilliant films may be bar ii. Missus moaned that I was letting the niece (2.5) watch empire strikes back and return of the jedi until she realised that Obi Wan was Santa and Darth Vadar his brother

When you said episodes II to IV I thought you were still talking about police academy.

Galted wrote:Should've told the niece that Darth Vader was Santa and he was coming round to stare at her while she slept.

She is already scared of Santa after I used flour and shoe to show santa's footsteps coming out of the chimney. She won't go near the chimney now.

seanmichaels wrote:

Galted wrote:Should've told the niece that Darth Vader was Santa and he was coming round to stare at her while she slept.

She is already scared of Santa after I used flour and shoe to show santa's footsteps coming out of the chimney. She won't go near the chimney now.

  

That's genius.  It's a good thing I don't have kids because I would've then made a trail leading under her bed so she didn't bother me on Xmas morning.

Rowley wrote:She still believes it is for running Tina, gullible fool.

You don't fancy going out running with her, Jeff?

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

Rowley wrote:She still believes it is for running Tina, gullible fool.

You don't fancy going out running with her, Jeff?

 

No.

She could be realistically running from Jeff...

Rowley wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

Rowley wrote:She still believes it is for running Tina, gullible fool.

You don't fancy going out running with her, Jeff?

 

No.

OK.

rick_dagless wrote:She could be realistically running from Jeff...

Just a brisk walk would be quick enough.

Bit harsh coming from muffin top.....

Whatever snaggletooth.